Saturday, April 30, 2011

Home Sweet Home!

Things have been extremely busy here the past few days. We finally closed on our home Thursday afternoon and we've been going and going since. We actually brought over a small truck load on Thursday night, and I had the truck on Friday while Erik had duty, basically meaning that he had to work, and I made a truck load to the new house and we've been going since. It's been a lot of work, and pretty stressful. Moving always is stressful. But anyhow, we stayed our first night last night and are pretty much moved in now we just have a little bit more to do but that's about it. After that it's just cleaning the apartment and turning in our keys.

It's pretty surreal, that we are so young, 24 and 22 and are homeowners. What other 22 year old is concerned about property lines, fencing, and HOA rules? To us it seems perfectly natural, but yet I feel as if we are alone in a pool of minivans. I wouldn't trade it for the world though, that's for damn sure. I love our home, and wouldn't change anything about it. I am so looking forward to decorating it and making it ours.

Just wanted to give everyone a quick update of how things are going. Overall, it's been great, I'm pretty beat up overall, bruises everywhere, cuts, I hurt my ankle pretty bad but I'll live, it's definitely worth it to know that our house is becoming a home more and more with every minute that passes.

Have a great rest of the weekend!

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Good to Better to Best

Well I have certainly been feeling a lot better. Not only physically but mentally as well. I've been off of birth control for almost two months now, and I finally feel like I am getting back to my normal, old self. Not only am I like 5 pounds away from what I weighed when I graduated high school and meet Erik, but I also feel a heck of a lot better about the way I look. I know that gaining my self confidence back isn't going to happen overnight, and that it's going to be a slow process. But it's starting and that's what's important to me right now. It's nice to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see, and feel good about how I look. I think there will always be a part of me that will see other girls and compare myself to them, and how they look, and I think that's normal. But what isn't normal is putting myself down for not looking like that. As long as I can remind myself that I, too, am beautiful and I look great too then I think things will go from better to best.

On a separate note, my job is offering the ability to get some certifications with Cisco. Which to me, is really exciting. I always want to be able to not only better myself, but better myself so I can do a better job at my job. Some people might think it's pretty geeky, but I don't. If you worked as a teacher and they made a certification to become better at a grading system, you'd do it right? So - same thing, sort of. It's just nice to have the opportunity to better yourself, and a job that wants their employee's to better themselves. Plus I find this sort of thing interesting. I sort of realize I never really talk about my job, oopps! I work for a company that works hand in hand with other companies to help track their assets and provide maintenance for Cisco products. We have a database system that allows a company to track where they have certain products, and see how many they have at all of their different site's. It's pretty interesting and nifty. I may get a little stir crazy working from home, but I do like my job. It's amazing to be so young and involved with something so big. I will say, it does bother me that when I tell people I work at home, they automatically think it isn't a 'real' job, or that I just sit around on my ass all day on Facebook. No.. not exactly the case. I have deadlines and responsibilities just like every other office job, I have things I have to do, and hours I have to meet and so forth. So yes people it's a real job, stress included.

On a brighter note, in just a few hours we will be official home owners!! Whoo hoo!! I'm so excited and so ready to be in our home and decorate it and make it even more beautiful!

I hope everyone has a great day!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011


"Wishing I was knee deep in the water somewhere"... I love Zack Brown Band and I'd kill to be at the beach rather than working.

On a more serious note, as much as I am enjoying Jacksonville and as much as I am grateful for being here. There are some things that I don't like about this 'adventure'. One the process of starting over in the friend making business. I know, I know I say that a lot. But it is hard being 22 and trying to make friends with people, and having anything in common. Most military affiliated 22 year olds, are married and have babies. Not this girl - so it's a tad bit more difficult. Another thing I don't like, is knowing there are things going on back home and I can't do anything about it.

I know I wasn't the best teenager growing up, I was a pretty good kid until probably 17, I think. At least that's what I am going to go ahead and go with. I just sort of started wanting to go out - normal teenager things. I'd skip school for classes I didn't want to go to - and go to the barn and ride. I didn't get bad until around 18. It started off on normal things, going out clubbing and what not. Your average 18 year old spree - I was in high school still. Any how.. just eventually found my way into the wrong crowd, and the wrong relationship. Thankfully I was grown out of that stage by the time I was 19, about March of 2008. I learned a lot from that bad time, and I really put my family through a lot.

Long story short, I feel like part of the reason my brother is in the spot he is in now is because he had me as a 'role model'. I know, I'm not there telling him to do what he is doing and they are his decisions to make. But I still wish I could be there to fix it, heck I wish I could fix it. Sometimes it's just a bit frustrating being so far away and feeling almost helpless when it comes to family matters.

In happier news, we get the keys to our new home tomorrow and will be doing the closing process. We have our final walk through to make sure everything was fixed at our house and then it's time to sign a ton of papers and we will be home owners! It's really exciting and I can't wait to be in our home and getting settled.

I hope everyone has a great day and I hope where ever you are, its sunny and pretty outside.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Easter Weekend.

I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and a Happy Easter!

