For what its worth, I'm still adjusting to my 'new' life here in Jacksonville. Some days are better than others, and some days are worse than others. I won't deny that the thought to run home doesn't cross my mind at least once a month but I can't say I absolutely hate it here either.. I'm just here.
I caved in the other day and posted an ad on craigslist offering barn work (mucking stalls and such) for riding time. I don't want extra money, I just want to ride. And well I'll be darn I didn't only get one response, I got three. The first one I went and saw on Thursday before the free Brad Paisley concert on base, and the guy is really nice. Ideally it's what I wanted - or what I thought I wanted. He offered to let me come out and work as often as I wanted and I could ride, whomever I wanted and help him train them to show. He's offered to trailer them out to cross country fields - the whole shebang, and offered to get me back into competing. How amazing of an opportunity is that, especially the fact that it just fell in my lap. The other person who contact me is a sweet lady who just wants someone to ride her horses, mainly trails, and work on a few little issues they have. I meet with her yesterday and went for a trail ride with her, she is such a sweet wonderful lady and lives like 10 minutes down the road at that! So.. I'm stuck. I really want to do both, but with a wedding in less than six months and working as much as I am, it just isn't ideal. I also don't know if I want to compete anymore.. it was what I lived for for so long and I don't know if I miss competing.. riding and jumping you bet your  bottom dollar I do - but competing I just don't think fits anymore. But I'm so happy to be riding again, it really feels amazing to be back in the saddle. I also recently, as of last night actually had another lady needing someone to work her horses. I think she is another Navy wife, with a young baby who just doesn't have the time. So I am hoping to meet up with her either tonight or tomorrow afternoon and meet her and maybe I'll just work their two horses. Either way, I really don't foresee myself getting back into competing. It just isn't ideal, and it's a lot of money. I just want to ride and enjoy it.

After my mental breakdown the other night, last week actually, (all because of a stupid mop not wanting to work) I've been considering making a doctors appointment.. I really think I'm going through an anxiety issue with all of the changes and things that have been going on. I'm just not handling and processing things like I normally would and it really scares me. So that's been on my mind lately, going back and forth on it.. I know it would be for the best but I don't know if I'm just reading to far into things or what. I have my days like today - where I feel great, I'm happy and I feel normal again..  I just don't know.. it might be the stress of everything getting to me, but whatever it is, it needs to go away that's for sure. I've definitely noticed riding is helping that big time. I've been twice now and I definitely can't get enough of it.. the house is starting to show that. So time for a new routine and figuring out the best days to ride, and the best times to clean. I definitely need to work on getting my tail end out of bed earlier in the morning so I have more time to do things, and can work better hours.

But that's where I am right now.. working on having a more positive outlook and aspect on life, trying to make the house more like home, I definitely have some projects I would like to get done that's for sure. Now if I can just get the last of my wedding vendors booked... I'd be a happy camper.

In a decorating funk.

Geez, why is it that Monday always comes faster than the weekend does? I mean in reality it does because 2 days are shorter than 5 but time always seems like it goes by faster. When Erik was on deployment I loved the work week, and hated the weekends but now that he is home, obviously that's changed. We really didn't do much this weekend which was nice for a change. I went shopping Friday night to get some clothes for the Chicago trip, and I honestly might make a trip this week/next week as well. A girl can never have too many clothes - especially me. There is a Kohl's right down the road I might go to to find a little sweater cover up for one of the dresses I bought. For those of you who don't know, I am a huge Forever 21 fan. Love the store. Outside of that the weekend was just relaxing, we did swing into Big Lots where I scored an Oreck Steam It Mop, for wayyy less than half of the price. We had gone into the Oreck store and the same exact thing was $199 and I only paid $69! I wasn't crazy about it and it wasn't the exact one I wanted, but hey it was a great steal. I actually just used it a little bit ago and holy moley! My floors are bea-u-tiful! That mop thingy, was dirty gross afterwards. So I'm pretty happy with the end results of using it.

I'm still pretty mind stuck on how to decorate our bedroom. I want to do something romantic, and light, and airy, nothing too much since it's supposed to be relaxing and I want to tie our bathroom into it. I normally am pretty awesome when it comes to decorating. I find that one piece and create a whole room around it, the guest bed is americana themed, the kitchen in wine, the living room has pictures and what not, the hallway has Erik's Navy stuff and stuff from deployment. I'm just clueless as to what to do with our bedroom.

Reminds me - I haven't posted pictures of the house decorated! I'll post a few, but I promise I won't go overboard :)

Entry way (obviously) - We will be getting a bench to put over here :)

Guest Bathroom

Guest Bedroom (and those are self taken pictures)

The Kitchen

Kitchen and dinning

Pantry :)

Part of the living room - new couches will be in in two weeks!

