Kiddo's & Deployments

Tips for Children & Military Deployments:

-Show videos (we watch a random youtube one of his boat) of where Daddy/Mommy is. It really helps them understand where they are and why. We talk all the time about how Daddy is fixing airplanes and jets and helicopters and how Daddy is keeping us safe.

-We have a map up in the kitchen with a point of where we are, and where Daddy is. The map is on a cork board so that we can move Daddy's pin around, while they don’t understand it, it helps for them to visualize that Daddy is far away.

-Talk, talk, talk. Let them know its okay to be sad. Let them know you’re sad too. Talk about adventures you’re going to do while Daddy(or Mommy) is gone, and what you’re going to do when Daddy comes home. They don’t understand 8 months, but what they do understand is that right now they are three, and when Daddy comes home they will be 3.5. Daddy is gone for a while

-A jar of kisses. By far, their favorite. We have a big jar full of kisses that they get one every night from Daddy.  It’s easy enough to refill for an extension, or if you live in Nevereverland, eat a ton before homecoming.  I really hated the idea of a paper chain, or a countdown, because it’s just frustrating, especially when you see so many chain links still to go. That isn’t fair to anybody. But a jar of kisses, is a sweet reminder of their Daddy and is less of a countdown tool.

-Have them color pictures and paint pictures for Daddy. Have them go to the store to help do care packages. It helps them feel included.

My biggest advice is to keep the same routine you had before deployment. Don’t drastically change things, or lighten up on things that were done before Dad left. Trust me, I know first hand it’s hard, especially with a newborn, but the older kids need that security.  They need a lot of talking about what’s going on, I’m finding that even if I think they’re okay, which most of the time they are, they still need to be reminded that Daddy IS coming home and that he does love and miss them terribly. They need a lot of reassurance and it’s much easier to give them that security than to deal with the tantrums.  

I hope this helps someone if they find themselves in a similar path, any questions or advice? Would you of done something different? Leave them in the comments. 

Deployment resources for Children:

Military One Source – They have a great guide of things to talk to your children about prior to the deployment and highly encourage talking to even the youngest about what will be happening.

Daddy’s Deployed – A wonderful, wonderful personalized books about the deployment – from beginning to end. It helps put the cycle of deployment into an understandable cycle for children.

Daddy Dolls – I can not rave enough about the quality of these ‘dolls’. They’re really stuffed, shaped pillows. But my boys adore being able to hug dad when they’re missing him.

Pre-D Meltdown

Well, it was a matter of time until the pre-deployment meltdown hit. And my dear, it hit hard.

I've not felt so full of anxiety, worry, and stress in a very long time. All of these changes, all of the enormity of the situation now sits on my chest like a mountain. I'm not so sure if it is the deployment that is really hitting me, or the change of adding our third son to the picture in the same timeframe of the deployment. Not having the familiarity of having Dad around for H&L, but instead having Grandma here for a few short weeks until Mom is cleared from recovery.

I have never felt so terrified in my life that I am doing or going to be doing something wrong. Have I loved them enough? Have I been here enough? Have I explained what is going to happen enough? Why didn't I pay closer attention to a possible early fertile window? What am I doing?

Ironically, I had been looking somewhat forward to this time with H&L prior to finding out about our new addition. The adventures we were going to go on, the fun we would have. They have reached this age where independence is a blessing and life is really a good balance. And now.. I will be adding a newborn to that. Terrifying doesn't begin to explain how I am feeling.

The reality of doing this solo is becoming much more than I can handle, the reality of not having my best friend and biggest ally here during what are going to be the hardest of days is what hits the hardest. It's a lot to even think about.

Sigh... Everything will be just fine. I have to have faith in that, because if not - it would look much more daunting.

The D Word

Well – every time I type this post, I stop. The truth is, I think I’ve tried to ignore it for so long and focus on other things I can control. Ironically, I think that’s a big reason as to why I am 31 weeks pregnant, and still hardly have a nursery or much organized for our newest addition. But, unfortunately, I need to face the music. Deployment is coming, and it’s coming fast.

                The Mr and I haven’t done a deployment in roughly 5 years, we’ve been lucky enough to enjoy a nice shore duty tour and a year of sea duty without a deployment. It’s inevitable, and we knew there would be one coming. Last time he was deployed I was only a girlfriend, and we lived in the same town as my family. This time – we are 800+ miles away, homeowners, and parents. So, a lot has changed for us.

                My biggest concern isn’t myself, or handling it all solo. That is going to be hard, without a doubt, but my biggest concern is my boys, all 4 of them.  The boys have handled the underways pretty seamlessly, but classically get a little antsy and frustrated when Daddy isn’t here to do things that Daddys do. They’re really great about understanding that “Daddy is working” or “Daddy is fixing airplanes and helicopters” or “Daddy’s on the boat”.  I’m just worried about keeping the connection there. 8-10 months for anyone is a long time, but 8-10 months for two three year olds may as well be a lifetime.

                Thankfully there are programs out there, like the United Through Reading Program that the USO promotes and there are resources like Daddy Dolls that I think will help. I’ve seen a couple of pins through pinterest of good books to read to the boys to help them understand. One thing I’d like to stray away from is the chain links with the countdown, homecoming date can change so rapidly, especially in the early days, I really don’t want to give them a specific date and probably won’t tell them until the morning we go to pick him up.

Ultimately, I want to keep this time fun for them – but as routine as possible. I know I have some pretty big challenges ahead with adding our new baby to our family right as he is leaving but it’s really my hope that a sense of normalcy will help curve any hard issues. I’m trying not to get too overwhelmed myself and trying to be mindful to be kind to myself. It’s rather intimidating to be left alone with 3 kids, a dog, and a house to maintain and keep everyone happy, alive and trying to have fun through it all.

If anyone has some good tips and tricks about keeping Dads connected and making kids feel connected – I’m all ears!

Catching Up!

Wow - so it's June, already. Where has time gone, and where has it taken my brain off too!

So let's see, what's new? Well, the boys are doing fantastic! They are growing and are so, so much fun now. I really, really love this age regardless of how exhausting some days may be. They're doing fantastic with their milestones and have really, really done well with their speech therapy. It's fantastic to see how much they've grown and to hear their progress.

Otherwise, things are picking up in some other ways around the H house. We are expecting a baby boy who will complete our family in early November! We're so very excited to add another little boy to our hearts and our home. Nervous in many ways, but thrilled!

Things are also picking up with the Navy life. The Mr. is currently out on an underway and will be deploying days after our new addition makes his grand debut. It isn't exactly how things were planned, or how we pictured them but that's life, right? It's definitely a new learning curve on parenting for me, and a bit of a juggling act but we knew and were waiting for the big Deployment to come and it is starting to make an appearance.

With the Mr. underway I am learning new tips and tricks on how to juggle life at home with the boys (while pregnant) , Most of my posts will probably be about that, not so much just being Mom but things that I have found that are helping us and making my life easier to manage when solo.

So - if you're still following and still around, I'm venturing back! I'm really hoping to get better with blogging and updating this time and keeping a better habit at it.

Look forward to more posts soon! :)

Am I selfish?

