Thursday, June 30, 2011

Change of style

Growing up I was a pretty big tomboy for the most part. My mom tried pretty hard to keep me in dresses, that she hand sewed. Which by the way, I wish I had been more grateful for. More times than not, I was found out in the middle of the road with the boys. My neighborhood growing up was full of boys, there wasn't a girl on the block for a while, until an old friend moved in. Even towards middle school and high school. I was found in jeans and a t-shirt, or shorts. I mainly stuck with flip flops. I didn't really have a girly style, I wore eye makeup but that was about it.

Lately,  I find that changing quite a lot. I mean I've noticed it for a while, it wasn't really an over night transformation. But my style is changing and that's for sure. I find myself enjoying dresses, big poofy hair (the bigger the poof - and no I'm not talking Snooki poof - the southern poof - the better). The bigger my curls, my eyelashes the better. I'm not really all that talented in the hair section. I admit it, heck I can't even work a curling iron properly! But there is no doubt I am becoming more of a girly girl than I ever was before. Clothing wise, my style has changed a lot, I'd say. I love wearing summer dresses, they're just so light and airy (which is perfect for the florida weather) and not to mention just perfectly classy for every type of occasion. Just little things I am noticing about my clothing styles. I'm not just into the girly, country, floral type of clothing, but the rocker type of clothing too. I think my style is going to be changing for a while, but I love having a billion things to choose from and I can't wait to get my closet filled! I'm sure Erik will be thrilled about this expensive new goal.

I wrote the other day about my growing interest in photography. I by no means think I should be a photographer. It's just something I enjoy doing, a hobby. Is it a hobby I plan to invest my time into? Honestly, I am really thinking about it. I deserve and I should do something that interests me. Now, I that does not mean I am hoping onto this 'military wife photographer' bandwagon. Yes, you read that correctly. It's something that maybe I was blind to before, but I have for sure noticed a growing trend in this department. Just because you enjoy taking pictures, doesn't mean you should be a photographer or you shouldn't be. Just because you took a few good pictures, doesn't make you a photographer. To me photography is an art, in a different form than a painting. It requires time, effort, skill, and education. It seems to me as if people don't understand that there is an actual education part to photography. Yeah, there is a big portion that requires you to have some sort of 'feel' for what works. But I think it's important to educate yourself as well. Learn the shots that compliment different figured people, lighting and things of that nature. So now I'm in the hunt for a nice camera. Nothing too fancy, but not your everyday point and shoot camera either. Any suggestions??

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Busy Bee!

WOW! Okay, so things have been incredibly busy for me lately. Much more so than what I am used to. So I do apologize for not writing lately, that is if there is anyone keeping up with this thing. I know, I know, so much doubt. But whatever, just saying I don't expect anyone to really keep up with this, but if you do - well thanks :) and I am pretty flattered.

So lets see... where did things get busy?! I used to like being really, really busy but that was during deployments and that was when I wanted time to hurry up and fly by so my honey would be home. But now he is home, and I just want things to slowwww down. Pretty ironic huh? Maybe it's because he is home, or maybe it's because I just want to start enjoying life, rather than just living it or 'getting through it'. But anyways.. back to what's been going on.