So there ya have it. That's what I've done so far, and it's come pretty easily but I just don't know what to do with the master. Any suggestions??

New day

Well, I wanted to apologize about my breakdown yesterday, it was a moment of weakness which I don't have as often as some people think. This is the place that I come to vent, to let it all out and get it off my chest so I'm not bottling it up. But it's a new day, and a fresh start.
Erik came home in a pretty good mood despite that news that yesterday morning brought along with it. I made Sloppy Joes, which Erik has been wanting for a while now. I'm not big on them, but he is. I lightly made a joke about yesterday's situation that had me all upset, and he said who said it makes a difference. So I still have that little glimmer of hope.
Today for the most part is going to be spent cleaning and organizing again. I need to make a short grocery list for some things we need, and I need to go through and match up some coupons with sales. I picked up about 5 newspapers on Sunday and have a TON of coupons. Just need to figure out which ones are things we actually need, and things we could use if we get them for free or close to it. Erik's pretty supportive of my couponing, it is pretty time consuming, which I didn't think it would be. But it's neat, and I love saving us money.
I'm planning my trip home to Virginia Beach in July. Which is a little stressful to be quite honest. I'm trying to stay up there Monday - Thursday and I'd be leaving to drive my Jeep back on Friday. A good friend is planning on riding back with me which will totally make for a fun and awesome trip. Money is really a big factor in it all, and no one can say that it isn't. On top of that, we are going to Kentucky for the first weekend in July for Erik's family reunion thing, and will be driving back on our anniversary. So I'm just trying to find out when flights are cheaper, and whats going to make the most sense. I'm sure I'll figure it out, just takes planning.

But back to work, and back to cleaning. Fun times there, but it's got to be done. I really want this house to be immaculate when his parents arrive on Friday. Have a great day.

Hot Mess

Well today went up in smoke early, and I'm honestly a hot mess. I spent the better part of my morning crying and then the rest of the morning coaxing a puppy out from under the bed which was an epic failure. Advancements came out this morning, and well Erik didn't make it. Actually only missed it by 3 points. I feel horrible for him, he works so hard and deserved it so badly. I'm pretty selfish because I wasn't crying for him, but rather myself. Knowing tonight would be a crappy night because I'm sure he is going to come home in a horrible attitude. But the real reason behind the tears is that I now realize it's going to be at least a year until things get more serious between us. Erik is smart, really smart, and he is a man. He wants to make rank before taking the next step, engagement. It makes perfect sense, truly it does and I really do understand it. So yeah, I got really excited seeing that the quota percentages were up and that he had a really good chance, a great chance. And maybe my mind got a little away from me, but for a few days, there was hope. Hope that maybe things would go well for us for once, and that a certain chain of events would happen. Well this morning my glimmer of hope was crushed, and it hurt. I can't even explain how much it kills me now to read things girls write in these stupid 'support' groups saying, "I'm engaged" or "Married my sailor" after they'd only been together a few months. Yes, I am being bluntly honest and maybe a little brutal. It kills me, it's like a jab in my heart every time.
It's not that our relationship is going to change once and if we were to get married, or that I would love him any differently. It's more or less that I feel stuck in place. We've been together for three years in a month and some change. We've done two deployments, we've done a PCS move. Heck even purchased a house. I just feel like the fact that we are living as if we are married, well then we should be. I've gotten so exhausted of correcting people when they refer to Erik as my husband that I just don't even bother anymore. It's not that I'm pretending, or that I like how it sounds, it's because I am so mentally tired of pointing out I don't have a ring and we aren't married. It hurts every time. I know Erik loves me, I don't question that for a minute. Never have. Sometimes I wonder if there is just something wrong with me, or why he doesn't want to marry me. No one understands, at least none of my friends or anyone I know understand. Who can when the majority of people in this life have only dated their significant other either a year or less before taking the next step. I have been the most devoted person I can be, and have moved away from my family, and I'm still a girlfriend. It isn't about titles as most women care about, nor the benefits - who gives a darn - they are benefits not reasons, it isn't about finances or any other reason you can think of. It's more or less the security, that no matter what happens or no matter what I do that someone is going to love me. That someone, being Erik, will always be here for me, that I'll never need to worry about being alone. That's what it means to me.

So yeah, I didn't have a great morning, it really hurts having that glimmer of hope killed, bright and early. The weekend was pretty nice. I got a new vacuum finally, and I love it. I was able to steam clean the office and the hallway and I was able to get the guest bedroom finished up. I do have some cleaning and organizing to do and I want to steam clean the living room either Thursday or Friday before Erik's parents get into town. Our house is really starting to feel more like a home now that pictures are being hung up. Everything is coming together really nicely. I'm definitely a happy camper and feel proud of the decorating that's been done so far.

