Big Curls

Happy Post time! I know most of you are thinking, 'It's about Flipping time!!" and it is! But I have found this new acceptance of being okay with doing things, well my way. And by my way I mean slightly backwards. And you know what, that's okay. So what if I do things backwards? So what if I book my florist before I book my reception venue. So what if I am terrified about signing a photographer! Who cares?! I don't. As long as it gets done, that is all that matters in the end!

I found my wedding favor jars today, and proceeded to order them. Not only did I order them, I also saved $42 by ordering 8 more! Seriously, I'll find something cute to do with the extra 8. So that made my day. It's the little things, I promise.

Erik and I got into the dumbest argument ever this morning. I was in a craptastic mood, and well he wasn't any different. And well we got into it, about him snapping at me. No, I do not mean being short, I mean the actual snap like snapping your fingers. It was the way he did it and frankly it threw me over the edge. So we are literally fighting over this. He pissed me off even more when he made a smart ass remark saying 'I can't wait for a lifetime of this!' so I get even more pissed and as we are fighting I just busted out laughing uncontrollably. Literally. Just couldn't stop laughing. I mean seriously fighting over snapping fingers! What the hell?! Dumbest argument ever. Just proves to show you can fight over dumb things.
SN: Erik makes these horribly mean remarks like above during arguments and then feels bad, apologizes and thinks it makes it all better. It doesn't. Definitely something I am working on with him about. He knows it's wrong, so hopefully we can continue to work on it and get him to stop doing that.

Now, you might ask what the title is in reference to! It's my hair ladies! I want to learn how to do big southern curls in my hair. I'm on the hunt for big curlers to put in my hair. Now.. being blessed with curly hair doesn't always mean it's pretty curls all the time. And for me, it also means that I have no clue how to use a curling iron (pretty bad huh?!) So that's my goal for this week(end), well besides finding and deciding on our reception venue. Erik is working late tonight, so hopefully I can look more into cakes, dj's, and find some honkin curlers! And play with my hair, and well puppy dog too!

Not to mention... tonight is T-Shirt Time!!!!

Marry me..

So I realized today, that I am really getting married. It hasn't been long, since Erik proposed. And quite honestly, it didn't really click at the time of the proposal either. It might of hit me that next morning, but boy did it really hit me today. I've been pretty addicted to theknot.com to be honest. So during my daily fix, this morning I was looking into a vendor's website, when I walked away and came back to the computer it was playing a song (through the vendors website). As I sat and really listened to the song, which was 'Marry Me' by Train (who is one of my favorite bands). I've heard the song before but I never really listened to it. It made me really realize that I get to marry my best friend. It's an amazing feeling.

I never thought our relationship could get better, with just one question. But in reality, it has. We are closer than before, and more open than before. I think it's the fact knowing that we will be with each other for forever. It's the most amazing feeling, knowing that I have found the person I get to spend my life with everyday. I just can't get over how lucky and how head over heels in love I am. And that I know really get that feeling that every love song sings about.

Wedding planning is going good. Still a couple of uncertainties, like wedding colors, that haven't really been nailed out yet. We go and meet with a new priest next week since the military chapel is too disorganized. I am head over heels in love with this church, so hopefully it works. We also have some meetings coming up with vendors for reception venues, and then I need to find vendors for other things and schedule meetings with them. I'm really excited about going wedding dress shopping. I just hope I look good in the style of dress I want. On a brighter note, I have two wonderful ladies in my bridal party. I guess I just really got worked up over nothing.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend, it's our first weekend where we aren't around family, my brother came to town to visit for two weeks and I loved every minute of it! But it'll be nice for it to just be us. I think we might go look for wedding bands and maybe try some on. I'm sure I'll cry, happy tears of course.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

The Proposal!!

