Friday, April 8, 2011

Homesickness Strikes

Wow, it's been almost a month of living in Jacksonville. I thought I was doing great, I wasn't really missing home and I've been enjoying this adventure we are on. But holy hell did it hit me out of the blue. I guess I haven't really been letting myself feel much of anything the past few days, I've had a bit of an attitude because this house hunting thing is frustrating. We didn't get the house that we were hoping to, and now its crunch time and I am a bit freaked.

Woke up this morning, and it hit me. I miss my home. I miss knowing where I am at, having my mommy there when everything goes wrong. I miss my friends, I miss my freaking doctor! I miss everything. I don't know how to get past this. I know I don't have the money to go home every chance I can. I'm trying so hard to put on this strong face, to just get through it. Make the best of every situation, enjoy my new surroundings. Trying to just be the military spouse and keep on truckin'. But honestly, I just want to curl up into a ball and cry. I just miss home.

Top that off, this house hunting thing has been rough on us. Every house we find that we love something goes wrong, the first one we weren't ready to spend that much money on it, and it would of been a huge gamble. The second one they didn't accept our offer, but accepted someone elses. Now every house we find online we like our realtor tells us its a short sale. I get frustrated because I feel like I am doing her job, and I don't feel like she is working hard enough for us - but part of me knows that it's because I'm so frustrated and freaked out. We have to be under contract on a house in 21 days in order to qualify for the tax credit, not to mention we already gave our apartment complex our 60 day notice and have to be closed on something by May 25th - because you don't get the keys when you close, you get them 3 days later and we have to be moved out by May 31st. Just really stressful right now, and I'm just not excited about it any more. I just want this done and over with.

I also worry sometimes. I am a pretty open book person, and I express myself freely and openly. I'm honest and pretty blunt sometimes. I question a lot of things, just sort of my nature. But I worry that because I am so open, even at my weakest moments, that people might take me for being weak and vulnerable. I'm not. I have my moments where I am, I have my moments where I just cry and I am emotional. But I am pretty kickass about being strong. And most of the time I am. I stand up for myself. I just don't want people to get the wrong impression of me, I'm not this scared little girl who cries all the time. I'm determined, strong willed, and extremely opinionated. I just get a little worried sometimes about being down here, without having family nearby and what not. I know I'll be fine, just having a bad day I guess.

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