I need to get back to work, but I really needed to get the first half of the post off my chest before Erik gets home this afternoon. I'm making some sloppy joe's for dinner, he's been begging for them for a while now. And I'm probably going to spend the rest of the day working, cleaning and organizing. I hope the rest of the week gets better, for myself and I hope everyone else has a great week coming up.

What a weekend

Saturday was an emotional day for me, not really sure why or what caused it. But it was. We got a storm in, and it was actually the first real storm that we had gotten since we've been here, and I really hate storms. The scare the beegeez out of me. I rather do a hurricane anyday than a thunderstorm. I know, it isn't exactly understandable. Either way, I was pretty emotional. I think it had a lot to do with the week, it was rather long and the puppy has been wanting to be up and about at 5 in the morning, and I'm the primary care for her, since Erik doesn't get home until 4:30 and then just wants to relax and whatnot. So I was dragging, and it's frustrating not getting help during the week. So I basically lost it, all it took was one little short sentence and I lost it.

It's been a challenge for me, not seeing my family and not being able to help with everything going on. It's also been a big pill to swallow not having real friends here. It seems like everyone is 30 and has children, and that's just not where I am in life right now. But back to my family. I've been feeling pretty neglected by them lately, it's just like I move away and I'm gone, don't worry about me type thing. When I left I kept hearing, oh we'll come visit you soon, soon turned into July, and then now September. I get that my parents work and they aren't retired and just can't come and visit whenever and that my youngest brother is still in school. I understand that. But.. I just feel forgotten. My other brother seems to be going through some stuff lately. I'm pretty positive that alcohol has a lot to do with it and I wouldn't be too surprised if there isn't more to the story than just booze. He isn't exactly hanging around real "friends" more or less the type that just want to be his friend because he has a job. I know I wasn't the best role model for him, and I know I did stupid things and wasn't exactly the best person for a little bit. I just woke up one morning and sort of realized what I was doing wasn't me, it was the people around me and I changed that. But it doesn't seem like my brother is going to have that moment. And I'm pretty worried. I want to fix it, but I'm seven hundred miles away. I also know first hand that you can't just make someone change. If he isn't ready to move on and be responsible, it just won't happen. You can't make someone quit doing certain things, especially when those things help 'release' stress and turn day to day activities into, something else. I know he is pushing my parents buttons and I know that he is twenty and can handle his own, but I'm worried it won't end well. I don't think it will and I just want to keep everyone else from the hurt and pain that it is going to cause.

I'm just to the point of not knowing how to handle things, it's been pretty hard on me since we've gotten here. Erik doesn't really understand, because he's been away from his family for extended periods of time. He's used to it so to say. I'm not, and it hurts feeling like your not a priority on your families list. I don't feel like I matter sometimes. I do talk to my mom during the day through email, and I try to call often. But it's like when I do call they are off living their own lives, which is really what they are supposed to be doing. I just don't feel like I'm part of it anymore since I'm so far away. I really want my dog here, she always is such a joy to be around and is the sweetest dog anyone could ask for. I miss her.

I think it's also disappointing that a lot of people I called friends, have disappeared. All except maybe like three or four tops. The weird thing is, is I should of expected it. When Erik deployed, a lot of 'friends' just disappeared, and I found two girls who are amazing, and are military wives. Funny thing is, those are the only two friends who I've actually kept a relationship with, not the friends who I've been friends with since elementary school. It's a little sad, but it's what I expected.

I guess enough of the rambling, I tend to dwell on things, and it really isn't a good thing to do. I probably should make more of an effort to stop. It isn't good for my sanity and it certainly isn't good for Erik's. On a positive aspect, Sunday was a great day. It was nice to just relax and spend time with him. We ended up going to walmart and got a kiddie pool for the puppy, and she absolutely loves it. The best $15 we've ever spent.

Oh, I might also add that if you are in the market for a Steam Cleaner, for the carpet. I used my Hoover SteamVac with clean surge last night, and I plan on doing the entire house this weekend. I absolutely love it. Definitely a great buy. I got it for a steal and it's pretty stinking awesome.

I hope this week goes well for everyone, including myself. We still need to go out to the old apartment and clean it out and return the keys. But other than that, it should be a quite week and weekend. I'm hoping to get a lot cleaned, and decorated since Erik's parents will be here at the end of the month. It's pretty decorated for the most part, but I'm a girl and I like thinks just right. I'll have to post some updated pictures soon.

Happy Tuesday!

Umm... Okay?!

Well I guess Blogspot didn't like my last post? What in the world - that's a load of Bologna! I was pretty excited about my award too. I'm going to hold off on reposting it, simply because, we all know that nothing that's posted online ever really disappears. So I am going to keep my finger's crossed that it comes back.