So, late very late on July 3rd, early morning of July 4th something very, very special happened. After everyone had left, and Erik's parents were in bed. Erik and I were just relaxing on the couch. I was super exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep, but Erik was very persistent on relaxing on the couch for a while, so we did. He ended up giving me a foot rub.
But.. it wasn't any ordinary foot rub. As I am trying my hardest to not drift off into wonderland, and as Erik is rubbing my feet, something happens to slip onto my toe. Yes, my toe. So I look down to see what it is and all I see is the biggest smile on Erik's face, and a very beautiful shiny ring on my toe. I, actually thought it wasn't real, and that I was dreaming. So I grab it and just stare at it, wide awake and sitting straight up. And the questions begin, "Erik,... what is this?" No answer.. "Erik, what is this!" No answer.. "Erik, what is this?!?" Finally an answer - "What do you think it is" And I just stared at him (yes, I was in shock!) "Erik, I'm not kidding, what is this!" and all he can say is "Will you" and my response "Will I what?" and then finally.. after about what felt like an hour, which was really like about two minutes, he asks me to marry him. In which I of course said "Yes!". Maybe 15 minutes later, Erik's dad walks into the living room and asks us whats going on. I am wayyyyyyyyy too excited to do anything but giggle. And which made him question what's going on more, and I giggled more and he just gave up and went to bed. His mom came out and hugged us and went to bed. It was nice, though, not having anyone know whats going on. Just having the whole world moving around us, and it just be us. I know, it sounds weird, but I love it. I love having no one, at this very moment know. I'm sure my Dad knows it is going to happen, but no one officially knows right now. And I love it.

Surprisingly, I didn't really cry. I think I was in too much shock to cry, too excited, too happy. I did shed a few tears. Apparently, Erik in the craziness of all his family being there, managed to call my daddy and ask for permission - which means the world to me. A little while later we went to bed and just cuddled, and then the tears came. And this morning the tears came when I realized I wasn't dreaming.

Honestly, I didn't see it coming. I knew something was up, I did. Erik has been acting funny for about two weeks now. Apologizing for everything and anything that I got upset over, being very lovey, acting in a way he hadn't acted in a while. So, I knew something was going on. You always kind of dream, well maybe he will. But I had told myself over and over that I had a better chance of being struck by lighting than Erik purposing. It wasn't the picture perfect movie scene, it wasn't the whole extravagant ordeal, but it was us. It was perfect for us and I love that.

So I just wanted to share the amazing news with everyone, that Erik and I are engaged!! I am so excited, and so very happy. Words can't even describe how I feel.

Edit: So I wrote this yesterday morning, before we had told anyone while I was waiting for Erik to wake up. I had already gotten up to take the dog out and had taken a shower, but I was not about to go out into the family room alone with this beautiful ring on my finger. So after he woke up, we went out and just relaxed until his dad came in and asked where his mom was. His Aunt and Uncle were getting ready to leave his grandparents house. I got all giggly again when Erik said, "Hey Mom, Anne has something to show you." Neither of us said a word and just showed her the ring, it took a second but she gave me the biggest hug and started to cry. -That meant the world to me, knowing that they were really happy for us. And we told her how it happened and his dad and everything. His mom sent the text to his sisters, and apparently on Sunday two of his sisters asked Erik when he was planning on proposing, they didn't have a clue it'd be super late that night, early morning of our third anniversary. I found that pretty funny. We walked over and told his grandparents and they seemed really happy as well.

So here are two pictures, the only ones I have right now. I'll try to get Erik to take a picture with me later on today :) I'm just too excited and happy for words right now.

Happy

For the first time in a long time I can really say I'm truly happy with who I am and who I'm becoming. I can say that I am happy with where I am in life. Sure there are things I would change or things I would alter, but overall I am happy. I'm not really sure what has caused this sudden change in heart to be honest. I really enjoyed Erik's sisters visit here. It was really nice to get to know her more, and just have family in town. We also got the fence installed so it's been really nice having our own privacy and we have definitely been enjoying the backyard more, so has puppy dog.

But back to the happiness note, I think I have finally accepted myself and who I am. I like the way I look, I didn't realize how much my body has changed for the better and how pretty I really am. As stupid as it sounds I didn't realize it until I saw a picture of myself that was taken during this past week. I definitely am enjoying where my life is heading, and how things are turning out. I do a bad job of trying to remember the good in my life and focus on the negative instead. Which is wrong. I have so much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about. It feels great to finally be happy with who I am. It's been a struggle for a long time, it's been hard to accept my past and move on from it, it's been hard to like how I look. But things are finally coming around. I can eat ice cream and not feel bad about it afterwards. I'm not saying it was an overnight process, or that it took a picture to make me love how I look, but it's a start, a good step in the right direction. That's all I need.

