Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What a weekend

Saturday was an emotional day for me, not really sure why or what caused it. But it was. We got a storm in, and it was actually the first real storm that we had gotten since we've been here, and I really hate storms. The scare the beegeez out of me. I rather do a hurricane anyday than a thunderstorm. I know, it isn't exactly understandable. Either way, I was pretty emotional. I think it had a lot to do with the week, it was rather long and the puppy has been wanting to be up and about at 5 in the morning, and I'm the primary care for her, since Erik doesn't get home until 4:30 and then just wants to relax and whatnot. So I was dragging, and it's frustrating not getting help during the week. So I basically lost it, all it took was one little short sentence and I lost it.

It's been a challenge for me, not seeing my family and not being able to help with everything going on. It's also been a big pill to swallow not having real friends here. It seems like everyone is 30 and has children, and that's just not where I am in life right now. But back to my family. I've been feeling pretty neglected by them lately, it's just like I move away and I'm gone, don't worry about me type thing. When I left I kept hearing, oh we'll come visit you soon, soon turned into July, and then now September. I get that my parents work and they aren't retired and just can't come and visit whenever and that my youngest brother is still in school. I understand that. But.. I just feel forgotten. My other brother seems to be going through some stuff lately. I'm pretty positive that alcohol has a lot to do with it and I wouldn't be too surprised if there isn't more to the story than just booze. He isn't exactly hanging around real "friends" more or less the type that just want to be his friend because he has a job. I know I wasn't the best role model for him, and I know I did stupid things and wasn't exactly the best person for a little bit. I just woke up one morning and sort of realized what I was doing wasn't me, it was the people around me and I changed that. But it doesn't seem like my brother is going to have that moment. And I'm pretty worried. I want to fix it, but I'm seven hundred miles away. I also know first hand that you can't just make someone change. If he isn't ready to move on and be responsible, it just won't happen. You can't make someone quit doing certain things, especially when those things help 'release' stress and turn day to day activities into, something else. I know he is pushing my parents buttons and I know that he is twenty and can handle his own, but I'm worried it won't end well. I don't think it will and I just want to keep everyone else from the hurt and pain that it is going to cause.

I'm just to the point of not knowing how to handle things, it's been pretty hard on me since we've gotten here. Erik doesn't really understand, because he's been away from his family for extended periods of time. He's used to it so to say. I'm not, and it hurts feeling like your not a priority on your families list. I don't feel like I matter sometimes. I do talk to my mom during the day through email, and I try to call often. But it's like when I do call they are off living their own lives, which is really what they are supposed to be doing. I just don't feel like I'm part of it anymore since I'm so far away. I really want my dog here, she always is such a joy to be around and is the sweetest dog anyone could ask for. I miss her.

I think it's also disappointing that a lot of people I called friends, have disappeared. All except maybe like three or four tops. The weird thing is, is I should of expected it. When Erik deployed, a lot of 'friends' just disappeared, and I found two girls who are amazing, and are military wives. Funny thing is, those are the only two friends who I've actually kept a relationship with, not the friends who I've been friends with since elementary school. It's a little sad, but it's what I expected.

I guess enough of the rambling, I tend to dwell on things, and it really isn't a good thing to do. I probably should make more of an effort to stop. It isn't good for my sanity and it certainly isn't good for Erik's. On a positive aspect, Sunday was a great day. It was nice to just relax and spend time with him. We ended up going to walmart and got a kiddie pool for the puppy, and she absolutely loves it. The best $15 we've ever spent.

Oh, I might also add that if you are in the market for a Steam Cleaner, for the carpet. I used my Hoover SteamVac with clean surge last night, and I plan on doing the entire house this weekend. I absolutely love it. Definitely a great buy. I got it for a steal and it's pretty stinking awesome.

I hope this week goes well for everyone, including myself. We still need to go out to the old apartment and clean it out and return the keys. But other than that, it should be a quite week and weekend. I'm hoping to get a lot cleaned, and decorated since Erik's parents will be here at the end of the month. It's pretty decorated for the most part, but I'm a girl and I like thinks just right. I'll have to post some updated pictures soon.

Happy Tuesday!

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry. Living away from home is def. stinky. We lived in SC for over a year and my family was never able to visit, and even living in va for almost 2 years my mom has been able to visit, but other than that we only get to see family 2ce a year if that :-/ I'm still not used to being away from my family so much and we have been married and living away for over 3 years now. It's a hard adjustment, but if you can try to go home every 5-6 months if at all possible. We tried that when we lived in SC so I could see family at least 2ce a year and it seemed to help alot. Hugs