Thursday, December 30, 2010

Wayyyy Better! :)

Not sure if the whole 'airing' it out yesterday helped, or maybe it was the new boots I bought (got a kickbutt steal on them too might I add) But I am feeling a lot better.
Yesterday was lovebugs birthday, and we spent the day relaxing, and me working, as well as a must needed trip to Shoe Carnival. Got home, spent time with Erik's Meme and PaPaw and went to dinner with his family, there was a new Olive Garden built in Louisville so we tried it out. Well - it's a longgg story but I like the ending - Erik's mom called ahead, and there was still close to a two hour wait - and no, I am so not patient, and we sit down and our waitress was dumb, with a capital DUMB. I try to be sypathetic, and nice, I really really do. But she was horrible - we told her it was Erik's birthday, (thinking they would sing to him - NO!) We were a group of 7, they gave us 6 silverware's, 5 small bread plates, and 6 bread sticks - apparently she can't count? Top it off - I only ordered water with lemon, and it took 3 repeated requests to get a single refill, Erik had gotten a Blue Moon while we waited and asked for another one, but a tall this time. We ordered our food and an appetizer, you know the normal, and well it took about 30 minutes to get our appetizer, which was 30 minutes of no drinks, no bread sticks, no silverware, lemons, or napkins, no beer. Got our appetizer, still no water, no bread sticks, no silverware, or beer. Received our dinner and finally got my water but no beer, and Erik had to go to the hostess stand to get silverware. This girl was horrible - so after dinner Erik's dad went and spoke with the manager, and just wanted to tell her how our dinner was. Well surprisingly she came over, apologized about everything without making a single excuse for it, gave his parents a gift card, and then turned to Erik and thanked him for his service and gave him a $50 gift card as well. It always, always, warms my heart when someone thanks him for his service. Erik isn't the kind of guy who really 'throws' around his service so when someone does find out and thanks him it always makes me smile.
But anyways - rambling - and back to the point of my post. I am feeling a lot more like myself and am a lot more cheerful. We are driving back home now, and its always kind of bittersweet leaving - I love visiting with his family, but I am definitely ready for some 'me' time, and sleep in my own bed.

I am also really thankful that we can finally enjoy our new years eve tomorrow night, I'm not sure what the plan is or what we are going to do for it - but we will be enjoying each others company without having to say goodbye the next day. I am really excited for the new year, the new changes, the new adventures, and the new friends that it will bring with it. In with the new, out with the old. I am really going to try to let go of all the bad and the resentment I've been holding over the year. Start the year fresh, with a positive outlook :)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Lately, incase you can't tell I have been feeling so absolutely insecure about everything. I don't know why, or what sparked it, but I have been. I feel insecure around Erik, around his family, in my work, in school - in everything. I really can't stand feeling this way, in fact I hate it.

I get so mad at myself lately, any little mess up, any little bump in the road and I find myself angry. I'm not sure where all these insecurites are coming from, and why now they are being uglier than before - but it's almost like a daily battle.

Sigh... I don't know if it's the 'after christmas' season thats making me feel this way or what it is. But I don't like it one bit, I want my happy go-lucky goofy self back.

Monday, December 27, 2010


First off I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas! Mine was pretty good, I got to spend it with my lovebug and I don't have to worry about him leaving soon, because well he isn't. Christmas mass was beautiful, and I am glad Erik got to spend Christmas with his family.
I am missing my family a little bit more than I expected this year, last year it didn't bother me as much, but this year I sure did. Erik hasn't really been to patient over it, but we always work through things and he is a little bit better about it all.
On a positive note, I did get to have my first white Christmas this year, which was beautiful. I love snow, I love the way it looks and the excitement it brings with it. It wasn't much, about 3 inches of snow. But it was perfect, we went sledding, for my first time, something Erik always promised me.

So, on a down side, lately I seem to be second guessing quite a few things. And I know my goal for this year was to really really learn to ignore those thoughts and to stop doing it. But its hard... Erik is my first really great relationship, the first person I can say without a doubt loves me whole with all his heart. I just sometimes get a little worried about moving so far away with no real sense of security. It's hard to explain - I know Erik loves me, and wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt me, but I still worry about the "what if's" and if I am making the right move. It's a big move for me. It's exciting but still really scary in the same sense. I am looking forward to going somewhere new, somewhere different. I am so grateful, and so very lucky that I have a job that I am able to take with me.
I guess it is taking that first leap of faith that is the hardest, or more intimidating than anything else. I guess every military wife has to go through this, but I'm not a military wife. I guess that's what is the most upsetting, is that people don't understand I'm not doing this because this is our military life, rather for love, plain and simple. I've spent 17 months away from my best friend and the love of my life in the past 2.5 years, I refuse to spend any time apart unless its necessary or for the right reasons. Sometimes it's just hard to swallow, that with that leap of faith, so many things change.
Another thing I guess I am afraid of with this move, is that I will somehow lose my independence. I don't like having to rely on people for anything. I've always been the type of person who rather do it myself. I stress out big time over it. I guess it is just one of my flaws. I don't like having to rely on others to do things for me, or to take care of me. For me its more of a choice - I don't like being made to rely on someone, where if I needed to I know I could rely on Erik. Weird, I know. I'm just stubborn - I like having my choices.

Well - I need to get back to work, and I think all this typing is waking Erik up. Enjoy the last few days of 2010.

- Anne

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bad News...

