Friday, July 15, 2011

VA vs FL vs KY

For those of who, who are still reading this. Bear with me please. I know it's been complaint after complaint. But, I need somewhere to vent this out to, because I know Erik is getting sick of hearing it and I can't just keep this bottled up or I will literally explode.

Part of me wants to have the wedding here, in Florida. It's where we bought our first home, it's our first duty station that we've moved to together. There is a lot of firsts here, and firsts to come. Part of me wants to comprimise even more and have the wedding in Kentucky that way things are easier for Erik's family. People won't have to take as much time off, at least on his side. And they would probably be happier. Part of me also wants to have the wedding in Virginia, where I was raised, where my friends are (at least the friends I have left), and where I know the in's and out's of the place.

I'm pretty much at a lost as to what to do anymore. I want everyone to be happy, but I can't loose my happiness in the process of it all. I want to be able to be excited, to be able to go and do all the girly things that you're entitled to do when you get married. But how can I be excited about doing that alone?

I don't know anymore, I feel so lost when it comes to all this, and outside of Erik so very alone. I feel attacked when people suggest things, I feel attacked when I'm asked why this and why that. Not sure why, but I do. I feel like I can't make one solid decision without having to weigh everyone elses feelings. I feel like I am getting ready to drown in the ocean, like I can't keep my head above water.

I'm really just at a lost as to what to do. Part of me wants to fight with every ounce of my being for what I want, and I just don't give a damn anymore what anyone else thinks or if anyone even comes to our wedding for that matter. And then the other part of me just wants everyone to be happy, to make everyone happy. And then, I just want to scream. I feel like everything is being dictated to me about what I can't do. You can't use these colors, you can't get married in this month, you can't have bridesmaids - beacuse no one wants to be one - you can't do x, y, and z. Oh.... my lanta. How am I supposed to enjoy this, when I am wallowing, and throwing a pity party and just want to scream.

I know I need to wake up, to smell the flipping roses, to get over myself, and to let it all go. But I can't... or I don't know how. I just don't know how to get past the hurt, thats been caused in the past two weeks.


  1. I think you and Erik should do what you two want! Afterall it is your wedding and no one elses! I feel if people really care and can, they will come to it no matter where it is! If you give time for them to work out transportation, I feel the ones that care will be there! You need to do what you feel is right for you two and what your heart wants! If people get mad or want to control your wedding than you need to nicely let them know that you value their opinion, but overall it is yours and Erik's choice! Good luck!

  2. Should have added that I am a creeper, but we have talked through email a few times! My email is If you need to talk or vent feel free to contact me!