Sad

September 3, 2012
22 Weeks 6 Days

I have another post I should be writing, one about our amazing weekend with our families who came down and visited with us and about the wonderful baby shower I was thrown. But I have a few other things on my mind right now that I need to get out in the open.

I think it's really hitting me that we're truly on our own, in every aspect. Our families are over ten hours away from us and we don't get to see them often, and when we do it never feels long enough. All of my friends who have had children have had their families within a thirty minute drive of them, so there was plenty of support and helping hands. We don't have that luxury, and it isn't because family doesn't want to, but because we are just far away. It isn't like a day trip, or even a three day weekend trip that's easy to make.

For the past year and half that we've lived here, I've never really missed being super close to family. I've enjoyed my privacy, and my independence. The move was a wonderful growing experience for myself and for Erik and I. We've learned how to completely just rely on one another and get through things without running home to mom and dad to complain about the other person. I actually would say that I loved living further away. But after family left last night, I'm just so sad.

I'm sad I guess because I know that I won't be seeing most of them until the boy's are here, which truthfully is a bit overwhelming. I'm also sad because I know this is such a huge life changing event and no one is really around to be here for it. I know it really is just life changing for Erik and I, but it would be nice to have family nearby. I'm sad that I won't have my mom close by to help, even though our relationship is very up and down, I'm still sad. I won't be able to just have my mom near when/if I want her. I'm sad our boys will grow up like I did, far away from their Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. I'm sad that they won't be near by to play with future cousins and be close with them.

I knew this would happen, because of our life style. I knew that the military would keep us away from family. But I guess I never really grasped that my children will grow up like I did. Not that there is anything wrong with how I grew up. But it's not fun being far away from family, it isn't exciting to go on 10-12 hour car rides to see Grandparents. It isn't fun to have your daddy deployed. When I said I would never marry a military man, it wasn't because I thought they were bad guys, it's because I know what it is like to grow up in that lifestyle. Now, I love Erik with all my heart, and I'm so very proud of what he is doing. There isn't any mistake in that. I wouldn't of wanted to marry any other man. Part of me is just sad and I hope that my sons grow up slightly different than I did. I hope that somehow, some way we can find a way to make it easier with family far away. Skype can only do so much, but I'm really hoping we can figure out ways to keep them close with their extended family.

Maybe I'm just a hormonal mess right now, and I'm sure my pregnancy mood swings aren't helping. I'm sure I will have myself pulled back together in a week or two from now. But.. right now, I can't help but just be sad and overwhelmed about the future and about going through all of these changes without family nearby.