So I finally went to the doctor the other day (the wait to see my PCM, is like a month long, but I admit I have put off doing it for a little bit longer than I should of) regarding some female issues I'm having with my girly time of the month. And I ended up leaving with more than what I bargained for, I had thought I would just get a new birth control script and be the end all be all - well, I got a referral to Portsmouth Naval's GYN. Turns out my PCM is concerned, one because I haven't always had such a reliable, great girly time of the month to begin with, and two now that my thyroid is within the 'normal' range, I should be "A Okay" with my periods. She seems to think that there is a more serious underlying condition, and I'm sorry - but my first concern being a women comes straight down to - that I'm terrified it is going to affect my having children. My PCM mentioned endometrosis (sp?) which does run on my moms side of the family, and she also mentioned that there could be a fibroid (sp?) growing. So I have been pretty on the rocks lately. Frankly, I am terrified.
Secondly, as bad as it sounds, I am pissed. Never would I wish this on anyone, however, it makes me mad even more so now, seeing 'young' moms, who one didn't want children, and who two don't take very good care of their children have them. Top it off - my old best friend, from elementary school on up, is pregnant with a boy. This is the one girl who gets everything she wants, no matter who she has to hurt to get it, and will not hesitate to walk all over you. So needless to say - I am pretty upset.
On top of that - lately, I seem to be second guessing Erik's intentions with our relationship. I know in the civilian world to be dating for 2.5 years is normal, but in the military world - its virtually unheard of. However, despite that - its more or less that I am moving 600 miles away from my family and friends to be with him and I don't even have more than his word that he intends on marrying me. So that's also something that has been bothering me lately. I'm not sure why it has been, and why I have been letting it get to me but it does. It just doesn't seem fair that I have sacrificed so much for him - for our love - and it still doesn't seem to be enough.
Just some thoughts - we are on the end part of a 10 hour car drive to Kentucky. I was thankfully, able to spend the bulk of it working. Thanks to Android's app - Wireless Tether! I worked 6 hours out of a 10 hour drive.
As far as the picture project goes - I want to start on that after the holidays are over with. So I will be sharing pictures :) And allowing people to learn more about me. But I do want to take this time to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season as well as a Merry Christmas! Remember there are many service members deployed protecting our freedoms this season, whether it be on land, sea, or air and their families will be alone without them. So take the time to say a prayer for them this season. I hope everyone has a magical Christmas, and a great new years!
I am going to try and get better about posting - because clearly I have things I need to get off of my chest.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Photo Challenge

On a quick side note, I am sort of interested in doing this picture challenge, to kind of explore myself and share things about me with everyone.

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the craziest things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

-Here's to trying new things!


I have been so busy lately, I haven't had time to breathe, relax, or even blog! My oh my! Well despite all the busyness, I haven't really had anything new happen lately. We got back from Jacksonville FL safe and sound, and found a place to live. It's been sort of go - go - go since. I've head dived back into work, and am really excited about taking on more duties. I've done a ton, and I mean a TON, of baking lately. And more importantly, Christmas shopping, and just seeing family and spending time with people. I am almost completely done with Christmas shopping! I have a few things to run out to the store and get today, as well as getting my hair done and eyebrows waxed, you know you have to look good for those off guard Christmas pictures. But outside of that nothing really new. Well except - more medical issues, and Erik is now officially on shore duty. Meaning no more deployments for at least three years!! But I will write more later, in a rush to get everything done!

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Golly Molly

It seriously is starting to feel like things are just getting worse and worse here in Jacksonville, and I just want to go home! We can't find anything, no where to live. I mean there are plenty of homes for sale and apartments for rent.. but nothing for us. Nope. Partially because, we want to buy, just not right now when we don't know the area. And because no one wants to rent anything to us for three months, we were just going to do an early termination - and that got expensive, really, really fast. So, I caved. I called my mommy and they are going to have a real estate agent give Erik a call, and we are hoping that they will have some connections with a place for three months - something that will give us a roof over our heads. I'm also having Erik give Navy Housing a call in the morning, as much as I know he does NOT want to give up BAH, it would be so much easier, and smarter to do naval housing and then buy a home - no contract, and we can up and leave whenever. The crappy thing is - we aren't married (to the military at least - personally I could care less if I have a document showing me that he loves me) so that makes it harder in the military world. But if we can't do housing - hopefully there is something they can do to help - a place they know or can advise us with. Who knows - anything at this point will help. We stuck together yesterday, and hopefully we can stick this out and will be able to come home to Virginia Beach this weekend knowing we have a place we can call home for 3 months or less. 
Fingers Crossed.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Getting there

So yesterday was a little stressful for us, and unfortunately I tend to have a bad habit of taking it out on my lovebug or getting snappy before thinking. And yesterday wasn't really different. We did go and see a few places, some that I didn't like and one that we really liked. Unfortunately, the one we really liked is at the top end of our budget (we try and stay under BAH) so we shall see, we are actually going to visit one of their sister companies today who I think are slightly cheaper and closer to base, so maybe that'll be the winner?? Who knows.. but back to the stress. Erik's been pretty stressed out about finding a place, he is more of the I want to find a place, and get it done now guy - very similar to his shopping habit (go figure). Erik was deployed when I found and moved into our current apartment. He was home when we rented a beach house - but that was really easy to choose from :) so this is a new ball game to him. And I do forget that, and really should be more patient with him. BUT when it comes to driving, I have not a clue where I am going, and am horrible at reading maps and giving distances (like really, how can you tell how far up a mile is??) . Well yesterday was one of those days, again, that we bickered for a little bit (because it never really lasts longer than 15 minutes, lol!) . Erik's gotten really used to me and Virginia Beach, and me knowing every road, where its at, the back roads if 264 is backed up, the shortcuts, basically knowing Virginia Beach like the back of my hand. Well I have never been to Jacksonville - never wanted to go either. And so the navigation has been putting us at each others throats. On top of that - Erik's a little worried about not finding a place, where as I know it just really takes time and exploring and I am a little bit more laid back with it (especially since I've done this before, and not too long ago). But even though I know Erik is stressed over all of this, when he gets snippy, or upset I get snippy or upset right back at him. Sigh... I know I shouldn't, I really do know this, but part of me feels attacked when he does it, so it's more of an instinct to go right back at him. So last night wasn't an exception, I took it a little bit harder than normal  (I've been super emotional lately, not really sure if it is because of the new environment or what but I'm ober emotional). So anyhow, we talked it over after about 15 minutes, and he finally realized (on his own, because I wasn't going to say it) that this is a lot harder on me than him and that we are both out of our element and need to sort of relax.
So we are going to take a day, and only visit 2 apartments maximum and go explore and relax more importantly. Because it's stressful, but we also need to rely on each other during this and not fight about it because that will only add to the load. So sometime this week will be some much needed relaxing.
So hopefully, these emotional hormones go somewhere else, because I really am tired of crying at the drop of a pin. And hopefully we have some good luck today with the house hunting and hopefully some daylight hours to go drive around the neighborhoods we are looking to buy in.