Sometimes I often wonder if I am a selfish mom. Selfish for working, for taking on business trips. Am I selfish for willingly leaving my boys at home with their Dad for a few days? Am I selfish for wanting to better my career, for nothing other than my personal pride and work ethic?

All too often I hear, that someone's child is so much better off because their mom was able to stay at home with them. That the only reason that they turned out okay was because their mom was around all the time. While, I have no doubt that's true, and that is what works for their family, it makes me wonder if my work has made me selfish.

Let me elaborate a bit more.

I work at home, averaging about 30 hours or more a week. I work in IT Sales and Management, specializing in solutions. I'm working hard to make the transition into a full time position with my company. I also don't work because of a need for two incomes. Furthermore, I have maintained the stance that I won't sacrifice my career, or job rather, simply because my husband is in the military. I was very lucky to have this job and have strived very hard to prove myself.

I often wonder, or rather feel that I am highly selfish for not turning down work trips to remain the sole caretaker of my children, or the stability in our house. I know that our home life is much different than other families because of my husband's job in the military. Not only is it much different from the "norm" but it is also much different from other military families.

Sometimes I question whether or not I am paying someone to raise my kid, or that I am a part time mom. That I am really causing more harm than good, or that I am trying to do too much, only to cause a lot of damage on the way. I hate that by working, I feel guilty and feel like I'm being too selfish. That in someway, I am ruining my children. I know deep down I'm not, but when I hear comment about how great someone's kids are because their mom stayed at home, I wonder if I am just plowing the way for my children to be not-so-great.

There are some days, that seem to flow so seamlessly and feel so content. Then there are others, the rough ones. The ones were work is busy and stressful, there are a hundred house chores that need to be done, dinner to be made, and the boys are on a biting, screaming streak. Those are the days I question everything so much more. I question on if I would have more time if I didn't work, if the boys wouldn't have a speech delay if I were around narrating my day more. Maybe if I didn't work, we wouldn't eat so much take out and L wouldn't bite H as much as he does. Maybe if I didn't work, we would have more friends with families, the boys would have friends their own age. We would have time for coffee and doughnut play dates, park and more zoo trips. I question it far more than I should on those days.

I've spoken with other working mom friends, well co-workers.They get it to an extent. I think part of the issue lies within my inner critic, and the mom guilt. While there are a hundred ways to skin a cat, I feel like there are two main ways to raise children and that I'm kind of falling in this grey area. Not quite a full time in-office working mom, but not a start at home mom either. The grey area is what makes it tough, what makes me feel like I'm walking in an uncharted territory.

I hate that I feel selfish over working, because working helps with my feelings of self worth. It's good to be selfish in life, good to want to better yourself. I work because ultimately, I enjoy it. I can only hope that I'm teaching the boys that it's okay to be selfish, without losing sight of what is best for your family. I hope that I can teach them there are more matters to life than work, but that there is more than family. It's okay to put your family first, but you shouldn't lose sight of your own goals and aspirations. You don't want to look back one day and think 'What if...' that being said its important to not put work first all the time, and it's not quite always the best timing to put your goals first either. It's a fine, fine line to walk. One that I'm leery of almost all the time, to walk this line that divides maintaining your identity without pushing your family away, and becoming so engulfed in your family you lose focus and you lose who you are.

"It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It's necessary." -Mandy Hale

Why I hate the 'Military Wife' Stigma

Many of you may not be aware that I grew up in the military lifestyle, a "navy brat" as many called it, a term my mother couldn't stand. "You're not brats!" she would say, and while we weren't golden all the time, I agree.

My issue with the "military wife" stigma is something that I'm coming to notice more and more as I become more of an outsider in this 'community' if you will. Many wives claim that their 'job' is a Navy wife, a Marine wife, an Army, Coast Guard, Airforce wife. That's not my job. My job is in the IT field, a job I have worked at for the past four and a half years. I go to work every day, well Monday-Friday, I'm also a mother and a wife every day. But being a mother and a wife is not something I would consider a 'job', and here is why:

• A job by definition is:

A noun

1.  a piece of work, especially a specific task done as part of the routine of one's occupation or for an agreed price:

She gave him the job of mowing the lawn.

2.  a post of employment; full-time or part-time position:

She was seeking a job as an editor.

• To me, being a mother or a wife is more than a job. It is a lifestyle change, it is a choice one made to care for one or more people for quite literally the rest of your life. To put your needs last in some occasions, and to know when to put your needs first. Is being a mother a responsibility? Yes, absolutely. But it's more than that.
• A job, is a place of employment, a place of an employment that you chose to work at and that you can chose to leave at any given time. Being a mother, or a wife, is not a position that you can just wake up one day and decide to leave. You can't walk into your child's room and say "Mom quits today, make your own bottles, change your own diapers and occupy yourself" (well I suppose you could, but I wouldn't suggest it.)
• My husband is the one in the military, not myself, it's his job. Not mine. I really don't feel like I do anything different than what any other wife, who loves her husband, would do. Sure it sucks when he goes away for a bit, but I like to think that is what makes our relationship work so well. It's based on more than just the day-to-day, more than physical attraction. Any normal wife would support her husbands endavors, and make sacrafices for the family. So, no, I don't think being a military wife in the broadest sense is some sort of super job.
• To kind of contradict what I stated above, there are aspects that make it difficult. Like when the washer breaks after he's only left 12 hours ago. Or when the kids are screaming and you just want a break, but your husband isn't due to be home for another 2 months and your families are 10+ hours away. Those are trials and tribulations, and they make us who we are. They can be hard, they can be joyous, they can be heartbreaking and they can be overwhelming but I'm a firm believer in that's how we grow.

I just can't hope on board with making it my life, making it my job. Is the military a big part of our life? Yes. Do they have more control on your family life than you're average career? Yes. But it's not our life, it's not my life. My life is a compilation of things, my children, my husband, my dog, my home, my family, my job, my friends, doing things I love and enjoy doing. You get the picture. I don't wake up and live and breathe the military. I don't deploy to a war zone, I don't see steel grey walls everyday for extended amounts of time. I don't work 16 hours a day when I'm deployed.

I'm lucky to have a husband who wants to pursue this career, who wants to not only protect his family but his country. I'm lucky to have a husband who provides for his family. The most important thing though is that is his choice, his doing. I feel like the "military wife" stigma takes a lot away from that, and that makes me really sad.

A late Update

I feel like because I haven't blogged in so long, that an update is called for.

The boys are now 26 months, two years old. They have been receiving speech therapy once a week since October and have made huge leaps and bounds! Hayden went from only saying a handful of words at 23 months (handful, as in less than 10) to saying 10-30 words spontaneously and is now using phrases like ‘thank you’, ‘I want’ (when prompted),  ‘bye bye’, and Hayden is now mimicking myself and his Dad. Liam, has skyrocketed. He has gone from less than 20 words, to now saying 2 words phrases. They adore their therapist and I have to say I do too. She is hands down amazing and has helped us in more ways than we could of thought.

We also have found a Nanny, not really an accurate word but kind of the only word for her, and the boys also love her. I’m so grateful for her, because day-care prices were outrageously high for two kids. Not to mention, I’m glad that I don’t have to worry if they are sick, I don’t have to take sick days, I’m not exposing them to germs other than the normal park germs. I don’t have to wake them up in the morning to take them to a place other than home and they get to nap at home. The list goes on, and on, and on.

