Life Recently.

I recently made a trip to Chicago for work, it was pretty jammed packed full of meetings and work. I was ridiculously nervous about leaving the boys, but I put on my big girl panties and dove in. I wasn’t gone two full days and Erik was able to take leave to be home for the time I was away, so thankfully I didn’t have to worry about the boys being with anyone else since I hadn’t done that until after my trip. Erik was truly wonderful and was a rockstar Dad. I didn’t have hardly any time to really digest that I was gone, I was so busy from the moment I got off of my flight to the moment I got on my flight. The flight home was insane, we literally were almost canceled and Erik had to arrange to have emergency leave added to his current leave at 11 at night just in case I was canceled. Thank god I have the most amazing friend ever who still picked me up from the airport at 2am.

I think overall the trip was good for me. Really and truly, it gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to really motivate me to be the best me I can be. It reminded me that although I am H&L’s Mommy, but I am still Anne. I do admit it was pretty nice to get up, shower, and wear makeup and nice clothes that weren’t ruined by the end of the day.

I’ve felt a little more at ease in my role as mom since returning home, Erik and I finally went on our first date on our 2^nd wedding anniversary since the boys were born. I’ve learned to try and let go of the control that I feel like I have to have on everything. I’m really hoping to start to try and wean off of my Zoloft here soon and get back to normal on my own. I’ve tried before three times now, with no luck, so I’m just waiting for life to get a little less stressful before I give it another go round.

I’ve recently gotten really into crafting. I’ve made a few things for my sister-in-laws baby shower at the end of the month, as well as a few gifts for her little boy too. I’ll have to share a few pictures after her shower to show off my skills. For someone who didn’t know how to sew hardly a straight line three months ago, I’ve come a pretty long way! It’s definitely really relaxing and it gives me something to look forward to at the end of the night as well.

Hayden and Liam had their 15 month appointment mid last month, and are doing great. They were 22.6 and 23.2 lbs and were 30 inches. They are officially scouring the walls climbing everywhere, on everything. We are still struggling with our vocal milestones, but physically they are doing wonderful. They have a great grasp on receptive commands and words but still don’t really say too much. Liam within the past few days has started to mimic much more than Hayden. I try really hard to not worry, and not to compare. But lets face it, its hard, when you have two babies who are genetically the same and one of them is at a high risk for having learning disabilities and other disabilities. I tend to worry about Hayden reaching milestones much more than Liam, as bad as that sounds to admit. They both can say ‘Dada’, ‘Mama’, ‘Dod’ for dog and ‘Hi’ somewhat. Liam can definitely say ‘Hi’, ‘boo’ for book, ‘blahc’ for block. They also can both sign eat and more too! Growing up fast I’ll tell ya!

I’m really hoping to get back into a workout and eating right schedule soon, I’ve been struggling the past few weeks and especially this past week. I’m drained and need to make rest more of a priority and I really need to find new healthy, toddler friendly recipes too. I feel like I am repeating my food way too much lately, which makes me not want to cook at all. If anyone has any healthy, toddler friendly recipes they’d like to share, I’d really appreciate it!

I hope to update more and get back to regular posting soon. But for now – bedtime! G’Night!

Forever!

Oh my lanta, has it been forever and a day since I have been able to blog!

So things here have obviously been super crazy, I was so caught up in house work, work, RCIA classes, and wedding planning that when I did have time to blog and started typing - I just never finished. I promise I will post/work on those unfinished projects soon - I need to for my own good.

I just wanted to hop on and write something short, and share some wonderful news. After almost 8 months of wedding planning, and all that hellious stress it entails. Erik and I were married in front of God and all of our wonderful friends and family, on Saturday March 3rd! We leave for our honeymoon at the end of the month and we are both just so excited for this new chapter together!!

I won't say the day went off without a hitch, because there were definitely hiccups, but it was perfect for us and it was worth every night and day I was stressed and overwhelemed. So now we are just enjoying each other and newlywed life!!

I promise to give a real update soon, and to share pictures when we have some!

What a weekend.

So lovebug and I had a great weekend, maybe I'm a bit partial because it was for the most part things I wanted to do. Saturday we went to Saint Augustine. It's a pretty neat little place. We went to the historic part, they had this mile long road that was for people to walk on, it had a bunch of cute little stores you can wander into. There was a lot of history there, we went to this Fort and it was pretty neat. They did a cannon demonstration which was cool. There was also an old cathedral there, we didn't get to go inside because something was going on in there. But it was beautiful and I can't wait to go back. We stopped by the outlet mall, which wasn't too impressive. I did get a new purse from the Coach store, (I know, I know BAD me!) and the kitchen store had our hanging produce basket and the pinch bowels I've been needing. We stopped by a sporting goods store called Gander Mountain. I feel in love with this ruger 22-10 rifle. Which is pretty bad ass. As soon as I get my Drivers License for Florida, which should hopefully be today, I will be getting a 22 rifle, probably a Remington 597 with pink mossy oak camo :) It's pretty bad ass, and it has these fiber optic sights on them too! So hopefully it will be here soon. We ate a yummy dinner at Longhorn, and I even got Erik to take me to Home Goods! Which I totally love, love love!! I think I buy more for decorating than anything else. I just love it, I love making our home look pretty.
We went to the mall on Sunday since I needed to get some summer clothes, I'm pretty hard on my summer clothes and almost always need more! And then ventured over to Erik's friends house and cooked out with them.

