Sad

September 3, 2012
22 Weeks 6 Days

I have another post I should be writing, one about our amazing weekend with our families who came down and visited with us and about the wonderful baby shower I was thrown. But I have a few other things on my mind right now that I need to get out in the open.

I think it's really hitting me that we're truly on our own, in every aspect. Our families are over ten hours away from us and we don't get to see them often, and when we do it never feels long enough. All of my friends who have had children have had their families within a thirty minute drive of them, so there was plenty of support and helping hands. We don't have that luxury, and it isn't because family doesn't want to, but because we are just far away. It isn't like a day trip, or even a three day weekend trip that's easy to make.

For the past year and half that we've lived here, I've never really missed being super close to family. I've enjoyed my privacy, and my independence. The move was a wonderful growing experience for myself and for Erik and I. We've learned how to completely just rely on one another and get through things without running home to mom and dad to complain about the other person. I actually would say that I loved living further away. But after family left last night, I'm just so sad.

I'm sad I guess because I know that I won't be seeing most of them until the boy's are here, which truthfully is a bit overwhelming. I'm also sad because I know this is such a huge life changing event and no one is really around to be here for it. I know it really is just life changing for Erik and I, but it would be nice to have family nearby. I'm sad that I won't have my mom close by to help, even though our relationship is very up and down, I'm still sad. I won't be able to just have my mom near when/if I want her. I'm sad our boys will grow up like I did, far away from their Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. I'm sad that they won't be near by to play with future cousins and be close with them.

I knew this would happen, because of our life style. I knew that the military would keep us away from family. But I guess I never really grasped that my children will grow up like I did. Not that there is anything wrong with how I grew up. But it's not fun being far away from family, it isn't exciting to go on 10-12 hour car rides to see Grandparents. It isn't fun to have your daddy deployed. When I said I would never marry a military man, it wasn't because I thought they were bad guys, it's because I know what it is like to grow up in that lifestyle. Now, I love Erik with all my heart, and I'm so very proud of what he is doing. There isn't any mistake in that. I wouldn't of wanted to marry any other man. Part of me is just sad and I hope that my sons grow up slightly different than I did. I hope that somehow, some way we can find a way to make it easier with family far away. Skype can only do so much, but I'm really hoping we can figure out ways to keep them close with their extended family.

Maybe I'm just a hormonal mess right now, and I'm sure my pregnancy mood swings aren't helping. I'm sure I will have myself pulled back together in a week or two from now. But.. right now, I can't help but just be sad and overwhelmed about the future and about going through all of these changes without family nearby.

Fun in the Sun

I hope everyone had a great memorial day weekend, and I truly hope that you all were able to take a small moment out of your fun filled weekends to say a prayer for those brave men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms as well as a prayer for those families who will forever have an empty chair at the dinner table, and a empty place in their hearts. Not many people know, but memorial day is a day for those who died for our freedom. Veteran's day is a day for those who continue to fight for our freedom, our military service members past and present. It's somewhat sad that there are only two days a year for our military members, I know the vast majority it doesn't affect as much but in the military community I know we are thankful for them every, single day.

Erik's parents came down this weekend, arrived Friday night. It was so nice to have them here! We really had a great time, I know I did. We spent Saturday at the beach and brought puppy dog along, she didn't like the ocean one bit. I think it's because she is still pretty small, and the ocean is pretty big, but either way she didn't like the ocean. But she did love sunbathing with us and being spoiled. Sunday we (much to my dislike) dropped Jade off at Erik's friends apartment and he watched her while we went to Saint Augustine, which really was a lot of fun. A lot of walking is always involved with visiting that area, but we were able to see a mass in the Cathedral, which was absolutely beautiful. We spent the majority of the day there and came home. We ended up ordering the UFC fight, turns out Erik's mom actually enjoys watching it. I thought that was pretty kool. I only kind of like it, I won't sit down and watch it without Erik but if he wants to watch it I'll watch it as well. Monday we rented a boat on base and brought puppy dog out on the boat, she slept the entire time. It was a lot of fun, I love being out on the water.

