Friday, April 15, 2011

My little pitty party

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately to be quite honest. I don't know if its my 'girly time' emotions messing with my head, or what but things haven't been easy. I feel so alone here. Let me elaborate just a bit so you (if there's anyone even reading this) can understand. Erik goes to work at 5:30am. Now I am just the worst girlfriend in the world because I do not get up to cook him breakfast and kiss him goodbye. Nope, my sleepy rear end stays in bed, asleep. I used to get up when he had to be at work and then go back to bed.. then I guess life just happened. I have my own routine. But anyways, so he kisses me goodbye and I sleep. I wake up, alone. I work, alone. He gets home in the evening, usually by 5. Dinner's done by then, I have to cook dinner, or else I would be disowned by the girlfriend committee (kidding! sarcasm people!) we eat, he gets on his computer to unwind or watches tv and then its bed time... hit repeat. So.. my day is spent completely alone. And yes, it's starting to get to me. I won't lie about it.

Everyone here seems to be involved in their own little world. Everyone already has their 'bff' or group of friends. Mom's have play dates (and there are TONS of babies here! - so does NOT help my baby fever whatsoever!) and then the others have girls nights and what not. Erik's made friends with guys at his command and has gone out, and is going out tonight with them. Which I totally don't care about - truly I don't. I want him to go out and have some friends and enjoy being a guy. Everyone at his shop is either single, or married with kids. If you don't know the military world - everyone is married with kids - even 19 year old kids. So do I hate to say this - no - I don't need more mom friends. I have two amazing friends who are mom's... and I love them dearly. But I need someone who is on my page. Someone who doesn't have kids yet. It's so hard to just jump in and find your place, and be like "Hey I'm here!!". Maybe I am being a whiny baby about this. But you know what, I just don't care. I know things could be a million times worse, and I should be so happy that it's shore duty - and I am! But It would just be nice to have a few friends. I've never had good experiences with 'groups' of girlfriends.. it never ends well. Too many girls equals too much estrogen and cat fights and drama. And I just don't need that right now.

Being alone all day long, gets lonely. I start thinking, well I could get a puppy and then I remember I have a puppy, she just isn't here right now. Then I start thinking... well we could do the baby thing. Then I remember, 'oh yeah... I'm not even married yet!' . I guess I am just throwing my own pitty party... but whatever. Its my right.

On another note, I am getting really excited about decorating our new home. I keep coming up with cute do it yourself decorations and ideas and things to do. New ways to arrange furniture and new ways to make it ours. It's definitely a really exciting experience. It's going to be a lot of fun, making it our home and just growing in it.

I keep thinking more and more about the horse 'thing'. I really keep thinking it's a thing I need to do. It'll give me a place to go and get out, and make non military friends, because although it's nice having friends involved with the military. It'd be nice to find friends that I can escape that world from. Plus, there is nothing and I mean nothing that can improve my day like a horse can. I know it's pricey. I was able to find a sweet lady who has a farm 10- 15 minutes away from my new home that can board my horse there and let me work off part of the board. It'll just give me that outlet that I am looking for. As much as I don't want to admit it, I really don't for see anything changing that would make it a challenge to get out to the barn. I know I need to finish up my last semester that I have in school - but other than that. It's just work all day, alone. I don't know what I am going to do... but I do know this has got to change, because I can't deal with this alone thing all the time any more...

1 comment:

  1. I wished we lived closer! I can totally relate to you on so many things. I will be in the same boat when I move next month. My bf will be working all day while I stay home to do school work and what not. Eventually I will want to work part time but with school I do no want to pick up a lot of hours. I know I will be lonely, especially because he works one weekend a month on top of 5 days a week. I am so worried I will have no one in VA but rob.