On a side note, I am really still trying to figure out how to make my blog all pretty, so please be patient, hopefully here soon I can figure out how to make a pretty signature. :) Any recommendations or suggestions would be great.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


So everyone, we made it safely down to Jacksonville FL on our house hunting leave. The drive wasn't too bad at all just under 9 hours from the beach, and it was a pretty clear shot - which is always nice. We did drive through some snow which I took like a billion pictures of. But we are here..
So let me start with saying this is my first PCS move with Erik. I've moved before with my family when I was younger, but that is completely different. I am trying really hard to have an open mind about the area and just sort of take it for what it is. Honestly, I was really hoping that I was going to love the place as soon as we got here. But that wasn't the case.
Everything here is so different from Virginia Beach, and everything is so BIG. I feel as if I've never lived in a city before, which isn't true - I've lived on the outskirts of Virginia Beach my whole life - and Virginia Beach is a pretty big place (at least I thought it was). But like I was saying everything is so big, the bridges are huge - taller than buildings - and its just so much. I have no clue where anything is or where the good areas are at. We've done a ton of driving around and exploring and it isn't hard to find the not so nice area's. Price wise - living is cheaper here by a big amount. I just don't know - I know I am really nervous about moving so far away from my family (even though I don't have the best relationship with them, they are still my family) and moving away from friends who I have grown so close with. I'm nervous about what people are like here- we took a trip to the base commissary and NEX and people were so rude, and there isn't even a package store here!! But back to people - they are rude and don't really seem to care about what anyone thinks, says, or does. I know there are rude people everywhere, but seriously. I'm also really worried about making new friends (yes that sounds completely dumb and childish but here me out). It's always been my experience in the Navy world, that wives just plain and simply don't like girlfriends and vice versa. I get along great with everyone for the most part - and I try really hard to stay away from drama and give people respect - so I expect the same in return. A lot of Navy Wives have the attitude of being better than girlfriends, because they have the ring, the last name, and the benefits, and many seem to forget that at some point they themselves were girlfriends (this is just my experience - not stereotyping). With that said - being a girlfriend blows sometimes (not relationship wise) I don't have the reliability of the Navy taking care of me while Erik was deployed, if something (god forbid) had happened while he was gone - I wouldn't of known until his family called me. I don't have a lot of security - I'm simply moving 700 miles away from my home to be with him, for love. Anyways- basically - I'm worried that I won't have the same luck that I have had with my navy friends in Virginia. I am also really, really worried about my safety here, certain areas are really bad and we aren't intending on living there - but ever since a Navy Wife was murdered by her upstairs neighbor in a nice apartment complex in Virginia Beach, I have been worried. I know we have guns, and I know we are generally safe people - but it is still really worrisome to move somewhere so far, and not know your just who lives near you.
I know at first it's going to be hard and that nothing comes easy. But I'm just nervous I guess - It's hard to explain it to Erik because he has already moved a few times, and hates Virginia Beach (an argument we got into the other day... uhh I hate when we are stressed out!). I'm hoping we have better luck apartment hunting today - we are going to sign a lease and then just terminate it early. We are really wanting to buy a home and down here the time is great - the housing market is at a low and the prices are perfect for where we want to be. Plus I hate paying rent - I rather have that money going towards somewhere we own.
On a side note the time here hasn't exactly been fun nor pleasant so far and that isn't because of the freezing weather or because Erik and I are stressed, its because his friend we are staying with, Devin (they are really good friends, and used to work together at NAS Oceana) and Devin's girlfriend Crystal (whom I am trying really hard to be friends with - since she is the only one I will know here) are constantly arguing - over dumb stuff. But it makes it one hard to concentrate - work wise, because I am hardwired to the Internet in the living room - and two it just makes the overall mood of the environment pretty shitty. I hate it. I hate feeling uncomfortable and having to hear them argue. It'd be different if they took it behind closed doors and kept it hush hush but that isn't the case. But at least it's better than paying for a hotel.
Enough rambling I guess - back to work for a few more hours and then back to house hunting. Fingers crossed that we find a place in a nice area.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Better :)

Thankfully today was a somewhat better day than what I've been having. I finally got the results on my thyroid and sure enough my levels are down and the up'd my dosage. I can't wait to pick it up tomorrow and get on the road to feeling better. The joy's that I will get to deal with until, quite literally, the day that I die. But on a lighter note- once I feel better, things will me much, much better.
Work is going wonderful. I was offered more hours and more responsibilities, which I love. So I am really, really happy about that. And more hours means more money, which lets face it is always a plus.
School is winding down to an end, I've taken 2 finals and have 3 more to go. I've turned in one paper and have one more to write. I'm just glad this semester is over with. I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen with the GI bill because I am pretty sure I failed Anatomy and Physiology horribly. Never again will I take the lecture portion online. That ruined me. But you live and learn.
The only really bad thing about today was that Erik and I got into a tiff because he couldn't find a tool and of course yelled at me about it. But felt horrible about it a few minutes later. None of our bickering 'tiffs' never really last longer than 15 minutes but still it can dampen the mood for quite some time. But anyways.
So thankful to be on the road to recovery for tomorrow. It's going to be a busy, busy day. I've got work, a physics test, training, and vet appointment on base, and a waxing appointment. Only to come home do a load of laundry and pack for Florida.
I'm pretty excited about house hunting leave and anxious to see where I'm moving to, and what it's like there. :) I think it will be a load of fun and I am always down for exploring.
Till tomorrow- I hope everyone has a wonderful nights sleep, and has a blessed day tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Things have been so busy lately. So up and down and up and back down again. Firstly my health isn't the best. My good ole thyroid has basically kicked the dirt and I'm waiting on my blood results to prove that so they can up my dosage of synthyroid. The only way I can tell is because I am starting to put on weight (even though I am dieting) and my sex drive is gone (yes people I said sex drive- your thyroid actually controls it). So that's been really bothersome lately. Especially since I've been battling Graves Disease since I was 16.
I've been ober stressed with school and finals (what else is new) and Erik and I have been bickering because of it. Things were doing so much better and then kplat. We aren't having issues, just bickering about weekly. I guess its normal, but I hate it!! We don't fight because after about 10 minutes one of us feels worse about it and its over with.
Top that all off we found out we might not be able to take my Jeep to Florida after all - well until after the move which blows. Thankfully I don't have to leave my house for my job. We are getting ready to do a ton of traveling which I'm not too happy about. We have house hunting leave to do, and Erik doesn't seem to understand how important it is for me to go (even during final's) I mean I would like to see where I am moving 700 miles away from everything I really know and all my family. Its just been stressful lately and all I want to do is cry.
I've been trying really hard to work on my birthday goals, the things I'd like to change. But right now- I guess all I really want is to cry it out and complain. It just seems like things are going wrong (nothing major at least) at the drop of a penny and I just am tired of dealing with it.

