For what its worth, I'm still adjusting to my 'new' life here in Jacksonville. Some days are better than others, and some days are worse than others. I won't deny that the thought to run home doesn't cross my mind at least once a month but I can't say I absolutely hate it here either.. I'm just here.
I caved in the other day and posted an ad on craigslist offering barn work (mucking stalls and such) for riding time. I don't want extra money, I just want to ride. And well I'll be darn I didn't only get one response, I got three. The first one I went and saw on Thursday before the free Brad Paisley concert on base, and the guy is really nice. Ideally it's what I wanted - or what I thought I wanted. He offered to let me come out and work as often as I wanted and I could ride, whomever I wanted and help him train them to show. He's offered to trailer them out to cross country fields - the whole shebang, and offered to get me back into competing. How amazing of an opportunity is that, especially the fact that it just fell in my lap. The other person who contact me is a sweet lady who just wants someone to ride her horses, mainly trails, and work on a few little issues they have. I meet with her yesterday and went for a trail ride with her, she is such a sweet wonderful lady and lives like 10 minutes down the road at that! So.. I'm stuck. I really want to do both, but with a wedding in less than six months and working as much as I am, it just isn't ideal. I also don't know if I want to compete anymore.. it was what I lived for for so long and I don't know if I miss competing.. riding and jumping you bet your  bottom dollar I do - but competing I just don't think fits anymore. But I'm so happy to be riding again, it really feels amazing to be back in the saddle. I also recently, as of last night actually had another lady needing someone to work her horses. I think she is another Navy wife, with a young baby who just doesn't have the time. So I am hoping to meet up with her either tonight or tomorrow afternoon and meet her and maybe I'll just work their two horses. Either way, I really don't foresee myself getting back into competing. It just isn't ideal, and it's a lot of money. I just want to ride and enjoy it.

After my mental breakdown the other night, last week actually, (all because of a stupid mop not wanting to work) I've been considering making a doctors appointment.. I really think I'm going through an anxiety issue with all of the changes and things that have been going on. I'm just not handling and processing things like I normally would and it really scares me. So that's been on my mind lately, going back and forth on it.. I know it would be for the best but I don't know if I'm just reading to far into things or what. I have my days like today - where I feel great, I'm happy and I feel normal again..  I just don't know.. it might be the stress of everything getting to me, but whatever it is, it needs to go away that's for sure. I've definitely noticed riding is helping that big time. I've been twice now and I definitely can't get enough of it.. the house is starting to show that. So time for a new routine and figuring out the best days to ride, and the best times to clean. I definitely need to work on getting my tail end out of bed earlier in the morning so I have more time to do things, and can work better hours.

But that's where I am right now.. working on having a more positive outlook and aspect on life, trying to make the house more like home, I definitely have some projects I would like to get done that's for sure. Now if I can just get the last of my wedding vendors booked... I'd be a happy camper.

The Two H's!

The two H's have been on my mind all night and all day so far... by two H's I mean home and horses!

Today's the day we have our walk through at our new house, and needless to say I am ecstatic! I love going to our house, it always puts me in a great mood and just gives me this sense of being. I know, pretty insane. But it isn't just a house that we are renting, or an apartment. It's our home, ours, no more lease signing, no more wondering if we will be living here a year or even a couple months from now. Nope - this is our home. In case some of you aren't familiar with new construction (don't feel bad! I totally wasn't either until we went under contract, now I'm a total pro! lol jk) this is normally done a week before closing. We meet up with our construction consultant, David and our realtor and probably another head construction guy I'm thinking. They give us each a blue roll of tape and we go through the house and tape anything that is wrong. This includes dirt here, paint drips there, tile is cracked, grout is chipped, edging on the paint on the ceiling, carpet here. Literally, anything, and they fix it before closing day and we move in. Then ten days after wards they come back to see us in our new home, and ask if we have found anything else and they will fix whatever it is we find. And this continues on at the month mark, six month mark, and the eleven month mark. We get an awesome house warranty, that will cover anything the first year and then we get a bumper to bumper warranty on all appliances, AC unit, hvac, water heater.. you get the picture. So it's pretty exciting. Plus since it's done in the middle of the day, I will get a sense of what the noise level is like for when I will be working. and who is home during the day.