Overall, it was a really great weekend. A cashier at the historic Fort in Saint Augustine's gift shop, thanked Erik for his service, his mom for giving the country her son, and me for tolerating it all. I thought was really nice of her. I laughed at the last part. It was so nice to have family in town and have some visitors in the house, it gets kind of quiet and boring when it's just Erik and I. When family is in town, we have reasons to go exploring and what not. Erik's sister and her fiancee will be in town next week, which will be nice. Gives me a week to get the house prettified again. lol. Erik's mom said the house was beautiful and that I had done a great job decorating and that it was immaculate. :) Made me so happy to hear it! That was the goal after all, but it was really, really nice to hear from someone else.

It's back to work this Tuesday, it'd be really nice if the weekend was just another day longer or if there were a recovery day built in. But oh well. Hopefully the week goes well, and I can use the weekend and Monday to get the house pretty before Erik's sister gets in. I'm sure I will, and maybe if I get lucky I can sneak in some relaxation as well, because it's really needed. But here's to a good Tuesday.

Better :)

Thankfully today was a somewhat better day than what I've been having. I finally got the results on my thyroid and sure enough my levels are down and the up'd my dosage. I can't wait to pick it up tomorrow and get on the road to feeling better. The joy's that I will get to deal with until, quite literally, the day that I die. But on a lighter note- once I feel better, things will me much, much better.
Work is going wonderful. I was offered more hours and more responsibilities, which I love. So I am really, really happy about that. And more hours means more money, which lets face it is always a plus.
School is winding down to an end, I've taken 2 finals and have 3 more to go. I've turned in one paper and have one more to write. I'm just glad this semester is over with. I'm not exactly sure what is going to happen with the GI bill because I am pretty sure I failed Anatomy and Physiology horribly. Never again will I take the lecture portion online. That ruined me. But you live and learn.
The only really bad thing about today was that Erik and I got into a tiff because he couldn't find a tool and of course yelled at me about it. But felt horrible about it a few minutes later. None of our bickering 'tiffs' never really last longer than 15 minutes but still it can dampen the mood for quite some time. But anyways.
So thankful to be on the road to recovery for tomorrow. It's going to be a busy, busy day. I've got work, a physics test, training, and vet appointment on base, and a waxing appointment. Only to come home do a load of laundry and pack for Florida.
I'm pretty excited about house hunting leave and anxious to see where I'm moving to, and what it's like there. :) I think it will be a load of fun and I am always down for exploring.
Till tomorrow- I hope everyone has a wonderful nights sleep, and has a blessed day tomorrow.

Sigh.

Things have been so busy lately. So up and down and up and back down again. Firstly my health isn't the best. My good ole thyroid has basically kicked the dirt and I'm waiting on my blood results to prove that so they can up my dosage of synthyroid. The only way I can tell is because I am starting to put on weight (even though I am dieting) and my sex drive is gone (yes people I said sex drive- your thyroid actually controls it). So that's been really bothersome lately. Especially since I've been battling Graves Disease since I was 16.
I've been ober stressed with school and finals (what else is new) and Erik and I have been bickering because of it. Things were doing so much better and then kplat. We aren't having issues, just bickering about weekly. I guess its normal, but I hate it!! We don't fight because after about 10 minutes one of us feels worse about it and its over with.
Top that all off we found out we might not be able to take my Jeep to Florida after all - well until after the move which blows. Thankfully I don't have to leave my house for my job. We are getting ready to do a ton of traveling which I'm not too happy about. We have house hunting leave to do, and Erik doesn't seem to understand how important it is for me to go (even during final's) I mean I would like to see where I am moving 700 miles away from everything I really know and all my family. Its just been stressful lately and all I want to do is cry.
I've been trying really hard to work on my birthday goals, the things I'd like to change. But right now- I guess all I really want is to cry it out and complain. It just seems like things are going wrong (nothing major at least) at the drop of a penny and I just am tired of dealing with it.

Thats basically all for now - I'm hoping for a happier post tomorrow :)