Thats basically all for now - I'm hoping for a happier post tomorrow :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Birthday thoughts.

So.. today is my birthday. I'm officially not a 'fun' age anymore.. just plain ole 22. Supposedly, its a 'lucky' birthday? I don't know if I necessarly believe in that or what. But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. a lot. There are a lot of things I don't like, and things I love. I've been thinking that since I'm 22 and I'm supposed to becoming more of a 'lady', there is one quality that I absolutely love in women who are older than I am.. and that is, they recognize their flaws, and either fix them or embrace them.

This has me thinking about my flaws and things that I don't like about myself, not necesarly beauty flaws either. So some of the things that I don't really care for about myself...
  1. I second guess everything. I really really do. I'm not sure if its because I doubt myself, or my judgement, or if its people around me. But this is something I really need to stop doing. It only creates more self torture. This is definitely one of the top things I want to fix.
  2. I don't have a high self confidence- which needs to be fixed. I've been torn to pieces my entire life, and unhealthy relationships both with the opposite sex and friends have caused this. It's not an excuse- just consequences of past events. After being told over and over again that you aren't beautiful, or your too fat, or this or that it starts to get to you. So I need to remember that, I am beautiful 
  3. I pick my self apart in the mirror- you know that whole, oh I'm getting a little pudge, or I could probably work this off- which contributes to number 2. That has got to stop. Yes I go to the gym, because I love the effect of working out and the feeling after a good sweat. But I should not be standing in the mirror doing that. Instead I will address one thing I like instead. For instance- I may not like the size of my arms, but I like that they are muscular, not flabby.
  4. I let things bother me, that shouldn't. Which needs to stop. I need to focus on things, yes, but I do not need to overly stress about them. That just causes a whole mess of emotions which isn't good.
  5. I need to remember that each day is a gift, not a right. I need to remember to live, to love beyond words, and to enjoy the day. Not stress over what tomorrow may bring.
But my biggest one- Is comparing myself to others. You know that girl in the store you see, who is like perfect, but looks nothing like you. Yet you still find yourself comparing your imperfections to her. And then you just feel worse about yourself? Okay- well maybe you don't but I do. I constantly compare myself to everyone else. I am going to try really really hard to stop this, and remember something my parents used to tell me, Everyone else isn't Anne. Which is so true. I'm the only ME. Who can I compare that to - no one!

My list can go on and on, but I figure it is a start. I want to be happy again, not that I'm not, and happiness isn't a goal, its a mood. I want to be able to love myself. I want to just be able to live, and let loose and enjoy life, enjoy the day, and enjoy the ones I love.

So here is to turning 22, and to recognizing that not everyone is perfect, and neither is life, you fall down, you get scraps and bruises and have a scar to tell a story. Here is to loving yourself, and loving life.

Friday, November 19, 2010

A Trip to the E.R

Well today started off pretty normal, and productive. Physics class this morning, paid off a bill, found a part to my jeep and cleaned, and worked. Around twelve thirty, I got a phone call from Erik's LPO, which I thought was weird, until I picked up the phone. Erik got into an accident at work, and was rushed to the ER. So that put some chaos back into my day. Thankfully it's nothing serious, I went and meet them up there, and he had hurt his back at work. So a few hours later I get him home, thankfully was able to pick up his prescriptions on base (I dropped him off at home, and after waiting for two hours for them to call me up!) and now he is asleep and I am home. But the chaos doesn't end.. I have a trip to the store to make. We need some general essentials, and I am working on two wonderful papers that are due next week (not fun!) and had to put in some extra work hours.
But that was my adventerous day, we are supposed to be having my birthday party tomorrow (hopefully Erik is feeling better!) and then my birthday dinner on Sunday with my parents. My birthday isn't until Monday, the 22nd, but since my parents anniversary is that same day, we are doing dinner early.
All in all it was a productive week, school is getting more stressful due to finals coming up, work is still busy - which I enjoy- and just trying to get everything in its 'spot' at our apartment. Not to mention, christmas shopping. I am really really wanting to get everything done early this year! It's a big goal, since Erik's birthday is Dec. 29th, but I am hoping to get Christmas and his birthday done early this year! Well see..

I hope everyone had a great week, and I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend!

Monday, November 15, 2010


Oh.. how I love wine. Theres just something about it that just relaxes and calms you down. I had an amazing weekend, but Monday isn't exactly playing fair. So.. I'll start off on the good.
Friday night we didn't really do much, just sort of hung around, went to my parents and gave my dog one of her baths and just relaxed. Saturday I had class in the morning, of course, and we just relaxed the rest of the day. Erik played call of duty for the most part, and then we went to a friends house and played beer pong. Which is always fun :) Sunday we went to the Outlet Mall and I got some winter clothes (I still need more! lol.. for some reason I don't have heardly any) we had a great day, went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner (yum!). Unfortunately Erik lost his military ID, which is a huge ordeal, so that ruined the night and today. I woke up and wasn't feeling good (I was pretty nauseated yesterday too) and it hung around till after class. But before class, some indicator light came on, didn't know what it was and it took me about 20 minutes to figure it out, which turned out to be my tire pressure was low. Got air and realized just how bad my tires are! They are almost bald, so I get to go and get tires tomorrow (not fun!).
Now its a night, where Erik is sleeping early, because he is tired and stressed, and I am sitting here (not taking advantage of being able to watch tv for the first time in like a week) doing research for some physics and women's studies because I have papers due, in like 2 weeks for them both. Ughh... but at least I have my wine, to ease my frustrations and make it a little bit easier not to get upset.

Friday, November 12, 2010

School and Moving

Well thankfully its nearing the end of the semester. But.. school isn't over yet. I've got a paper coming up that's due, as well as another that's for extra credit (which I need!) I also have a few more assignments and tests coming up too. Not a ton of fun, especially when we have house hunting leave, starting 12/3. I don't know how I am going to do it, not a clue. But I've got to get it done. I've got one test due the 29th, a final n the 1st, a paper due by the 3rd, as well as 2 finals that I need to take during that time.

I'm hoping I didn't make a mistake by enrolling in 17 credit hours worth of classes for Spring Semester. We move down to Jacksonville March 10th, and I will still have a few classes I will be doing online from there. I just hope it will be bearable. I'm trying my hardest to graduate in the fall of 2011. It'd be nice to take a break, for a little bit, before starting back up.

