Kiddo's & Deployments

Tips for Children & Military Deployments:

-Show videos (we watch a random youtube one of his boat) of where Daddy/Mommy is. It really helps them understand where they are and why. We talk all the time about how Daddy is fixing airplanes and jets and helicopters and how Daddy is keeping us safe.

-We have a map up in the kitchen with a point of where we are, and where Daddy is. The map is on a cork board so that we can move Daddy's pin around, while they don’t understand it, it helps for them to visualize that Daddy is far away.

-Talk, talk, talk. Let them know its okay to be sad. Let them know you’re sad too. Talk about adventures you’re going to do while Daddy(or Mommy) is gone, and what you’re going to do when Daddy comes home. They don’t understand 8 months, but what they do understand is that right now they are three, and when Daddy comes home they will be 3.5. Daddy is gone for a while

-A jar of kisses. By far, their favorite. We have a big jar full of kisses that they get one every night from Daddy.  It’s easy enough to refill for an extension, or if you live in Nevereverland, eat a ton before homecoming.  I really hated the idea of a paper chain, or a countdown, because it’s just frustrating, especially when you see so many chain links still to go. That isn’t fair to anybody. But a jar of kisses, is a sweet reminder of their Daddy and is less of a countdown tool.

-Have them color pictures and paint pictures for Daddy. Have them go to the store to help do care packages. It helps them feel included.

My biggest advice is to keep the same routine you had before deployment. Don’t drastically change things, or lighten up on things that were done before Dad left. Trust me, I know first hand it’s hard, especially with a newborn, but the older kids need that security.  They need a lot of talking about what’s going on, I’m finding that even if I think they’re okay, which most of the time they are, they still need to be reminded that Daddy IS coming home and that he does love and miss them terribly. They need a lot of reassurance and it’s much easier to give them that security than to deal with the tantrums.  

I hope this helps someone if they find themselves in a similar path, any questions or advice? Would you of done something different? Leave them in the comments. 

Deployment resources for Children:

Military One Source – They have a great guide of things to talk to your children about prior to the deployment and highly encourage talking to even the youngest about what will be happening.

Daddy’s Deployed – A wonderful, wonderful personalized books about the deployment – from beginning to end. It helps put the cycle of deployment into an understandable cycle for children.

Daddy Dolls – I can not rave enough about the quality of these ‘dolls’. They’re really stuffed, shaped pillows. But my boys adore being able to hug dad when they’re missing him.

Pre-D Meltdown

Well, it was a matter of time until the pre-deployment meltdown hit. And my dear, it hit hard.

I've not felt so full of anxiety, worry, and stress in a very long time. All of these changes, all of the enormity of the situation now sits on my chest like a mountain. I'm not so sure if it is the deployment that is really hitting me, or the change of adding our third son to the picture in the same timeframe of the deployment. Not having the familiarity of having Dad around for H&L, but instead having Grandma here for a few short weeks until Mom is cleared from recovery.

I have never felt so terrified in my life that I am doing or going to be doing something wrong. Have I loved them enough? Have I been here enough? Have I explained what is going to happen enough? Why didn't I pay closer attention to a possible early fertile window? What am I doing?

Ironically, I had been looking somewhat forward to this time with H&L prior to finding out about our new addition. The adventures we were going to go on, the fun we would have. They have reached this age where independence is a blessing and life is really a good balance. And now.. I will be adding a newborn to that. Terrifying doesn't begin to explain how I am feeling.

The reality of doing this solo is becoming much more than I can handle, the reality of not having my best friend and biggest ally here during what are going to be the hardest of days is what hits the hardest. It's a lot to even think about.

Sigh... Everything will be just fine. I have to have faith in that, because if not - it would look much more daunting.

The D Word

Well – every time I type this post, I stop. The truth is, I think I’ve tried to ignore it for so long and focus on other things I can control. Ironically, I think that’s a big reason as to why I am 31 weeks pregnant, and still hardly have a nursery or much organized for our newest addition. But, unfortunately, I need to face the music. Deployment is coming, and it’s coming fast.

                The Mr and I haven’t done a deployment in roughly 5 years, we’ve been lucky enough to enjoy a nice shore duty tour and a year of sea duty without a deployment. It’s inevitable, and we knew there would be one coming. Last time he was deployed I was only a girlfriend, and we lived in the same town as my family. This time – we are 800+ miles away, homeowners, and parents. So, a lot has changed for us.

                My biggest concern isn’t myself, or handling it all solo. That is going to be hard, without a doubt, but my biggest concern is my boys, all 4 of them.  The boys have handled the underways pretty seamlessly, but classically get a little antsy and frustrated when Daddy isn’t here to do things that Daddys do. They’re really great about understanding that “Daddy is working” or “Daddy is fixing airplanes and helicopters” or “Daddy’s on the boat”.  I’m just worried about keeping the connection there. 8-10 months for anyone is a long time, but 8-10 months for two three year olds may as well be a lifetime.

                Thankfully there are programs out there, like the United Through Reading Program that the USO promotes and there are resources like Daddy Dolls that I think will help. I’ve seen a couple of pins through pinterest of good books to read to the boys to help them understand. One thing I’d like to stray away from is the chain links with the countdown, homecoming date can change so rapidly, especially in the early days, I really don’t want to give them a specific date and probably won’t tell them until the morning we go to pick him up.