I weaned off of Zoloft back in July of 2014, and while it was a bit difficult at first, I’m SO much better. At first it was kind of difficult, because there were things that I had buried deep down that started bubbling to the surface. Things I guess you could say I ignored, that I had to face again. But it was refreshing. I started using Essential Oils to help with my moods and thyroid, and they have been so wonderful.

The Mr is now on sea duty, and is getting ready to start deploying. Part of me is sad, because of the time he will miss with the boys, the other part of me is looking forward to all that I will accomplish while he is gone. The time I will have to grow as a person and refocus my energy, the fun things I can do to update the house while he is gone.

Other than the normal ins and outs, I’ve been working on rebuilding some family relationships sand working on how I want others to go. I’m still working and hoping that I will be granted a ‘full time’ position soon. I currently work about 30 hours a week and up, but I’m really hoping to go full time due to the benefits of PTO and sick days. I’m in the process of re-starting school to finally finish up my degree now and just figure out what career I really want to be in.

I’m really hoping that now that my time management has gotten SO much better, I’ll be able to blog more regularly, about in things going on in my life, and maybe help others in similar spots in life. Twin mom life, military wife life (although I really hate that term, but that’s a different post for a different day), working mom and working at home life and just life in general. In the mean time, I have a whole lot of laundry to catch up on and bedtime is drawing near.

Night!

Hayden Climbing at the Park

Liam Climbing at the Park

Snuggles after naptime.

My Mommy Confession

I haven’t blogged much lately, I haven’t had much energy to nor much that I felt was worth saying. But, I have a nasty, little confession that I think is about time to get off my chest.

I left every single mom group I was in.

I know what you’re thinking. Mom Groups? They have those? Yep. They do, and I quit every one of them.

When I first found out I was pregnant I joined up on the Bump and joined a month board. It was nice to have a group of women who were going through virtually the same thing I was going through, some veterans and some first time moms like me. I was on the Multiples board off and on, but never really felt too attached to it. Eventually one of the moms made a FB group and I focused on that versus the Bump.

These girls were amazing, it was wonderful having a group of girls to go to when problems arose, when I need recommendations for carseat brands or bottles. When I wanted to know how many crib sheets to get. They were a great sounding board after a rough NICU day. You get the picture.

Eventually, somewhere down the line, a spin off group was created of girls that felt the closest and I was in that group. These were the girls I loved, and I mean loved. We talked about it all, post baby bellies, husbands, sex, wine nights, date nights, babysitters, nannies, work. Then something happened. Suddenly, someone didn’t like that people were too ‘real’ or too ‘mean’. Now, it’s the internet, so tone of voice can be hard to read. But never in my life was I referred to as a ‘mean’ girl. Ever.

Enter, a crazy catty downward slow spiral.

At first, it was only 3 or 4 girls, who left the group – unbeknown to all, creating their own side group that was about everything happy, and pretty and fun. And eventually (I’m sparing tedious details yall), it diminished into two totally different groups. Two total separate groups that both I'm sure felt stabbed in the back.

Recap: 1 group of moms, with a side group of 50 of those moms, demolished into 1 main mom group and 2 side groups. I know it’s a lot. And its totally wackadoodle. But lets carry on, shall we?

Anyhow, so lets get back to it. So this small side group of a side group had a few girls, we’ll say less than 20. And we all thought we were close. But, the key word is thought. After about 4 months, it became bluntly obvious that it pretty much was a ‘support’ group for two people, and unless you had something end-of-the-world, it felt blown over. Birthdays were forgotten, people were left out. So. After a ton of freaking dumb drama, and feeling like I was slapped in the face, I left.

And it felt ahmazing. I felt free, I felt so free. And better yet, I still do. I keep in touch with a few of the girls I felt close to. I still chat on a daily basis with a few, and I don’t compare myself to others. That was the most single surprising thing that I found after leaving, was that deep down, I was constantly matching myself up against others that I thought were friends. I didn’t wait until they were 3 years old to rear face, I didn’t breastfeed let alone exclusively breastfeed, I didn’t want another pregnancy, I didn’t want sex all of the time. And the list goes on.. and on. And on.

It’s so funny, how fast you thought people were friends that you realize that you aren’t really friends. People who you confided in, you realize probably were really just chatting behind your back or baiting you for information. Blah, blah blah.

And another thing happened. It is SO much easier to focus on work, focus on the boys, focus on the Mr. You get the point. I didn’t realize that I was concerned, on some level, what was going on with the other girls in the group. I just hadn’t realized that it had some how become a priority, but its certainly a priority that I don’t miss. At all.

It’s one of those things that I don’t think are for everyone, one of those things that I feel like can cause more harm than good, especially if you are a giving person. I’ve given far more than I should of ever given, to girls who I thought were friends, who come to find out just manipulated me as well as others.

I’ve not been happier, really and truly. I feel so much more confident in my role as a mom, as a wife, and as a working mom. I have the urge to work out in the mornings, for me. The urge to do my makeup because it’s something I have found that I am interested in, not because I’m trying to match up to another mom. I’m really just at a good spot now, a much better spot than I have been the past few years.

So.. that’s my dirty confession.

Life Recently.

I recently made a trip to Chicago for work, it was pretty jammed packed full of meetings and work. I was ridiculously nervous about leaving the boys, but I put on my big girl panties and dove in. I wasn’t gone two full days and Erik was able to take leave to be home for the time I was away, so thankfully I didn’t have to worry about the boys being with anyone else since I hadn’t done that until after my trip. Erik was truly wonderful and was a rockstar Dad. I didn’t have hardly any time to really digest that I was gone, I was so busy from the moment I got off of my flight to the moment I got on my flight. The flight home was insane, we literally were almost canceled and Erik had to arrange to have emergency leave added to his current leave at 11 at night just in case I was canceled. Thank god I have the most amazing friend ever who still picked me up from the airport at 2am.

I think overall the trip was good for me. Really and truly, it gave me the kick in the pants that I needed to really motivate me to be the best me I can be. It reminded me that although I am H&L’s Mommy, but I am still Anne. I do admit it was pretty nice to get up, shower, and wear makeup and nice clothes that weren’t ruined by the end of the day.

I’ve felt a little more at ease in my role as mom since returning home, Erik and I finally went on our first date on our 2^nd wedding anniversary since the boys were born. I’ve learned to try and let go of the control that I feel like I have to have on everything. I’m really hoping to start to try and wean off of my Zoloft here soon and get back to normal on my own. I’ve tried before three times now, with no luck, so I’m just waiting for life to get a little less stressful before I give it another go round.

I’ve recently gotten really into crafting. I’ve made a few things for my sister-in-laws baby shower at the end of the month, as well as a few gifts for her little boy too. I’ll have to share a few pictures after her shower to show off my skills. For someone who didn’t know how to sew hardly a straight line three months ago, I’ve come a pretty long way! It’s definitely really relaxing and it gives me something to look forward to at the end of the night as well.