My trip to chicago was last week. My first trip away, by myself - well travel wise - and first time away from our puppy dog, and my first ever flight! A lot of firsts, including chicago! So, Monday morning we left to head to the airport, and sure enough I cried the whole way (I know! Spare me the whole, are you kidding me thing - it was more or less I thought I was going to die on the plane ride than actually missing Erik - I know total drama queen moment) So I hopped on a plane, had a layover in Charlotte, NC and then landed in Chicago. I took my first taxi cab ride by myself, second taxi cab ride ever by the way, so that was interesting but the first night we stayed at the Westin across the street from the building that our office is in. We (myself, my boss, my second dad - Tom, Chris and Olga - other coworkers) went into the office and I finally was able to meet my other coworkers. After work we went back to the hotel and hit Wrigley-ville for dinner with a coworker. I got to see Wrigleyfield and we ate at Goose Island which is a micro-brewery and had some really good food. I made it my point to get a T-Shirt from every where we went out to eat at - I'm pretty happy I did, you can never have too many t-shirts. We ended up going to a beer garden up there after we walked around after dinner, and just sort of relaxed. Tuesday we worked in the office checked out of the hotel and headed up to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin where the company golf tournament was held at on Wednesday. I was actually born in Kenosha, which was like 30 minutes away, so it was really nice seeing what the place looked like But anyways, Lake Geneva was pretty - it was on a lake (go figure, right?) and it was a very small, cute, little town. Little shops lined the streets and was just all around adorable. I bought a really cute dress there, and another t-shirt at the microbrewery that we ate at. Wednesday was the golf tournament, which for the most part was rained out, and then we drove back to Chicago. Wednesday was our last night in Chicago and was back at the Westin for me, we went to a really awesome restaurant - Harry Caray's (yes the famous baseball announcer - best known for 'Holy Cow!') I had the best chicken I ever had before. I, yes, got two tshirts, and even saw the Weinermobile!! Thursday was a partial day in the office and then the flight back home. I really didn't get to talk to any one on the plane, except for my very last flight. But that was my trip pretty much in a nut shell, I'll post pictures at the end of my post.

Things, overall have been good. I've for the most part have been focusing on work, and the house, and of course our growing five month old puppy dog. Erik's been busy lately. He purchased a bike, which requires a little bit of work (according to him) and that's been pretty time consuming. I've had a lot of time to do some thinking, since I am mainly alone all the time. It gets old and annoying and pretty lonely sometimes. But overall I like it. I like it when Erik is home, even though he has been driving me insane lately. I have been trying to figure out just what I want to do, long term career wise. I still am pretty unsure, I've been thinking about becoming a teacher a lot more lately, but something else has popped into my mind - photography. Now is it something that I am going to pursue career wise? No. Definitely not. Is it something that I am probably going to take classes in to fill up my electives - yeah, definitely. I've always loved pictures, taking pictures, hanging pictures, but now it's really starting to become more of an interest. So, well see where that goes.

I still need to finish getting the house together. The final bedroom needs to be completed and our master bedroom does as well. We are planning on doing an accent wall in the living room, as well as the master and painting the master bath. Just trying to figure out how exactly I want to do it. Erik doesn't really care what I do with the house, I try to keep everything pretty gender neutral, nothing too girly and nothing too manly either.

I'm trying to come to terms with the whole fact that happiness is not a destination, but it's an emotion. I need to realize that I am going to have bad days and good days, days that I am sad, days where I am lonely, days where I love everything about my life, and days that I am just 'okay'. Overall, I am really happy here, I love my life and where I am at in life. I never would of imagined that I would be living so far away from my family, or that I would be with a man who is in the military. But I am and I love how much I have grown, and I love Erik.

This weekend is going to be insanely busy, again. We are headed back to Kentucky for his family get together, and will be driving home on our three year anniversary, July 4th. Jade will be going with us, so I am really hoping things go alright and she does well on the trip. Only time will tell, and hopefully we can find some time this weekend to enjoy each other without being stressed out.

Anyways, I just wanted to give a quick update on how things are, and where things are heading. So I'll close with some pictures and try to post sooner rather than later :) I hope all is well with everyone.

Me in front of the Weinermobile!

Me at the company Golf Tournament

Me and the Holy Cow at Harry Carays!

Me in front of Wrigleyfield!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


For the first time in a long time I can really say I'm truly happy with who I am and who I'm becoming. I can say that I am happy with where I am in life. Sure there are things I would change or things I would alter, but overall I am happy. I'm not really sure what has caused this sudden change in heart to be honest. I really enjoyed Erik's sisters visit here. It was really nice to get to know her more, and just have family in town. We also got the fence installed so it's been really nice having our own privacy and we have definitely been enjoying the backyard more, so has puppy dog.

But back to the happiness note, I think I have finally accepted myself and who I am. I like the way I look, I didn't realize how much my body has changed for the better and how pretty I really am. As stupid as it sounds I didn't realize it until I saw a picture of myself that was taken during this past week. I definitely am enjoying where my life is heading, and how things are turning out. I do a bad job of trying to remember the good in my life and focus on the negative instead. Which is wrong. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about. It feels great to finally be happy with who I am. It's been a struggle for a long time, it's been hard to accept my past and move on from it, it's been hard to like how I look. But things are finally coming around. I can eat ice cream and not feel bad about it afterwards. I'm not saying it was an overnight process, or that it took a picture to make me love how I look, but it's a start, a good step in the right direction. That's all I need.