Ultimately, I want to keep this time fun for them – but as routine as possible. I know I have some pretty big challenges ahead with adding our new baby to our family right as he is leaving but it’s really my hope that a sense of normalcy will help curve any hard issues. I’m trying not to get too overwhelmed myself and trying to be mindful to be kind to myself. It’s rather intimidating to be left alone with 3 kids, a dog, and a house to maintain and keep everyone happy, alive and trying to have fun through it all.

If anyone has some good tips and tricks about keeping Dads connected and making kids feel connected – I’m all ears!

Catching Up!

Wow - so it's June, already. Where has time gone, and where has it taken my brain off too!

So let's see, what's new? Well, the boys are doing fantastic! They are growing and are so, so much fun now. I really, really love this age regardless of how exhausting some days may be. They're doing fantastic with their milestones and have really, really done well with their speech therapy. It's fantastic to see how much they've grown and to hear their progress.

Otherwise, things are picking up in some other ways around the H house. We are expecting a baby boy who will complete our family in early November! We're so very excited to add another little boy to our hearts and our home. Nervous in many ways, but thrilled!

Things are also picking up with the Navy life. The Mr. is currently out on an underway and will be deploying days after our new addition makes his grand debut. It isn't exactly how things were planned, or how we pictured them but that's life, right? It's definitely a new learning curve on parenting for me, and a bit of a juggling act but we knew and were waiting for the big Deployment to come and it is starting to make an appearance.

With the Mr. underway I am learning new tips and tricks on how to juggle life at home with the boys (while pregnant) , Most of my posts will probably be about that, not so much just being Mom but things that I have found that are helping us and making my life easier to manage when solo.

So - if you're still following and still around, I'm venturing back! I'm really hoping to get better with blogging and updating this time and keeping a better habit at it.

Look forward to more posts soon! :)

All about H&L at 1 Year!

While looking back over my posts, I've realized that I haven't spoken much on how FANTASTIC the boys are doing now a days! We had our 1 Year Well baby appointment on the 14th and to my shock the boys weighed in at 20lbs 5oz and are 29 1/2" long! We don't focus on percentiles here, but they were doing great on their charts and following right along on the curve that they should be on! They received all of their shots, except chickenpox - which we are delaying on until they're 15 month appointment. I don't like them receiving more than 4 at a time, and they needed the flu shot. And because they don't attend daycare it isn't a big deal. Plus - we're borderline isolation right now with it being RSV season.

Milestone wise I have destroyer babies! To say they are boys, would be putting it mildly. These two are 120% all b-o-y. Without a doubt. They took their first steps on their 11 month birthday and were walking all around within two weeks. Liam can now stand himself up independently, so if he is in the middle of the floor he can stand without pulling up on anything, whereas Hayden can't quite do that yet. But I'm sure within two weeks or so, that'll change - maybe. One thing these two are fantastic at though is destroying! Anything and quite frankly everything, they literally leave behind a trail of destruction as they go around the house.

While the boys are very headstrong and are passing all of the physical milestones, verbally/communication wise, that isn't so much the case. Hayden has been clapping for a good 2 months now, and Liam just - and I mean just picked it up. Liam can wave somewhat, sometimes in context, whereas Hayden isn't there yet. To think that in the past I had thought thought that they would be doing the same thing as each other, I laugh now. These two keep me on my toes, that's for sure. Speech wise - ehhh, that we are working on. We can babble, but nothing is really said in context except when they do say 'mama mom' which is usually when they are really, really mad. They babble the sounds 'dada', 'ba', and 'de' and 'G' noises. Sometimes it sounds like Liam is saying doggie, but I'm not sure to be truthful. Hayden isn't making any G noises. According to our childhood intervention specialist - I'm not to worry until 1 year adjusted - which is January 3rd. But I do, especially since Hayden isn't passing his hearing test on his left side and will need a sedated ABR test performed in the near future, but that is another post for another day.

But most importantly, they are going great, and growing fantastically. I'm so proud of them and so much in love with these two little guys. They can drive me crazy and melt my heart, within minutes of each other. But, they make life worth living and I can't imagine my life any other way. Here are some more recent pictures of my crazily handsome little guys!

H&L's first Halloween - Baby Robots! (Hayden has black baby legs and Liam has brown)

 

Liam - Blue, Hayden - Orange enjoying some Mom Guilted Chick-Fil-A after their shots!

 

Hayden at his birthday party!

 Liam, at his birthday party!



Blowing out their candles!

To see them eat their cake, here is the link

364 Days

It has been 364 days since the boys have come into this world, I can’t help but to think back on just how far we have come and grown together in the past almost year. I can’t help but think about where we were just a year ago, and what the next 48-72-96 hours brought us. To be completely honest, it’s a mixture of emotions. Thankfulness, anxiety, sadness, happiness, pride, humbleness, I could go on and on and on.