We also found out that Erik's sister will be coming to visit us in June and I am pretty excited! I love having people come by, I love seeing family - whether that's his family or mine. I love it. It's nice to have friends and family in your home. Especially when there is only two people there, it gives it a sense of fullness. So I'm pretty excited. Not to mention, it's a great excuse to make sure it's all decorated by then and pretty by then. My mind has been so consumed with decorating and ideas it isn't even funny. I'm constantly thinking about little things to put here and there. Where can I find a good clothesline at? (yes I am being serious! and I'm excited about getting one!) How do I want to decorate our bedroom? How do I want to do the bathroom? And more importantly, why can't my boyfriend seem to remember to ask for pictures from his mom of him and his family and the pictures we took in October of him in his blues. Lol.. I want to have pictures of his family up there, it's an important aspect of his life and I want them up in our house! So.. hopefully he will remember to do it Sunday when it's phone call time. 

A picture of me jumping a few years ago, probably right before I meet Erik, so 2008.

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the horse subject. I'm just not really seeing a reason on why I shouldn't go ahead with getting one. I've still been fighting with this 'lost' feeling down here. I haven't really found my niche so to say. I think the reason why I keep going back to the idea, is because one it's one of my biggest loves and passions and because it will give me a sense of belonging and it will allow me to develop friends who aren't military here. That's important to me. I love my military friends, and they always know just what to say and what you need to hear, but I also need civilian friends, especially horse friends. There is just something about having a horrible day and going out to see your horse that really makes it all worth it. Call me crazy, I don't care. It's just this absolutely amazing feeling. Just pure love with no judgement. Okay - sometimes horses give you a little judgement. Like when you tell it to jump this super scary fence and they think your absolutely insane and want to throw a temper tantrum.. but outside of that. They are absolutely loving with no judgement. I know Erik wouldn't mind, heck he would probably spend a lot of time out there with me. I just need to find a place that isn't outrageously priced down here. I still can't get over some of the stupid rules these barns down here have and the stupid prices that go along with them. I don't come from an area that's considered really country, I mean it's Virginia Beach. It just seems like there is more common sense there, and better prices than here. I'm sure I will find something... just need to keep looking a little bit harder.

I hope everyone has a great Navy day!

My little pitty party

I've been having a bit of a hard time lately to be quite honest. I don't know if its my 'girly time' emotions messing with my head, or what but things haven't been easy. I feel so alone here. Let me elaborate just a bit so you (if there's anyone even reading this) can understand. Erik goes to work at 5:30am. Now I am just the worst girlfriend in the world because I do not get up to cook him breakfast and kiss him goodbye. Nope, my sleepy rear end stays in bed, asleep. I used to get up when he had to be at work and then go back to bed.. then I guess life just happened. I have my own routine. But anyways, so he kisses me goodbye and I sleep. I wake up, alone. I work, alone. He gets home in the evening, usually by 5. Dinner's done by then, I have to cook dinner, or else I would be disowned by the girlfriend committee (kidding! sarcasm people!) we eat, he gets on his computer to unwind or watches tv and then its bed time... hit repeat. So.. my day is spent completely alone. And yes, it's starting to get to me. I won't lie about it.

Everyone here seems to be involved in their own little world. Everyone already has their 'bff' or group of friends. Mom's have play dates (and there are TONS of babies here! - so does NOT help my baby fever whatsoever!) and then the others have girls nights and what not. Erik's made friends with guys at his command and has gone out, and is going out tonight with them. Which I totally don't care about - truly I don't. I want him to go out and have some friends and enjoy being a guy. Everyone at his shop is either single, or married with kids. If you don't know the military world - everyone is married with kids - even 19 year old kids. So do I hate to say this - no - I don't need more mom friends. I have two amazing friends who are mom's... and I love them dearly. But I need someone who is on my page. Someone who doesn't have kids yet. It's so hard to just jump in and find your place, and be like "Hey I'm here!!". Maybe I am being a whiny baby about this. But you know what, I just don't care. I know things could be a million times worse, and I should be so happy that it's shore duty - and I am! But It would just be nice to have a few friends. I've never had good experiences with 'groups' of girlfriends.. it never ends well. Too many girls equals too much estrogen and cat fights and drama. And I just don't need that right now.