I still have no clue what I want to do with my life- as far as a career. I've thought a little bit about teaching, but I think that all that grading, and fighting with kids who just don't care would be a little overwhelming. It's still a thought I'm considering. No clue, what grade level or subject I would want to teach. I was thinking high school - but I knew how I was in high school. I've considered nursing a little bit more, but I still don't think it would be something I would enjoy. I still feel like I have my heart set on physical therapy. I've also started considering becoming a vet tech, but there aren't a lot of job openings out there.

Anyhow.. back to school work for me. I'm so glad these early Saturday morning classes are almost over with, but I'm not looking forward to the stressful, jam packed weeks coming up.

Happy Veteran's Day!

[ I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot. - Gary Hart ]
[ In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. - Mark Twain ]

I just wanted to take a moment to remember those who have lost their lives, and those who have willingly sacrificed so much for our great country. I may not like who our President is, nor agree with him on almost anything - especially his most recent idiotic idea for our military- but I love my country.

Happy Veteran's Day. Today is a day that we sit back (some of you, who had the day off) and take a minute to realize everything we have, and thank a military service member. It isn't only about sales (yes, they are a perk), or about a paid day off of work (for some of you), or about even just having your significant other home, because thousands are still deployed. We remember that, we are the home of the free thanks to the brave. The military is a volunteer service, in which a person wrote a blank check to the United States Government up to the amount of their life. They hear and deal with enough crap, especially crap for the hellians of Westbro Baptist, where they deserve at the bare minimum a day to be thanked for their service. So here is a moment where I would like to thank a few veteran's in my life:

-First to my daddy. My daddy has proudly served 30 years active duty in the United States Navy. He retired the highest ranking Master Chief in the navy and was the Old Tar. My father was the type of person who loved serving his country, and loved helping those the fell under his ranking. He was deployed at total of 11 years throughout his career, was aboard the USS Enterprise when 9/11 happened, and turned around immediately (they were transiting home) he proudly signed one of the first bombs that was dropped on Afghanistan. There are way too many accomplishments to list here (hello, 30 year career!) Bravo Zulu Daddy-o!
-Secondly- to the love of my life, my sailor, Erik. My honey buns has been serving (and is still active duty) in the United States Navy for over 4 years now. He has done two deployments (back to back) aboard the USS Eisenhower. While deployed he earned his AW and SW quals (to be dually qualed is huge in the aviation side of things). He has been deployed a total of 17 months, and has just recently (Sept 29th) reenlisted for another 3 years and will be heading from NAS Oceana to NAS Jacksonville. I'm so proud of him, and so proud to call him the love of my life. Bravo Zulu Sweetheart!!

-Thirdly, a dear friend of mine, who was killed during Operation Iraqi Freedom, Kelly 'E.C' Watters. I meet Kelly during middle school (forever ago). He was a great person, loved life, and always had a good joke in mind. Kelly joined the Marine Corps in 2007 and was deployed to Iraq in 2008. He passed away due to injuries sustained from an IED on June 11, 2008. R.I.P

It is because of thousands of others and the three men listed above that we have the rights and privileges that we have. Don't take them for granted. Freedom isn't free.

Happy Veterans Day everyone!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Okay.. so the new Call of Duty, Black Ops, came out yesterday at midnight. And being a Navy girlfriend.. I'll write about it. Firstly, I'll say that I don't mind that Erik plays video games for hours on end. I could truly care less, it's what makes him happy. I'm not some freak girlfriend who thinks the world needs to be all about me 24/7- I'm actually the opposite of it. But I will say, that after a while it does get annoying, especially when there is only one television in the house. We live in a basic one bedroom apartment (in case you didn't know) and figured we would save money up by doing so ( haha! right..) , since it would only be about 7 months. Its an open floor concept, so the kitchen, family room, and dinning room are all open to each other. Well.. I work in the dinning room. I don't have a separate room to work from, or do school work from for that matter. So I hear the TV and it normally doesn't bother me. But... it gets annoying listening to call of duty guns going off for hours and hours.
Thankfully Erik realized that I got sick of it after about 4 hours of playing, since I had basically not come out of our bedroom (to get away from the noise, which didn't work) and made one of our quick meals and we watched a movie. So.. that was nice. It still stinks that I have to miss the CMA's but hey.. that's what dvr is for. I just wish I had recorded it from start to end, rather than missing a good thirty minutes of it.

Oh well.. I guess I will try and get some extra school work done, if I can focus.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Super Busy..

November 8, 2010

Wow, have I been busy lately. I had a great weekend with some wonderful people and got to get out and just enjoy being 21, which was nice, since Erik and I never really go out much - because I'm a homebody (haha!). Friday night mainly consisted of beer pong at his friends house, which ended up being super close by, thankfully. Saturday night we went to the Norfolk Admirals hockey game. They lost which sucked, but it was a ton of fun hanging out with friends, drinking cold beer, and watching hockey guys fight, oh and play hockey. Sunday night- the busyness caught up with us. We weren't feeling too good, mainly drained, so we just hung out, relaxed, and I did laundry. We got the Sunday paper for some good ol' coupon cutting (yes, I cut coupons!).
As for today, it's been pretty stinking eventful already. I'm trying to get my waiver in to the military base nearby so I can get my old PCM back. Apparently once your sponsor retires Tricare doesn't care about you.. grr! Super frustrating. I loved her and I know I will be moving soon- but I always, always, get sick in the winter time. Of course, no one ever calls you back in the military world. I also had physics class early this morning, I've gotten the settlement taking care of and cleared up with State Farm from my accident on Nov. 2, 2009. I had to change my doggies vet appointment on base since works going to be busy lately.

Outside of that, I've pretty much cleaned and cleaned, I'm waiting on maintenance to come to fix the hot water heater. Hopefully being nice gets you more than being demanding. Oh - and so far the 3rd Droid X hasn't had a single dead pixel, or frozen on me- yet! (knock on wood, right?)

I hope everyone had an amazing weekend and I hope we all have a kick butt week!

Monday, November 1, 2010

The longest...

