Friday, January 9, 2015

My Mommy Confession

I haven’t blogged much lately, I haven’t had much energy to nor much that I felt was worth saying. But, I have a nasty, little confession that I think is about time to get off my chest.

I left every single mom group I was in.

I know what you’re thinking. Mom Groups? They have those? Yep. They do, and I quit every one of them.

When I first found out I was pregnant I joined up on the Bump and joined a month board. It was nice to have a group of women who were going through virtually the same thing I was going through, some veterans and some first time moms like me. I was on the Multiples board off and on, but never really felt too attached to it. Eventually one of the moms made a FB group and I focused on that versus the Bump.

These girls were amazing, it was wonderful having a group of girls to go to when problems arose, when I need recommendations for carseat brands or bottles. When I wanted to know how many crib sheets to get. They were a great sounding board after a rough NICU day. You get the picture.

Eventually, somewhere down the line, a spin off group was created of girls that felt the closest and I was in that group. These were the girls I loved, and I mean loved. We talked about it all, post baby bellies, husbands, sex, wine nights, date nights, babysitters, nannies, work. Then something happened. Suddenly, someone didn’t like that people were too ‘real’ or too ‘mean’. Now, it’s the internet, so tone of voice can be hard to read. But never in my life was I referred to as a ‘mean’ girl. Ever.

Enter, a crazy catty downward slow spiral.

At first, it was only 3 or 4 girls, who left the group – unbeknown to all, creating their own side group that was about everything happy, and pretty and fun. And eventually (I’m sparing tedious details yall), it diminished into two totally different groups. Two total separate groups that both I'm sure felt stabbed in the back.

Recap: 1 group of moms, with a side group of 50 of those moms, demolished into 1 main mom group and 2 side groups. I know it’s a lot. And its totally wackadoodle. But lets carry on, shall we?

Anyhow, so lets get back to it. So this small side group of a side group had a few girls, we’ll say less than 20. And we all thought we were close. But, the key word is thought. After about 4 months, it became bluntly obvious that it pretty much was a ‘support’ group for two people, and unless you had something end-of-the-world, it felt blown over. Birthdays were forgotten, people were left out. So. After a ton of freaking dumb drama, and feeling like I was slapped in the face, I left.

And it felt ahmazing. I felt free, I felt so free. And better yet, I still do. I keep in touch with a few of the girls I felt close to. I still chat on a daily basis with a few, and I don’t compare myself to others. That was the most single surprising thing that I found after leaving, was that deep down, I was constantly matching myself up against others that I thought were friends. I didn’t wait until they were 3 years old to rear face, I didn’t breastfeed let alone exclusively breastfeed, I didn’t want another pregnancy, I didn’t want sex all of the time. And the list goes on.. and on. And on.

It’s so funny, how fast you thought people were friends that you realize that you aren’t really friends. People who you confided in, you realize probably were really just chatting behind your back or baiting you for information. Blah, blah blah.

And another thing happened. It is SO much easier to focus on work, focus on the boys, focus on the Mr. You get the point. I didn’t realize that I was concerned, on some level, what was going on with the other girls in the group. I just hadn’t realized that it had some how become a priority, but its certainly a priority that I don’t miss. At all.

It’s one of those things that I don’t think are for everyone, one of those things that I feel like can cause more harm than good, especially if you are a giving person. I’ve given far more than I should of ever given, to girls who I thought were friends, who come to find out just manipulated me as well as others.

I’ve not been happier, really and truly. I feel so much more confident in my role as a mom, as a wife, and as a working mom. I have the urge to work out in the mornings, for me. The urge to do my makeup because it’s something I have found that I am interested in, not because I’m trying to match up to another mom. I’m really just at a good spot now, a much better spot than I have been the past few years.

So.. that’s my dirty confession.

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