I'm just really happy that I've finally gotten past it, that I'm finally making steps in the right direction. I feel as if I finally got over this huge wall that has been placed in front of me. I've overcome it. I've finally been able to let go of the mistakes I made 4 years ago, and realized how much of a better person I am. I think mentally I was still guilt tripping myself for the mistakes I made, I was still allowing the hurt to play the mind game, I was still allowing the horrible comments to get me down. To finally work past all the pain and hurt feels amazing.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with Erik, completely and utterly happy. He really makes me a better person, and is so patient and caring. We have our days, just like every other couple, where we argue over stupid things, but he still makes me happy. He is my better half, and I can truly say that without a doubt. I just needed to work on myself.

But long story short, I'm happy and I'm happy with my body, and with myself, and with my life. And that's all that is really important.

Monday, June 6, 2011

In a decorating funk.

Geez, why is it that Monday always comes faster than the weekend does? I mean in reality it does because 2 days are shorter than 5 but time always seems like it goes by faster. When Erik was on deployment I loved the work week, and hated the weekends but now that he is home, obviously that's changed. We really didn't do much this weekend which was nice for a change. I went shopping Friday night to get some clothes for the Chicago trip, and I honestly might make a trip this week/next week as well. A girl can never have too many clothes - especially me. There is a Kohl's right down the road I might go to to find a little sweater cover up for one of the dresses I bought. For those of you who don't know, I am a huge Forever 21 fan. Love the store. Outside of that the weekend was just relaxing, we did swing into Big Lots where I scored an Oreck Steam It Mop, for wayyy less than half of the price. We had gone into the Oreck store and the same exact thing was $199 and I only paid $69! I wasn't crazy about it and it wasn't the exact one I wanted, but hey it was a great steal. I actually just used it a little bit ago and holy moley! My floors are bea-u-tiful! That mop thingy, was dirty gross afterwards. So I'm pretty happy with the end results of using it.

I'm still pretty mind stuck on how to decorate our bedroom. I want to do something romantic, and light, and airy, nothing too much since it's supposed to be relaxing and I want to tie our bathroom into it. I normally am pretty awesome when it comes to decorating. I find that one piece and create a whole room around it, the guest bed is americana themed, the kitchen in wine, the living room has pictures and what not, the hallway has Erik's Navy stuff and stuff from deployment. I'm just clueless as to what to do with our bedroom.

Reminds me - I haven't posted pictures of the house decorated! I'll post a few, but I promise I won't go overboard :)

Entry way (obviously) - We will be getting a bench to put over here :)

Guest Bathroom

Guest Bedroom (and those are self taken pictures)

The Kitchen

Kitchen and dinning

Pantry :)

Part of the living room - new couches will be in in two weeks!

So there ya have it. That's what I've done so far, and it's come pretty easily but I just don't know what to do with the master. Any suggestions??

Friday, June 3, 2011

Ow! Ow! Owie!!

Ow! I hurt pretty stinking badly. I had a dentist appointment yesterday morning to get some cavities filled and man am I in a ton of pain! I basically lived off of Ibuprofen yesterday and I started my morning today with some Extra Strength Tylenol. I'm really hoping the pain is going to go away here soon, because I hate being in pain. I turn into a real crabby pants when I'm in pain. Not to mention it's the girly time of the month, so that doesn't help much either.

On a happier note, I've uploaded the pictures we took when Erik's parents were down this past weekend and I thought I'd share them with everyone.
In Saint Augustine.

At lunch at Pizzalley in Saint Augustine (awesome pizza!!)

Jade's first trip to the beach!

Erik, his mom, and I at the cannon's inside the Fort at Saint Auggie!

On the boat in the Saint John's river in Jacksonville, the sunburn was obviously starting by then!