I’m so thankful, truly thankful for my MFM with whom I had the appointment with on November 7^th.  I honestly know without a doubt in my mind, that had I not been monitored by the team of MFMs that I had last year, that I would be in an entirely different place than I am right now. It’s truly not something I want to dwell on, or really think about. But I am so grateful for them. I’m thankful for the NICU staff that the boys were cared for by, and that at times we were cared for by. I’ve never meet people who were more wonderful than I did during our time in the NICU. It truly takes an amazing person to by a NICU nurse or a neonatologist or a specialist who cares for these tiny babies, and I truly know from the depths of my heart that these people are truly one of the greatest blessings God has given us. I know that our primary NICU nurse was sent to us just by Him. During a time where we had no family nearby to rely on, He sent us her to care for our babies, and care for us. She went above and beyond anything anyone did for us. Reminding us to eat and care for ourselves, to talk with one another, being a shoulder to simply cry on. And calling me out on the bitch of PPD, and when I tried to say “things happen for a reason I suppose” she was the only person who called the BS card. “Things don’t happen for a reason, they just happen and it SUCKS and it isn’t fair but you don’t have a choice, you just get through it. It doesn’t mean its pretty, or that its easy, but you treck on. And it SUCKS” I adored her for saying that, for being honest with us and protecting us all at the same time. She is hands down the reason why H didn’t have brain surgery, without a doubt. Every mL of cerebral fluid she pulled from a lumbar tap prevented what I know my heart couldn’t of handled. Our other Primary nurse was the reason L’s NEC didn’t get far enough to require surgery, and in the early days she just sat with H when I was pumping or getting medicine or with L, and watched his Oxygen levels. Her bluntness, and reassurance and motherness warmed our hearts. If she hadn’t been so adamant on watching his belly measurements with every diaper change, and paying attention to his stool – who knows how long it would of gone before the NEC was discovered.

I still have quite a bit of anxiety thinking about the day the boys were born, the events that occurred, the total 180 that life spun at us. Becoming a parent and making the decision to become a parent never prepares you for this, once that decision has been made your practically handing over your life to the point where you don’t have much control over it and it can do a 180 at any given moment. It can be with a labor and delivery, or it can be when your five year old little boy decides to climb a tree and breaks his arm. Everything is dropped to bring him to the ER and make him feel better. Everything dropped for me that morning during the appointment. A lot of anxiety, I believe, has to do with the fact that everything went from being okay, to hearing “Sometimes babies are safer and grow better on the outside, you did a great job, now we just need to get them out and help them grow.”  Completely panic ridden. I couldn’t even control the tears, I couldn’t bear to look at Erik. I felt like I had failed them, and like I had failed Erik. After changing into my hospital gown, things got a bit – well crazy. I went from hearing, lay on your side, to the MFM being called because the nurses couldn’t find a heartbeat for either baby, to being told that I would receive the steroid shot and another 24 hours later to being told I am going to OR in 5 minutes. It was a lot of confusion, and I honestly believe I just went into shock, my brain shut down. Looking back, I can’t say that I blame it for doing so.

The sadness stems from recovering and not hearing how the boys were doing, just laying there and then being wheeled into the post partum rooms past women who have their babies and here I was with empty arms, listening to the sweet cries at night while I pumped every 3 hours - THAT was torture.  Nothing could of prepared me for the feeling of my heart shattering as we drove away from the hospital with empty arms, no cars eats and no happy family. I literally felt like I was dying, my heart was shattered into millions of tiny pieces. The drive to the NICU was far too long – always, and the phone calls in the middle of the night were never quite helpful enough. BUT happiness and pride overshadows the sadness and anxiety that I feel – at least most days (given PPD doesn’t rear her ugly face).

The day that Hayden came home and joined us brother was the best day. I was so excited to have both boys home and to not have to split my time between the two. Those 5 days were HARD. I wanted to be in the NICU with Hayden but I also wanted to be home with Liam too. Needless to say we had to take turns, but I couldn’t help but be sad that both my babies weren’t home. It was a bit of a blessing though, to have one home and not the other. It gave us a bit of time to find bottles that actually worked and get used to being a parent full time. Bringing Hayden home to join us was amazing, I felt so complete. Seeing them grow from 3lbs to 5lbs and then 10lbs and now 17(ish) is amazing. Watching them reach milestones that I thought they would be more delayed on is truly on of God’s greatest gifts. Seeing them enjoy the food I make warms my heart. Watching them play together and explore their surroundings is by far the best reassurance in the world. It melts my heart watching them giggle while playing together. Being discharged and cleared from Neurosurgery was another great accomplishment. These two little boys have proven to me just how strong, how very, very strong the human spirit is. That no matter how small we are, it doesn’t determine how big the fight we have within us is. They have taught me so much this past year. I’m so proud of their accomplishments – proud of how far they have came. From needing help breathing and eating to walking, babbling and eating everything in sight, all within a year - a whole 365 days. Now, that is nothing short of amazing. I’m so proud of them, and proud of what an amazing father Mr. H is, and how amazing of a husband he is – even when I’m not at my best. This year, has certainly been one for the books that’s for sure.

I’ve been so humbled this past year, with the outpouring support we’ve been given. Mrs. Kathy, our post partum doula has been there for us for so, so much. To simply come and help me care for the boys, bringing over dishes (as well as the amazing parish members who brought us food in the early days too!), to helping fold laundry and helping me understand and grow into my new role of being a mom. To all of our family that has traveled to see us, to the gifts that have been sent for the boys. To all of the prayers, for health for the boys and us, and even the kind gestures from those whom I have never even meet. It’s absolutely humbling and gives me hope that the boys will grow up in a society where they can be humble and kind and giving people without getting walked all over.