Our weekend was a little busy but definitely fun, a much needed weekend that didn't seem like it was gone in the blink of an eye. Our walk through went well Friday, we did a bunch of marking with blue tape of things that need to be taken care of before closing. The guy who did it with us was really nice. I will mention that I am a little frustrated with our realtor (just in case I haven't mentioned it before ) she was really great up until we put in an offer. And then it's like she disappeared. I feel as if that since she knows its our first time buying a home that she should be holding our hand a bit more. Thankfully our Lennar guy, David, is fantastic. He is always so nice and helpful which really makes up for our realtor dropping the ball this past week. Friday night was a lot of fun for me, because for the first time since we moved here I got to get out of the house, without Erik and meet some ladies. Okay, well it wasn't really the first night out without Erik - because I went shopping when he played poker the other night, but it was the first night out for me with other ladies and drinks. It was definitely a lot of fun. The Chillis here does 2 for 1 drinks, which is awesome! So I definitely had some margarita's! I meet a few ladies who were all really nice, I did feel a bit left out since I am the only one that did not have any children and I'm the only one who isn't married, but I was deemed "Common Law" married. Hahaha! Anyways. My wonderful boyfriend came and picked me up and we ended up doing a bit more drinking with his friend at our apartment, and felt like total crap the next morning. Saturday was spent doing a few errands, we ran to the Wax Strip so I could get my eyebrows done and then went to Lowe's and got a clothesline and some plants. We also had to get this tomato contraption since my tomatoes are growing like I'm feeding them steroids, I'm not by the way, but they are HUGE!

Easter Sunday was nice. We went to a church up the road, it was a really big church, and there wasn't enough room. Easter mass is a really big deal, so it was really packed. There were at least a good hundred people standing. That wasn't enjoyable - standing in 6 inch heels for an hour and a half of mass, but it wasn't that bad. We came home and the cooking began. Well technically I started cooking on Saturday evening. I baked the lemon cake and put together my cucumber salad Saturday night. This Easter was my first one away from family and my first one where Erik has been stateside and my first one where I was responsible for dinner. I made an awesome ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumber salad, corn, broccoli casserole, stuffing, rolls, and cake. I also put together our Easter baskets. We invited Erik's friend over and two of the guys from work. It was nice having more people over to distract me from missing our family, I really miss being near my parents and brothers, and the neighbors who have become family to us. You never really appreciate their company until they aren't near by.

I get to start packing this week. I'm not planning on doing a huge amount of packing. But just putting things into boxes and leaving them open. Easy packing. I'm really hoping to get everything over there next weekend, but more than likely I am sure there will be plenty of stuff to move. I don't know, I'm sort of a control freak and kind of want it all done at once so we'll see.

Have a great week and have a great Navy day.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Two H's!

The two H's have been on my mind all night and all day so far... by two H's I mean home and horses!

Today's the day we have our walk through at our new house, and needless to say I am ecstatic! I love going to our house, it always puts me in a great mood and just gives me this sense of being. I know, pretty insane. But it isn't just a house that we are renting, or an apartment. It's our home, ours, no more lease signing, no more wondering if we will be living here a year or even a couple months from now. Nope - this is our home. In case some of you aren't familiar with new construction (don't feel bad! I totally wasn't either until we went under contract, now I'm a total pro! lol jk) this is normally done a week before closing. We meet up with our construction consultant, David and our realtor and probably another head construction guy I'm thinking. They give us each a blue roll of tape and we go through the house and tape anything that is wrong. This includes dirt here, paint drips there, tile is cracked, grout is chipped, edging on the paint on the ceiling, carpet here. Literally, anything, and they fix it before closing day and we move in. Then ten days after wards they come back to see us in our new home, and ask if we have found anything else and they will fix whatever it is we find. And this continues on at the month mark, six month mark, and the eleven month mark. We get an awesome house warranty, that will cover anything the first year and then we get a bumper to bumper warranty on all appliances, AC unit, hvac, water heater.. you get the picture. So it's pretty exciting. Plus since it's done in the middle of the day, I will get a sense of what the noise level is like for when I will be working. and who is home during the day.

We also found out that Erik's sister will be coming to visit us in June and I am pretty excited! I love having people come by, I love seeing family - whether that's his family or mine. I love it. It's nice to have friends and family in your home. Especially when there is only two people there, it gives it a sense of fullness. So I'm pretty excited. Not to mention, it's a great excuse to make sure it's all decorated by then and pretty by then. My mind has been so consumed with decorating and ideas it isn't even funny. I'm constantly thinking about little things to put here and there. Where can I find a good clothesline at? (yes I am being serious! and I'm excited about getting one!) How do I want to decorate our bedroom? How do I want to do the bathroom? And more importantly, why can't my boyfriend seem to remember to ask for pictures from his mom of him and his family and the pictures we took in October of him in his blues. Lol.. I want to have pictures of his family up there, it's an important aspect of his life and I want them up in our house! So.. hopefully he will remember to do it Sunday when it's phone call time. 

A picture of me jumping a few years ago, probably right before I meet Erik, so 2008.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the horse subject. I'm just not really seeing a reason on why I shouldn't go ahead with getting one. I've still been fighting with this 'lost' feeling down here. I haven't really found my niche so to say. I think the reason why I keep going back to the idea, is because one it's one of my biggest loves and passions and because it will give me a sense of belonging and it will allow me to develop friends who aren't military here. That's important to me. I love my military friends, and they always know just what to say and what you need to hear, but I also need civilian friends, especially horse friends. There is just something about having a horrible day and going out to see your horse that really makes it all worth it. Call me crazy, I don't care. It's just this absolutely amazing feeling. Just pure love with no judgement. Okay - sometimes horses give you a little judgement. Like when you tell it to jump this super scary fence and they think your absolutely insane and want to throw a temper tantrum.. but outside of that. They are absolutely loving with no judgement. I know Erik wouldn't mind, heck he would probably spend a lot of time out there with me. I just need to find a place that isn't outrageously priced down here. I still can't get over some of the stupid rules these barns down here have and the stupid prices that go along with them. I don't come from an area that's considered really country, I mean it's Virginia Beach. It just seems like there is more common sense there, and better prices than here. I'm sure I will find something... just need to keep looking a little bit harder.

I hope everyone has a great Navy day!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Whats on my mind..