November 1, 2010

So tomorrow marks the longest amount of time Erik and I have ever been able to spend together without having to deal with an underway or deployment. Pretty crazy huh?! It really has me thinking a lot lately about how much and how little we have overcome in our relationship together. In almost 2 and half years we haven't been able to spend more than 3 months together without having to deal with a stupid ship. We started dating on July 4th 2008 and by September he had to go underway and again in October and again in January. Deployed in February 21st, 2009 and came home July 31st, 2009 and went underway again in November and deployed again  on January 2nd, 2010 and came home July 28th, 2010. Both deployments have made our relationship unbreakable, we share a bond that I have never shared with anyone else. We've gone through all that time apart with flying colors. The goodbyes, the phone calls, the care packages, the emails, and the homecomings. It sort of made us unstoppable. It's our crazy life.
It reminds me of when I first became a Navy girlfriend, me the girl who said no, not a military man for me. My dad was in  the Navy for 30 years, there was no way I wanted that life. But there was something about Erik. He was so easy to trust from the start, and made it so easy for me to fall head over heels in love with him. Would I go through all that time apart again? Bet your ass I would.
I'm so freakin' proud of how far we came, of how much we've grown that I forget on land, we still have a lot of things to learn. I could name off all of his favorites, and he could name mine. But it's little things. Like understanding each others feelings. Me especially, and golly I feel so bad for my emotions. I can go from one extreme to another extreme and I never know why. Or not getting mad when  he doesn't turn a light off when he leaves a room. Or not bugging each other when either I'm working, or he is trying to do something. We've learned each other from such a far distance, we've become so close from so far away that now, we just have to learn each other from the day in's and out's.
There is no doubt in my mind, that Erik is the one for me. Not a doubt. It's just going to take a little bit of time. I'm excited about all of our firsts, our first Spring together, our first Valentine's day, Easter, saint patty's day, our first anniversary that we can spend together. Our first new years eve that I can spend with Erik without crying my eyes out because I know that meant it was closer to 'd' day. I'm so excited. It's because of deployments that I can be excited, that I've learned not to take anything for granted.
No one ever said the life of a Navy girlfriend was easy, no one ever said it wasn't worth it either. I love my life and I love the love of my life. I wouldn't trade the pride, or the amazing, deep, unbreakable love that we share for anything in the world. We've had a lot of time apart, but now come the wonderful joy's of shore duty and the wonderful time of having him home. :)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What do I want to do?

October 27, 2010

So lately I've been feeling lost when it comes to schooling, which for me is frustrating. I've always thought I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do career wise. When I was younger, from like 6 or so, to about 16 I wanted to be a vet. Eventually that switched into physical therapy. Even when I was out of school for a little bit, that's what I geared myself towards, during deployment number 1 I basically committed myself to it, started taking classes for that degree and so forth. I've always thought about doing it, and in the military world its so hard finding a career that has a demand for it everywhere, because for us we have to be ready to pick it all up and move. I've always been the type of girl who wanted to contribute to the household, seriously- it's not like the military pays much anyhow...
Lately, I'm so confused about what I want to do, which sucks. I'm still in school, putting myself head over heels in student loan debt to do so, and taking classes specifically for a physical therapy assisting degree. And now.. I just don't know if its what I truly want. I feel stuck. Its like once I have this degree (still another year or so away) whats going to happen if I get into the career field and hate it? What happens then?
I try to talk to Erik about it, and I know he really is trying to help- but I don't think he truly understands that I can't just pick any career I'm interested in and do it. I want a career where I am helping people, when I knew whole heartily that I wanted to be a physical therapist assistant, I wanted to work with war vets. I want a career that I can still have that opportunity with. So we talked about it, and his answer to it was, what is it that you want to do more than anything, and to do it.
Maybe, I'm scared, scared that I won't have that fulfilling career, that it won't be enough to support myself on (because I'm so hard headed and stubborn and hate leaning on anyone for anything- deployments do that to you). But its frustrating- I don't handle blood and guts well - I could not do the nursing thing. I thought about doing pharmacy- but I stink at chemistry. Erik mentioned dental assisting- which I might be able to handle, but I'd rather not spend the whole day in peoples mouths (that's a little gross, sorry). What I'd kill to do more than anything- is do the horseback riding thing. I've ridden since 9, competed, and by no means am I an amazing rider, but I'd love to train horses off the race track, maybe give a few lessons- but that simply isn't possible in the military world, and I've been out of the saddle now for about a year. I'd rather just have that as a past time I guess, because I know I can't make the money I'd want to.
So like I am saying- I'm stuck. I'd love to be in the health care field (its the most secure, economically, and has a demand anywhere) but I can't deal with blood and guts and stink at chemistry. What else is there for me to do?
I wish I knew how to get out of this funk, and how to figure out exactly what it is I want to do. I guess I could always just get a general degree and go back later for something more specific. But what if I never have the opportunity to do that, we all know life happens. I think I multitask pretty well- but what if I never get to go back for something more specific. I love my job now, but I don't want to be stuck with it for the next 30 years.
I guess I have some soul searching to do.. and some big time career research to do.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Boo- Watch.

October 26, 2010

The dreaded words every military (or navy) girlfriend dreads to hear, "Honey, I've got watch friday". Well they finally caught up to Erik since he's been back and he is back on the watch bill. It took about the same amount of time as it did following last years deployment. So now I have to give up the only luxury that the Navy has given us since he has been back, no watches. Oh well. I've gone months without seeing him, whats it matter for a few hours. I guess I can use this time as my girl time? Or just to relax? Enjoy some quiet? Problem is is that I'm home all day long working. Yes, its different I won't have to work, or I can work - the beauty of my job. Either way, I think maybe I will grow to enjoy watch time. Time to myself or time to clean. I've been wanting to start scrapbooking again but just waiting on lovebug to print off pictures from deployment. Or maybe I will just use it for gym time or yoga. I've really been needing to find time to get into the gym. Either way-- the Navy thinks its time to take every waking minute Erik has. I guess its just part of the navy girlfriend lifestyle. So what am I going to do friday night? Hmmm....

Monday, October 25, 2010

Simply Amazinggg.

October 25, 2010

So I had an amazing weekend this past weekend. Everything was pretty much just on a whim- which I love, I love not having plans and just things happening as they come. So Friday we didn't really do much, I worked pretty late. I had a waxing appointment that Erik went with me too (he had the blackberry to occupy him, don't feel too bad) we went to Home Depot afterwords to get some shelves (I've been wanting since July). I simply hate clutter (I think I'm borderline OCD.. but that's another story). We came home.. just relaxed and I studied, the drill died so we couldn't hang the shelves up.

