Friday, September 2, 2011


Lately I've been struggling with a few things.. for some reason it just feels like life has overrun me, that I am so focused on the daily grind, I forget what makes me happy - and I forget to be happy. I just live and get through each day. I really need to work on finding things that make me happy here, and making the effort to do them. Because I should be happy, I need to be happy. Life is to short to just get through it.

I think there is a part of me that is jealous of Erik, that he gets to leave the house to go to work, that he has co-workers to go out with and friends here to do things with.. while I just have our puppy dog. I have never really felt so alone, until we moved here. And I know it's good for us to have time away from each other, truly I get that beyond belief, and that we need to have our own friends to have fun with - but I don't have friends here. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to make friends, but... girls are just hard to trust. Everyone is so high-maintenance, and so dramatic about a lot of things. While me, I'm just laid back and relaxed about it all.

Part of me things I need to get a weekend part time job, or volunteer somewhere on a farm. I know I talked about this before. But I really need to. Maybe I can make some friends that way, or at least get out of the house. It's times like these where nothing more than a bareback trail ride to no where sounds amazing.. but needless to say financially I can't take on the responsibility of a horse.

I just want to be the happy go lucky girl I was before we moved. I want to be able to go out for drinks with friends and not have to worry about saying the wrong thing, or not wearing whats in style. I want to be able to laugh again - I can't tell you the last time I really, really laughed was. I'm trying really hard, to get past all the things I hate about here, and find things I love or at least like about living here. I think if it wasn't for the house, and the puppy, I'd hate everything about this place... but that isn't a good place to be. I shouldn't be such a Negative Nellie, and I should be more optimistic about it here. I need to at least try for my own sanity.

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