Thursday, February 17, 2011


So I am late on the Valentine's wishes.. I hope everyone had a great day. It was actually our first valentine's day together so it was pretty exciting, I guess. We celebrated it on Sunday pretty much, went to see "No Strings Attached" which was hilarious and then went to dinner at Bonefish which was super yummy. I love my bang bang shrimp. Then stopped at Petsmart to pick up somethings for funny bunny. We got her a ball, that has a bell in it which is made for her to chew on (believe it or not, rabbit's teeth never stop growing, so they chew to grind their teeth down) and she absolutely loves it and plays with it all day long - score! We got her a hammock, and she doesn't really get what its used for.. just sort of hides under it. We've tried putting her in it, and it didn't work out well. - Oh well, we did try. I had a horrific hormonal migraine on Monday, and Erik came home on his lunch break and brought me gorgeous flowers. Super duper sweet of him.

I had my CT scan last night at Portsmouth naval, and managed to sneak out of the hospital with that nasty oral contrast drink, and went to the mall with Carlyn - she totally rescued me GI style. And had an absolute blast. Definitely one girl I couldn't live with out, a great friend by far and totally a partner in crime. The CT scan went fine, they said they got good pictures. Oh and my old best friend, who is pregnant, the one who has always gotten everything she's ever wanted, from this baby to anything she ever asked for in the past, had her baby yesterday. A healthy baby boy, and granted I am supposed to be happy for her. But needless to say it lead to a complete breakdown. The more signs and symptoms I get the more it looks like it's leading towards endometrosis. Which terrifies me. Erik doesn't really understand my fears so much.. for me, not being able to have children is a death wish. A little over dramatic but I really just don't care. All I have ever wanted to be is a mom, a great mom who does everything for her children. And the idea that it might be the biggest struggle in the world, especially for something that is supposed to come so naturally (by this I mean pregnancy) it absolutely terrifies me.

On top of this school has been hectic, I am trying so hard to keep it together these last two weeks but its been crazy. And I have yet to sign up for classes in Florida - I know I know, shame on me. Its just so much at once right now, so much to do, so little time.

I'm really really trying to have a positive outlook on this move, a time for us to really get to know each other, a time for adventure and excitement, new things, new people. I feel bad, like I am robbing Erik of his excitement, like making him second guess it. I know it's all in my head, and he doesn't feel like that but still. I'm a girl, I worry. I just need to bite the bullet and get excited I guess. Start looking at it from different ways. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I didn't choose to fall in love with him, but I am choosing to move with him. So that's on me - and I can't keep throwing it in Erik's face it isn't fair to him at all. So Operation Get Excited is in motion thanks to Carlyn - who is coming to visit in April. Thank Goodness!!! I'm just the type of person who needs to have excitement to look forward to. This summer is going to be busy, a lot of traveling, a lot of projects and hopefully graduating with my AS.

But time to get back to work - and get some homework done. I hope everyone has a fantastic rest of the week!

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