When I was told that the first year was the hardest, I believed it – and it was the hardest. There were so many changes, so much newness, so much fear and so many hormones. While I certainly had quite a few bad days, and while things didn’t always go as planned – there was so much happiness. Sure – things take quite a bit more planning and effort now but it is so worth it. When I found out we were expecting twins in May of 2012 I was terrified and full of doubt. But now – I know that God gave me these two precious miracles because he knew I would figure it out and run with it. It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure, but it has been so rewarding. I wish that someone would of told me that this first year is the hardest – but that it is also the most humbling, amazing year as well.

I’m hoping that tomorrow, while I might shed a few tears – especially when we visit our primary nurse at the NICU – that I will also remember to celebrate. Celebrate how much our family has grown, celebrate how much both Mr. H and I have grown as parents, and to most importantly celebrate how far the boys have come and how much happiness they have brought us.

“There are moments that mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this” – Unknown.

Meal Planning - My new found friend

So, I've made new friends with meal planning. Seriously, I don't know why I ever gave this up, or let it go or whatever it was that happened. But this idea, concept, way of cooking is amazing to say the least.
I've been working really hard with our budget and our time to eat real foods. This doesn't neccessarly mean the completely organic, gmo free craze just that I try to incorporate real food into all of our meals. For example: breakfast I can make anything from scrambled eggs for the boys, or blueberry pancakes and I can pair it with fresh fruit that was on sale or I can do regular pancakes with crock pot applesauce. Which by the way is amazing, and beyond easy. I'll post a recipe I found on the bottom of this post. Lunch normally tends to be left overs. And dinner depends on what meat is on sale, paired with veggies etc. The Green Giant steamable veggies have been on sale lately at Publix and I've been a huge, huge fan of those because they make things easy and anything that makes life a bit easier is always appreciated.
The big goal behind the excitement of BLW (baby lead weaning) was to eat healthier and as a family. I absolutely love what this has done for us, the boys and our family. I cook pretty much daily, which can get frustrating at times but that's where the meal planning comes in. I sit down one night a week and see whats on sale at Publix and Target (we tend to get most of our meat from the commissary since its cheaper there) and pair it up with what meat we have in the freezer. Apples have been on sale a lot lately so I've been doing applesauce on homemade zucchini bread, or applesauce just as a side. I love applesauce and from watching the boys eat it - they really do too.

The wonderful thing I've found about meal planning is that it helps me, and it helps me know just what we are having for dinner but yet its flexible enough to mix up or around if I'm just not feeling like having chicken or pork that day. I also found that I enjoy cooking again, I used to love cooking before getting pregnant with H&L and lost that when it became hard to cook with the smells and bedrest and then once they arrived, its just been about survival. Things are finally settling down and with that it offers new opportunity to try new recipes and try new foods. If you haven't tried meal planning, don't be intimated by the pinterest pins either. It's much easier than anyone ever leads to believe. Here is a guide to how I do think out my meals:

1. What meat do I have in the freezer? What veggies/ingrediants do I have on hand? Example: I have two things of ground beef, 3 packages of chicken, a pork tenderloin, and steaks. I have a bag of potatoes, I have blueberries, a bag of apples, I have some biscuits in a can etc
2. What can I make? What sounds easy/appealing? What haven't we had in a while?
3. I write down ideas, search pinterest for ideas etc
4. I plan, here are some examples

• Taco Pie - Canned biscuits/crescent rolls and ground beef
• Mini Chicken Pot Pies
• Spagetti and garlic bread
• Grilled Chicken and steamed veggies
• Pork Tenderlion and mashed potatoes
• Chicken and Pasta with steamed veggies
• Steaks, sweet potatoes and applesauce

See - pretty easy and I'm all about easy. I've also noticed that by getting whatever I am making ready at the very, very start of the boys' afternoon nap all I have to do is pop it in the oven/warm it right before dinner time (5:30) and I'm good as golden. It helps keep additional clean up and dishes at bay, and gives me more time to devote to them. I really am hoping to find a good sale soon and get some freezer meals ready too. I made a meal earlier in the week and split it in half and froze the other half, so that's always an option too. Just isn't a good idea to do it with an experimental dish, try it first, then give it a shot!

Twin Rules 1-4

Lets talk about some twin rules, shall we? They aren't real rules but some unwritten laws in the H household.

Twin rule #1: One up, both up!
This one should be self explanatory. It seems mean, and at times you really, REALLY don't want to follow it but if one baby is up, the other one needs to be up. If H is still sleeping when L wakes up, or the other way around, which does happen frequently, I tend to give them ten minutes to wake up on their own or I wake them up. Nicely of course, I'm not super mean mommy. The reason for this is to keep them on the same schedule, you do want to sleep and you do need 'mommy' time at some point. You don't want them getting on opposite schedules or else you will lose your mind. Promise.

Twin rule #2: If one eats, they both eat.
This goes along with rule number one. If one is taking a bottle, the other needs to be taking a bottle. If not your constantly feeding someone, and the other one is off fending for him/herself. The best way I found to do this is by placing a boppy on either side of you, either on the couch - or on the floor once they start kicking off the pillows/using it for leverage, they will kick themselves into a back flip and land on the floor - trust me on this. So get comfy, put a boppy on your right side and one of the left, and grab the babes and set them in their spots and BAM! you pop the bottle in their mouths and enjoy the quietness.