Hayden and Liam had their 15 month appointment mid last month, and are doing great. They were 22.6 and 23.2 lbs and were 30 inches. They are officially scouring the walls climbing everywhere, on everything. We are still struggling with our vocal milestones, but physically they are doing wonderful. They have a great grasp on receptive commands and words but still don’t really say too much. Liam within the past few days has started to mimic much more than Hayden. I try really hard to not worry, and not to compare. But lets face it, its hard, when you have two babies who are genetically the same and one of them is at a high risk for having learning disabilities and other disabilities. I tend to worry about Hayden reaching milestones much more than Liam, as bad as that sounds to admit. They both can say ‘Dada’, ‘Mama’, ‘Dod’ for dog and ‘Hi’ somewhat. Liam can definitely say ‘Hi’, ‘boo’ for book, ‘blahc’ for block. They also can both sign eat and more too! Growing up fast I’ll tell ya!

I’m really hoping to get back into a workout and eating right schedule soon, I’ve been struggling the past few weeks and especially this past week. I’m drained and need to make rest more of a priority and I really need to find new healthy, toddler friendly recipes too. I feel like I am repeating my food way too much lately, which makes me not want to cook at all. If anyone has any healthy, toddler friendly recipes they’d like to share, I’d really appreciate it!

I hope to update more and get back to regular posting soon. But for now – bedtime! G’Night!

Grace and Mercy

To me, one of the biggest character flaws that I have is my ability to incorporate grace and mercy into my life. Normally, I am pretty good with having grace and mercy when it comes to strangers, friends, or neighbors. However, when it comes to my family it is the hardest thing to have and I truly struggle with this. I think a lot of it has to do with expecting more from family and parents and siblings. You expect more because you love them and you would go to the end of the world for them, whether you want to admit it or not. Recently, I was made aware of this and it isn’t something I’m proud of. I want to be the best example of how a lady should be, and how more importantly humanity should be to my children.  By not being graceful and showing mercy to my own family, that’s not being a good example or a good person. Anger and frustration have really taken a beating on me emotionally, and really weigh me down. I don’t want to be that angry person that snaps at the drop of a pin. I don’t want to be the person my kids fear, or the person who chases friends off. I need to forgive, truly forgive, and get rid of the anger and frustration that I’m housing and holding on to and let it go. Really let it go.

I really have struggled having a relationship with my middle brother. He struggled with addiction issues and is highly enabled by my parents, mainly my mother. I struggle with being frustrated with him, for not growing up and doing something productive, for moving back home frequently and accepting a lot of handouts. I get frustrated that he is in a craptastic relationship, for reasons unknowing to me, and has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. I am so frustrated that two, irresponsible people are bringing a child (another child for her) into this world and they are so unstable themselves. My heart breaks for that little girl. I think it is the most selfish thing they have done to date. But I’ve realized that being frustrated and angry isn’t going to help anyone, remaining angry at my brother for his actions and behavior isn’t going to be beneficial to him or myself. Instead, I should be supportive from a distance and show mercy and grace and move on. Be the better person, be the person I would hope my children would be. I know, it won’t be easy and I know there are chances for me to slip up, but I really need to let this go. It isn’t healthy and it isn’t fair for anyone. So tonight, I plan on calling my brother to catch up with him, to apologize for being ruthless and to help guide him to make sure he takes the appropriate measures that I think he should take as a dad. I worry about him becoming a dad in an unmarried relationship, I truly do. So I really want to help him be a good dad and a good person, I may not be able to help him financially, but I can help him emotionally and I can pray for him.

I also really need to let go of the frustrations I hold with my mom, and that is going to take a lot of time and a lot out of me. I hold a lot of grudges against my mom, and there are a lot of personality traits that really bother me and frustrate me. I tend to get extremely upset with her when she doesn’t tell my dad certain things, and leaves him out to dry. But I need to recognize that, that is their marriage and it isn’t my place to belittle her. I tend to be extremely blunt with her, because she victimizes herself, or she creates bad situations for normal situations. MY attitude won’t help the situation, so I need to distance myself from that and just focus on how I can help without being involved. I need to pray more for my mom instead of getting angry with her and yelling, and creating a ruckus.

I really, think that by showing more grace and mercy towards others and being more forgiving will allow me to live more according to His will and will help me follow God’s plan and allow me to walk closer to Him. I am an extremely emotional person, and I do truly take things to heart so this is a struggle for me. But it is really something that I need to change and is something I need to work on NOW before the boys have a real understanding of what is going on. I want to be a fantastic example of having grace and mercy and that needs to start yesterday now.

Menu Monday on Tuesday

Another Menu Monday, well at this point its Tuesday, I promise I will post something different soon. I’m hoping to put together some tips for other work at home Mom’s and non-moms too, on how to overcome certain downfalls of working at home. But for now… here is our weekly menu and a slight update on where I am with my goals for 2014:

Monday: Chicken Stove Top Casserole

This is seriously the easiest dish I ever make, my mom used to make it for us when I was growing up, and now – I see why. You’ll need 2 Chicken Breasts (or 3 depending on your family – for us four, two works just fine) 8oz or so of Shredded Cheddar Cheese, Cream of Chicken, and Stove Top Stuffing. Boil the chicken breasts in lightly salted water. Drain and cut up into pieces. Bite size works best, nothing too big. Cream of chicken mixed with ½ a can of milk. Put chicken in a casserole dish, and the cream of chicken on top. Mixed steamable frozen veggies (or fresh ones – whichever floats your boat). Put those on top. Shredded Cheddar Cheese is sprinkled on top of that, and then a prepared box of Stove Top Chicken Stuffing goes on top. Bake at 375 for about 20-25 minutes. And you’re done!

Tuesday: Spaghetti Night!

Wednesday: Pizza Night (kind of redundant on the spaghetti –I know. But the boys are having a procedure done and I don’t want to have to cook)

Thursday: Lemon Rosemary Crockpot chicken (Link here). This is a new one for me. So I’ll have to see how it comes out!

Friday: Sweet Potato Shepherd’s Pie. I’m creating this one on a whim, I’ll update with a recipe shortly.

Saturday: We are grilling out with friends. So grilled chicken and some veggies.

Sunday: Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf. (Link Here)

 

As for 2014 things are going pretty well so far. I’ve been working out lately, about 4 times a week. It’s helping a lot with my mood, and I have a great friend who is holding me accountable. I go over to her house at 6am and we workout. Sometimes it’s a Pilates DVD, sometimes it’s the Butt Bible DVD and some Xbox Zumba. Sometimes I’m at my house working out. Either way, it’s on like Donkey Kong. I’ve also started eating better and am working to cut carbs and gluten out. I’m not joining in on the health fad that seems to be going around, but my thyroid symptoms have gotten much worse, so I’m almost wondering if there is a reasoning behind it. Regardless – it’s worth it to at least try. I won’t cut it out of the boys’ diets but, I can minimize what is in mine. I’ve been MUCH better about making time for me. I gave myself a pedicure a few weeks back, and am in need of one this weekend.  I’m looking for some craft projects to do with my new Cameo Silhoutte and am going to make a trip to JoAnn’s this weekend for some supplies as well a fabric to start a baby blanket for my sister-in-laws baby shower! I’m working much harder on leaving my phone on the counter, and it really does help! Believe it or not. I haven’t quite mastered leaving dirty dishes to be done until the boys are in bed, but one step at a time here. I think it’s good for them to see cleaning is a responsibility, but I do recognize that I need to focus more on being in the moment than chores.