Well Jade had her first vet appointment today! Little girl is 21.6lbs! Skinny minnie!

In the truck on the way there



She actually, believe it or not, loves riding in the car. She either sits there and acts all pretty or she sleeps. Jade is definitely going to be a great car buddy. She still is pretty protective, which I like, but she spends the majority of the day with me, attached to me.

On another note, I completed my first diy project and I promised pictures, so here they are:

 Before and After obviously. I like them a lot, I even got some extra fabric to change out the colors with when I get tired of them. Now, I am just trying to figure out how I want to decorate our bedroom and bathroom. I was thinking about getting some external shutters and hanging them up on the inside, above our bathtub where the window is for decoration, but I don't know about it anymore. I started thinking about putting up this Paris picture I love, but I'm not 100% sure that's what I want in there yet. I know, I know. It really isn't a big deal, I can always find a spot for it. I just want it to be pretty and relaxing in there. Our guest bath, which I will be sure to post a picture of soon, is beach themed, so I don't want to put another beach picture in the master bath. I'm sure I will figure it out, I just hope I will soon. I want our master bath, and bedroom, to be pretty, and light, and airy. Just a place for relaxation, ya know? I doubt it is going to be what I want anytime soon, really, but I can dream and play I guess in the mean time.

More importantly, I just want the guest bedroom and my office done soon. I am looking for an oversized stuffed chair for my office, and an end table. And then I just need to hang up things in the guest room and make it all pretty for when Erik's parents come down. I'm hoping to make some awesome finds this weekend. I do need to find a new vacuum.. because ours sucks! Big time! I HATE it! And I really am hoping to go to the home goods store and find some pretty things. Maybe some inspiration. :) I hope everyone has a great Friday and an amazing weekend!

Aww Shucks!

First things first, J from Life as a Secret Squirrels Other Half sent me an award. Me! Okay maybe I think it's pretty neat and you don't but whatever. I don't care. I never really even thought people actually read my blog. Like I know there are 'followers' but I didn't really think people actually read what I wrote. But anyhow.. back to the award. :)

So since it's life, there are rules.
Firstly, to thank the person who gave you the award. So - Thank you J!
Secondly, post 7 random facts about yourself.
Thirdly, pass it along.

So 7 random facts about myself.. hmm.. I seem to be an open book when it comes to things. But I'll give it a shot :)

1. I'm a history nerd, specifically US History, I love learning about it. I love visiting old plantation homes that have been preserved since the 1600-1800's. I just think it's really neat.
2. I may act pretty fearless in real life, and very certain of well - everything. But I have my fears just like everyone else. Example - I am terrified of death, dying, specifically the what happens afterwards aspect. Like I literally have a panic attack every time I think of it.
3. I think I've mentioned it before but I am a medical mess. I have Duane's Retractrion Syndrome and no - it's not as bad as the pictures. But when I take pictures I have to stand on a certain side of Erik so it isn't noticeable. I was joked pretty bad in school about it - dumb kids. I also have Graves Disease which was treated by radioactively killing my thyroid gland and now I am and will be on thyroid pills - synthryoid - for the remainder of my life. I also suffer from migraine's.. but thankfully they have gotten a lot better.
4. I am insane about keeping our house clean. I enjoy having a clean home, and not having to dedicate a whole day a week to cleaning. So I do it daily. It's just us two, and well the furbabies, so there really isn't much to clean up after. But, long story short, I enjoy a clean home.
5. I'm still really new at this blogging thing. I really want to make a cute 'button' as a link to my blog, but haven't a clue how to. I also want to make my page really pretty, but haven't quite figured it out yet. I'd love some help if anyone knows how to do it and wants to help me out :)
6. I'm semi addicted to Facebook. It's on my phone - which is probably horrible.
7. I get really upset when people take advantage of things they have or things that are given to them. The pell grant is a great example of this. It amazes me how much I struggle to pay for school with loans, but yet if Sally want's to go get knocked up and have a baby then she'll get a grant to go to school. It isn't exactly fair in my book. But that's an entire other post.

So now... I have to pick some other ladies to award this to. :)


Cassie at A Barton Kind of Family
Hillary at The Kitchen Bitch Blog


Other than that I hope everyone is having a great Thursday, it's almost Friday! I'll post pictures of my newest diy project, which I am pretty proud of, soon. As for now, it's work and busyness of people fixing things and getting fence estimates.

Pretty Domestic :)

I definitely am getting that decorating and homemaker itch. I officially have my first diy project. There are these really awesome frame's I found that I want to find some fabric for and hang them up. I can't wait to post the before and after pictures of it. I ended up scoring the frames from an old neighbor at the apartment complex. I'm not sure how he scored them, maybe from working at Victoria's Secret, but hey they're pretty neat. I'm pretty excited to see how it turns out.