Twin rule #3: Lots, and lots of floor/activity play!
The thing that has helped me beyond belief is the fact that we allowed the boys to be on the floor/on their mats playing 90% of awake time. Meaning - no hold me babies. Yes, it does have its drawbacks, but its better to get little cuddle time than having to hold two babies all.the.freaking.time. The boys come to me when they want cuddle time or when they want a book read to them and then go right back to playing when they're done. I prefer it this way, it gives me the ability to go potty, clean, make lunch, etc etc. And they are so independent and have the best personalities this mom could ask for.

Twin rule #4: If someone can't understand your schedule - then tell them to kick rocks.
Seriously. Unless this person has had twins, triplets or quads - tell them to kick rocks. And no - having two babies 13 months apart does not count. If your twins eat at 6:30am, 10:30am, 2:30pm, and 6:30pm and nap at 9:00-10:30 and 3:00-5:00 and your friend wants to go to Starbucks at 3:00 with you and the babies and will not accommodate you - tell her to kick rocks. She is not your friend. A friend would understand that you have time constraints and that its rather limited. So it is perfectly okay to stick to your guns. I'd rather skip out on Starbucks than have two overly tired babies who will only sleep on mommy after fighting sleep for an hour and then you have to painful hold your bladder until you are absolutely, positively sure they are asleep enough for you to put them in their cribs.

So that's Twin Rules #1-4. I'll have to post some more when I have my time. Hopefully this might possibly help someone, or if anything give someone else a chuckle. And to whomever wants to leave a nasty remark about scheduling babies, do yourself a favor and don't. You, my friend, can in fact kick rocks. :)

Mommies don't get sick days

And it has finally happened. After being so healthy and germ free for 9+ months, I have a lovely sinus infection. One word, YUCK. And to pair it with a root canal is just proof, that mommies in fact do not get sick days.

Thankfully the boys have been so happy, as they normally are, the past week and a half. I'm hoping I can get into the doctors on Monday for a quick appointment so I don't lose too much time at work, and that once I am on antibiotics it will clear right up. The weird part about all of this is, it is only on one side of my sinuses, which just happens to be the same side where I had my root canal. Can I just say, this blows? I'm really hoping to be over this mess soon, I don't have time for it - I don't think any mom does. I really think I need to have a heart to heart with God and tell him, "I was pregnant, had babies, take care of them - I really think any mom should be exempted from being sick!" Kidding, of course.

I think this whole 'getting sick' fiasco has in some way told me to slow down, and chill out some. More importantly, to not be so hard on myself. Anyone who knows me, and I mean really knows me, knows that I am extremely hard on myself and my expectations of myself. My house is pretty, pretty clean most of the time - because I constantly clean it. I work as much and as hard as I can, I try to do the very very best of everything - especially for the boys. And I rarely ever take time for me. Including, my 'me' trips to Target which is normally picking up anything we need for the house/groceries/Erik/boys. So I am trying very hard to change that! Its been a challenge, but it's getting better and I'm not feeling so stressed out any longer. I do what I can, when I can and that's all anyone can do or ask from someone.

Fingers crossed I'm back to my old self soon and to making changes!

Twin Recommendations

I have been asked lately, what products I would recommend for a MOM (mom of multiples). I know I personally scoured the internet trying to meticulously pick out every single product that we purchased just so I would avoid the return, exchange, resale of items. I've also been asked what I've done that has worked for us and made life easy. So - here is my list/review/suggestions for other MOM's and especially FTM MOM (first time moms of multiples).

• My very, very first suggestion is of course to make sure that your OB and your MFM are two people you trust completely and respect 120%. If you have any hesitation, please please be your advocate and find someone who you can trust with your prenatal care.

Products/Suggestions:
(newborn/coming home - 3 months)

