Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What do I want to do?

October 27, 2010

So lately I've been feeling lost when it comes to schooling, which for me is frustrating. I've always thought I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do career wise. When I was younger, from like 6 or so, to about 16 I wanted to be a vet. Eventually that switched into physical therapy. Even when I was out of school for a little bit, that's what I geared myself towards, during deployment number 1 I basically committed myself to it, started taking classes for that degree and so forth. I've always thought about doing it, and in the military world its so hard finding a career that has a demand for it everywhere, because for us we have to be ready to pick it all up and move. I've always been the type of girl who wanted to contribute to the household, seriously- it's not like the military pays much anyhow...
Lately, I'm so confused about what I want to do, which sucks. I'm still in school, putting myself head over heels in student loan debt to do so, and taking classes specifically for a physical therapy assisting degree. And now.. I just don't know if its what I truly want. I feel stuck. Its like once I have this degree (still another year or so away) whats going to happen if I get into the career field and hate it? What happens then?
I try to talk to Erik about it, and I know he really is trying to help- but I don't think he truly understands that I can't just pick any career I'm interested in and do it. I want a career where I am helping people, when I knew whole heartily that I wanted to be a physical therapist assistant, I wanted to work with war vets. I want a career that I can still have that opportunity with. So we talked about it, and his answer to it was, what is it that you want to do more than anything, and to do it.
Maybe, I'm scared, scared that I won't have that fulfilling career, that it won't be enough to support myself on (because I'm so hard headed and stubborn and hate leaning on anyone for anything- deployments do that to you). But its frustrating- I don't handle blood and guts well - I could not do the nursing thing. I thought about doing pharmacy- but I stink at chemistry. Erik mentioned dental assisting- which I might be able to handle, but I'd rather not spend the whole day in peoples mouths (that's a little gross, sorry). What I'd kill to do more than anything- is do the horseback riding thing. I've ridden since 9, competed, and by no means am I an amazing rider, but I'd love to train horses off the race track, maybe give a few lessons- but that simply isn't possible in the military world, and I've been out of the saddle now for about a year. I'd rather just have that as a past time I guess, because I know I can't make the money I'd want to.
So like I am saying- I'm stuck. I'd love to be in the health care field (its the most secure, economically, and has a demand anywhere) but I can't deal with blood and guts and stink at chemistry. What else is there for me to do?
I wish I knew how to get out of this funk, and how to figure out exactly what it is I want to do. I guess I could always just get a general degree and go back later for something more specific. But what if I never have the opportunity to do that, we all know life happens. I think I multitask pretty well- but what if I never get to go back for something more specific. I love my job now, but I don't want to be stuck with it for the next 30 years.
I guess I have some soul searching to do.. and some big time career research to do.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Boo- Watch.

October 26, 2010

The dreaded words every military (or navy) girlfriend dreads to hear, "Honey, I've got watch friday". Well they finally caught up to Erik since he's been back and he is back on the watch bill. It took about the same amount of time as it did following last years deployment. So now I have to give up the only luxury that the Navy has given us since he has been back, no watches. Oh well. I've gone months without seeing him, whats it matter for a few hours. I guess I can use this time as my girl time? Or just to relax? Enjoy some quiet? Problem is is that I'm home all day long working. Yes, its different I won't have to work, or I can work - the beauty of my job. Either way, I think maybe I will grow to enjoy watch time. Time to myself or time to clean. I've been wanting to start scrapbooking again but just waiting on lovebug to print off pictures from deployment. Or maybe I will just use it for gym time or yoga. I've really been needing to find time to get into the gym. Either way-- the Navy thinks its time to take every waking minute Erik has. I guess its just part of the navy girlfriend lifestyle. So what am I going to do friday night? Hmmm....

Monday, October 25, 2010

Simply Amazinggg.

October 25, 2010

So I had an amazing weekend this past weekend. Everything was pretty much just on a whim- which I love, I love not having plans and just things happening as they come. So Friday we didn't really do much, I worked pretty late. I had a waxing appointment that Erik went with me too (he had the blackberry to occupy him, don't feel too bad) we went to Home Depot afterwords to get some shelves (I've been wanting since July). I simply hate clutter (I think I'm borderline OCD.. but that's another story). We came home.. just relaxed and I studied, the drill died so we couldn't hang the shelves up.