I want to start off first by saying that I know I am truly lucky for the amazing people and things in my life that I have been blessed with. I am so grateful for my family, Erik, and the amazing friends who've truly stuck by me threw it all. I don't normally write at night, because I try and let my feelings and emotions and thoughts stir, until they stick. I try very hard to think before I speak, or in this case write. But I have the urge to write what is exactly on my mind for one reason or another. So I am going to listen to my gut and write.

I've had several 'friends' on facebook recently write about exciting news going on in their lives. And I am so beyond happy for them. Truly I am, especially the ones who really, really deserve nothing but greatness and all the excitement in the world. I can't help but wallow after all the excitement settles and wonder, when will it be my turn. I can't count how many "Congratulations" that I have posted or given to people, truly meaning it, in the past few months. Many of which were as always complete surprises. But still, I'm often left wondering when is it my time. I know I am so lucky for the wonderful news that we got our house, and I am so grateful to have an amazing man who is home for the first spring in three years.

Maybe it's just my impatience nudging at me. I've always been a pretty impatient person. I'm the type of girl who lives and loves hard. I try my hardest to live life to the fullest and not take things for granted. But I when I love, I love deeply. I tend to do a lot of things pretty faced paced. So I guess it's really just myself being impatient.

I've been hearing more and more lately about marriage, about friends and people I know getting married and having babies. I'm 22 years old. What is every other 22 year old female thinking about? I can only guess college, careers, parties and dates. So why is it that you take some women from ages 18-24 and bring them into the military world. They all are consumed with being married and having babies. But once you leave the 'military' world. Everyone thinks its that 22 is too young. So I don't understand why I think I'm too old to not be married. It'd be nice to have some civilian friends to ground my feet from this insanely fast speed lane I seem to be running in. Everyone around me is running a million miles an hour - because face it its the military life. You don't have time to sit down and wait. Deployments happen. Maybe everyone is trying to make up for lost time, for time that will be lost. Either way... it's driving me insane.

I know full heartly that I am too young to be feeling like an 'Old Maid'. But for some reason or another I do. I feel as if my life is running away and I cant catch up. I'm so thankful for everything I have, for everyone that is in my life. I guess I am just impatient. I want it to be my day, I want to be the girl on everyone's friends list who gets married next. I want to be fortunate enough to belong to someone for the rest of my life. I know that it will not change the way I feel towards Erik, it will not change our relationship one bit whatsoever. I get that completely. I truly do. But for some reason I can't seem to be any more patient about it. I don't know... maybe it's just me being emotional. Maybe it's just me feeling as if I have completely committed myself to him by moving here and leaving behind everything. I can't really say he hasn't committed, because he just bought us the most beautiful home ever. I don't know.. see I can tell I am even being irrational about this whole thing.

Being around this military life just really sucks sometimes to be quiet frank. Everyone else doesn't get married young. I can't really say that for sure, because I've never been out of this military life. I can't imagine how nice it must be to not worry about deployments, to not think about "Wow if we get hitched we can make an extra $400 a month". I don't know, my mind is on a treadmill right now, running a million miles an hour. Just like this life has us all running. I can't make sense of it, or why I feel this way when I know in my right mind I shouldn't be.

I guess I am going to just call it a night and sleep on it. I need to stop letting myself get worked up over peoples senseless comments. I never really was one to let myself get worked up or so butthurt from other peoples remarks. I used to be the girl who was so confident, so sure of everything. And for some reason or another I seem to be loosing that. I wish I wasn't. Life hasn't always been perfect but up until the relationship before Erik I was so sure of it all. So positive in what I wanted to make my life, so sure of who I was, and I was so happy and carefree.

I don't understand why the bad parts, the things you want to forget the most never leave your mind. The hurtful words never do leave you the same person you once were. I would give anything to go back and erase all the hurtful things that were said to me. I wish more than anything he could pay for (excuse my french) all the mind fucking he did. I have no, and I mean absolute zero, tolerance for any type of abuse. I could never understand how women would stay in a relationship with someone who had zero respect for her until I was in that situation. Every person is different and we all come to our senses at different times, if at all. i just wish I could unhear everything I heard. Every hateful statement that degraded me and chipped away at the beautiful, happy person I was. And now I am fighting daily to get that all back. I just want to be who I was before that situation occurred, before I heard all those things. If you ask me, and this is just my experience any amount of physical abuse is better than verbal abuse. Bruises are harder to hide, but they go away. The words filled with hate just eat at you. I know that every mistake I made, every move I made, every wrong turn I took lead me to Erik. I know that I really have been blessed to have meet such a man who would love me for everything I am. I'm beyond lucky.

Well I got way off topic tonight, maybe it was a good thing. I just need to find my old confidence. Before it became all damaged and bruised. I know that one day I will.. I'll be fearless and full of confidence. I will know that I am beautiful without having to hear compliments. One day... and one day might not come soon enough. But it will come. Maybe writing it out is my way to get it back... I'm not sure. But we'll see. I wasn't planning on letting people really 'in' on that part of my life. But then again maybe it's better to have the open book concept of life.

Maybe it really isn't the commitment aspect that's killing me, maybe it's more or less that I feel the need to have the 'security' of marriage is why I am so impatient over it. I think that's why it digs down at my heart so much when it isn't me being the one to announce the 'good news'. But that's going to stop. Starting now... I know Erik will ask me when the time is right. Until then, I'll just be the most loving girlfriend I can be and I will try to slow down in the fast lane that the military has us in.

Oh... Navy. Sometimes I could punch you.

