Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Bad News...

So I finally went to the doctor the other day (the wait to see my PCM, is like a month long, but I admit I have put off doing it for a little bit longer than I should of) regarding some female issues I'm having with my girly time of the month. And I ended up leaving with more than what I bargained for, I had thought I would just get a new birth control script and be the end all be all - well, I got a referral to Portsmouth Naval's GYN. Turns out my PCM is concerned, one because I haven't always had such a reliable, great girly time of the month to begin with, and two now that my thyroid is within the 'normal' range, I should be "A Okay" with my periods. She seems to think that there is a more serious underlying condition, and I'm sorry - but my first concern being a women comes straight down to - that I'm terrified it is going to affect my having children. My PCM mentioned endometrosis (sp?) which does run on my moms side of the family, and she also mentioned that there could be a fibroid (sp?) growing. So I have been pretty on the rocks lately. Frankly, I am terrified.
Secondly, as bad as it sounds, I am pissed. Never would I wish this on anyone, however, it makes me mad even more so now, seeing 'young' moms, who one didn't want children, and who two don't take very good care of their children have them. Top it off - my old best friend, from elementary school on up, is pregnant with a boy. This is the one girl who gets everything she wants, no matter who she has to hurt to get it, and will not hesitate to walk all over you. So needless to say - I am pretty upset.
On top of that - lately, I seem to be second guessing Erik's intentions with our relationship. I know in the civilian world to be dating for 2.5 years is normal, but in the military world - its virtually unheard of. However, despite that - its more or less that I am moving 600 miles away from my family and friends to be with him and I don't even have more than his word that he intends on marrying me. So that's also something that has been bothering me lately. I'm not sure why it has been, and why I have been letting it get to me but it does. It just doesn't seem fair that I have sacrificed so much for him - for our love - and it still doesn't seem to be enough.
Just some thoughts - we are on the end part of a 10 hour car drive to Kentucky. I was thankfully, able to spend the bulk of it working. Thanks to Android's app - Wireless Tether! I worked 6 hours out of a 10 hour drive.
As far as the picture project goes - I want to start on that after the holidays are over with. So I will be sharing pictures :) And allowing people to learn more about me. But I do want to take this time to wish everyone a Happy Holiday Season as well as a Merry Christmas! Remember there are many service members deployed protecting our freedoms this season, whether it be on land, sea, or air and their families will be alone without them. So take the time to say a prayer for them this season. I hope everyone has a magical Christmas, and a great new years!
I am going to try and get better about posting - because clearly I have things I need to get off of my chest.


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