Maybe.. baby?

Erik and I have been discussing when we would ideally like to start our own family. We know we want him home for as much as possible, from pregnancy to birth, to the baby's firsts. It's hard to predict that in the military life, with the Navy it's easy to predict it on a shore duty rotation versus a sea duty rotation. So the decision.. do we want to have children now and have fun when we are more financially stable - let's say mid 40's? Or do we want to have fun now and then have children 6-7 years from now - when I'm 30. Financially speaking we are pretty 'comfortable', we are pretty smart with how money is spent. Well Erik is. It's not that we have a ton of it, but we are smart on what we spend. A little off topic: but it kills me when I hear other people saying "Oh, we can't afford rent that is more than $900 when their BAH is let's say.. a married E5 - $1287." While I am not a person who puts down others, but knowing that Erik is a 'single' E4 and making $300 less a month (in the BAH aspect, a total of $600 less) and we own our own home. Our mortgage is more than our BAH, so when I hear others saying we really can't afford having rent that is still less than their BAH and both parties work and don't have kids, kind of aggravates me!
But back on topic.. We would like to wait for Erik to make rank before we have a baby. Just for the simple fact being that I don't have any benefits at my job. I won't have maternity leave, I will have to take time off unpaid. I don't have any benefits at all. I love my job, just sucks that I don't have the security of having benefits.

But since we've discussed having a baby, the more I think about it, the more scared I get. If that makes sense? I know, I know, I've had a horrible case of baby fever - but that was before the engagement, before our wedding date was set, before anything became 'permanent'. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Don't mistake me, I want a baby - I want to have Erik's baby. But when I walk into Target and hear a child screaming, with a blood red face, or when I go into Chilli's and see a child sitting in a highchair, throwing food around and see the frustration on the child's face - it kind of scares me to be truthful. I guess because it's more real now. I know that probably doesn't make any sense. But that's whats going on in my brain. Everytime I bring it up with Erik, he is just 'la de da' about it. I think maybe, it's because it won't really be real to him until I'm having a baby or had a baby. But I ask him if he is scared and he isn't. He is so relaxed about it. Maybe, I will be more at peace with this in a few months, or closer to the wedding. Don't get me wrong, I do want a baby, I think it just scares me a little that it could potentially be sooner than I thought. My brain is a jumbled mess lately.. but what else is new!

Hopefully I can get a good nights rest tonight.. I haven't been able to get much sleep at all lately or haven't really been sleeping well, either way I'm really tired -often. Have a good night and sorry if my jumbled mess doesn't make much sense.

I've got the fix...

The cure to baby fever, definitely is a puppy. Oh my goodness, my baby fever is gone, at least for a while. I am so utterly exhausted. Sleeping isn't going so well, we're trying to teach her to sleep on her bed but cave in and let her sleep in the bed because we're just so tired. She cries when she can't see us. Not to mention I can't even take a peaceful shower, she sits at the door (we have a shower stall, the stand showers - with a separate tub) and she watches me and whines the entire time. I know its going to be rewarding, but for sure it's tiresome.

It's definitely cured, or at least temporary taken care of my baby fever. I couldn't imagine taking on a baby right now, not with a puppy. She is going to make a great dog there is no doubt about that. But right now, it's extremely tiresome. I also feel the whole one 'parent' thing, Erik is at work all day long, he leaves at 5 and is home at 5. I'm the one with her all day long, I have to punish her when she chews on things she isn't supposed to. Not him, he gets to come home and be the 'good cop'. I'm hoping things will get better soon, I'm sure it'll take a good month or so, I know it's only temporary. So, hopefully before Erik's parents come in a few weeks it'll be done with.

I've had some pretty accomplished days lately, I've gotten estimates to get the tree on the property line removed. I've gotten the ridiculous ComCast issue taken care of, I've set up another estimate for the fencing. I'm going to google some more fencing companies as well and get some estimates from them. Oh! I also scored two free things of Lysol Wipes from Target yesterday thanks to a handy dandy coupon. They were $1.08 each, and I had 2 $1.50 off coupons off of one Lysol wipe product. So, that made them free with a 94 cent credit. :) Go me! I've been really on top of them lately, so I am really excited to use them and score some awesome cheap and free deals!

I hope everyone has a happy Wednesday!

Horses and Baby Fever

Well, I am getting excited now. About freaking time, right?! Only a week away and now I am getting in the moving mood. Better than nothing though!

So I finally got the brilliant idea of doing some volunteer work down in Jacksonville. Since now it isn't ideal for me to own my own horse, what better than to volunteer and work with rescue horses?! That is probably why I am so extremely excited about the move, but still I am excited. I think it is a great way to help and meet new people and get out of the house. Most of you know I work from home, so I thankfully don't have to worry about finding a job down in Jacksonville, since mine will come with me. But I also don't have the 'coworker envoirnment' which is both good and bad. So I don't really get out of the house much, and won't much there. So I am diving head first into this project and I am so ready to start. Hopefully it doesn't take long to find a place. I have contacted two non-profit organizations as well as the humane society down in Jacksonville. So hopefully I can start helping soon!

Now for the Baby Fever topic. Oh my goodness has it gotten horrible! I didn't think it was bad until my dream last night. Right now it obviously isn't ideal to even consider the idea of getting pregnant, or adding an addition to our life. For one, we aren't even married. And although many couples look down on us living together, and my moving to stay with him, being married is something I won't budge on if I want to have a child. So until that day, I need to keep it out of my mind. But it really is so hard, I know I would be a great mother, but seeing all of my friends who either weren't planning on having children and those who were having babies makes me want one that much more. Especially some of those people who aren't in a position to have a child. Hopefully the horse volunteer and working out will help. Plus we are looking at homes to buy, so that is a big item on our list and I can't wait to start decorating! But I need to just focus on me, and not think about adding a child into our lives, even though I badly want one and everything a child entails. I know I am only 22 but having found out that one it might not be easy to have a child for us, it makes me want one that much more. So well see... just wait it out I guess and hope the matter drifts out of mind soon.

So it is back to packing for me. We still have a lot left to pack, and will be pulling out of Virginia Beach next Friday. So pack, pack, pack I must!!