Saturday, I had my anatomy lab (I've missed the past two classes because of being out of town and an ER visit), I did better on my quiz than I expected. They had the cadaver out (one word- stinkyyyy!) but it was pretty neat to see the actual muscle and how they are incorporated, rather than just a flash card. Oh and I got to feel his spine, pretty neat. I got out of class a little early, got some extra studying done. Erik got up and hung up my shelves (they look awesome) and then we headed to Verizon to get him a cell phone. He hasn't had one since he got home from deployment, and well he needed one. So we went in, and he wanted the Droid Incredible (silly boys) and we put my phone on his plan (baby steps, right?) well surprise, since Erik got a Droid, I could get any phone in the store for free (yep, free). Apparently I was already due for an upgrade. Well.. I did it. I got rid of my blackberry (I'm such a crackberry addict) and got the Droid X.
We watched the UFC fight at the house later on, we ordered it to save some money, and watched Brock Lessner get beat (I was in and out of sleep for like an hour).

Sunday was just a nice day of rest and relaxation and reconnecting for us. Which we needed, we went to El Tap for some awesome Mexican and just made the day about us. Which is nice, we get so caught up in school and work that we get into the groove of the daily hustle and bussle that we forget about us and ourselves.

Oh and to top it all off-- I had a kick ass hair weekend. Well, that was the run down of it all. It was just such a great weekend, no stress, and just us, it couldn't of been any more perfect. But that's about it, back to Monday and school and work. But hopefully I won't get lost in it all again.

-Have a great week!

Friday, October 22, 2010

House Hunting Leave...

Well, we got our dates for house hunting leave put in and I'm pretty sure they've accepted it. It looks like we will be heading down to Jacksonville at the beginning of december to start the buying process. Yep, we are buying! It's exciting and nerve wracking all at once, we have a lot of demands for first time home buyers and I just hope we can find a home that will meet all of those demands. A lot of them are just 'wants' but we do have some 'must haves' were we won't buy the house unless it has them. We were looking in the Orange Park area, but there are a ton of foreclosers and I don't want to live in a neighborhood where there arn't any neighbors. Plus they have a stupid CDD fee of like $1,600 a year to live in the newer neighborhoods (which is where we were looking), so I think we are still looking in the Orange Park area but closer towards Flemming Island. We've been online a ton lately just looking at houses, and areas, and schools. But anyways. I'm excited and nervous all in one. We are hopeing, with our fingers and toes crossed that we will find a house in the 10 days we are down there and can have the contract close in March when we move.

So fingers crossed everyone.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Keeneland Races!

Erik decided to be a sweetheart yesterday and took me to the Keeneland Race Track to go see the races. We meet up with his sister Kelli and her husband after we got there. But it was a ton of FUN!

First off, I'll say this.. I have never seen so many different types of outfits in one social event. There was a ton of tailgating going on in the parking lot, which we didn't expect or prepare for. But back to the outfits.. wow! There were people from blue jeans and tshirts, to girls in skimpy little skirts and high, high, heels. It was pretty entertaining watching the girls who couldn't walk in them, try to. There were guys in  bowties, and in suits. The list could go on and on. But it was a great people watching event.

Kelli taught me how to read the program, what the different icons stood for, what stats to look for if you wanted to bet. There is a lot to it, but its fun once you know what to look for. So we picked and didn't bet and watched the race. At the beginning we weren't able to really get good seats, but we got up close to the ring where the race horses and jockeys were and then got right up close to the track for the Stakes race and ended up scoring some front row seats on the track once people left. I was able to take a ton of pictures.

But it was a blast, we even got a little bit of sun. I ended up getting a sweatshirt (because its getting cold, really cold) and I got a tshirt too (you can never have enough tshirts).

I can't wait to come back for the sales, or another race. Hopefully, we'll get to come down for the Derby and I can finally get my big ol Derby hat that I've been wanting for forever.

Now its time for some nice relaxation and good Sunday food.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I have Cabin Fever!

Some of you all may or may not know but I work from home. Yes, there are actually legitimate companies that have remote employees. I love my job, I am so grateful for the flexibility I have with it, and the fact that I can take it with me to Jacksonville when we PCS. But it wasn't until I started this job that I realized Cabin Fever does exist.