I did learn some things this weekend, surprise! I've learned that, I need to slow down and enjoy the smaller things in life. That I can't always control everything, nor should I. Life has better plans for me than what I believe, and maybe I should just enjoy the ride rather than try to drive and navigate and everything else that I try to control. I don't always do the right thing, say the right thing, or even have a clue of which direction I am heading but I'm damn sure I'm right. I need to just relax, let the small things go and just enjoy being with the people who are in my life.
I also learned, that not everyone is going to like you and vise versa. And it isn't always appropriate to voice your opinions of anything. Certain situations are obviously okay, but sometimes the best thing to do is bite your tongue, put on a smile and just let it go. Or at least let it go until you are out of ear shot, or heck out of the same place as the other person who is bothering you. We were all created different, because heck life would be pretty boring if we were all like one another, I know I am pretty awesome but I wouldn't want a million other me's here. So either embrace it, or just bite your tongue and let it all out later. You never really know how far nice goes. You might never know, weather it's making life a little bit easier for your better half, or maybe tolerating a person for the sake of a friendship, or even just being nice to the people on the other end of the customer service line might go. You catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar. And that's a saying to live with.

Up, Down, Side to Side

Oh my goodness gracious. Life is hectic, emotional, and beautiful. Yes, a random combination I know but its true - well to me it is. I am finishing up my last few days of class before the first eight weeks are over, I will be done March 4th and unfortunately won't be going back until August. I am honestly, a little bummed about it, school is constant and it challenges me. So unfortunately I am being forced to take a break until August. My parents and I have been fighting a little bit lately, which truly isn't anything new its something that has always occurred. I am really making the effort to be a better person, to just swallow my pride and deal with it. Be the bigger person and just make the best out of the upcoming weeks. It's so scary to think tomorrow is March. Last year I would have been thrilled for this, it meant sending out another care package, and it was another month down. This year, I am terrified. Emotionally, I have been all over the place. It isn't fun. I can never make out what my mood is going to be an hour from now, and I can't stop myself from crying anymore. I cry at the drop of a pin lately it seems.
I don't know. Things are so all over the place.
But on the positive side, I just have to remember all I am being blessed with and that life is beautiful. God doesn't give us more than we can handle (although the Navy tries to sometimes). We went to the Berkley Plantation home yesterday with Carlyn and her husband. It was a perfect day, gorgeous weather, and the plantation is beautiful. It would really be ideal for an outdoor wedding. (and why yes, if you didn't guess it, I surely hinted at that) But it was beautiful and it was a perfect day. We finally ate at Cheddars, we've been saying for a year now that we would go, and we did. Boy was it yummy!

I really think I need to just start rolling with the punches, I try, but I have never been that great at it. Things are getting crazy and instead of being uptight over everything that isn't going right (including the mess of an apartment - so many boxes!!) I should focus on what I have and be grateful. I've had a little bit more wine than I'd like to admit this weekend. I was going really good too, not that I am concerned about my alcohol intake, I am just trying to monitor my consumption and see how it affects my weight. Although, according to Cosmo, a glass of wine a day (or two for women) is extremely beneficial in weight loss. But who holds their breathe on that. Also, I finally received a call from my GYN appointment regarding my labs and they mentioned a hormone called, Prolactin, was elevated. So I had to call my endocrinologist regarding that, and hopefully it isn't anything serious. Just waiting for a call back now.. fun.

So, hopefully things get easier to swallow soon. This emotional roller coaster has got to end. I really just can't take it much longer. Hopefully the rest of the week improves and I can just come to terms with the opportunity we are being given, and learn how to deal with the leaving home aspect.

I hope everyone had a great Monday.

What makes you so much better than me?

Yes, I know I have been a horrible blogger lately. And for that I apologize if anyone is keeping up with my craziness.

I am rather pissed off right now. Why? Well because people always assume that they are better than the next person, that their poop doesn't stink, that they live their life out in roses. Specifically right now, I am more or so directing this towards the military wives who think that because they have a marriage license that they are better than other girlfriends/fiance's. Well truth be told - they aren't. Its people like this who go around with this "I am better than you attitude" and the "wives are forever, girlfriends aren't" way of life that will truly be lonely.

