Things have been crazy this past week. Honestly, crazy. It's hard to believe it's only been a week since Erik has asked me to marry him. Anyone else would probably still be on cloud 9. It's not that I'm not excited about marrying Erik, or that I'm not madly in love with him. Because I am, honestly and truly. It's just that I feel as if my excitement has been stolen, or rather held against me. I feel as if I'm not allowed to be excited.
Erik's sister got engaged in April, and we were extremely happy for her, and still are. She deserves to have a perfect wedding, every girl does. Erik proposed to me on July 4th, and I was really, head over heels excited until I received a phone call, and it didn't seem like she was all that happy about it. So then I became worried, that I in some form or another took something away from her. So come Wednesday, I sent her an email letting her know I didn't want to step on her toes, or in anyway take anything away from her wedding planning experience or anything in general, and I wanted to let her know that her's and her fiancee's wedding was really important to us. I also wanted her to tell me if anything we did upset her so we could change it, or do our best to accommodate, because everyone being happy is really important to me and I want to have a great relationship with Erik's family. Well it backfired when we were asked what days we were thinking about getting married and I threw out a few different months that we had talked about. I always wanted a spring wedding with bright colors and warmth. Well, we really want to be respectful to her wedding. So.. I received a phone call from his other sister, that I am really truly happy I did, because I did upset his sister.
Well, honestly some of the things said upset me. I've been in tears every single day, since. So, Erik and I wanted to compromise so everyone could be happy, and so his parents could be at our wedding. Well.. even our compromise doesn't seem to make anyone happy and I am just at lost as to what to do or say. I honestly, at this point, really truly think they all hate me, or just don't care.
Erik didn't want a long engagement, nor did I. Erik becomes deployable, in just under two and a half years. We want to do and accomplish things in our first year of marriage, and then try to have kids and it is important that he is here when we do have our children, especially our first one. So, as of right now, things would ideally work out for the best. However, if we were to wait for the time when everyone wants us to be married, than he would have a year left. Wouldn't work for us. When it comes to the military you have to plan everythinggggggg. So, why are we asked to hold off/postpone/ or hurry our wedding up?
I'm just overwhelmed about everything that needs to be done if we are going to get married when we are thinking. I feel like I can't share anything with anyone. I want my mom here, she is supposed to be the one helping me, going to bridal expo's with me, going to visit venue's with Erik and I, going to see the churches with us. But she is 750 miles away. I have to figure out where to go wedding dress shopping at, there or here. I'm homesick. I want my mom. And now, even the two people I asked to be in my bridal party, probably won't be. I understand it is a lot to ask, a LOT, to ask. I do. We are so far away from my friends and family, and travel is expensive. But really.. I feel so alone. Erik is the sweetest most caring person, and has volunteered to go to the bridal expo's with me. But he shouldn't have to. My friends should be, my bridal party, my mom. But I don't get that. I won't get the bacholorette party, the bridal shower, heck we have to throw our own engagement party which consists of a cookout of Erik's friends and work buddies. No family, no friends of mine.
I'm really not wanting a pity party, but honestly sometimes this military life SUCKS. Yes, I know what I am marrying into, yes I know there are months where he won't be home - we've been there already- yes there will be times where things SUCK the big one, but I love him, and being with him is worth all of that. But, it still doesn't make it easier. It doesn't make feeling so alone, any easier. Nothing does. I just want to be able to enjoy this time, because I'll never get it back. But instead, I feel like I have to ask permission to be happy, I feel like his family hates me that they think I am trying to take something away from his sister. But I'm not, on that same breathe, what about Erik's happiness, what about what he wants? Why should we have to loose and compromise everything he and I want for our wedding to make everyone else happy? Why should we have to adjust our life plans to meet everyone elses needs? Why? Why do we have to realize that travel is so far out of the question for family and friends that we realize, hardly any one will be there or wants to make the effort to be there for our special day.
Day 7... and I'm crying again.