• Two boppies (Found here) Even if you don't breastfeed they are a multitude of uses for these. Mr. H loves it as a neck rest - but joking aside. I feed the boys in these. My post partum doula (later post on that) showed me how to feed the boys in these. I sit in between them and place a boppy on either side of me and put each baby in it and pop the bottle in. This trick literally cut my feeding time in half.
• Skip the bath tub and go for two bath sponges (Found here). I had the whale tub by fisher price (here) and while it was pretty awesome. I enjoy the sponges more, as do the boys. I can bath them both side by side in the big tub and they can be with one another. It also has come in handy now that they are older and are pulling up and sitting because it gives a little cushioning for the falls and plops down.
• I personally found the Tommee Tippee Sensitive bottles to be amazing (found here) we originally had the regular ones but the boys were still really gassy even with burping every 10 minutes so we switched and it made a big difference.
• I previously posted this recommendation, but I really love my high chairs. I have the Fisher Price Deluxe Booster Chairs (here). It has made a HUGE difference in feeding them and is super BLW friendly since there is no fabric to wash.
• If you plan on BLW I highly suggest the book Baby-Led Weaning (found here). After reading it I felt much more comfortable in my choices. Another great book suggestion is Bringing Up Bebe (here) I haven't finished it yet, but she makes a lot of wonderful points and I'm finding out that I'm naturally a French mother. LOL!
• Swaddle sacks were a huge hit in this house - I suggest having 6, so you only have to laundry every 3 days if for some reason they each go through 1 a night due to a leaky diaper or spit up. Those can be found here.  We used them until the boys could roll onto their tummies.
• I absolutely recommend the two biggest hits the Nosefrida and the famous Sophie. The Nosefrida looks gross, but I promise you it gets snot out so much better than any bulb aspirator (which is still fantastic for mouth suctioning). Sophie is also worth every penny. She is made from natural rubber and food based paint is used so it isn't bad if your baby chews and chews and chews and the paint starts to come off. She was also designed to be used for every type of chewing/teething stage.
• I recommend this article for toys during the first year. It's fantastic and simple and we have every single one and they are all hits. It's basically 15 toys for the first year.
• We used this mobile/noise machine and the projector has been a huge hit for naps in this house. ( found here) We only got one of these and I cant imagine needing more than one. They shared their crib until they were rolling onto each other and then we took them off completely. Now the projector is attached to the changing table and the projector video takes up half of the ceiling, so it's plenty of light/entertainment for two babies to view, their room is about 10'x11' (ish) and it takes up about half of the ceiling, which are 9 foot ceilings and can be seen perfectly from the floor up - yes I do know from own personal experience.
• This was the swing that we used, I didn't think we would need two - but we did, thankfully we were loaned one (by of course our amazing post partum doula) and didn't have to buy a second one. I loved the plug in function on this (found here) and it was very well made and thought out. We didn't use it for too long because I didn't realize you could use it from coming home on but the timeframe we did use it, it was amazing and a life saver.
• We also used the Rock N Plays for a good long while, they were super helpful in the early days (found here). The boys slept best in their cribs, but they were super handy to have around.
• These are the activity mats that we have and have really enjoyed it and have had a great run with them. The boys are 9 months old and are still really enjoying them and they aren't even showing any wear or tear. I highly suggest having at least three mats, they tend to get tired of one and then I pull out the other and alternate the toys on them and so forth. We have this one, this one, and this one.
• Johnny Jump Ups have been a HUGE help in this house. Because of them we shower daily now. We hang on in the bathroom enterance door directly in front of the shower and one in the closer door directly next to the shower and it works out perfect.
• These boys LOVE to jump. We have two different Jumperoo's - The Baby Einstein Jumperoo Activity Center (recently recalled due to the Sun toy rebound - ours was not affected but I can't supply the link because of this) and we have the Fisher Price one (found here). You definitely need two. I suggest two different Fisher Price Jumperoo's - they put the Baby Einstein to shame. Hands down. I also suggest two different ones of any activity thing you buy - like activity gyms, jumperoo's etc that way when they are tired of one you still have another one to switch it up.
• There are some toys that are worth buying two or three of them. This doesn't solve every screamfest but - it helps.
• In the early teething stage when they couldn't really grasp large toys - these and now they love these, their Sophie's and these. Motrin is also a good go to.
• This is the best diaper rash cream EVER.
• Skip the bumbo and opt for this
• These were our carseat choices and I highly recommend both. Infant seat and convertible seat
• And if you need to baby proof a sliding glass door - a pool noodle works PERFECTLY!
• Edited to Add: My Stroller! I can not believe I have forgotten to recommend my stroller! Oh my goodness gracious. We decided not to go the double snap and go route after purchasing it and not liking how the Britax B Safe carseats fit in it. So - after a lot of reviews we purchased the Combi Twin Sport Side by Side. We got an awesome deal on it - I used it for our first appointment that I had to attend alone and HATED it. So after a TON of more research, reviews, and testing them out at Buy Buy Baby I purchased the Baby Jogger City Mini Double GT (found here) and LOVE IT! This stroller has been amazing! We are able to go shopping with it, its been useful for every doctors appointment. We haven't had an issue with it not fitting through doors and the boys like it. We've been able to use it from the time we got it in, they were home for about 3 weeks so they were 2 months old on. This stroller is amazing and worth every single penny.

I highly suggest having freezer meals ready for nights that you don't have time to cook, and I highly, highly suggest a post partum doula. Kathy was a lifesaver for my family. We don't have family around to help, and she really helped us in so many, many ways. She gave me the confidence in being H&L's mom, and helped me feel comfortable in my new skin and new roles. She brought food and helped with the boys.
I highly suggest a routine, we have a night time routine that we perform every night and it has really, really helped. Find what works best for you and don't back down from it. What works best for you won't work best for someone else sometimes, but as long as it helps you that's all that matters. Our nighttime routine is this - feed, play, naked time (we undress and undiaper and let them play on a towel on the floor) and then bath time, massage, and pj's. Then we do story time, prayers, and bed time. Sometimes its play time, feed, play time etc and sometimes its play, feed, naked time. But for the most part its the same thing every night. It's helped them, and it really helped my PPD and knowing that we have one part of the day, that we all know whats going on.

This is what I have compiled together so far, I'm sure I am forgetting a lot but this is what I have done so far and what has worked for us. If you have any questions on anything specific - feel free to ask! I'm an open book :)

What I've learned

It amazes me what I have learned and things I have picked up over the past 9 months. Little tricks that literally save me hours in the long run and make me feel happier. What have I learned you ask?