Nothing's really too new with me. Puppy dog had her last puppy appointment today with the vet. She weighed in at a big 30lbs! So, she's gained 9 lbs since her last appointment 3 weeks ago! She's getting so big.

This weekend, will hopefully, fingers crossed, prove to be relaxing. I need to get some shopping and cleaning done but I am hoping for something just on the quieter side of things. I need summer clothes - it's Florida so it's summer year round, and I also need to get some clothes for my trip to Chicago for work. I'm actually pretty excited. It's only a three day trip, I'll leave Jacksonville on Monday and come home on Thursday. I'll get to meet those co-workers that are actually in Chicago and some other remote employee's. So I'm really looking forward to it. I've never flown before, so I'm really really nervous about that and pretty scared honestly. I also have never taken a Taxi, so I'm a little worried about that. But I am excited to see a new city and a new place. It'll be fun and Erik and I could use a little time apart, it's healthy.

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a great weekend and an awesome Friday, and lets hope I'm not in much pain tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

New Routine

Erik started working nights again, which really isn't a big deal. I understand some people don't like it but I really don't mind one way or the other. It just means it's time to make a new routine for both myself and puppy dog. She is very much into having a routine, and seems to get a little crazy when it isn't what she is wanting or used to doing. Plus now we get our girl time, and longer walks and even TV time! :) She did make me feel pretty safe last night at that, she does sleep in her bed but I don't mind it especially now. She takes up his whole side and he didn't get in until late and she barked and went nuts to let me know that there was someone here - she really is a great puppy.

Since we finally got our resident access passes to the fitness center and all the other amenities that our community has, I'm thinking about trying to make it to the gym in the morning. It's just going to be a matter of getting up earlier and working out which also means bed time needs to be a little bit earlier as well. Which since Erik is working nights it shouldn't be too hard. I'm really hoping that by working out I'll start feeling even better about myself.

I'm starting to realize my issue with my weight, or my struggle really with accepting a natural, healthy weight is going to be a long process until I am better with it. It's not really something that people talk about publicly or with friends, just a private matter that is really a self kept secret. Accepting the way I look, and my flaws has always been a struggle. When I was younger I was constantly joked about my eye from other kids. It was something I knew I wasn't able to fix, and continually went to the doctor to see if anything could be done to fix it, but there is nothing for a 'lesser' case like mine. Rather I'm the goal for those who have it worse than I do. At one point I even questioned if there were anything they could do whether or not I'd want to have it done. Why should I have to change it for others, if anything I should change it for myself, but why would I want to, I want people to accept and love me with my flaws and all. So I focused on other things I could control, my weight, my looks, my hair you get the picture.

I'm still not completely comfortable in my own skin, I still find myself looking in the mirror and pinching small area's, finding the imperfections rather than the beauty. It's easier for me for one reason or another to focus on the negatives than the positives. Normally, for others it's the opposite, or so I would imagine. Now, I'm not by any means saying I'm ugly, I know I'm pretty and that God made me in my own way. But there are so many times that I just look at other girls and wish I was that tiny, or that my boobs were bigger, or that my arms weren't so muscular. You get the picture. It's a hard concept to wrap my brain around, that I am beautiful how I am, that I am attractive to others how I am. I look at all these girls on TV or in the magazine's and just wish I had their stomach, or legs, or whatever. It's hard to be happy with how you look when you have society pressuring you to be skinnier, leaner, taller, and even skinnier. I know it's something that I need to work on daily, and I really hope that just by working out to be healthier it will help me feel better about myself. I just want to be happy with who I see in the mirror. I know it won't happen completely overnight and it is going to take a lot of mind training. I know there is a difference in being overweight and being healthy and being smart, and I just need to focus on that. Focus on just being healthy and the rest will come along.

Just thoughts going through my head today.. I can't believe it's Wednesday already! I love when the week goes by fast. It'll be nice to hopefully have a relaxing weekend, and get some cleaning done before Erik's sister gets in next Tuesday. :) Hopefully Erik will be able to figure out work and get off earlier than normal so we can spend time with them. But I hope everyone has a happy hump day. It's back to work for me with a nice bowl of ice cream - have I ever mentioned I am a HUGE ice cream lover?! Because I am!