Don't get me wrong I love my job. I am grateful to have a job where my boss doesn't send me home in tears 4/5 days a week (my job before this was like that, put up with it for a YEAR). But, sitting in front of the computer working for 4-8 hours a day in your home, does get to you believe it or not. Your in one place, day in and day out, the only time I really do get during my work day is to go to classes or to my bosses house to work. But still- being home almost 24/7 gets aggravating. So you turn on the TV, and after a while that doesn't help. I go and work on the balcony and after a while it gets too hot, or too cold or my laptop dies. I start to find reasons to leave the house, just to get out. But then when your trying to save money- you can't do that too often.

So whats the cure for Cabin Fever? And why does everyone want a job that allows you to work from home? I mean yes, it does have its perks but overall I'd love to have my same job- in an office, I guess people don't think about the lack of socializing you get to have when your at home - like no office gossip. So.. I need to figure out a cure for my cabin fever. I've been wanting to start working out again, and getting back into yoga. Maybe I'll try hitting up the gym a few times a week. There is a starbucks up the road- but they are not very healthy. All I know is that- I need an out, something to do, that breaks my day up, something that helps me get out of the house.


Friday, October 8, 2010

What do you want?

Ever have that friend, you know that friend that calls when they want or need something, and that's only when they call. I'd like to think everyone does.. if not in reality but to make me feel better (just being honest). Well frankly it pisses me off, (not naming names here) but how can someone go around and just only be 'friends' with a person when they need something. It can be anywhere from needing to vent because of boy issues, to wanting to be a roommate just because they don't want to move home, to needing to rub your face in some sort of 'status'. Its bullshit, there I said it, bullshit.
It's like these days, true friendships are overrated, or hard to find. Why is that? Why is it so hard to have those in your life who are positive and who have empathy when your down about something? Even if you can't understand something completely (like military stuff) at least try to see where someone is coming from. Its sad to look back and see those I hung out and those I was good friends with in high school are absolutely no where to be found in my life present day. And the reason for that is because I'm not going to keep those "What do you want?" people in my life. It's amazing what letting go of the negativity can do and just being with people who want to be in your life.

So, here's to getting ride of those people that bring you down, and appreciating those who bring positivity and enjoyment into your life.


Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The pitty me game.

Okay.. so this is more of a frustration that I have. Everyone likes to play the pitty me game. Any where you look, civilian world and all over the military world.. everyone plays the pitty me game. What I mean by pitty me is when people think or assume that they have it so much worse than everyone else does. Like there is no one else who has life harder or tougher than they do. Why is it that everyone tries to compete to see who has 'life' the 'worse'.
It seems like people forget that there is always someone who has things worse than you, and it seems like people also forget that we have things, millions, of things to be thankful for. We have a roof over our head, we have jobs, we have food in the freezer and pantry, we have gas in the car, heck we have our own cars. There are thousands of people who are without, without a home, without food, without a job but they don't seem to complain. And maybe if they do they don't vocalize it as much as everyone else does. Heck I had a girl tell me that she had it harder because she didn't want to be so skinny and wanted to gain weight, well be happy that you have a small framed figure and eat healthy and you'll be fine. Golly! Be happy your not 400 lbs overweight and having health issues!
Now.. in the military world.. it mainly comes to the deployment realm. No matter the branch deployments SUCK but they happen. They arn't the end of the world, they feel like it, but you live and you get through it. No matter how long they are.. everyone has to go through things alone. You have to battle the midnight breakdowns, the car battery dying, the tires going flat, appliances breaking, some people have babies, no matter what you do it and you get through it. So why does everyone feel obligated of playing the pitty me game. We are all guilty of it.. I, myself included. It sucked having to go through 2 deployments in a year and half.. our entire relationship and Erik has been gone for 17 months of it. It SUCKS. But I rather enjoy the time we have now than dwell on the time we had apart. We didn't get R&R and yet I didn't complain about it. We did 6 and 7 months deployment and I was told my deployments were easier because they weren't 12 months long.. and I had hardly any phone communication both deployments. Either way.. they came and they went and they happened. Okay.. I'm rambling.

The point is.. is that someone always has it worse. Someone always is going to have it worse. But instead of boasting and complaining about how bad we have it. Why not appreciate what we do have? Why not appreciate the fact that we have food, and a home, and hot water. It's better to remind yourself that "Hey, we may not of ever had an anniversary together, but we've been able to spend Christmas together every year" Simple things like that that someone else didn't get. Millions went without a christmas last year.. so remember that. Remember that life is about embracing things, and being appreciative NOT dwelling and complaining.