On another hand, I've now been off birth control for two months now and am finally feeling pretty good, and like I'm back to normal. I still have days where I feel off, but everyone does. We've also been down in Jacksonville, two months tomorrow. I can't believe how fast time goes by, I also can't believe how much can be accomplished in two months. We moved down here, found and bought a house, and moved into it. Pretty crazy if you think about it. It works for us though.

I'm starting to get this horrible decorating, and home body itch. If it doesn't pertain to us going out and getting something for the puppy/us/house. I don't want to go out. I just want to stay home and make our home, well a home. I love being able to decorate and not having to worry about undecorating in a few months/weeks.

I also forgot to mention my recent coupon scores! I think I mentioned I got two free Lysol Dual Action wipes for free at Target. Well I went grocery shopping on Saturday at the commissary, I didn't score too many things for free although I did get a toothbrush and two Nivea chap sticks for free. But I did save $44.05 thanks to coupon skills. I may not be an extreme couponer, but hey a penny saved is a penny earned. I did score two Clean and Clear products for a $1 each, paid only .25 cents for some Bagel Bites, .79 cents for Nature's Valley Granola bars and .30 cents for Hamburger Helper. Overall I got some pretty awesome deals, and saved a good chunk of money. Let's hope next grocery trip I can top that. I think I would of saved more had they not closed early. But oh well.. I'm hoping for $50 worth of savings next time and making it under $200 for a month's worth of groceries.

Oddball

It doesn't take much to get my mind rocking and rolling in thoughts lately. It could really be anything that gets that ball rolling. I know I'm not the 'golden girl' that followed every rule in life, I'm the girl who tends to do things backwards, sideways, and any way in between.

I'm the girl who is the 'oddball' so to say. And honestly, I'm pretty okay with that. I've done a lot of things backwards, or not in the 'proper' order. Erik and I live together and we aren't married, and frankly there are a lot of people who aren't happy about that, I'm sure. But I really don't care. It works for us, and I think it is a lot better than those couples who go and get married just so they can live together and then divorce three years later.

I didn't really realize how much of an oddball I was really, until we moved down here. In Virginia Beach, I was still home, I lived out on my own with my boyfriend - which is common. But I was still in my hometown. Since we moved here, I've begun feeling more and more of an oddball. It's like no one else is on the same path as myself. We live in a wonderful neighborhood, in an amazing home. But everyone around us is a good ten years older than ourselves, if not more, and they all of children. Heck - we got looked at pretty funny last night for saying we don't have children. I almost feel as if I am out casted because we are young. I was really, really hoping to make new friends in our neighborhood, and have cookouts and just enjoy the 'community' living. But instead, I'm looked down upon.

I know things will get better, I do. I know eventually I will make friends, and have friendships that are as close as family. But right now, it's a tough pill to swallow. I don't mind being the oddball out, I'm myself, whether or not its 'in style' or not. It just sort of stinks not being able to find a friend who is in the same place in life as I am. I'm not saying by any means, that I can't be friends with someone who has children. Heck two of my great friends do. All I'm saying is it'd be nice to meet someone down here who is in the same place I am. As much as I would love to be a mom, that's just not where I am in life right now. I am still young, I still have things I want to do before embarking on that adventure.

I guess I am rambling - the point I am getting at is it's hard to find girls who are where I am at in life, it's hard to make friends who truly understand where your coming from. I just hope it happens sooner, rather than later.

Where were you?

"Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day?" Where were you when you heard about the bombing of the USS Cole? I could tell you exactly where I was at for both events. I heard about the USS Cole when getting ready for school, I was getting ready to go to school and was in the sixth grade. I think my daddy was deployed during this time and my mom didn't want us to hear the news. But I heard it, and was scared and sad. My heart goes out to those families who lost their Sailors that day, I could not imagine the pain and the hurt that they have endured. My heart hurts even more so for those families, because to me, it seems as if the bombing of the USS Cole has been forgotten.