Well... there are always the day's where you just want to punch the Navy right in the kisser. If it's one thing I can count on, it's the good ol' Navy teaching me just how to do everything on my own. Erik has duty on Friday, now normally I don't care... duty days for aviation are a lot different than ship's company duty days. There isn't a boat to sleep on, so they come home because base has it's own firefighters and rescue people - which is really why there are duty days, in case you were wondering. So for us that just means he has another ten hour workday and probably a watch billet to stand that weekend. So normally I could care less... but it isn't just any Friday he has duty on. Nope... it's closing day on our house! So we had to call our awesome realtor and see if she can move it to Thursday instead or Friday afternoon. I'm really hoping it's Thursday because I've already called the cable company to come out on Friday. So if things go like how I would like them to go, I will be moving us Friday. It never seems to fail that something happens for moving day.. outside of the PCS move, Erik's never been around for a move. It's either been a duty weekend at his old command, where they actually had to work all weekend long, or he's been deployed. So it seems like the Navy is either trying to keep me in shape, or just teaching me a lesson. Not to mention, they are moving Erik back to nights. Which doesn't really bother me too much. Just as long as we are out of this darn apartment before they do it. I hate it here, HATE actually probably doesn't justify. Our neighbors are so inconsiderate and loud, and there have been robberies and just ughhhh. So.. as long as we are out of here by that time I'm good as gravy. And then here is the real kicker (thank god we were able to use the fact that we are closing on a house to get out of it!) they tried to send Erik back to Virginia Beach for 8 weeks! Can you believe that?! We just moved from there four weeks ago! That would of sucked - big time!

On another note. My mind has been running ragged with decorating ideas! I can't stop thinking about things I want to do to our new home. Not to mention I am positive Ross and the Home Good's store and Amazon are loving me right now. I want everything to look perfect. Erik's parents are coming to visit at the end of May for memorial day weekend. I know Erik is so excited to see them, and I am really excited about having them visit. I just want to make sure everything looks perfect when they do come. Maybe it's just a southern thing, you are judged on how your home is kept. We as women, all know this or should. And I just want his mom to like everything. I really don't ever want to have the relationship where I don't get along with my inlaws. They are wonderful people, and have done an amazing job in raising Erik, I know he wouldn't be the man he is today without them so I just want to make the best impression on them. I know I've meet them before, and I know I've visited them before. But they've never visited us, so I just want them to know I am a good 'homemaker'. I think one of a women's biggest qualities is how she keeps her home. You can really tell a person's personality by how the house is kept and decorated.

I also wanted to bring up the topic of couponing! It's been a pretty hot and heavy topic since TLC's new show Extreme Couponing came out. I've been clipping coupons since about August. But have gotten a lot better at it. And after doing some adjusting and more exploring recently, I am pretty excited about my next grocery trip. I wanted to share some of my tips to help you (if anyone is there) save some money too!
  • Make a menu for the month (or whatever time duration you go shopping for). If you make a menu and list out all the ingredients for the meal, you won't have to make as many last minute stops at the corner store to pick up the missing pieces. Plus if you have a menu, you won't have to wonder up and down the aisle thinking about what you can make for dinner - you've already done it!
  • Don't go hungry! Bad, very, very bad idea. Your hungry, you either pick up a ton of food and spend more than you want, or you get in a bad mood because the lady in front of you won't move it fast enough so you can get in and out and your bound to forget something.
  • Check out they have free printable coupons. You have to download the printer app, but hey it works and the quality is great!
  • Pick up the Sunday paper and sign up for RedPlum coupons to be delivered to your mailbox for free. Most Sunday coupons are pretty good, and there are always a lot. - Plus I've noticed these don't limit you to one coupon per purchase, so you can stock up! Some places I've heard give away the extra Sunday papers on Monday - so extra coupons!
  • Take your menu and go through your coupons, pull out the ones you will definitely use and the ones you need to use before they expire. Bring your whole coupon book with you - you never know what will be a 'surprise' sale item and you don't want to be upset when you left your book at home and realize you could of saved even more
  • Check out this site that I literally just found! She has a list of items on sale and coupons that go with them!
  • Also, Check out the commissary's website to see whats on sale - I've noticed if you go in between pay periods they have more on sale, but I could be wrong.
I hope I was able to help some of you wonderful ladies to save some extra money. While I am very grateful for the paychecks that the Navy provides us with, we all know it never is enough. And its nothing compared to some of the salaries some civilians make. But by couponing, we can help save some money! :)

Have a Great Navy Day and Happy Hump Day!

Monday, April 18, 2011


Two posts in one day?! Wow! Lol.

I'm feeling very lucky right now. I am so grateful to have the life I have, and have the friends and family that I have been blessed with. Moving to J-ville (yes my nickname for Jacksonville, good huh?!)  was the best decision I have ever made. When Erik asked me two years ago if I would move with him to his next duty station, my reply was, "I'll follow you anywhere." Without a doubt, and without thinking for a split second. And I meant it. Did I question it during the move? Yes. Did I wonder if I was doing the right thing, if I would be okay without friends and family near me? Yes. Am I glad I went anyway? You bet your ass.

I think so many military significant others get caught up (including myself) in the whole, "poor poor me" train of thinking. A lot of women, complain about being so far away from home, not having friends, not having family near by, not knowing where they are at, not having a life. You name it. We complain about it. Duty nights, watch billets, deployments, underways. You get the picture. I'm not saying I'm any better than anyone else, lord only knows how much I complain. I complained about probably everything I just named, excluding watches and duty days. We get caught up in the negative that we forget the positive. I mean I got the chance to pack up everything and move 700 miles away and start over, fresh. With the one person who loves me more than anything, the one person I want standing by my side for the rest of my life. I got to start over. Move away from all the hometown drama, all the horrible memories that I have there. Not many people get the opportunity and chance that I have.

Honestly, how many couples can say that they get that one moment to fall in love all over again? Not many.

How many civilians can say that they've had this moment?