Saturday, I had my anatomy lab (I've missed the past two classes because of being out of town and an ER visit), I did better on my quiz than I expected. They had the cadaver out (one word- stinkyyyy!) but it was pretty neat to see the actual muscle and how they are incorporated, rather than just a flash card. Oh and I got to feel his spine, pretty neat. I got out of class a little early, got some extra studying done. Erik got up and hung up my shelves (they look awesome) and then we headed to Verizon to get him a cell phone. He hasn't had one since he got home from deployment, and well he needed one. So we went in, and he wanted the Droid Incredible (silly boys) and we put my phone on his plan (baby steps, right?) well surprise, since Erik got a Droid, I could get any phone in the store for free (yep, free). Apparently I was already due for an upgrade. Well.. I did it. I got rid of my blackberry (I'm such a crackberry addict) and got the Droid X.
We watched the UFC fight at the house later on, we ordered it to save some money, and watched Brock Lessner get beat (I was in and out of sleep for like an hour).

Sunday was just a nice day of rest and relaxation and reconnecting for us. Which we needed, we went to El Tap for some awesome Mexican and just made the day about us. Which is nice, we get so caught up in school and work that we get into the groove of the daily hustle and bussle that we forget about us and ourselves.

Oh and to top it all off-- I had a kick ass hair weekend. Well, that was the run down of it all. It was just such a great weekend, no stress, and just us, it couldn't of been any more perfect. But that's about it, back to Monday and school and work. But hopefully I won't get lost in it all again.

-Have a great week!

Friday, October 22, 2010

House Hunting Leave...

Well, we got our dates for house hunting leave put in and I'm pretty sure they've accepted it. It looks like we will be heading down to Jacksonville at the beginning of december to start the buying process. Yep, we are buying! It's exciting and nerve wracking all at once, we have a lot of demands for first time home buyers and I just hope we can find a home that will meet all of those demands. A lot of them are just 'wants' but we do have some 'must haves' were we won't buy the house unless it has them. We were looking in the Orange Park area, but there are a ton of foreclosers and I don't want to live in a neighborhood where there arn't any neighbors. Plus they have a stupid CDD fee of like $1,600 a year to live in the newer neighborhoods (which is where we were looking), so I think we are still looking in the Orange Park area but closer towards Flemming Island. We've been online a ton lately just looking at houses, and areas, and schools. But anyways. I'm excited and nervous all in one. We are hopeing, with our fingers and toes crossed that we will find a house in the 10 days we are down there and can have the contract close in March when we move.

So fingers crossed everyone.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Keeneland Races!

Erik decided to be a sweetheart yesterday and took me to the Keeneland Race Track to go see the races. We meet up with his sister Kelli and her husband after we got there. But it was a ton of FUN!

First off, I'll say this.. I have never seen so many different types of outfits in one social event. There was a ton of tailgating going on in the parking lot, which we didn't expect or prepare for. But back to the outfits.. wow! There were people from blue jeans and tshirts, to girls in skimpy little skirts and high, high, heels. It was pretty entertaining watching the girls who couldn't walk in them, try to. There were guys in  bowties, and in suits. The list could go on and on. But it was a great people watching event.

Kelli taught me how to read the program, what the different icons stood for, what stats to look for if you wanted to bet. There is a lot to it, but its fun once you know what to look for. So we picked and didn't bet and watched the race. At the beginning we weren't able to really get good seats, but we got up close to the ring where the race horses and jockeys were and then got right up close to the track for the Stakes race and ended up scoring some front row seats on the track once people left. I was able to take a ton of pictures.

But it was a blast, we even got a little bit of sun. I ended up getting a sweatshirt (because its getting cold, really cold) and I got a tshirt too (you can never have enough tshirts).

I can't wait to come back for the sales, or another race. Hopefully, we'll get to come down for the Derby and I can finally get my big ol Derby hat that I've been wanting for forever.

Now its time for some nice relaxation and good Sunday food.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I have Cabin Fever!

Some of you all may or may not know but I work from home. Yes, there are actually legitimate companies that have remote employees. I love my job, I am so grateful for the flexibility I have with it, and the fact that I can take it with me to Jacksonville when we PCS. But it wasn't until I started this job that I realized Cabin Fever does exist.

Don't get me wrong I love my job. I am grateful to have a job where my boss doesn't send me home in tears 4/5 days a week (my job before this was like that, put up with it for a YEAR). But, sitting in front of the computer working for 4-8 hours a day in your home, does get to you believe it or not. Your in one place, day in and day out, the only time I really do get during my work day is to go to classes or to my bosses house to work. But still- being home almost 24/7 gets aggravating. So you turn on the TV, and after a while that doesn't help. I go and work on the balcony and after a while it gets too hot, or too cold or my laptop dies. I start to find reasons to leave the house, just to get out. But then when your trying to save money- you can't do that too often.

So whats the cure for Cabin Fever? And why does everyone want a job that allows you to work from home? I mean yes, it does have its perks but overall I'd love to have my same job- in an office, I guess people don't think about the lack of socializing you get to have when your at home - like no office gossip. So.. I need to figure out a cure for my cabin fever. I've been wanting to start working out again, and getting back into yoga. Maybe I'll try hitting up the gym a few times a week. There is a starbucks up the road- but they are not very healthy. All I know is that- I need an out, something to do, that breaks my day up, something that helps me get out of the house.


Friday, October 8, 2010

What do you want?

Ever have that friend, you know that friend that calls when they want or need something, and that's only when they call. I'd like to think everyone does.. if not in reality but to make me feel better (just being honest). Well frankly it pisses me off, (not naming names here) but how can someone go around and just only be 'friends' with a person when they need something. It can be anywhere from needing to vent because of boy issues, to wanting to be a roommate just because they don't want to move home, to needing to rub your face in some sort of 'status'. Its bullshit, there I said it, bullshit.
It's like these days, true friendships are overrated, or hard to find. Why is that? Why is it so hard to have those in your life who are positive and who have empathy when your down about something? Even if you can't understand something completely (like military stuff) at least try to see where someone is coming from. Its sad to look back and see those I hung out and those I was good friends with in high school are absolutely no where to be found in my life present day. And the reason for that is because I'm not going to keep those "What do you want?" people in my life. It's amazing what letting go of the negativity can do and just being with people who want to be in your life.

So, here's to getting ride of those people that bring you down, and appreciating those who bring positivity and enjoyment into your life.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The pitty me game.