Showing posts with label engaged. Show all posts
Showing posts with label engaged. Show all posts
Monday, July 11, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Isn't this supposed to be a happy time?!
So the past few days have been, eventful to say the least. Monday we drove home to Florida, and made it back in at about two in the morning on Tuesday. We are night time drivers, which I like, no traffic in most cases and I love seeing the cities all lit up.
Well the events started Tuesday morning. And I'm really not wanting to get into the details to be honest. Maybe once I am not so upset about everything, once I am over it, things are fixed and I am calmed down. It mainly has to deal with the wedding date, that isn't set in stone yet. Erik's sister is getting married and we are really trying to be respectful of her date, because her wedding is important to us as is her happiness. But our wedding is important to us, and our wants and happiness is as well. It's a lot about compromise, but not forgoing and giving up everything that we want.
Most, everyday ordinary couples don't have to think about what is in store for them in the future. Thinking in a time frame of two years down the road doesn't occur and having a long engagement, longer than a year, is normal. Whelp, you guessed it in the military world, you constantly have to think about the future, and a long engagement (or even courtship) is out of the question. As of today, Erik has just under two and half years before deploying again. Erik and I are the type of couple who like to have a plan for our future. When it comes to moving from a family of two, to a family of three. We'd ideally like to wait a year. It's important to me for Erik to be here for the pregnancy, the birth, and the first year of our child's life. I'm sure it is important to every woman, and man. So if we were to get married when certain people want us to, he would only have a year left on shore duty. If we get married when we are wanting to, we'd have just under two years of shore duty left. Which is a little more doable, and is more time to enjoy being married before worrying about a deployment. We've already spent so much time apart as it is, we deserve to be married when we want to.
It also is upsetting for me that this situation is putting us in a tough spot. While trying to be respectful of others, and compromising for others, we don't want to lose our wants and needs in the process. It's also upsetting that Erik's happiness isn't more important for other's, his happiness is my biggest priority. He means the world to me, and I can't stand to have him unhappy.
Anyways, I'm getting a little too emotional and upset about that subject. I really need to get back to work. Wedding planning is going to be taking a huge toll on me, I think. It's going to be hard to plan everything alone for the most part. All my family is in Virginia, as well as my friends. I haven't made many here. So it's going to be hard to plan everything when I'm completely alone. It's also going to be hard to pick a bridal party, when so many friends have disappeared in the past year and a half. But I'll live, and move on. I just want this to be fun, and enjoyable, and a great time in our life. I don't care if someone takes that away from me, but I won't allow that to be taken from Erik. You can hold your breathe on that.
Well the events started Tuesday morning. And I'm really not wanting to get into the details to be honest. Maybe once I am not so upset about everything, once I am over it, things are fixed and I am calmed down. It mainly has to deal with the wedding date, that isn't set in stone yet. Erik's sister is getting married and we are really trying to be respectful of her date, because her wedding is important to us as is her happiness. But our wedding is important to us, and our wants and happiness is as well. It's a lot about compromise, but not forgoing and giving up everything that we want.
Most, everyday ordinary couples don't have to think about what is in store for them in the future. Thinking in a time frame of two years down the road doesn't occur and having a long engagement, longer than a year, is normal. Whelp, you guessed it in the military world, you constantly have to think about the future, and a long engagement (or even courtship) is out of the question. As of today, Erik has just under two and half years before deploying again. Erik and I are the type of couple who like to have a plan for our future. When it comes to moving from a family of two, to a family of three. We'd ideally like to wait a year. It's important to me for Erik to be here for the pregnancy, the birth, and the first year of our child's life. I'm sure it is important to every woman, and man. So if we were to get married when certain people want us to, he would only have a year left on shore duty. If we get married when we are wanting to, we'd have just under two years of shore duty left. Which is a little more doable, and is more time to enjoy being married before worrying about a deployment. We've already spent so much time apart as it is, we deserve to be married when we want to.