 Nothing can compare to the pride and the joy and the absolute love that I have for this man. I am so beyond lucky that I have been blessed with someone who loves me. I am so lucky that I get the opportunity to live somewhere new, and meet new people from all over the country. I get to explore new area's and heck if I get pulled over, I can just throw out the "Sorry Officer, I'm not from here and I just don't know where I am going" . I think it becomes so easy to dwell on the negative, the drawbacks from this life. Not everything is grand and sugar coated. But that's life, no matter what. And no, being military affiliated doesn't mean that I am so much better than the next person. We are ALL everyday normal people. Just because of the job our loved one does does not mean we are better than the next person. Our men chose to enlist. No one made them, it's their job to get deployed. We chose to support them. That's all. Do we deserve a reward for it - no. We only chose to support them because we love them, heck if Erik worked at WalMart I'd still support him because that's what someone does for someone they love.

But back to the point of this post. I am truly lucky. I have an amazing man, who loves me with all of his heart. Someone who chose me, little me, to fall madly in love with and to take with him when he moved. He didn't have to by any means. I could still be sitting in Virginia Beach, but no I am sitting in sunny, beautiful Jacksonville Florida excited over the home he just bought us. I have an amazing job that I can take with me no matter where we get transferred to.

It's so easy to think about all the 'bad' things in your life. Stop. Think about all the amazing things you have to be thankful for, think about everything you have. I couldn't imagine 3 years ago, or heck even as a little girl that I would be as lucky as I am today. I have the one thing that no one can take away from me, the one person who loves me for everything I am and everything I'm not. I am so thankful to have Erik in my life. I am so thankful to be in Jacksonville. I am so thankful to have friends and family and people who care about my happiness.

Maybe this is more or less a mushy gushy post. But whatever. So be it. The point I am trying to get at is to be thankful for everything you have, for everything you don't and for all the experiences you will and have had. Instead of thinking about how horrible the military life is, think about everything it's given you.

News and thoughts!

We have a home!!!

And the kitchen is beautiful!!

So, I didn't want to really say anything, until Erik felt comfortable saying anything. House hunting as been up and down for us, just when we thought we'd find the one and put in an offer it wouldn't get accepted. Well our Realtor really did a great job and found us our home! It's a brand new house, meaning it's new construction. It's in a really great neighborhood that's called Oakleaf Plantation. And it's just really exciting! Knowing it's ours, and that not one single person has lived in it besides us is amazing. It's so exciting to know that this is our home, and we get to grow and love in it. It's just a really amazing feeling. We close on it April 29th and will for sure be moving in that weekend. We do still have a month left at the apartment, but what's the point in staying when we don't like it here, and have our own home to live in! We haven't really meet any of our neighbors yet, so hopefully we have nice neighbors! But that's the big news and I just wanted to share my excitement with everyone!

On another note, Erik and I have started (my idea) the 'Love Dare' it's a book from Fireproof, I've never seen the movie so I wouldn't really know much about it, I just heard about it through the grapevine. But I thought why not. We don't have relationship issues, which is why most people use the book, but I wanted to just explore our relationship and strengthen it - because there is always room to strengthen it. And so far we are on Day 7. It's pretty neat, although we are only a week into it. I can definitely tell that it's doing something. What, I'm not quite sure. 

This weekend was nice. Friday night Erik went and played poker with some guy's and I stayed over in the Orange Park area, mainly the main road since I was too worried to explore further, and did a little shopping. I got some great deals from Ross, ended up scoring an 8 piece dinner set for only $30. I love bargain shopping, I am the first one to admit it. I rather find a great buy on sale for cheap than spend the money outright on it and pay full price. Not this girl. We went to some consignment shops in the higher end area on Saturday just to see what we could find. We didn't get anything, but did find a bed for the second guest bedroom. We decided to wait on it, there isn't a point in buying anything now just for it to sit at the house, it can wait until we get moved in there. No need to rush on it. We went out to our home and took a bunch of pictures of it that afternoon. It was so nice and exciting to be able to share it with everyone. Then we went out to a barn to check it out, for boarding and what not. And just came home and relaxed. Sunday was nice, we ended up going to an auction with two of Erik's friends where Erik bought 2 more guns and then went to the beach for a little bit. It was too chilly (and yes, 70 is a little chilly for me to be at the beach it's been in the 80's for the past few weeks) and just came home and relaxed and hung out. Oh! Almost forgot, we watched the Social Network finally, the movie about Facebook! I'm a total facebook whore, it's addicting. Lol! But it definitely was neat to see how it was created, and the story behind it. It was almost sad that they attacked him. I mean really, you come up with a dating idea to get you laid and then someone gets the brilliant idea to turn it into something so much bigger. Don't be jealous. Just because someone is straightforward and blankly honest doesn't make him an asshole. It makes him honest. Some people just don't handle honesty that well.

But it's Monday, again. And this week probably will fly by pretty fast. We have a walk through on our home on Friday, where we go around and mark any little thing that is wrong with the house. Like the door paint is chipped here, or there is a mark there. Anything, and they will fix it before closing on the following Friday! I hope everyone has an awesome week, and try to make the best out of everyday your given!

-On a side note I wanted to add, if you do follow me and know me in real life please keep what you read to yourself. Don't walk up to myself or Erik and just start talking about what you 'read'. I use this as an outlet. To get things off of my chest and off of my mind. And it can be anything I am thinking that I write about. Keep it private please. Yes I get that it's on the Internet for the whole world to see. But that doesn't mean I want to talk about certain things with people. Like I said, this is just my out. So please be respectful of that.

