Thursday, January 6, 2011

Rant!!! Errrr!

Okay - I know I'm behind on the Photo Challenge - I'll make up for it.

I am so overly freaking stressed out and pissed off and frustrated it is insane. I have got to find a freaking health insurance company by November (plenty of time, right?!) but here's the thing. I have to see a Endocrinologist (however the hell you spell it) due to my thyroid disease and now I have to see a special GYN to figure out what the hell is wrong down there. So yeah, I'm freaked the hell out. It's expensive as shit too, have I mentioned that - damn near $200 a month - WITHOUT - co pays. So I'm pretty upset. Our freaking government can hand out all the money it wants to to the shit bag drug dealers, the hookers, and god knows what other bad people and help take care of them. But when it comes to me, a hard working, young person - oh no NEVER! Why?! Because I don't have a child, I'm waiting.. (not that I probably will ever have a child - who the heck knows) till the one day I get married and have a financially stable life. So kill me for not being 24, I make a freaking thousand dollars a month and how the hell am I supposed to live off of that?! Rent with Erik is $490, and then I have my freaking car payment which is $340 and leaving me with a whopping $170 at the end of the month - how the hell is a person supposed to live off of that?!

So I am freaking stressed to the max over that, and then figuring out classes on top of it. And also about the fact that Erik still hasn't freaking popped the question. I know, I know he will when he isn't pressured/stressed, when he has gotten all of his wild oats sewed, his goals accomplished yada freaking yada. It doesn't matter that I have spent 2.5 years of my life with him, that I love him with all my heart all the time, that I didn't play the kick ass girlfriend role, that I don't give him my all. Nope I don't get a ring - and he still expects me to freaking move 600 miles away and give up everything for him! Not that I don't love him or not that I don't want to be with him. But seriously - come on! How freaking hard is it to commit?!

Yes I know, a freaking marriage certificate won't change anything, nor a shiny sparkly ring. But it'd really help my stress levels. Do you know how freaking scary it is to give up everything for a man?! Do you realize how freaking dumb I look to everyone?

I am so tired of it all, so tired of being stressed over money, over life, over family, over everything. So tired. I try so hard to be positive, so hard to make everyone else happy and I get no where.... I'm just tired.

Why can't things be easy for me?! Why do I have to have a thyroid disease, why do I have to deal with the stress of  the possibility of having a fertility issue? Why can't I be the girl with the sparkly ring and promise? Or the girl with true friends instead of those fake girls who say they'll be there and never are?

Okay --- rants over for now, I think. I needed to get that off my chest before I exploded.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

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