Lets see, most importantly Caffeine is my very, very best friend! I've learned that the saying that you will lose friends once you have kids, is insanely true. I literally have one person who I would still consider my good friend now a days, at least that is here in the area. A lot of people don't really understand, and if they do, they just don't get that I can't plop them in the car in a moments notice and head off to do X, Y, or Z. We have a schedule. Yes, I said a schedule - side eye me if you must, but until you have twins (or triplets) than I don't really want to hear what your thoughts are - and no, 'Irish Twins' do not count. The boys have thrived on our schedule and frankly it brings me peace of mind. They eat at (roughly, give/take 30 minutes) 6:30am, 10:30am, 2:30pm, and 6:30pm. So - if its near those times I try to stay home, especially with Hayden - he is a distracted eater, well non-eater. The one friend who really has stuck by my side understands that and doesn't mind doing things around it, nor does she mind coming over to my house to hang out or my insane love for Target. I can't just plop them somewhere, they are oh so very mobile now a days, and germs are a huge fear for me, so I'd rather keep them safe and healthy. I haven't seen many people since maybe two months or so after the boys came home and were still sleeping pretty frequently. And, I do understand it - but it's rather hurtful - just because I have babies doesn't mean my life is over. I do still have a brain - somewhat.

On that note, mom brain is very, very real. If I don't write something down, set a reminder, leave a note - I will NOT remember it. I won't remember to text someone back, email someone, go to an appointment, get x, y, z, from the store etc etc. Heck, I'm lucky if I remember to go to the bathroom when I realize I have to go, let alone brush my teeth. Gross, I know but it's the truth.

I've learned to do what I can, when I can. Which means - if they are content and playing on their mats/toy basket/jumperoo's - then I can use that time to wash bottles, make dinner, vacuum, go potty etc. I score a shower every morning for the most part (unless I plan on working out at night - yep I said working out!) with them in their Johnny Jump Ups next to me. I just make it work, they LOVE jumping so that helps out greatly. They're really independent babies for the most part and don't want to be held constantly, if they are happy, so it helps me get things done that I need to do. I'm so glad I really didn't hold them much during awake time, they adore being all over the place and just don't have the personality to sit around and snuggle. Sometimes I wish they would, but then I realize things would be drastically different. I've also learned - that there are times where one baby just has to cry because the other one needs me. It sucks, and it sucks BAD but I can only do so much. Especially now that it's almost impossible to comfort them both at one time - they're just too big now.

I've learned to go with the flow, and do what is best for them. We didn't start solids until 7.5 months actual age (5.5 adjusted). They weren't ready and didn't become ready until just past 7 months. We originally started with purees, the normal baby food. I steamed and pureed everything myself. One because its cheaper and two because it was something I really wanted to do. At first it was fun. Then I started dreading it. They boys flipped out after being in their high chairs longer than 10 minutes, they wanted to feed themselves which in turn made a huge mess. My high chairs were HUGE and I didn't like pulling/leaving them out. They weren't looking forward to it, nor was I. So we took a break and I bought new chairs (Fisher Price Booster Chairs - AMAZING! ) and switched to BLW. BLW is baby led weaning. Basically - I give them what I eat and most importantly, we eat together. This turned solids around for us. It made me eat healthier, and I was actually eating rather than quick snacks when I realized I was hungry - and the boys love food. They're happier, so much happier. It's amazing what a difference it has made. We eat breakfast and most days a snack and lunch/dinner. They really enjoy food now, and it's fun. Sure - it's still messy - especially yogurt. But they are actually eating and it's not stressful. It's a lot of fun to see how they figure out the taste and texture of different foods and watch to see what I'm doing too.

I've found that I'm very judgmental on other parents choices. I totally side eye the parents who have their young children out and about at 9, 10, 11 at night. Where it isn't a 'run' to the store for Tylenol, milk or bread - but just a luxury trip to shop around. Yeah - your kid should of been asleep a few hours ago. I also side eye parents who have also had babies early, and they have them out and about a few days after discharge. That scares me, it is SO easy for them to get sick - their lungs aren't as developed as a full term baby. Reckless parenting, so reckless. People always say that you'll pay for the "my children/I would never do that" comments. But to me there is more to parenting than giving birth - a whole lot of consideration and common sense.

While a lot of things may not of gone the way I wanted them to, I do have two healthy babies who have thankfully slept 12 hours a night since 4 months old, and put themselves to sleep for the night. They are so independent, and so determined. It's amazing to watch the progress they've made, and amazing to see just how much they know and can do. I never thought my 9 month olds would know where the toy basket is and pull up on it, to lean over and pull out whatever toy they want. They astonish me daily, in a good way of course. I am so impressed by how well they have overcome so many things. I think its a true testament of the strength God gives us and a testament on how amazing the human body is and what someone, despite being so small, can endure and prevail. Babies are so much stronger than we give them credit for.

I've also learned that those faces that are lite up with smiles at 6am can instantly make me go from being groggy to insanely happy within seconds. I can see how much they love me in the mornings, and seeing them so happy and smiling is worth every breathe I take. I've learned that I will fall in love with them, over and over and over again daily. That there will be moments that they have me speechless and teary eyed. That there will also be moments where I will want to pull my hair out - quite possibly within minutes of each other.

Being a mom isn't easy, being a mom of twins is exhausting, but it's the most amazing 'job' that I have ever had, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

So you had a plan..

I apologize for not posting lately, things in the H house have been... well crazy. And here is why...