It also is upsetting for me that this situation is putting us in a tough spot. While trying to be respectful of others, and compromising for others, we don't want to lose our wants and needs in the process. It's also upsetting that Erik's happiness isn't more important for other's, his happiness is my biggest priority. He means the world to me, and I can't stand to have him unhappy.
Anyways, I'm getting a little too emotional and upset about that subject. I really need to get back to work. Wedding planning is going to be taking a huge toll on me, I think. It's going to be hard to plan everything alone for the most part. All my family is in Virginia, as well as my friends. I haven't made many here. So it's going to be hard to plan everything when I'm completely alone. It's also going to be hard to pick a bridal party, when so many friends have disappeared in the past year and a half. But I'll live, and move on. I just want this to be fun, and enjoyable, and a great time in our life. I don't care if someone takes that away from me, but I won't allow that to be taken from Erik. You can hold your breathe on that.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
The Proposal!!
So, late very late on July 3rd, early morning of July 4th something very, very special happened. After everyone had left, and Erik's parents were in bed. Erik and I were just relaxing on the couch. I was super exhausted and wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep, but Erik was very persistent on relaxing on the couch for a while, so we did. He ended up giving me a foot rub.
But.. it wasn't any ordinary foot rub. As I am trying my hardest to not drift off into wonderland, and as Erik is rubbing my feet, something happens to slip onto my toe. Yes, my toe. So I look down to see what it is and all I see is the biggest smile on Erik's face, and a very beautiful shiny ring on my toe. I, actually thought it wasn't real, and that I was dreaming. So I grab it and just stare at it, wide awake and sitting straight up. And the questions begin, "Erik,... what is this?" No answer.. "Erik, what is this!" No answer.. "Erik, what is this?!?" Finally an answer - "What do you think it is" And I just stared at him (yes, I was in shock!) "Erik, I'm not kidding, what is this!" and all he can say is "Will you" and my response "Will I what?" and then finally.. after about what felt like an hour, which was really like about two minutes, he asks me to marry him. In which I of course said "Yes!". Maybe 15 minutes later, Erik's dad walks into the living room and asks us whats going on. I am wayyyyyyyyy too excited to do anything but giggle. And which made him question what's going on more, and I giggled more and he just gave up and went to bed. His mom came out and hugged us and went to bed. It was nice, though, not having anyone know whats going on. Just having the whole world moving around us, and it just be us. I know, it sounds weird, but I love it. I love having no one, at this very moment know. I'm sure my Dad knows it is going to happen, but no one officially knows right now. And I love it.
Surprisingly, I didn't really cry. I think I was in too much shock to cry, too excited, too happy. I did shed a few tears. Apparently, Erik in the craziness of all his family being there, managed to call my daddy and ask for permission - which means the world to me. A little while later we went to bed and just cuddled, and then the tears came. And this morning the tears came when I realized I wasn't dreaming.
Honestly, I didn't see it coming. I knew something was up, I did. Erik has been acting funny for about two weeks now. Apologizing for everything and anything that I got upset over, being very lovey, acting in a way he hadn't acted in a while. So, I knew something was going on. You always kind of dream, well maybe he will. But I had told myself over and over that I had a better chance of being struck by lighting than Erik purposing. It wasn't the picture perfect movie scene, it wasn't the whole extravagant ordeal, but it was us. It was perfect for us and I love that.
So I just wanted to share the amazing news with everyone, that Erik and I are engaged!! I am so excited, and so very happy. Words can't even describe how I feel.