So can people stop with the pitty me game yet? Because truthfull I'm over it.

'I want to put you in a song'

October 6th, 2010
Music. Boy how I love music. The right song can turn your day completely around. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to music. I tend to stick with country music for the most part, but I listen to 'hip-hop' and rock and all those in between. My day can be going to crap.. Erik can be laying on the couch while I clean just irking my nerves something fierce, and you put on the right song.. and everythings great again. It's absolutely amazing what the small things, like music, can do to your mood. It doesn't always work.. you have your bad days when nothing works at all but most of the time it helps. And heck if music can't help my mood.. thats when a nice glass of wine or a strong margarita can surely help it.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Brrr, its gotten cold!

October 5th, 2010

So, I’ve decided to give the ‘blogging’ world a try, more so to try and get my frustrations out in writing rather than taking it out on lovebug. Lately, days have been getting pretty chilly out, and I’m realizing that summer is pretty much long gone.  I love fall, I love having the air conditioner off and the windows wide open. I love the hay rides, pumpkin carving, hot cider, warm apple pies and everything the colder weather brings with it. I am so thankful that lovebug is here to enjoy the colder days with me, that he is here to cuddle with a warm blanket, and to enjoy all the festivities with me.
But I can’t help and be frustrated that summer has slipped through my hands, no more lazy warm days, no more hot sand and cold drinks. I feel like the summer has been completely robbed from me, however, it’s no fault of my own.  Instead of actually enjoying the past months, mainly January until the end of July, I was too busy being busy, too occupied with going, going, going instead of taking a breath and enjoying some of the simple things in life. In other words, I was in my own deployment mode. I was trying to make time go by as fast as possible, I was bound bet and determined to find a fast forward button and get through the 7 months of separation as fast and as sane as possible. Did it work? You bet ya. Would I go back and do it differently? Partially.  I wouldn’t change how fast I felt time was going by. I wouldn’t change the extra classes, the extra shifts, and the goals I set for myself. I wouldn’t change the gym time and some of the friends I made. So I guess that brings me to what I would change. I would have had more fun. Simple as that, I would’ve enjoyed the weather, the winter, spring, and summer. I would have beached it more, relaxed, did some things for myself. I was so intent on fast forwarding the days by, I was so intent on getting to homecoming. And homecoming came, July 28th, this year, and left just as fast as the days before and come and gone.
Don’t get me wrong, I missed the hell out of Erik. I wished he would’ve been here, everyday. I wished he were there when I fell asleep, I wished he was there for Valentine’s Day, for St. Patrick’s Day, for Easter, for our 2nd Anniversary. But he couldn’t be. He swore an Oath to protect our country, and although it wasn’t fair for duty to call him away so soon after being going the year before, duty called. I just wish I had not allowed my ‘fun’ life to slip away while he was gone, I just wish I would have allowed myself to have fun instead of being so hard headed, independent, and such a busy body. Fun doesn’t mean going out, like so many people presume it to be. Fun for me is horseback riding, beaching it, shopping, and getting a little dirty. I wish I would have picked up some outdoor hobbies, like gardening. But I can only say, that next year things will be different, next summer I will garden, I will ride more, I’ll beach it more; this time with my lovebug with me and we’ll be in Jacksonville, FL instead of Virginia Beach.
I guess this is where my frustrations come from, why I get so upset so easily lately. The stress never ends, it was there when he was gone, and it’s still here with him home. I don’t know why I ever thought that stress would just disappear the day the ship pulled back home, it doesn’t. Erik just makes it easier to deal with. Financial stress, school stress, work is a lot less stressful since I have an amazing new job; family stress is still there in full force. So instead of being plane ol stressed out, 24/7, I need to realize that time goes by, never faster than the day before, and never slower than tomorrow. Time is time, no matter what there is still 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and 24 hours in a day.
So with the new chilly weather that has joined us, brining in a new season, I’m going to give myself a new goal. Simply to enjoy the time we have. Enjoy it with friends, family, and of course my lovebug. To stop allowing stress to get me down, stop freaking out when things don’t go right, and just embrace change. Easy enough said than done, but I am going to try.  I really need to be able to sit back, ignore the drama that surrounds me day in and day out, and just relax and enjoy having my better half home again.