How are your goals or resolutions coming along so far? Are you still working towards them or have you cast them to the side yet?

Limiting social media in my life

One of my goals for 2014 is being a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, a better person; an overall better ME.

I won’t pretend like I have all the answers, I don’t and quite frankly I don’t want all of the answers. I like the trial and error, its harsh, consuming, and blunt; it’s real. One thing I really, really am trying harder to be better off is being more hands off of my phone. Staying away from social media, texting, emails while I’m with the boys. This is hard. One because I work at home, so unless its work related I’m working harder at not being mentally occupied when I’m with the boys. They’re at an age right now where they are so much fun. While they don’t always want my interaction and while watching at times can be… redundant (?), I can be there in other ways. I used to bake a lot, and it doesn’t take much to bake with them in the kitchen. I want to try to be more hands on and do crafts with them or activities. Teach them fun games and all the things a mom should be doing with her toddler. Not half watching them play on their own while I’m on my phone. Which, I know I am guilty of at times. Sometimes that mental break is so needed, but doesn’t need to be a daily occurrence. So starting now, I am challenging myself to leave my phone on the counter from the time they wake up from their afternoon nap till they are in bed.

It’s not that I’m against social media, or cell phone use, or against screen time for toddlers. I’m doing this for me. I want to memorize these moments I have with my boys. They are growing so fast, too fast actually. The independence they have gained over the past 14 months is astonishing. I don’t want to miss out on anything. I want to be there, with them in the moment. Now – not all moments are pretty. I know that. Trust me – when you have a poopy butt with a screaming mad baby attached to it, and another one stealing the wipes and running away – that is certainly not pretty. It’s funny… but not pretty.

I’m doing this for me too, I tend to take things to heart and feed off of others energy. And that is draining, very draining. Things affect me in ways they shouldn’t. In order to be more positive, I have to surround myself with positivity, with people I want to be like, and quite honestly that’s not what is on my Facebook feed, I’m sure it’s not on yours either. So – its my theory that if I avoid it, even for a small spectrum of my day, than it will help. Eventually I really want to only be on my phone when I need to be, and not on social media except for maybe once a day, twice? We’ll see, It’s not that I want to hide myself, or divorce my phone completely. Just that I want to be, I need to be more present in my day, in my life, and in my children’s life. That’s really what it’s about.

I’m trying to be better to myself, and carrying around all the worry and stress of the day isn’t healthy. Rushing isn’t good for anyone, especially anyone who has mom brain. Trying to slow down, make time, and eliminate stresses in my day to day and I really think, really hope, this will do that. I’ve been better about not being on my phone before bed, sipping some warm tea, before brushing my teeth and climbing in for the night (well until the next pacifier cry that is). And you know what? It’s helped. So, here’s to something new and hopefully something life changing. Because that is what this girl is looking for..

Why don’t you give it a shot? Limit your time on your phone, let’s see what we all get out of it! Let me know what your challenge is, and what you’re hoping will come out of this change.  

Menu Monday, a few days late.

This week’s meal plan:

Monday: Cowboy Casserole and Peas. I actually found a version of this dish on Pinterest. I don’t fare well with always following recipes but just took the idea and went with it. The result – a dish the boys devoured. And I mean, devoured. Best part, it was easy peasy!! It might not be the healthiest option for me, but that’s where portion control steps in.

-1 Lb Ground Beef. Baked Beans. Little bit of BBQ Sauce. Jiffy Cornbread Mix and Ingredients: Brown your beef and season like you would a burger; I really liked the Weber Gourmet Burger seasoning so that’s what I used. Once it’s done, drain any excess grease, put in a casserole dish (I used a small rectangular one, so maybe 8x10?) Spread a thin layer of BBQ sauce on top – it doesn’t have to be precise, more or less whichever works. Open can of Baked Beans (big can, not the canned veggie size can) and pour on top. Mix cornbread mix together with ingredients, and pour on top of everything. Bake at 400 for about 20 minutes, give or take. I found adding cheese on top of beans, under the cornbread mix was really good too.

Tuesday: Taco Tuesday!

Wednesday: Chicken Pot Pies! These I make in a muffin pan using Pillsbury Flakey Biscuits, so they make individual mini pot pies. It’s a huge favorite round my house, and pretty simple to boot.

-Boiled Chicken breast, either 1 large one or 2 smallish ones, most of the time I do 2 and freeze the leftovers for next time (which always comes in handy!), can of cream of chicken soup, frozen bag of mixed veggies (or steam your own fresh ones). Mix the cream of chicken with just a bit of milk – maybe a quarter of the can – and about a cup or so of shredded cheddar cheese. Boil the chicken breasts and cut/chop into bite size pieces, not chunks, and throw in the soup/cheese mix. Then add in the frozen veggies. Mix together. Flatten out the biscuits and mold them into the muffin pan, make sure it’s buttered up so they don’t stick, and then spoon in the pot pie mixture. Sprinkle with more shredded cheese and bake for the 350 for 20 minutes or until the biscuits are done (I normally go by the temperature on the can of biscuits).

Thursday: Sausage Casserole. This is another favorite here. It’s supposed to be cold on Thursday so I wanted something warm and something to bake in the oven to help warm the house. It’s super easy and always a hit. The great thing is that it is an anytime dish.

                - You’ll need: roll of sausage (Jimmy Dean Country Mild is my pick or a Medium spicy one), 2 bags of Kraft Mexican Shredded Cheese (or Market Pantry, or Sargento, I mean really – just take your pick), 1 can of cream of chicken soup, 1 16oz container of Sour Cream (regular, non fat, low fat any kind just plain ol sour cream), 1 bag of frozen hash browns. Now it is crucial that you get the little cubed hash browns NOT the shredded kind. Cook the sausage completely, like you would ground beef. In a super large mixing bowl, mix the sour cream with the cream of chicken; add in one of the bags of shredded cheese. Once the sausage is cooked, drain and add to the mixture. Then add in the hash browns. Mix it all together, and put it in a large casserole dish (9x13” I believe?) bake at 375 for 45 minutes, pull it out, sprinkle the last bag of cheese on top, bake another 10-15 minutes until its golden. Allow it to cool off before you eat it.

Friday: This is still up in the air. I have unstuffed cabbage soup, but my cabbage went bad. So – not quite sure yet.

Saturday: Shrimp Linguine Caprice. This will be my first try at this, I’ll update with a recipe next week.

Sunday: Steak and cake day! J This is a reward day for me so we will grill steaks, and then sweet potatoes and broccoli will be a side with cake for dessert.

Note: While my recipes aren’t exactly healthy, portion control and tricks are crucial. On Taco night, I will just have a taco salad and omit the shells/tortillas from my plate. Cowboy casserole and Sausage casserole are a portion control night. These foods don’t have to be completely avoided but they should be eaten with control in mind. I haven’t tried substituting plain Greek yogurt for sour cream yet, but that’s a project to try in the future! If you try it, let me know how it comes out!

What’s on your menu? Any suggestions/new recipes to try?