Edit: So I wrote this yesterday morning, before we had told anyone while I was waiting for Erik to wake up. I had already gotten up to take the dog out and had taken a shower, but I was not about to go out into the family room alone with this beautiful ring on my finger. So after he woke up, we went out and just relaxed until his dad came in and asked where his mom was. His Aunt and Uncle were getting ready to leave his grandparents house. I got all giggly again when Erik said, "Hey Mom, Anne has something to show you." Neither of us said a word and just showed her the ring, it took a second but she gave me the biggest hug and started to cry. -That meant the world to me, knowing that they were really happy for us. And we told her how it happened and his dad and everything. His mom sent the text to his sisters, and apparently on Sunday two of his sisters asked Erik when he was planning on proposing, they didn't have a clue it'd be super late that night, early morning of our third anniversary. I found that pretty funny. We walked over and told his grandparents and they seemed really happy as well.
So here are two pictures, the only ones I have right now. I'll try to get Erik to take a picture with me later on today :) I'm just too excited and happy for words right now.
But.. it wasn't any ordinary foot rub. As I am trying my hardest to not drift off into wonderland, and as Erik is rubbing my feet, something happens to slip onto my toe. Yes, my toe. So I look down to see what it is and all I see is the biggest smile on Erik's face, and a very beautiful shiny ring on my toe. I, actually thought it wasn't real, and that I was dreaming. So I grab it and just stare at it, wide awake and sitting straight up. And the questions begin, "Erik,... what is this?" No answer.. "Erik, what is this!" No answer.. "Erik, what is this?!?" Finally an answer - "What do you think it is" And I just stared at him (yes, I was in shock!) "Erik, I'm not kidding, what is this!" and all he can say is "Will you" and my response "Will I what?" and then finally.. after about what felt like an hour, which was really like about two minutes, he asks me to marry him. In which I of course said "Yes!". Maybe 15 minutes later, Erik's dad walks into the living room and asks us whats going on. I am wayyyyyyyyy too excited to do anything but giggle. And which made him question what's going on more, and I giggled more and he just gave up and went to bed. His mom came out and hugged us and went to bed. It was nice, though, not having anyone know whats going on. Just having the whole world moving around us, and it just be us. I know, it sounds weird, but I love it. I love having no one, at this very moment know. I'm sure my Dad knows it is going to happen, but no one officially knows right now. And I love it.
Surprisingly, I didn't really cry. I think I was in too much shock to cry, too excited, too happy. I did shed a few tears. Apparently, Erik in the craziness of all his family being there, managed to call my daddy and ask for permission - which means the world to me. A little while later we went to bed and just cuddled, and then the tears came. And this morning the tears came when I realized I wasn't dreaming.
Honestly, I didn't see it coming. I knew something was up, I did. Erik has been acting funny for about two weeks now. Apologizing for everything and anything that I got upset over, being very lovey, acting in a way he hadn't acted in a while. So, I knew something was going on. You always kind of dream, well maybe he will. But I had told myself over and over that I had a better chance of being struck by lighting than Erik purposing. It wasn't the picture perfect movie scene, it wasn't the whole extravagant ordeal, but it was us. It was perfect for us and I love that.
So I just wanted to share the amazing news with everyone, that Erik and I are engaged!! I am so excited, and so very happy. Words can't even describe how I feel.
Edit: So I wrote this yesterday morning, before we had told anyone while I was waiting for Erik to wake up. I had already gotten up to take the dog out and had taken a shower, but I was not about to go out into the family room alone with this beautiful ring on my finger. So after he woke up, we went out and just relaxed until his dad came in and asked where his mom was. His Aunt and Uncle were getting ready to leave his grandparents house. I got all giggly again when Erik said, "Hey Mom, Anne has something to show you." Neither of us said a word and just showed her the ring, it took a second but she gave me the biggest hug and started to cry. -That meant the world to me, knowing that they were really happy for us. And we told her how it happened and his dad and everything. His mom sent the text to his sisters, and apparently on Sunday two of his sisters asked Erik when he was planning on proposing, they didn't have a clue it'd be super late that night, early morning of our third anniversary. I found that pretty funny. We walked over and told his grandparents and they seemed really happy as well.
So here are two pictures, the only ones I have right now. I'll try to get Erik to take a picture with me later on today :) I'm just too excited and happy for words right now.
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