Being alone all day long, gets lonely. I start thinking, well I could get a puppy and then I remember I have a puppy, she just isn't here right now. Then I start thinking... well we could do the baby thing. Then I remember, 'oh yeah... I'm not even married yet!' . I guess I am just throwing my own pitty party... but whatever. Its my right.

On another note, I am getting really excited about decorating our new home. I keep coming up with cute do it yourself decorations and ideas and things to do. New ways to arrange furniture and new ways to make it ours. It's definitely a really exciting experience. It's going to be a lot of fun, making it our home and just growing in it.

I keep thinking more and more about the horse 'thing'. I really keep thinking it's a thing I need to do. It'll give me a place to go and get out, and make non military friends, because although it's nice having friends involved with the military. It'd be nice to find friends that I can escape that world from. Plus, there is nothing and I mean nothing that can improve my day like a horse can. I know it's pricey. I was able to find a sweet lady who has a farm 10- 15 minutes away from my new home that can board my horse there and let me work off part of the board. It'll just give me that outlet that I am looking for. As much as I don't want to admit it, I really don't for see anything changing that would make it a challenge to get out to the barn. I know I need to finish up my last semester that I have in school - but other than that. It's just work all day, alone. I don't know what I am going to do... but I do know this has got to change, because I can't deal with this alone thing all the time any more...

Thinking out loud..

On the note of homesickness - I miss my friends being close by. I miss going out with them and yes in a way escaping the daily life and 'housewife duties'. I miss being able to go out for margarita's and laughter and girl talk. I like Florida - and I don't want people to think that I don't. I do, its so nice here and there is always something to do. Maybe its because it's new and an adventure. I just hope I am able to make some honest friends here, I don't need any more and I won't have any Navy wife drama. That is too annoying, and way to draining.

On a lighter note, things seem to be going well in the house hunting world. I don't want to jinx anything just yet. But hopefully soon I can share.

I've been debating back and forth and back and forth whether or not it's smart of me to take on horse ownership. I want to more than anything, it's the most rewarding thing ever and it will be great to make some riding friends and what not. However, I just wonder whether or not it's financially smart or not. If you don't know, horses and the sport of riding is expensive. It adds up pretty quickly. Just trying to weigh my options. There are a lot of things to think about, the cost of board, the cost of tack, vet bills, farrier bills, and clothing/boots. It gets expensive fast, and I know its worth it, I just wonder if it is financially smart. If I were to do this I wouldn't have any room for spending/shopping, and fun money. I am pretty comfortable, I am able to pay my bills and have money for savings. I am pretty lucky regarding my car payment, as my parents have saved up all of the money I received from the VA and are using that to pay for it. But I do know in the future I will have to pay for it. Whether or not Erik and I are married by then or not. I want to know full well that the money I am bringing in is enough to pay for everything that I have expenses for. I want to make sure that any expense I take on won't financially be a burden down the road - especially with taking on home ownership and everything else. I just want to make sure I make the right choice. Thinking, thinking, and thinking and pricing everything out before making a choice.

I hope everyone has a great sunday, and a wonderful week!

Thirsty Thursday ;)

I must say, I am really loving this Florida sunshine. Now I see why it's called the sunshine state.

My mind has been running a mile a minute since we got here, something that probably never will change until things are 'settled' in at the new house. I'm a big decorator, one of those typical little southern ladies you see at the Home Goods store, trying to decide if a certain piece will fit in, or if it's just a good excuse to redecorate the whole room. Yes, I am that person. And being here... not knowing weather or not we want to decorate is driving me crazy. I don't want to do a whole bunch of decorating if we are going to be moving out of here next month. It just wouldn't make sense.. and I know that. But staring at white walls all day is annoying.

Now, that Erik is back at work, finally. Don't get me wrong, I love that he is home and I love his friday's off. But as anyone in a long term, 'co-habitating' relationship knows, you just need some space. And well I can't excatly go anywhere since my Jeep is in Virginia Beach. But.. now that he is back at work, my schedule is finally getting back into a routine again. Thankfully.. it's nice to have my own routine again.

But anyhow, I need to get back to work. And on a seperate note.. I am really hoping my mailman shows up today with my checks.. this waiting game is not fun, and is certainely creating some stress. Oh!! I almost forgot, I can start shopping for horse stuff again :) Whoo Hoo!! I'm hoping to find a place with great board and get a horse soon.

Happy Thirsty Thursday!!