Friday, April 15, 2011

My little pitty party

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately to be quite honest. I don't know if its my 'girly time' emotions messing with my head, or what but things haven't been easy. I feel so alone here. Let me elaborate just a bit so you (if there's anyone even reading this) can understand. Erik goes to work at 5:30am. Now I am just the worst girlfriend in the world because I do not get up to cook him breakfast and kiss him goodbye. Nope, my sleepy rear end stays in bed, asleep. I used to get up when he had to be at work and then go back to bed.. then I guess life just happened. I have my own routine. But anyways, so he kisses me goodbye and I sleep. I wake up, alone. I work, alone. He gets home in the evening, usually by 5. Dinner's done by then, I have to cook dinner, or else I would be disowned by the girlfriend committee (kidding! sarcasm people!) we eat, he gets on his computer to unwind or watches tv and then its bed time... hit repeat. So.. my day is spent completely alone. And yes, it's starting to get to me. I won't lie about it.

Everyone here seems to be involved in their own little world. Everyone already has their 'bff' or group of friends. Mom's have play dates (and there are TONS of babies here! - so does NOT help my baby fever whatsoever!) and then the others have girls nights and what not. Erik's made friends with guys at his command and has gone out, and is going out tonight with them. Which I totally don't care about - truly I don't. I want him to go out and have some friends and enjoy being a guy. Everyone at his shop is either single, or married with kids. If you don't know the military world - everyone is married with kids - even 19 year old kids. So do I hate to say this - no - I don't need more mom friends. I have two amazing friends who are mom's... and I love them dearly. But I need someone who is on my page. Someone who doesn't have kids yet. It's so hard to just jump in and find your place, and be like "Hey I'm here!!". Maybe I am being a whiny baby about this. But you know what, I just don't care. I know things could be a million times worse, and I should be so happy that it's shore duty - and I am! But It would just be nice to have a few friends. I've never had good experiences with 'groups' of girlfriends.. it never ends well. Too many girls equals too much estrogen and cat fights and drama. And I just don't need that right now.

Being alone all day long, gets lonely. I start thinking, well I could get a puppy and then I remember I have a puppy, she just isn't here right now. Then I start thinking... well we could do the baby thing. Then I remember, 'oh yeah... I'm not even married yet!' . I guess I am just throwing my own pitty party... but whatever. Its my right.

On another note, I am getting really excited about decorating our new home. I keep coming up with cute do it yourself decorations and ideas and things to do. New ways to arrange furniture and new ways to make it ours. It's definitely a really exciting experience. It's going to be a lot of fun, making it our home and just growing in it.

I keep thinking more and more about the horse 'thing'. I really keep thinking it's a thing I need to do. It'll give me a place to go and get out, and make non military friends, because although it's nice having friends involved with the military. It'd be nice to find friends that I can escape that world from. Plus, there is nothing and I mean nothing that can improve my day like a horse can. I know it's pricey. I was able to find a sweet lady who has a farm 10- 15 minutes away from my new home that can board my horse there and let me work off part of the board. It'll just give me that outlet that I am looking for. As much as I don't want to admit it, I really don't for see anything changing that would make it a challenge to get out to the barn. I know I need to finish up my last semester that I have in school - but other than that. It's just work all day, alone. I don't know what I am going to do... but I do know this has got to change, because I can't deal with this alone thing all the time any more...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

College and the future

There's this place you go to umm.. learn, I guess get like this 'education' everyone is always talking about. There's always homework and these things called 'tests'. Whats it called.... oh yeah! College! I thought I would be missing it, I mean I did finish up my semester in 8 weeks before the move, but I've been going and going and going since 2009. So I thought I would be missing it like crazy, well... sadly I'm just not. I am planning on going up to my new college and seeing just what I need to get done to get my diploma. I still am not really sure what it is I want to do career wise. I've thought a lot about teaching, and it's definitely something I want to look into. Either way, I just want to make sure that no matter what career path I choose that I enjoy it, and I will be good at it. More importantly, I do know that I need to finish up whatever it is, fast. I can't afford to stay in college much longer, and I don't want to take out any more student loans, especially now that the government is controlling it all now. Not to mention, I am considered out of state for the next year. So honestly, I know that once the last few months of my GI Bill are up, I can't go back until I qualify for instate, and some grants/financial aid or scholarships of some sort. It's sad, that I have to put my education on hold because of finances, but its a reality that not just me, but a lot of other students face as well.

How does a person decide what they want to do for the rest of their life? I mean, I want to love my career and enjoy it. I'm not concerned about pay to be quiet truthful. I've never made a significant amount of money at a job, and I've always managed. Plus enjoying what I do is so much more rewarding then having a six figure salary. On top of wanting to enjoy my career, being military and now that Erik is talking about staying in for 20 years because of the economy, I need to be able to have a career in a field that always has a job demand, so I can find a career no matter where we get stationed to. Not to mention once he does get out a career that can help support us where we aren't having to ever think about living paycheck to paycheck. I refuse to be that family. Just a lot of thinking to do. I'm always thinking about everything. Sometimes I think my brain doesn't ever rest.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Thinking out loud..

On the note of homesickness - I miss my friends being close by. I miss going out with them and yes in a way escaping the daily life and 'housewife duties'. I miss being able to go out for margarita's and laughter and girl talk. I like Florida - and I don't want people to think that I don't. I do, its so nice here and there is always something to do. Maybe its because it's new and an adventure. I just hope I am able to make some honest friends here, I don't need any more and I won't have any Navy wife drama. That is too annoying, and way to draining.

On a lighter note, things seem to be going well in the house hunting world. I don't want to jinx anything just yet. But hopefully soon I can share.