On September 11th, 2001 I was in school attending middle school in the 7th grade. It was a normal morning for us, my dad was deployed on the USS Enterprise, my mom was getting my brothers and I off to school and herself ready for work. I remember being in band class (don't judge, LOL! I played the flute for a year) and I heard someone say a plane hit the twin towers and didn't really understand what happened. The rest of the day was sort of a blur, in a erry way, many of my friend's parents came and picked them up from school. Most of my teachers were upset and didn't teach much at all, phones were ringing and it was just erry. I wasn't really sure what was going on to be quiet honest. When I got home my mom was in tears and just hugged me long and hard, and then that's when I realized something really, really bad had happened. We watched the horror that had unfolded that morning on the news. Just too shocked to move, to look away. It was heart wrenching. I remember listening to the voicemail my daddy had left us during the day, he had said, "Hey everyone, I miss you and I love you. I won't be home on time, and I'm not sure when I will be home. But I am safe and we are going to go kick some bad guy's ass. I love you and I will call when I can."
I will never, forget that day, not for the rest of my life and I won't ever forget where I was last night, on May 1st, 2011 when I found out that horrible man was killed by an amazing Navy Seal team based out of Virginia Beach, Virginia. I was in bed, exhausted, with Erik and we just so happened to turn on the news and see that Obama was making a speach at 1030 at night on a Sunday, that struck us as pretty weird. That late on a Sunday, something had to be up. Especially since we had heard that the bases security would be raised due to recent events. So we watched and waited and found out that Osama (or Usama depending on who you are) Bin Laden was dead! Thank the lord! That horrible man got what he deserved, a bullet courtesy of the US Navy right in his head.

It was amazing, to see the outburst of patriotism, and relief that our country felt as one last night. I truly think things will change, hopefully for the better, now that this black cloud is gone. I hope that we can move forward as a country and solve the bigger problems that are at hand, and solve them reasonably.

On another hand, we are pretty much completely moved into our home. I absolutely love it, and it's an amazing feeling to have to finally be home. I can't wait to start putting things up on the wall and making it more like ours. I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

I hope everyone has a great Monday!

Home Sweet Home!

Things have been extremely busy here the past few days. We finally closed on our home Thursday afternoon and we've been going and going since. We actually brought over a small truck load on Thursday night, and I had the truck on Friday while Erik had duty, basically meaning that he had to work, and I made a truck load to the new house and we've been going since. It's been a lot of work, and pretty stressful. Moving always is stressful. But anyhow, we stayed our first night last night and are pretty much moved in now we just have a little bit more to do but that's about it. After that it's just cleaning the apartment and turning in our keys.

It's pretty surreal, that we are so young, 24 and 22 and are homeowners. What other 22 year old is concerned about property lines, fencing, and HOA rules? To us it seems perfectly natural, but yet I feel as if we are alone in a pool of minivans. I wouldn't trade it for the world though, that's for damn sure. I love our home, and wouldn't change anything about it. I am so looking forward to decorating it and making it ours.

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update of how things are going. Overall, it's been great, I'm pretty beat up overall, bruises everywhere, cuts, I hurt my ankle pretty bad but I'll live, it's definitely worth it to know that our house is becoming a home more and more with every minute that passes.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Good to Better to Best

Well I have certainly been feeling a lot better. Not only physically but mentally as well. I've been off of birth control for almost two months now, and I finally feel like I am getting back to my normal, old self. Not only am I like 5 pounds away from what I weighed when I graduated high school and meet Erik, but I also feel a heck of a lot better about the way I look. I know that gaining my self confidence back isn't going to happen overnight, and that it's going to be a slow process. But it's starting and that's what's important to me right now. It's nice to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see, and feel good about how I look. I think there will always be a part of me that will see other girls and compare myself to them, and how they look, and I think that's normal. But what isn't normal is putting myself down for not looking like that. As long as I can remind myself that I, too, am beautiful and I look great too then I think things will go from better to best.

On a separate note, my job is offering the ability to get some certifications with Cisco. Which to me, is really exciting. I always want to be able to not only better myself, but better myself so I can do a better job at my job. Some people might think it's pretty geeky, but I don't. If you worked as a teacher and they made a certification to become better at a grading system, you'd do it right? So - same thing, sort of. It's just nice to have the opportunity to better yourself, and a job that wants their employee's to better themselves. Plus I find this sort of thing interesting. I sort of realize I never really talk about my job, oopps! I work for a company that works hand in hand with other companies to help track their assets and provide maintenance for Cisco products. We have a database system that allows a company to track where they have certain products, and see how many they have at all of their different site's. It's pretty interesting and nifty. I may get a little stir crazy working from home, but I do like my job. It's amazing to be so young and involved with something so big. I will say, it does bother me that when I tell people I work at home, they automatically think it isn't a 'real' job, or that I just sit around on my ass all day on Facebook. No.. not exactly the case. I have deadlines and responsibilities just like every other office job, I have things I have to do, and hours I have to meet and so forth. So yes people it's a real job, stress included.

On a brighter note, in just a few hours we will be official home owners!! Whoo hoo!! I'm so excited and so ready to be in our home and decorate it and make it even more beautiful!

I hope everyone has a great day!

So...

"Wishing I was knee deep in the water somewhere"... I love Zack Brown Band and I'd kill to be at the beach rather than working.

On a more serious note, as much as I am enjoying Jacksonville and as much as I am grateful for being here. There are some things that I don't like about this 'adventure'. One the process of starting over in the friend making business. I know, I know I say that a lot. But it is hard being 22 and trying to make friends with people, and having anything in common. Most military affiliated 22 year olds, are married and have babies. Not this girl - so it's a tad bit more difficult. Another thing I don't like, is knowing there are things going on back home and I can't do anything about it.