Okay.. so this is more of a frustration that I have. Everyone likes to play the pitty me game. Any where you look, civilian world and all over the military world.. everyone plays the pitty me game. What I mean by pitty me is when people think or assume that they have it so much worse than everyone else does. Like there is no one else who has life harder or tougher than they do. Why is it that everyone tries to compete to see who has 'life' the 'worse'.
It seems like people forget that there is always someone who has things worse than you, and it seems like people also forget that we have things, millions, of things to be thankful for. We have a roof over our head, we have jobs, we have food in the freezer and pantry, we have gas in the car, heck we have our own cars. There are thousands of people who are without, without a home, without food, without a job but they don't seem to complain. And maybe if they do they don't vocalize it as much as everyone else does. Heck I had a girl tell me that she had it harder because she didn't want to be so skinny and wanted to gain weight, well be happy that you have a small framed figure and eat healthy and you'll be fine. Golly! Be happy your not 400 lbs overweight and having health issues!
Now.. in the military world.. it mainly comes to the deployment realm. No matter the branch deployments SUCK but they happen. They arn't the end of the world, they feel like it, but you live and you get through it. No matter how long they are.. everyone has to go through things alone. You have to battle the midnight breakdowns, the car battery dying, the tires going flat, appliances breaking, some people have babies, no matter what you do it and you get through it. So why does everyone feel obligated of playing the pitty me game. We are all guilty of it.. I, myself included. It sucked having to go through 2 deployments in a year and half.. our entire relationship and Erik has been gone for 17 months of it. It SUCKS. But I rather enjoy the time we have now than dwell on the time we had apart. We didn't get R&R and yet I didn't complain about it. We did 6 and 7 months deployment and I was told my deployments were easier because they weren't 12 months long.. and I had hardly any phone communication both deployments. Either way.. they came and they went and they happened. Okay.. I'm rambling.

The point is.. is that someone always has it worse. Someone always is going to have it worse. But instead of boasting and complaining about how bad we have it. Why not appreciate what we do have? Why not appreciate the fact that we have food, and a home, and hot water. It's better to remind yourself that "Hey, we may not of ever had an anniversary together, but we've been able to spend Christmas together every year" Simple things like that that someone else didn't get. Millions went without a christmas last year.. so remember that. Remember that life is about embracing things, and being appreciative NOT dwelling and complaining.

So can people stop with the pitty me game yet? Because truthfull I'm over it.

'I want to put you in a song'

October 6th, 2010
Music. Boy how I love music. The right song can turn your day completely around. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to music. I tend to stick with country music for the most part, but I listen to 'hip-hop' and rock and all those in between. My day can be going to crap.. Erik can be laying on the couch while I clean just irking my nerves something fierce, and you put on the right song.. and everythings great again. It's absolutely amazing what the small things, like music, can do to your mood. It doesn't always work.. you have your bad days when nothing works at all but most of the time it helps. And heck if music can't help my mood.. thats when a nice glass of wine or a strong margarita can surely help it.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Brrr, its gotten cold!

October 5th, 2010

So, I’ve decided to give the ‘blogging’ world a try, more so to try and get my frustrations out in writing rather than taking it out on lovebug. Lately, days have been getting pretty chilly out, and I’m realizing that summer is pretty much long gone.  I love fall, I love having the air conditioner off and the windows wide open. I love the hay rides, pumpkin carving, hot cider, warm apple pies and everything the colder weather brings with it. I am so thankful that lovebug is here to enjoy the colder days with me, that he is here to cuddle with a warm blanket, and to enjoy all the festivities with me.
But I can’t help and be frustrated that summer has slipped through my hands, no more lazy warm days, no more hot sand and cold drinks. I feel like the summer has been completely robbed from me, however, it’s no fault of my own.  Instead of actually enjoying the past months, mainly January until the end of July, I was too busy being busy, too occupied with going, going, going instead of taking a breath and enjoying some of the simple things in life. In other words, I was in my own deployment mode. I was trying to make time go by as fast as possible, I was bound bet and determined to find a fast forward button and get through the 7 months of separation as fast and as sane as possible. Did it work? You bet ya. Would I go back and do it differently? Partially.  I wouldn’t change how fast I felt time was going by. I wouldn’t change the extra classes, the extra shifts, and the goals I set for myself. I wouldn’t change the gym time and some of the friends I made. So I guess that brings me to what I would change. I would have had more fun. Simple as that, I would’ve enjoyed the weather, the winter, spring, and summer. I would have beached it more, relaxed, did some things for myself. I was so intent on fast forwarding the days by, I was so intent on getting to homecoming. And homecoming came, July 28th, this year, and left just as fast as the days before and come and gone.
Don’t get me wrong, I missed the hell out of Erik. I wished he would’ve been here, everyday. I wished he were there when I fell asleep, I wished he was there for Valentine’s Day, for St. Patrick’s Day, for Easter, for our 2nd Anniversary. But he couldn’t be. He swore an Oath to protect our country, and although it wasn’t fair for duty to call him away so soon after being going the year before, duty called. I just wish I had not allowed my ‘fun’ life to slip away while he was gone, I just wish I would have allowed myself to have fun instead of being so hard headed, independent, and such a busy body. Fun doesn’t mean going out, like so many people presume it to be. Fun for me is horseback riding, beaching it, shopping, and getting a little dirty. I wish I would have picked up some outdoor hobbies, like gardening. But I can only say, that next year things will be different, next summer I will garden, I will ride more, I’ll beach it more; this time with my lovebug with me and we’ll be in Jacksonville, FL instead of Virginia Beach.
I guess this is where my frustrations come from, why I get so upset so easily lately. The stress never ends, it was there when he was gone, and it’s still here with him home. I don’t know why I ever thought that stress would just disappear the day the ship pulled back home, it doesn’t. Erik just makes it easier to deal with. Financial stress, school stress, work is a lot less stressful since I have an amazing new job; family stress is still there in full force. So instead of being plane ol stressed out, 24/7, I need to realize that time goes by, never faster than the day before, and never slower than tomorrow. Time is time, no matter what there is still 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and 24 hours in a day.
So with the new chilly weather that has joined us, brining in a new season, I’m going to give myself a new goal. Simply to enjoy the time we have. Enjoy it with friends, family, and of course my lovebug. To stop allowing stress to get me down, stop freaking out when things don’t go right, and just embrace change. Easy enough said than done, but I am going to try.  I really need to be able to sit back, ignore the drama that surrounds me day in and day out, and just relax and enjoy having my better half home again.