More jumbled thoughts

Lately, Erik and I fight over dumb things. It's pretty retarded for the most part - but it makes my mood absolutely horrible. I hate when he leaves things on our kitchen island - or any counter for the most part - partially because I'm borderline OCD about it but it drives me crazy. And I swear there is this little voice in his head telling him to do it because it pisses me off. So - after 6 months of arguing over it finally we get somewhere - we'll see just how long it lasts. We always tend to fight in the car - which is bad - I like to talk after we fight, Erik doesn't. So we go into church pissed off at each other, and about 10 minutes into the service, we're over it. I can't help but laugh about how we really can't stay mad at one another very long.

I've been working on cutting out caffeine. Soda isn't the issue - I don't drink it, except for the occasional Spirit but coffee is another story. I'm realizing tho - that it doesn't affect me like it used to. I tend to get headache's now when I drink it too much. It sucks, because I do love coffee. So I figure once a week is more than okay.

I've been doing a bit better on my bad days, I try to remind myself that no matter how I feel that day - I am pretty. I try not to guilt trip myself when I have a piece or two of Halloween candy, or a bowl of ice cream. I have a horrible sweet tooth, I always have. One thing I can't quite knock is the urge to take a diet pill or two. I know they're still hidden in the house, so whenever I see the scale moves in a way I didn't want it to - that tends to cross my mind. But I'm working on it - instead I try to remind myself that I need to take the dog on a long walk, or I need to make that workout dvd that I insisted on buying - a bit more resourceful. I try - but it doesn't mean I'm bulletproof. I used to be really awesome about getting into the gym and running, and working out in general. I haven't been so good at it since the move. I know the number on the scale is a lot better than it used to be, but I'm still about ten pounds away from my goal weight. I just want to feel and look pretty again - I know I'm pretty now, but I want to feel pretty. If that makes any sense at all.

I definitely would be lost if I hadn't found an awesome friend to go riding with. It's made such a difference to be back on and near horses again. I really feel a lot happier, having that aspect of my life back. Knowing that even on my bad days, I can go and escape the realities of the world - and just ride out in the middle of a forest is the most amazing thing ever. There is nothing like hugging a horse, and just feeling your worries melt away.