Friday, February 11, 2011

One Month

In one month exactly, I will be driving south on 95 towards Jacksonville, Florida. Sounds exciting, but then why am I scared out of my mind? All I want to do is stop time, keep it from moving and I can't. I just want it to stand still, I want to enjoy every little thing here... and there isn't enough time. Maybe I'm just not strong enough to do this, strong enough for the military lifestyle of moving around, and making "home" where the Navy sends us. I've never really fealt like this, deployments seem like nothing right now. I've never been so absolutely terrified before. I've never second guessed my own strength before, or what I am and am not capable of. It's not like I am second guessing my relationship, I've never been more sure of doing something. I just wasn't prepared for being so positive and with out a doubt willing to give it all up and move for him, would bring along so many fears. Oh emotions... how you love to pile it on. I just can't help but wonder am I strong enough for this?

On another note, I finally got in to see my PCM (primary care doctor, for non-military. fancy terminology they like to have) and I have a CT scan pending. Once that gets done, I will have more answers. For now they told me its more than likely an ovarian cyst but it could be endometrosis. Which is pretty scarry, its not an automatic infertility statement, but its close. It won't show up on the CT scan but the ovarian cyst will. I'm just trying to ignore it until I have a yes or no or a this is whats wrong. It hasn't really left me with a set amount of answers but its better than nothing in my opinion. I rather know whats going on than not know at all.

I've been feeling better though, thanks to claritin d. Thank goodnesss. I got my first real nights sleep in about two weeks ago, and let me tell you what it was amazinggggg. Aside from that, nothing really new is going on. Trying to keep up with school and trying to get it all done in such a time crunch. But that's about it...

I hope everyone has a great rest of the day.


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