I know I wasn't the best teenager growing up, I was a pretty good kid until probably 17, I think. At least that's what I am going to go ahead and go with. I just sort of started wanting to go out - normal teenager things. I'd skip school for classes I didn't want to go to - and go to the barn and ride. I didn't get bad until around 18. It started off on normal things, going out clubbing and what not. Your average 18 year old spree - I was in high school still. Any how.. just eventually found my way into the wrong crowd, and the wrong relationship. Thankfully I was grown out of that stage by the time I was 19, about March of 2008. I learned a lot from that bad time, and I really put my family through a lot.

Long story short, I feel like part of the reason my brother is in the spot he is in now is because he had me as a 'role model'. I know, I'm not there telling him to do what he is doing and they are his decisions to make. But I still wish I could be there to fix it, heck I wish I could fix it. Sometimes it's just a bit frustrating being so far away and feeling almost helpless when it comes to family matters.

In happier news, we get the keys to our new home tomorrow and will be doing the closing process. We have our final walk through to make sure everything was fixed at our house and then it's time to sign a ton of papers and we will be home owners! It's really exciting and I can't wait to be in our home and getting settled.

I hope everyone has a great day and I hope where ever you are, its sunny and pretty outside.

Easter Weekend.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and a Happy Easter!

Our weekend was a little busy but definitely fun, a much needed weekend that didn't seem like it was gone in the blink of an eye. Our walk through went well Friday, we did a bunch of marking with blue tape of things that need to be taken care of before closing. The guy who did it with us was really nice. I will mention that I am a little frustrated with our realtor (just in case I haven't mentioned it before ) she was really great up until we put in an offer. And then it's like she disappeared. I feel as if that since she knows its our first time buying a home that she should be holding our hand a bit more. Thankfully our Lennar guy, David, is fantastic. He is always so nice and helpful which really makes up for our realtor dropping the ball this past week. Friday night was a lot of fun for me, because for the first time since we moved here I got to get out of the house, without Erik and meet some ladies. Okay, well it wasn't really the first night out without Erik - because I went shopping when he played poker the other night, but it was the first night out for me with other ladies and drinks. It was definitely a lot of fun. The Chillis here does 2 for 1 drinks, which is awesome! So I definitely had some margarita's! I meet a few ladies who were all really nice, I did feel a bit left out since I am the only one that did not have any children and I'm the only one who isn't married, but I was deemed "Common Law" married. Hahaha! Anyways. My wonderful boyfriend came and picked me up and we ended up doing a bit more drinking with his friend at our apartment, and felt like total crap the next morning. Saturday was spent doing a few errands, we ran to the Wax Strip so I could get my eyebrows done and then went to Lowe's and got a clothesline and some plants. We also had to get this tomato contraption since my tomatoes are growing like I'm feeding them steroids, I'm not by the way, but they are HUGE!

Easter Sunday was nice. We went to a church up the road, it was a really big church, and there wasn't enough room. Easter mass is a really big deal, so it was really packed. There were at least a good hundred people standing. That wasn't enjoyable - standing in 6 inch heels for an hour and a half of mass, but it wasn't that bad. We came home and the cooking began. Well technically I started cooking on Saturday evening. I baked the lemon cake and put together my cucumber salad Saturday night. This Easter was my first one away from family and my first one where Erik has been stateside and my first one where I was responsible for dinner. I made an awesome ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumber salad, corn, broccoli casserole, stuffing, rolls, and cake. I also put together our Easter baskets. We invited Erik's friend over and two of the guys from work. It was nice having more people over to distract me from missing our family, I really miss being near my parents and brothers, and the neighbors who have become family to us. You never really appreciate their company until they aren't near by.

I get to start packing this week. I'm not planning on doing a huge amount of packing. But just putting things into boxes and leaving them open. Easy packing. I'm really hoping to get everything over there next weekend, but more than likely I am sure there will be plenty of stuff to move. I don't know, I'm sort of a control freak and kind of want it all done at once so we'll see.

Have a great week and have a great Navy day.

The Two H's!

The two H's have been on my mind all night and all day so far... by two H's I mean home and horses!