I've been debating back and forth and back and forth whether or not it's smart of me to take on horse ownership. I want to more than anything, it's the most rewarding thing ever and it will be great to make some riding friends and what not. However, I just wonder whether or not it's financially smart or not. If you don't know, horses and the sport of riding is expensive. It adds up pretty quickly. Just trying to weigh my options. There are a lot of things to think about, the cost of board, the cost of tack, vet bills, farrier bills, and clothing/boots. It gets expensive fast, and I know its worth it, I just wonder if it is financially smart. If I were to do this I wouldn't have any room for spending/shopping, and fun money. I am pretty comfortable, I am able to pay my bills and have money for savings. I am pretty lucky regarding my car payment, as my parents have saved up all of the money I received from the VA and are using that to pay for it. But I do know in the future I will have to pay for it. Whether or not Erik and I are married by then or not. I want to know full well that the money I am bringing in is enough to pay for everything that I have expenses for. I want to make sure that any expense I take on won't financially be a burden down the road - especially with taking on home ownership and everything else. I just want to make sure I make the right choice. Thinking, thinking, and thinking and pricing everything out before making a choice.

I hope everyone has a great sunday, and a wonderful week!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Homesickness Strikes

Wow, it's been almost a month of living in Jacksonville. I thought I was doing great, I wasn't really missing home and I've been enjoying this adventure we are on. But holy hell did it hit me out of the blue. I guess I haven't really been letting myself feel much of anything the past few days, I've had a bit of an attitude because this house hunting thing is frustrating. We didn't get the house that we were hoping to, and now its crunch time and I am a bit freaked.

Woke up this morning, and it hit me. I miss my home. I miss knowing where I am at, having my mommy there when everything goes wrong. I miss my friends, I miss my freaking doctor! I miss everything. I don't know how to get past this. I know I don't have the money to go home every chance I can. I'm trying so hard to put on this strong face, to just get through it. Make the best of every situation, enjoy my new surroundings. Trying to just be the military spouse and keep on truckin'. But honestly, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I just miss home.

Top that off, this house hunting thing has been rough on us. Every house we find that we love something goes wrong, the first one we weren't ready to spend that much money on it, and it would of been a huge gamble. The second one they didn't accept our offer, but accepted someone elses. Now every house we find online we like our realtor tells us its a short sale. I get frustrated because I feel like I am doing her job, and I don't feel like she is working hard enough for us - but part of me knows that it's because I'm so frustrated and freaked out. We have to be under contract on a house in 21 days in order to qualify for the tax credit, not to mention we already gave our apartment complex our 60 day notice and have to be closed on something by May 25th - because you don't get the keys when you close, you get them 3 days later and we have to be moved out by May 31st. Just really stressful right now, and I'm just not excited about it any more. I just want this done and over with.

I also worry sometimes. I am a pretty open book person, and I express myself freely and openly. I'm honest and pretty blunt sometimes. I question a lot of things, just sort of my nature. But I worry that because I am so open, even at my weakest moments, that people might take me for being weak and vulnerable. I'm not. I have my moments where I am, I have my moments where I just cry and I am emotional. But I am pretty kickass about being strong. And most of the time I am. I stand up for myself. I just don't want people to get the wrong impression of me, I'm not this scared little girl who cries all the time. I'm determined, strong willed, and extremely opinionated. I just get a little worried sometimes about being down here, without having family nearby and what not. I know I'll be fine, just having a bad day I guess.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


So something has been on my mind for a while, and while I still can't completely wrap my head around how or why this has happened, I'm going to try.

Our society, has created this vision of a perfect woman, utter perfection that seems to have many women trying to live up to that standard, including myself. But that standard is just simply unreachable. It's obtained by piecing together these legs, with her boobs, and her slim waist, and her defined collarbone, and her lips. It's like piecing together a puzzle with pieces from five or six different puzzles. You don't get the beautiful picture that once was, instead you get a blurry vision. Which is exactly what society has created. We, as women, seem to forget that we are individuals and are indiviudually perfect in our own ways. But too many women forget that. Not putting us down as females, because I do it too. We see those pictures all over magazine's, of the airbrushed perfect model. We read articles from Cosmo, on how to be more sexy, how to please our men. Not once, how to make yourself happy, or how to please ourselves (no, not just sexually!). We see those articles, how to get the perfect legs, butt, ab's, have Jennifer Aniston's arms. It's insane how long I can go on about this. This is only part of the way society tries to create the 'perfect' women. Only to plaster her on a tabloid and have thousands of people tell her she is too fat. And we get wrapped up in it. If she is too fat than that means I must be a cow! So we go out, invest in gym memberships not for the health benefits but to be skinnier, smaller, to have the perfect well.. everything. Some invest in diet pills, some starve themselves. We need to treat ourselves better than this. I'd much rather see a REAL woman on a magazine cover, than someone famous. After all those celebrities already have all the money they need, and all the plastic surgery to make them smaller, and well more 'perfect'. Sadly it seems like it's a never ending cycle. I don't know when it started, and I'm sure women have always been competing to be skinnier, smaller, prettier than the next woman for years and centuries before us. What happened to being the best, mother, daughter, friend you can be? It's like we lost ourselves in trying to become perfect. Instead of knowing our beauty, and having self confidence we thrive off of compliments. And if we don't recieve them, or hear what it is that we want to hear our self confidence plunges and we are back in the gym, back on the diet to hear what it is we want to hear.

We lose ourselves in this battle. The battle of trying to be perfect, trying to be the best, trying to be the prettiest. Girls are going out, as teenagers and getting breast implants, and liposuction! What on earth has it come to? Actors are there to act, not to be the vision of what you want to look like. I can fully understand the make up tips, and the hair ideas, and the outfit ideas that magazine's put out. That makes sense, we all like to be fashionable, but our own way of fashionable and we all like to play with our 'regular' makeup. But this whole, I am going to go through all of these plastic surgeries to look like this famous person, that's over the top. But yet, MTV glamerized it and made a television show regarding it. It isn't all it's cracked up to be people.