2014

The famous New Year resolution list, right? Not from this girl, I do have some goals that I am hoping to obtain this year. I really want to sit down and do a bucket list for the year with my husband for our family, now that the boys are older and on whole milk, I think it will be much easier to do things. At least, I'm really hoping it will be. I'm hoping to make this year a great year, and making it a year for change. This is what I'm hoping going to change this year:

• My relationship with food. I am going to make it better than what it has been. All my life it has been a constant battle of limiting, binging, limiting, removing. Not any longer. Granted this is more of a lifestyle change, but, I need to be a better role model with this for my kids, and for myself. I want to focus on making more well rounded, healthier, fresher meals for my family. Not bird food. It has to be filling, yummy, and good for us. I refuse to limit myself to food any longer. I'm not going to binge on chocolate, but I'm not eliminating it either.
• My relationship with myself. I want to fall in love with myself. Sure, it may sound super vain. But I really want to love myself, my appearance, my quirks. I will make time for myself each day. Whether its a glass of wine or a home DIY pedicure. I deserve to reward myself and spoil myself. I work hard and I should be rewarded for that.
• To be more active, healthy, and fit. I know, I know it is on everyone's list, but this is something that is and always has been close to my heart. I was so fit and active before and I haven't been lately. I'm also hoping that by doing this it will help me wean off of my PPD medications and help the PPD get lost!
• My relationship with God. I want to live closer to His word and I want to live a more Holy lifestyle. I know there will be instances where I fall short, I know there will be not so stellar moments. But its where my heart is. I want to be better.
• My relationship with my husband. Pretty self explanatory, but I want to really work on being a better wife, and a better friend towards Erik.
• I want our family to be more active in general, hiking, walking, adventures things like that. Being outdoors more.
• I will not allow myself to stress over work and my hours. I will do my best and that's all I can do. I will accept this and move onward
• I will decide on a career path to take.

As for our bucket list, that's going to be a fun project. I know we have a bit of traveling to do so we'll see where it gets us! As for now going to Disney is the only item on the list.

What do you want to do in 2014? What types of changes are you wanting to make? What is on your  bucket list?

Everyone is fighting their own battles..

Since just before becoming a mom, probably just before we begun trying to conceive, I became aware of the struggles that other women went through to try and create their own family. The painful struggles of months of trying, only to get a negative pregnancy test each month, the heart wrenching and painful experience of a miscarriage, the uncomfortable fertility treatments and doctor appointments to bring a bundle of their own joy home, or to still painfully have empty arms. I always told myself that I wouldn't complain about any morning sickness, stretch marks, lack of sleep, etc because I was lucky enough to not only become pregnant much faster than we had expected, but because we were blessed with twins. Honestly, for the most part, I don't complain about those things. Other things, I'm sure I do, but I those things don't bother me. The stretch marks are a reminder to me, that I carried those babies for as long as I could. A reminder of my pregnancy that was cut short.

There is one thing that bothers me, that I have encountered in this motherhood journey. I think the one thing, aside from the competition, is the guilt. Not the mom guilt. But the guilt you are given because you have children and others are childless. The "Embrace your stretch marks, some women would kill for them." remarks. Or the "Enjoy and wallow in the sweet cries in the middle of the night, there are too many women who wake to a painful quietness." Remarks like those can make my blood boil some days. It truly reminds me of a quote that I don't think many people have ever taken seriously, or really, really, thought about.

 

If we all understood that everyone has their own battles to fight, insecurities to face, loves to contend and goals to attain, the world would be a gentler place.

 

Everyone, is fighting their own battles. Everyone has a battle going on no matter whether it is extremely apparent, or not. I know I am quite guilty of judging the parents that have their young children at the store at 9:30 - 10:00 at night, but I've really tried much harder to not judge them. I don't know what they are facing at home. They could be on vacation and need a few forgotten supplies, or they could be battling a serious illness, a death might of consumed the family recently and they didn't have time to go to the store. Whatever it is, it isn't my place to judge, it is not a job I want. While my heart aches for those women who want so badly to have a child and can't at this moment, I wish that this guilt battle would just stop. Suffering from PPD was the worst surprise I received when the boys finally were able to come home from the hospital. That should of been the happiest moments, finally snuggling in on the couch, waking for feeds every three hours, bottle washing, diaper changes etc. But, instead, I found myself drowning. Because of the holidays, Erik had to work, we didn't come home as normal families do to the maternity, paternity time frame. It was back to work the very next morning for Erik and I was left to take care of two tiny babies on my own. It wasn't until a complete stranger came to help that I realized I was suffering from PPD and it wasn't until she was here that I was able to really acclimate to my new role and really gain confidence in everything. I went from having to get myself out the door for appointments, to getting myself and two tiny babies out and making sure we had all feeds ready for however long we were gone for. It was a LOT and we had a LOT of follow up appointments. I received so many compliments on being 'strong' and capable for doing it, for having these beautiful babies and that I must be so overjoyed to have them home. But the truth was, that I wasn't happy, I was miserable. Sure, I loved them. But when they cried - there was absolutely no desire to go and solve what ever it was they needed. There was dread, feeling like I had failed with every bottle that was made, there was analyzing everything I ate and did during pregnancy that would of caused the TTTS. It simply was not what anyone would of imagined. My point in all of this is that - by looking at me, when I was out with the boys, no one would of guessed the thoughts that were going through my mind. There was an invisible battle going on that was destroying me and hurting my bond with my family. Everyone is fighting their own battles.

I don't want what I'm saying to be misunderstood, at all. My heart breaks for the women who want their own families and have to fight for one, whether its through years of fertility treatments, adoption, or going through heartbreaking losses. That is a tough, tough, road to travel down, and I know not one person chooses those paths to walk. That isn't a choice that anyone makes. I would never, in a million years wish that journey on my own worst enemy. I do agree, that it is simply unfair to see deadbeat parents who don't care about their children's welfare continue to have unexpected pregnancies while other women would dream and cut off their right arm for their own child. It isn't fair to the child, or the childless.

What I am saying is that this guilt tripping needs to stop, among everyone. Organic vs plain Jane milk, homemade purees vs baby lead weaning, formula vs breastmilk, the guilt and the fight has to stop. We all have our own battles, our own weaknesses, or own insecurities, just because someone elses path is more on the bumpy side than our own, doesn't in any way make any one elses battle any easier or less validated. It didn't bother me until recently, when a friend was discussing some issues and she made the remark of  "I know others have it worse." Others do have it worse, others have it better, others have terrible battles going on, while others have smaller battles. But just because others have different battles, does in no way discount hers or mine or yours. Maybe, if we kept the fact that we are all just doing our best here to get to the next day, to keep our family feed, clothed, and sheltered, then we could all be just a little bit nicer to one another. And maybe the world really would be a more gentle place and a more forgiving place at that. 



Rambling thoughts

So, here I am a year later. I'm not sure I am in less of a fog - I'm pretty sure last year, I was running on adrenaline and pure joy while now, it's just joy, at least most days, and a whole heaping lot of caffeine. The boys have officially been home in the H house for a year, Liam's homecoming anniversary was on the 12th and Hayden's was on the 17th. It's so real now, that my babies are one!
Things round here have been -surprise, surprise - busy!