Today's the day we have our walk through at our new house, and needless to say I am ecstatic! I love going to our house, it always puts me in a great mood and just gives me this sense of being. I know, pretty insane. But it isn't just a house that we are renting, or an apartment. It's our home, ours, no more lease signing, no more wondering if we will be living here a year or even a couple months from now. Nope - this is our home. In case some of you aren't familiar with new construction (don't feel bad! I totally wasn't either until we went under contract, now I'm a total pro! lol jk) this is normally done a week before closing. We meet up with our construction consultant, David and our realtor and probably another head construction guy I'm thinking. They give us each a blue roll of tape and we go through the house and tape anything that is wrong. This includes dirt here, paint drips there, tile is cracked, grout is chipped, edging on the paint on the ceiling, carpet here. Literally, anything, and they fix it before closing day and we move in. Then ten days after wards they come back to see us in our new home, and ask if we have found anything else and they will fix whatever it is we find. And this continues on at the month mark, six month mark, and the eleven month mark. We get an awesome house warranty, that will cover anything the first year and then we get a bumper to bumper warranty on all appliances, AC unit, hvac, water heater.. you get the picture. So it's pretty exciting. Plus since it's done in the middle of the day, I will get a sense of what the noise level is like for when I will be working. and who is home during the day.

We also found out that Erik's sister will be coming to visit us in June and I am pretty excited! I love having people come by, I love seeing family - whether that's his family or mine. I love it. It's nice to have friends and family in your home. Especially when there is only two people there, it gives it a sense of fullness. So I'm pretty excited. Not to mention, it's a great excuse to make sure it's all decorated by then and pretty by then. My mind has been so consumed with decorating and ideas it isn't even funny. I'm constantly thinking about little things to put here and there. Where can I find a good clothesline at? (yes I am being serious! and I'm excited about getting one!) How do I want to decorate our bedroom? How do I want to do the bathroom? And more importantly, why can't my boyfriend seem to remember to ask for pictures from his mom of him and his family and the pictures we took in October of him in his blues. Lol.. I want to have pictures of his family up there, it's an important aspect of his life and I want them up in our house! So.. hopefully he will remember to do it Sunday when it's phone call time. 

A picture of me jumping a few years ago, probably right before I meet Erik, so 2008.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the horse subject. I'm just not really seeing a reason on why I shouldn't go ahead with getting one. I've still been fighting with this 'lost' feeling down here. I haven't really found my niche so to say. I think the reason why I keep going back to the idea, is because one it's one of my biggest loves and passions and because it will give me a sense of belonging and it will allow me to develop friends who aren't military here. That's important to me. I love my military friends, and they always know just what to say and what you need to hear, but I also need civilian friends, especially horse friends. There is just something about having a horrible day and going out to see your horse that really makes it all worth it. Call me crazy, I don't care. It's just this absolutely amazing feeling. Just pure love with no judgement. Okay - sometimes horses give you a little judgement. Like when you tell it to jump this super scary fence and they think your absolutely insane and want to throw a temper tantrum.. but outside of that. They are absolutely loving with no judgement. I know Erik wouldn't mind, heck he would probably spend a lot of time out there with me. I just need to find a place that isn't outrageously priced down here. I still can't get over some of the stupid rules these barns down here have and the stupid prices that go along with them. I don't come from an area that's considered really country, I mean it's Virginia Beach. It just seems like there is more common sense there, and better prices than here. I'm sure I will find something... just need to keep looking a little bit harder.

I hope everyone has a great Navy day!

Another hump day..

This one car thing, sucks. I really don't know how couples deal with this, I know I sound like a completely spoiled brat. But seriously, before this I always had my car. Always. If Erik was at work and I needed to go get something for dinner, or I needed to go somewhere, or hell if I wanted to go somewhere. I could. Now.. I can't. I almost feel as if I am in a really nice jail. Lol. Okay that sounds a little drastic. But you get the point.

I don't get to go anywhere, unless Erik is home and wants to go. And honestly, he works 10 hour days so I can't blame him when I am dying to get out of the house and go anywhere, heck even WalMart starts sounding good, and he doesn't want to go. There are definitely joys to my job, especially since it made this move so much easier financially, and they are so flexible with me during our house hunt. But down here, I don't have a coworkers house to go to. I don't have anyone to work with.

On a positive note, music has been amazing lately. In case you don't know me, I get on these huge kicks out of no where. Like on anything. I was on a grilled cheese kick when I got down here, and a massive Ho-Ho kick, which I still am.. yummm!!! But I get on other kicks too, my newest is definitely back to music. I used to be a big music person, and now I am back to that. I can't work without music playing. It definitely makes the apartment feel not as lonely.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Because everyone knows when it's quiet you can't exactly help but think. I've been taking a lot of things for granted lately, or at least not appreciating them like I thought I would. I really need to refocus myself, and not get upset at the little things that occur or don't go the way I want them to go. I used to be such a laid back person and go with the flow and then deployments happened. No it isn't an excuse, just an explanation. Things like that change you.

I need to get my pretty little self back to work, hopefully the sun will come out, but according to the weather man we are getting nothing but thunderstorms. Dawg gone it! Happy Hump Day!