Friday, October 25, 2013

Real, straight mom talk.

Lately, I find myself thinking more and more about mom things. Maybe, its because I'm a mom, or maybe its because my Facebook news feed is flooded by 'mom' things. But - regardless of how my brain was flooded with these thoughts, they're there.
Almost as instantly as that home pregnancy test turns positive, the mom guilt arrives. You know, that little voice in your head that suddenly is googling what not to eat, what to eat for a smart baby, what music will keep you calm so the baby grows better, stronger. You question how much caffine you drink, how much wine you chose to indulge on, what birth plan is right for you. Then comes motherhood and you question the medicine you're taking (if your nursing), you question your thoughts, you question your actions - 'should I not be washing dishes while the babies are content playing in the living room?' 'is it wrong to try to workout while they are playing in their jumpers?' 'am I sending the wrong message that I'm picking up while they are exploring around?'. Everything suddenly is followed by a question.

The questions are nice at moments, you like twice about doing something. You evaluate whether or not that trip to Target is worth throwing off a nap if they happen to fall asleep, but other times it just plain sucks. Mom guilt is so real, and its so annoying. The most important thing to remember is that you are a wonderful mom, you are your childs mother. As long as their is food on the table, clothes on their backs, your not living in a bug infested house, and they are safe and sound at the end of the night in bed - you've done a great job, given the benefit of the doubt that you aren't smoking crack after words.

What annoys me lately are the 'excuse' posts I see everywhere. (Not the one about the fit mom who others are accusing of 'fat shaming') the 'excuse' posts, the 'sympathy' posts, the 'be grateful because others can't have children' posts. They all annoy me to no end lately. Please, do NOT tell me to love my stretch marks that are here, there, and everywhere that pregnancy left me with simply because someone else can not conceive a child and carry a child to term. THAT is frustrating. It makes me feel like women are being made to be against each other, rather than supportive of one another. I feel for those who can't have a baby, it breaks my heart when there are wonderful people who deserve nothing more than a child of their own can not have one. But please, please don't make me feel like a terrible person for not loving my stretch marks, or the extra 15 pounds that I can't freaking lose because I had babies. I love my babies, I love them more than life itself and I would never in a million years, trade them for the body I had before them. But with that said, it doesn't mean I have to love this body right now, maybe next year, maybe when I get back into better shape. But right now? I don't love it and I can't be guilted into loving it.

This ties into the 'I make milk, what's your super power' posts - I get that breastfeeding is hard. But my super power - is that I feed my children and it doesn't matter how. Why am I not back into prepregnancy shape? Its called twins, that's my excuse. Twins and work, and a never ending chore list. Life. Life happens - and we shouldn't be guilted into doing something, or making something, or being something we aren't because someone else wishes they could be. Should the rich feel guilty because I'm not rich? Should the heavy weight people feel guilty because there are underweight people or starving people in other counties? Should the religious and God loving people feel bad because they love Him and others don't? No. It's absurd to think that we should all be so happy with ourselves, our flaws and our shortcomings simply because others can't have or don't have what we have.

I'm sure this isn't a well constructed post, and for that I apologize, I'm just letting off some steam so I can better focus that energy into cleaning out the house before family arrives for the boys' first birthday in two weeks.

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