We had a great Thanksgiving holiday, my parents came back down to spend it with us and it was really nice having family here! I resentfully went out late, late Thanksgiving night with my mom just to see what the hype was about – there hadn’t been anything in the flyers that I had seen and thought was actually a good deal. We went out around 11 just to watch and see and were back home by midnight I’d say. There wasn’t much out there for us. I had already ordered my sister-in-law’s wedding gift from Kohl’s earlier in the week. I think the hype was way too overrated this year to be honest. Amazon dropped the price of the playhouse I wanted to get the boys to match Toys R Us’ Black Friday price so I scored that without having to even leave the couch. Nothing really grasped my attention this year. Maybe it’s a change in priorities, maybe it’s aging, maybe it’s just because nothing I was eying was on sale. It was really nice though, to go Black Friday shopping with my mom. Growing up, when I was about 14 we started going out early in the morning. Getting up around 3 and heading out to be at the stores by 3:30 or 4. It was always fun, and those days or mornings rather will always be treasured memories. It was really nice having them here, and having their help with the boys while we went out Friday and got a much needed new mattress. Which - I may add is absolutely amazing, especially with the fact that the Mr. hasn't woken up in back pain or to back pain since we've purchased it. Which is the sole reason why we decided to get a new mattress now rather than later. I just couldn't deal with seeing him in pain morning after morning.

The boy’s enjoyed their second Thanksgiving, way more than their first Thanksgiving. It’s was a big change, but definitely a welcomed change having children to celebrate the holidays with. Even though a nap after dinner would have been so welcomed, I’ll take playing with my two cutie-patooties over a nap most any day. They are moving much faster now a days and are full on walking babies – rarely do I see them crawl. And for the first time in what feels like forever – easily since the rolling days, they are starting to lay down and play with toys. Like pushing cars or just playing with a block. It’s by far one of the cutest things of the whole day, these two rarely stay still so when they do it’s a great moment. They still aren't talking really, just babbles. I won't lie, I am starting to get concerned - this officially will be viewed as a 'delayed' milestone January 3rd, which would of been their full term due date. I do know that twins tend to lag sometimes with their vocal milestones, especially boys, but it doesn't make me worry any less. We read, we -pause for the gasps- watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, I talk about what I'm doing when I'm working around them or cooking. We listen to music. I'm trying everything to get these two boys talking but nothing. They have started pointing though, so maybe talking is next? Who knows. I know one day, I will bang my head against the wall and laugh at myself when I was wishing for them to talk, but until then, I will continue to wish.

Being a twin parent is a rather funny thing, sometimes. Last night, I made one of my many trips to Target. It's a sanity check for me, and a break, and an errand to-do all in one. I was going through the clearance section, because I have a love affair with clearance. I can't stand to pay full price for something, and when you have two babies - you definitely realize where your pennies are going - fast! But I was going through the clearance section and this Dad was having a hard time and I look up and what do you know - twin boys. So I open up conversation - by asking how old they are, they were 2. And we chatted for a bit once I told him I have twin boys too - that are, 13 months old. It's so nice to talk to someone who GETS it, and I mean really, really, totally gets it. Because he lives my life too. Being a twin parent is like a super secret club, when you run into other twin parents its this immediate bond - because they feel your pain and know your joy too. It's always funny though, because it's this common power. These two boys were cuties and were definitely all over the cart. I only know this time is coming, and now I realize that I'm really going to enjoy these stroller days, because once they are in the cart - it may be easier for shopping reasons, but it's not going to be as easy as it is to take them shopping. There are always positives and always drawbacks I suppose.

With the New Years right around the corner, I find myself really looking forward to 2014. It's going to be a great year, and there will be changes I'm sure. We have a lot of traveling to do this coming year, and the Mr. will be heading away to training for a month, he also will be going back to sea duty in the spring. We don't really expect him to deploy, but I do know he wants to simply because it's really good for his career, it's what he signed up to do. But I know with him being on sea duty, anything is possible. With the Navy, I always try to expect the unexpected. My goal is to really make 2014 a great year. I'm planning on making some changes for myself, I want to go back to school and really decide on a career path. I want to be healthier. I want my family to be healthier. I want to do more for my community. I want to be a fantastic mom and I want to enjoy my family. I'm looking forward to the adventures the new year will bring in with it. I'm really going to go into the new year with a positive outlook. Attitude and outlook truly is everything and truly makes the difference.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow, it's the boys' 2nd Christmas! I think this one will be much more fun than last years! Last year I didn't cook, I was simply way too exhausted, we thankfully had a good church friend offer to bring us dinner so we did eat. I'm really excited to see the boys' expressions to some of their new big boy toys. And I'm excited for new clothes to put them in. They got some new accessories for their stroller, so that will be fun to try out! We are having dinner with our very best friends at their house tomorrow! It's a joint dinner, so I'll be cooking half and so will my best friend. I'm praying I remember to take pictures tomorrow, and at least get a picture of myself and the boys. I'll drink an extra glass of wine if we get some sort of family picture, but I'm not holding my breath. Fingers crossed I can find a great photographer in our area to take our family pictures soon! Here's to hope!

I hope everyone has a fantastic Christmas, I can't wait to post pictures of the boys celebrating! I'm off to get ready for Christmas Eve Mass, fingers crossed we make it there on time, if not early. And fingers crossed for no screaming toddlers! I'm hoping not, because Christmas Eve mass is my favorite service, I love the music and the magic it brings with it.

I hope everyone has a great day filled with family, love, peace, joy and I hope everyone remembers that Christmas is about celebrating the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ! Merry Christmas Y'all!

More on meal planning

I wrote a few posts back ago on meal planning and how much it’s really helped my family out. I’ve been planning out meals now for three weeks and I’m finally finding myself using pins that I have pinned on Pinterest. Now, I would call that alone a success, since we all know that most of the projects or food ever, really gets done or tried out. And when they are – it’s pretty much fail status. Another positive, at least for me, is that we are eating more ‘real’ foods. Less unprocessed. It’s not a major goal we have to go completely whole foods, organic, non-gmo, gluten free etc etc etc. I mean, I do indulge in some Reese’s more often than I should. But – I want to use fresh foods, and I want to not use processed foods so much. And I’m referring to Betty Crocker boxed potatoes and Hamburger Helper meals. Don’t get me wrong, food is food. But I don’t want the boys eating foods that are that processed – and I really don’t see how it’s cheaper, at all.

I’ve noticed not only has meal planning saved me time, but it’s saved us some money and trips to the grocery store and it’s helped us come together and plan what we want for the week, not just last minute ‘this sounds good’ so I thought I would share what our dinners were last week, and what’s up on my menu for this week.

So last week – November 18^th – 24^th:

Monday: Teriyaki Chicken with Rice. I used a leftover bag we had in the freezer from extra’s I made a time before.

Tuesday: Cheesy Noodle Bake. This was my first try with this recipe, it’s definitely going into the rotation here but it did come out a little dry like other comments mentioned. I might try adding a can of cheese soup to it next time to help with this. Recipe

Wednesday: Chicken Pot Pie

Thursday: Cowboy Casserole (Ground beef, seasoned like a burger, cooked. Topped with Baked Beans, and topped with cornbread – baked until the cornbread is done.

Friday: Chicken and Dumplings – recipe here. I added pepper and garlic to ours and it was pretty fantastic.