But yet, we keep on truckin', trying to become 'perfect'. We put ourselves down everytime we look in the mirror, and see just a smidgen of a belly pudge. We notice when our men look at other women, and think "well maybe if my boobs were as big as her's, he'd love me more". We know men watch porn, and instead of just thinking of them as glamorized sluts, we think "maybe he'd be more pleased if I acted like that in bed" or "Well maybe if I looked like her.. ". What is going on!?! This is crazy.. and yet there is no stopping it! What about what makes us happy? What about simply just trying to live a healthy and happy lifestyle? I can only wish, that women, including myself, will start loving themselves and loving who they are and the way they look and the way god made them.

I know this post won't go anywhere, maybe Pink's new song, "Perfect" might..

"Pretty, pretty, please don't you ever, ever feel like your less than perfect"

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Pet Peeves and the waiting game...

Everyone has pet peeves, those things that just get under your skin and push your buttons. Most of them are common sense things and then we all have the little OCD pet peeves.

Something that really bothers me is when people try to give opinions/advice/wisdom/suggestions/input whathave you, they give their 2 cents on something they know absolutely nothing about, or just very minor things regarding it. For instance, and no I'm not trying to branch hate, just hear me out. First off I will state, that every branch has minor things that are different about them. For instance (from what I know, not that it is neccessarly true or not) the Army and National Guard only deploys during wartime, while the Navy and Marines deploys constantly. But what gets me, is when someone who lives the military life part time, National Guard, reservists and so forth, is when their significant other seems to have this opinion on everything, that yet she might not even fully understand. For example, first off no one and I mean NO one should ever tell another spouse that she has it easier than the next person, like the whole "well your significant other is on a ship, at least he isn't boots on ground like mine is" that's a whole other pet peeve. But what I am getting at, is mainly don't give your input about something you don't know about. For instance, don't tell me a $30 pay increase won't be noticed. Just because you and your significant other have two incomes outside of the military world doesn't mean you could understand how $30 makes a difference. Yes it's nice to have the things we do have, such as housing, food allowance, and a lower health insurance payment than many others do. But that's simply because if you were to factor out housing and food allowance, no one would be able to live off of that money and not be waist deep in debt. It also doesn't help when everyone gets their panties in a bunch before they read something from a legitimate source, or the action is really going to happen. Instead they see the posts about it on Facebook and "Poof!" There panties are all wadded up in a bunch over something they know next to nothing about. It really irritates me, if you haven't lived this life as a child or as a spouse 24/7 then don't pass judgement. Regardless no one should pass judgement on a person if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

But on a brighter subject. If we don't hear anything back by Thursday about the house we put an offer in on we will start looking at other homes again. We put in our 60 day notice for our apartment and have to be out by May 31st so we are in a time crunch, and hopefully will be closed on something by May 16th. I really love this house, I just hope we can get it. If not there is a reason for it and there is something better out there. This house buying stuff is certainly an adventure and a long drawn out waiting game.. so it should get along great with the Navy's motto "Hurry up and wait"!

Monday, April 4, 2011

What a weekend.

So lovebug and I had a great weekend, maybe I'm a bit partial because it was for the most part things I wanted to do. Saturday we went to Saint Augustine. It's a pretty neat little place. We went to the historic part, they had this mile long road that was for people to walk on, it had a bunch of cute little stores you can wander into. There was a lot of history there, we went to this Fort and it was pretty neat. They did a cannon demonstration which was cool. There was also an old cathedral there, we didn't get to go inside because something was going on in there. But it was beautiful and I can't wait to go back. We stopped by the outlet mall, which wasn't too impressive. I did get a new purse from the Coach store, (I know, I know BAD me!) and the kitchen store had our hanging produce basket and the pinch bowels I've been needing. We stopped by a sporting goods store called Gander Mountain. I feel in love with this ruger 22-10 rifle. Which is pretty bad ass. As soon as I get my Drivers License for Florida, which should hopefully be today, I will be getting a 22 rifle, probably a Remington 597 with pink mossy oak camo :) It's pretty bad ass, and it has these fiber optic sights on them too! So hopefully it will be here soon. We ate a yummy dinner at Longhorn, and I even got Erik to take me to Home Goods! Which I totally love, love love!! I think I buy more for decorating than anything else. I just love it, I love making our home look pretty.
We went to the mall on Sunday since I needed to get some summer clothes, I'm pretty hard on my summer clothes and almost always need more! And then ventured over to Erik's friends house and cooked out with them.

I did learn some things this weekend, surprise! I've learned that, I need to slow down and enjoy the smaller things in life. That I can't always control everything, nor should I. Life has better plans for me than what I believe, and maybe I should just enjoy the ride rather than try to drive and navigate and everything else that I try to control. I don't always do the right thing, say the right thing, or even have a clue of which direction I am heading but I'm damn sure I'm right. I need to just relax, let the small things go and just enjoy being with the people who are in my life.
I also learned, that not everyone is going to like you and vise versa. And it isn't always appropriate to voice your opinions of anything. Certain situations are obviously okay, but sometimes the best thing to do is bite your tongue, put on a smile and just let it go. Or at least let it go until you are out of ear shot, or heck out of the same place as the other person who is bothering you. We were all created different, because heck life would be pretty boring if we were all like one another, I know I am pretty awesome but I wouldn't want a million other me's here. So either embrace it, or just bite your tongue and let it all out later. You never really know how far nice goes. You might never know, weather it's making life a little bit easier for your better half, or maybe tolerating a person for the sake of a friendship, or even just being nice to the people on the other end of the customer service line might go. You catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar. And that's a saying to live with.