Since when, does a marriage license, a wedding band, and a last name change who you as a person are. It shouldn't. You are no better than the next Jane Doe. Marriage isn't about benefits, and more money, it isn't about status and rank. It's about love, and living your life with the person you can't live it without. It's about remaining who you are and having someone love you for your flaws and all - believe me everyone has them.

It really pisses me off, when someone tells me that my relationship doesn't count, or it doesn't matter because we aren't legally bound to one another. Your right, I could walk away at any freaking minute, but I don't. Not because I can't, but because I don't want to, because I love the person that I am with more than life itself. How many people can say that?! I feel bad for people, I feel bad that they won't ever know a love like I know it, they won't know what its like to wait for months at a time for a single kiss, they won't know what it's like to say goodbye and know not because we are married, but because we love one another that we will wait for each other. I truly feel bad for them. I feel bad that they have to put me down, to have confidence in their marriage. Pretty sad and pathetic.

I am seriously over this military wife lifestyle, I won't be like that, I freaking refuse, I'd rather have someone shoot me than act like that. In a lifestyle where deployments are common, and moving is often - you would figure women would be more friendly, especially knowing she might be the new girl in 3 or so years. But that really isn't the case. Or maybe it is just the dumb girls here, or the dumb girls who like to parade their husbands rank on support groups. I am over it - I as a girlfriend have dealt with more than many married women have. I won't justify it with a ring, or a last name.

Screw that! I am so over people it is ridiculous. I won't tolerate people like that in my life anymore. No way, no how. Life is about living, about loving, about treating others how you want to be treated.

On a happy note - I started doing Hot Yoga again and am feeling a lot better. It really is helping with the cabin fever. My gyn appointment is fastly approaching and I am really going into it with a positive attitude, and am hoping that its something that is simple. I am making an appointment to get my migraines under better control. I also found out some great information about my health insurance. So things are getting better. Oh and we start packing soon! Turning in our orders to this horrible apartment complex tomorrow!

I will try really hard to get better about blogging and try to post happier things - but I will always come here to air it out. Also, I will try really hard to catch up on this photo challenge.

Thanks for letting me rant!

Birthday thoughts.

So.. today is my birthday. I'm officially not a 'fun' age anymore.. just plain ole 22. Supposedly, its a 'lucky' birthday? I don't know if I necessarly believe in that or what. But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. a lot. There are a lot of things I don't like, and things I love. I've been thinking that since I'm 22 and I'm supposed to becoming more of a 'lady', there is one quality that I absolutely love in women who are older than I am.. and that is, they recognize their flaws, and either fix them or embrace them.

This has me thinking about my flaws and things that I don't like about myself, not necesarly beauty flaws either. So some of the things that I don't really care for about myself...

1. I second guess everything. I really really do. I'm not sure if its because I doubt myself, or my judgement, or if its people around me. But this is something I really need to stop doing. It only creates more self torture. This is definitely one of the top things I want to fix.
2. I don't have a high self confidence- which needs to be fixed. I've been torn to pieces my entire life, and unhealthy relationships both with the opposite sex and friends have caused this. It's not an excuse- just consequences of past events. After being told over and over again that you aren't beautiful, or your too fat, or this or that it starts to get to you. So I need to remember that, I am beautiful 
3. I pick my self apart in the mirror- you know that whole, oh I'm getting a little pudge, or I could probably work this off- which contributes to number 2. That has got to stop. Yes I go to the gym, because I love the effect of working out and the feeling after a good sweat. But I should not be standing in the mirror doing that. Instead I will address one thing I like instead. For instance- I may not like the size of my arms, but I like that they are muscular, not flabby.
4. I let things bother me, that shouldn't. Which needs to stop. I need to focus on things, yes, but I do not need to overly stress about them. That just causes a whole mess of emotions which isn't good.
5. I need to remember that each day is a gift, not a right. I need to remember to live, to love beyond words, and to enjoy the day. Not stress over what tomorrow may bring.

But my biggest one- Is comparing myself to others. You know that girl in the store you see, who is like perfect, but looks nothing like you. Yet you still find yourself comparing your imperfections to her. And then you just feel worse about yourself? Okay- well maybe you don't but I do. I constantly compare myself to everyone else. I am going to try really really hard to stop this, and remember something my parents used to tell me, Everyone else isn't Anne. Which is so true. I'm the only ME. Who can I compare that to - no one!

My list can go on and on, but I figure it is a start. I want to be happy again, not that I'm not, and happiness isn't a goal, its a mood. I want to be able to love myself. I want to just be able to live, and let loose and enjoy life, enjoy the day, and enjoy the ones I love.

So here is to turning 22, and to recognizing that not everyone is perfect, and neither is life, you fall down, you get scraps and bruises and have a scar to tell a story. Here is to loving yourself, and loving life.