I'm just really happy that I've finally gotten past it, that I'm finally making steps in the right direction. I feel as if I finally got over this huge wall that has been placed in front of me. I've overcome it. I've finally been able to let go of the mistakes I made 4 years ago, and realized how much of a better person I am. I think mentally I was still guilt tripping myself for the mistakes I made, I was still allowing the hurt to play the mind game, I was still allowing the horrible comments to get me down. To finally work past all the pain and hurt feels amazing.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with Erik, completely and utterly happy. He really makes me a better person, and is so patient and caring. We have our days, just like every other couple, where we argue over stupid things, but he still makes me happy. He is my better half, and I can truly say that without a doubt. I just needed to work on myself.

But long story short, I'm happy and I'm happy with my body, and with myself, and with my life. And that's all that is really important.

Thirsty Thursday ;)

I must say, I am really loving this Florida sunshine. Now I see why it's called the sunshine state.

My mind has been running a mile a minute since we got here, something that probably never will change until things are 'settled' in at the new house. I'm a big decorator, one of those typical little southern ladies you see at the Home Goods store, trying to decide if a certain piece will fit in, or if it's just a good excuse to redecorate the whole room. Yes, I am that person. And being here... not knowing weather or not we want to decorate is driving me crazy. I don't want to do a whole bunch of decorating if we are going to be moving out of here next month. It just wouldn't make sense.. and I know that. But staring at white walls all day is annoying.

Now, that Erik is back at work, finally. Don't get me wrong, I love that he is home and I love his friday's off. But as anyone in a long term, 'co-habitating' relationship knows, you just need some space. And well I can't excatly go anywhere since my Jeep is in Virginia Beach. But.. now that he is back at work, my schedule is finally getting back into a routine again. Thankfully.. it's nice to have my own routine again.

But anyhow, I need to get back to work. And on a seperate note.. I am really hoping my mailman shows up today with my checks.. this waiting game is not fun, and is certainely creating some stress. Oh!! I almost forgot, I can start shopping for horse stuff again :) Whoo Hoo!! I'm hoping to find a place with great board and get a horse soon.

Happy Thirsty Thursday!!

Oh more house hunting

So we are now venturing into this huge home buying ordeal. Don't get me wrong I am absolutely ecstatic to get into a actual home where I can paint, and decorate, and move things at 2 in the morning on a watch night. Where I can run around in next to nothing and be a complete goof and not worry about having the music up too loud for my neighbors and when I don't have to get annoyed at my neighbors for being too loud. More than anything I just can't wait to put the years of HGTV watching and Southern Living reading to good use! To plant my garden, and to have our home.
Sometimes I feel as if even the smallest things are so jumbled up for me, like I should have boundaries but I don't. I know that makes no sense.. let me explain my thinking a bit.. it might or might not help. As a girlfriend there are certain things that are 'off limits' such as finances, knowing billing statuses, big purchases things like that and things that are okay.. but I don't feel like that. We are so open about everything, it doesn't ever feel like things are off limits. Venturing into this home buying with Erik, it's hard to know my place in all of this. Do I say I love this house? Do I say I absolutely hate it? It's hard sometimes, I know deep down it will be our home but in reality it's his house. We've been together for a while, and sometimes it is just hard to know where I stand.

We were up house hunting last night, and man do some people not have a decorating bone in their body. Some of these houses are just decorated horrifically. It's like a crack head went through and decorated it.. horrible. There are some pretty interesting things you see looking through all the homes that are for sale.

On a separate note I am feeling a lot better, I'm a lot happier and more like my 'normal' self.. I've been off birth control for two weeks now, I can't wait to see what a month brings.. It's just good to be getting back to myself again. I don't feel like I have a boulder pressing down on me anymore and I feel like I can tackle just about anything. Thank goodness. On top of that I have lost about 5 pounds already. I don't know if its necessarily the birth control or if it's just myself eating healthier and wiser. What I do know is I am about 15 pounds away from my goal weight, thankfully, and in 15 pounds I will be the weight I was when I graduated high school. Even if I only loose 10 more pounds, I will still be happy. I don't necessarily think it will be hard, but I think its definitely do-able. I'm starting to volunteer at the horse farm this Sunday, and that in its self is a workout, have you ever worked at a barn? Definitely an all around workout. But I am excited! I'm thrilled to be getting to work with my passion again, and knowing we are house hunting in that area makes it even more exciting :)

Happy Hump Day!

Horses and Baby Fever

Well, I am getting excited now. About freaking time, right?! Only a week away and now I am getting in the moving mood. Better than nothing though!