Saturday: My birthday dinner – My husband made this amazing chicken pesto pasta dish that won my heart over when we were dating. He kind of eye balls it. But its pasta, grilled chicken, sun dried tomatoes, peas, fresh grated Parmesan cheese and pesto.

Sunday: Papa John’s Pizza. (Our planned meal was slow cooker pork ribs, but they were forgotten in the freezer).

And this week: November 25^th – December 1^st.

Monday: Chicken Strips with Chili Peppered Fettuccine noodles and homemade Alfredo sauce.

Tuesday: Taco Pie

Wednesday: Un-Stuffed Cabbage Soup (First try at this – recipe here)

Thursday: THANKSGIVING!!! Fried Turkey, Mashed potatoes, candied yams, broccoli casserole, corn, stuffing, Meme’s biscuits, and pies! YUM!

Friday: Either Leftovers OR Burgers

Saturday: Chicken Parmesan Meatloaf (Recipe here – first try)

Sunday: Lemon Rosemary Crockpot Chicken (First Try – Recipe here)

Breakfast: Eggs, Applesauce, Pancakes, Oatmeal, Banana’s, Blueberries

Snack Time: Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins, Graham Crackers, Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

I come up with our meals on most importantly on what we are in the mood for, I try to not repeat meals often because I get sick of them as does my husband and I’m sure the boys. Plus it’s nice to experiment to be honest and mix things up. Then I see what my local grocery store (Publix for me) has on sale with produce that week and what matches up to meats in the freezer.

All about H&L at 1 Year!

While looking back over my posts, I've realized that I haven't spoken much on how FANTASTIC the boys are doing now a days! We had our 1 Year Well baby appointment on the 14th and to my shock the boys weighed in at 20lbs 5oz and are 29 1/2" long! We don't focus on percentiles here, but they were doing great on their charts and following right along on the curve that they should be on! They received all of their shots, except chickenpox - which we are delaying on until they're 15 month appointment. I don't like them receiving more than 4 at a time, and they needed the flu shot. And because they don't attend daycare it isn't a big deal. Plus - we're borderline isolation right now with it being RSV season.

Milestone wise I have destroyer babies! To say they are boys, would be putting it mildly. These two are 120% all b-o-y. Without a doubt. They took their first steps on their 11 month birthday and were walking all around within two weeks. Liam can now stand himself up independently, so if he is in the middle of the floor he can stand without pulling up on anything, whereas Hayden can't quite do that yet. But I'm sure within two weeks or so, that'll change - maybe. One thing these two are fantastic at though is destroying! Anything and quite frankly everything, they literally leave behind a trail of destruction as they go around the house.

While the boys are very headstrong and are passing all of the physical milestones, verbally/communication wise, that isn't so much the case. Hayden has been clapping for a good 2 months now, and Liam just - and I mean just picked it up. Liam can wave somewhat, sometimes in context, whereas Hayden isn't there yet. To think that in the past I had thought thought that they would be doing the same thing as each other, I laugh now. These two keep me on my toes, that's for sure. Speech wise - ehhh, that we are working on. We can babble, but nothing is really said in context except when they do say 'mama mom' which is usually when they are really, really mad. They babble the sounds 'dada', 'ba', and 'de' and 'G' noises. Sometimes it sounds like Liam is saying doggie, but I'm not sure to be truthful. Hayden isn't making any G noises. According to our childhood intervention specialist - I'm not to worry until 1 year adjusted - which is January 3rd. But I do, especially since Hayden isn't passing his hearing test on his left side and will need a sedated ABR test performed in the near future, but that is another post for another day.

But most importantly, they are going great, and growing fantastically. I'm so proud of them and so much in love with these two little guys. They can drive me crazy and melt my heart, within minutes of each other. But, they make life worth living and I can't imagine my life any other way. Here are some more recent pictures of my crazily handsome little guys!

H&L's first Halloween - Baby Robots! (Hayden has black baby legs and Liam has brown)

 

Liam - Blue, Hayden - Orange enjoying some Mom Guilted Chick-Fil-A after their shots!

 

Hayden at his birthday party!

 Liam, at his birthday party!



Blowing out their candles!

To see them eat their cake, here is the link

November - Prematurity Awareness Month

November is a month that has always been close to home here, I adore Thanksgiving and fall weather. The deep auburn colors, the changing leaves that cover the grass (except here in Florida), the good for the soul food, the warm stews it’s no secret that fall is a favorite season. My birthday also falls in November, and well who doesn’t love a good reason to have cake and presents!! Last year added to the excitement November brings with it by adding Hayden and Liam’s birthday to the month. But it also made me very aware of what else November is – Prematurity Awareness month.

Every year thousands and thousands of babies are born way too soon, many pass away due to complications and premature birth. Many endure lifelong complications due to premature birth, some are lucky enough to have a short NICU stay and go on to lead normal lives. Some spend days upon days in the NICU and are discharged with quite a follow up schedule of specialists. Some are discharged and are quickly readmitted.

It never fails that I often hear other pregnant women complaining once they believe they are ‘term’ about being uncomfortable and home remedies not inducing labor. It takes a lot of me to reply with a simple, “I know your uncomfortable but you’re not really term until 39 weeks, your baby needs this time, try to enjoy it and take the last few days in before life is crazy.” So often our society gets so caught up in the excitement of birth, and the desire to meet their new baby, that they forget that it is so very, very important to let their child come, assuming there are no risks, when he or she is ready – but not before 39 weeks. Brain development is not complete until then. Every second that that baby can continue to grow in utero is imperative. Babies do not learn the suck, swallow, and breathe - steps of eating until 34 weeks gestation. The difference between a 24 week gestation, 32 week gestation and a full term babies lungs is quite literally breathtaking. A premature infants lungs will not catch up to a full term babies lungs until they reach the age of 3. So that means that there are 3 years of terrifying flu seasons to get through to where something like RSV isn’t considered life-threatening to them.

My babies were born 8 weeks early, looking back, I had a gut feeling the entire time – I never really knew what a NICU was or looked like. I never knew about the complications of early birth until the boys were born. I would of given my right arm, or anything really to allow them to continue to grow in utero until 39 weeks. However, it wasn’t healthy for them. I would of lost both babies had this been the case. They have over came so, so much in their short life. Resolving brain bleeds, dealing with hydrocephalis, battling NEC, learning how to breathe room air, learning how to eat, gaining weight. All things normal full term babies rarely have to deal with. My babies have grown from 3lbs 4oz 16 ¼” long and 3 lbs 5 oz 15” long to healthy 20lbs 5oz and 29 ½” long – all within 365 days. Now that is utterly amazing. It’s a miracle that we have been so, so lucky to not have lifelong complications (at least, that we are aware of yet) and we’re so lucky that we have both babies at home with us. Many parents are forced to carry their babies in their hearts because they were born too early.

I hope that in the coming years, I can find a way to be more proactive with prematurity awareness month. I hope that I can find a niche and do something, anything to educate other mothers who are expecting, not to try at home remedies to induce labor, to not try to have their babies at 37 weeks. Babies are our future, and while pregnancy can be uncomfortable, it isn’t the time to be selfish, it isn’t the time to rush things. Those babies, our future, needs every minute we can spare to allow them to grow and develop in utero before being born into this world.