So I finally got the brilliant idea of doing some volunteer work down in Jacksonville. Since now it isn't ideal for me to own my own horse, what better than to volunteer and work with rescue horses?! That is probably why I am so extremely excited about the move, but still I am excited. I think it is a great way to help and meet new people and get out of the house. Most of you know I work from home, so I thankfully don't have to worry about finding a job down in Jacksonville, since mine will come with me. But I also don't have the 'coworker envoirnment' which is both good and bad. So I don't really get out of the house much, and won't much there. So I am diving head first into this project and I am so ready to start. Hopefully it doesn't take long to find a place. I have contacted two non-profit organizations as well as the humane society down in Jacksonville. So hopefully I can start helping soon!

Now for the Baby Fever topic. Oh my goodness has it gotten horrible! I didn't think it was bad until my dream last night. Right now it obviously isn't ideal to even consider the idea of getting pregnant, or adding an addition to our life. For one, we aren't even married. And although many couples look down on us living together, and my moving to stay with him, being married is something I won't budge on if I want to have a child. So until that day, I need to keep it out of my mind. But it really is so hard, I know I would be a great mother, but seeing all of my friends who either weren't planning on having children and those who were having babies makes me want one that much more. Especially some of those people who aren't in a position to have a child. Hopefully the horse volunteer and working out will help. Plus we are looking at homes to buy, so that is a big item on our list and I can't wait to start decorating! But I need to just focus on me, and not think about adding a child into our lives, even though I badly want one and everything a child entails. I know I am only 22 but having found out that one it might not be easy to have a child for us, it makes me want one that much more. So well see... just wait it out I guess and hope the matter drifts out of mind soon.

So it is back to packing for me. We still have a lot left to pack, and will be pulling out of Virginia Beach next Friday. So pack, pack, pack I must!!

Remote! Where are you?!

So no more depressing posts about my emotional ramblings about moving. I need to just be positive and practice what I preach. Really start looking at it as an opportunity rather than a death sentence, although I haven't been looking at it like a death sentence, I haven't been looking at it in a positive light either. So no more, I tell you! At least till I'm down there, I kid I kid.

So we have a remote crisis! We always loose the stupid bedroom TV remote. No joke, like a nightly basis its a "Where's the remote? I don't know you had it last. No you had it last." type thing. It's pretty funny.. Erik doesn't think so though. But I find it hilarious.

Oh and on another note, I think I decided that during this time away from school I am really going to try to look into things I enjoy. Lately, it has been photography. It's just really interesting to see what you can capture forever, just the whole single moment.

Well it is off to bed for me!
Happy Monday night everyone!

Beautiful Day!

It is an absolutely gorgeous day out! Oh my, I think today is going to be amazing. I woke up all early, took a shower early and even put make up on. And am baking Is it Better than Sex? Cake. Super yummy. I even got the first official box packed. I'm trying to do this moving/packing thing smartly. So clothes that aren't worn often or much are getting packed first, and the kitchen will be the last thing packed. It makes sense to pack up the things that aren't being used often first, and the common items last. I'm really, really striving to be positive about this and look at the perks and not the downfalls. And I've convinced myself that I am just providing my family a great vacation home. -When dealing with deployments you learn mind games, so why not make them useful afterwards?

But anyhow, I really think today is going to be a good day. I am hoping to go shooting with Erik this afternoon, and I need to go to the store and find a cute outfit for my going away party tomorrow night.

Oh! I almost forgot, my book that I ordered came in. I ordered, "Confessions of a military Wife" by Mollie Gross and it is absolutely hilarious! So funny and truthful. I absolutely love it, and it's definitely a book to recommend to all my military girls. It actually turns out the writer, Mollie, is from Virginia which really makes it easy to relate to. I'm about half way through it already and it came in yesterday. Hahaha! What can I say I read fast. But my favorite expert from it, is actually about Virginia girls, "I am from Virginia. We are not slow enough to be southern or rude enough to be Yankee. We are like the porridge that Goldilocks chose, 'cuz we're just right!' Virginians are just country snobs. We wait till you leave the room to talk trash about you because it would be rude to do so in front of your face. This is not two-faced behavior; it is being polite" I really couldn't of ordered the book at a better time.

Anyhow, time to get back to work and enjoying this beautiful day. And finish up the baking I started. Have a great Friday!