If you had asked me at the beginning of November how I wanted the boys' birth to go, I would of given you a list of things I perferred that would happen. I wanted Erik to cut their umbillical cords, I would of told you I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, I would of told you I wanted immediate skin to skin with both babies. I would of told you a lot - it's human nature to plan, right?

Well, it's also God's plan to show us that our plan isn't always His plan. The last week of October/first week of November I went into L&D at 31 weeks on two different occasions with contractions very regular. They never really went away, even with the shot of trabutaline that I was given on 3 different occasions during that week. My doctor chalked it up to being dehydrated, which really annoyed me because I was drinking 2 gallons of water a day. I was not dehydrated, and was planning on switching OBs because he had lost my confidence. On Tuesday, November 7th I had an appointment with my MFM and planned on voicing my concerns. I was getting a fluid and cord doppler check, via ultrasound. I hadn't felt the boys hardly at all on the 6th and was itching for some reassurance that they were okay. As soon as the ultrasound started I knew immediately that they were not okay.

The boys had developed TTTS (twin to twin transfusion syndrome) during the 2 weeks inbetween ultrasounds with my MFM. Pretty rare to happen so late in the game. Baby A was the recipenant and had a TON of fluid while Baby B, the donor, had very, very little fluid. My MFM immediately requested a quick BPP (biophyiscal profile) and sent me down to labor and delivery immediately after it was done. At 32 weeks 1 day, he made he decision to deliver immediately. My appointment was at 8:00 am, and the boys were born at 10:43am by an emergency c-section. Hayden Erik made his appearance first and Liam Robert followed at 10:44. Nothing, absolutely nothing went as planned, I didn't even deliver at the hospital I had chosen nor by my OB since he did not have patient rights at that hospital. However, the on call OB was fantastic.

I didn't meet the boys until 7:00 (ish) that night. Erik was able to meet them around 5pm. They were admitted immediately at birth to the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit). Things for Hayden were extremely rough, he wasn't breathing at birth and had to be intebated. I didn't find out until post discharge when I read his discharge papers just how tramatic his birth was, I had been told but I don't think our amazing nurse wanted me to fully grasp it - what mom would want to hear that. Hayden was on an ossiclating ventilator, which was the most heartwrenching thing to see during our entire stay, for about 28 hours or more before moving to a regular ventilator and Liam was put on a CPAP.

Both boys had their battles during their stay, and we couldn't of made it through our time in the NICU without our amazing primary nurses. They are godsends and are two of the most wonderful people I have ever meet. Having their support during the bad days meant more than any one could ever understand. Erik and I didn't have any family near by and declined visitors because of the strict visitor policy at the NICU, we didn't think it was fair to ask family to come down when they couldn't even go and see the boys. Hayden suffered a Grade 3 IVH (intraventricular hemorrage), there are 4 stages of IVH - 4 being the worst. IVH is where blood vessels on the ventricles (that hold spinal fluid in your brain) have bursted. Grades 3 and 4 normally come with a chance of brain damage and a chance of learning disabilites and mental disabilites. Most of the time there is a need for surgical intervention. Haydens neurosgurgeon decided to do spinal taps prior to surgery to see if it helped him start to clear up his bleed on his own. Thankfully after 2 taps they noticed that it was helping and after 5 taps they decided he could be followed as an outpatient. And by way of a miracle Hayden came out of it with no brain damage, confirmed by an MRI prior to discharge. Liam had his struggles as well, he came down with NEC (an infection in the intestines) during his stay and had to be off of food and on antibotics for a week as well as isolation. Thankfully, he never perferated and the situation wasn't as bad as it could have been. Liam spent 35 days in the NICU before coming home and Hayden spent 40 days before we were able to take him home.

Not meeting the boys right away, or being able to hold them, was extremely hard. I was in recovery and the hospital policy was that I couldn't go or be taken down to the NICU until I could walk from the bed to the wheelchair. I had had a spinal and was considered a fall risk. I was in regular post-partum recovery and hearing the other women around me with their new babies was the absolute worst. I don't think I have cried as much as I have cried during the past 8 weeks. I can't help but feel so insanely guilty about the struggles the boys have had to overcome and how much they have had to fight to get to where they are today. I won't ever be able to forget a single lumbar puncture, x-ray, head ultrasound, heel prick, PICC line insert or IV they have had to go through. Nor can I help but feel terrible that I wasn't there from their first minute of life on - they were instead surrounded by nurses and doctors and respiratory therapists. I keep remembering learning in a breastfeeding class that babies are terrified upon delivery and that's why those who have skin-to-skin performed immediately thrive. I can't help but replaying that over and over in my head on an almost constant basis and I feel horrible that they each had to go through that not only without each other close by, but without me there.

It has been so nice having the boys home and being able to be their mom full time. The only things we struggle with now are my emotions to how everything has played out and my emotions regarding what has occured. I quite pumping after a long debate with myself. It took me a while to realize that the side affects of Reglan and the quanity of milk I was producing (less than a bottle for each a day) was not worth not enjoying my babies and dealing with the emotions the Reglan brought along with it. I tried everything and really truly gave it my all, but after 7 weeks, I just couldn't do it any longer. I currently offer Hayden my breast about 2-3 times a day and let him breastfeed for 10-15 minutes before giving him his bottle. Liam absolutely hates breastfeeding, so he only does when he is really rooting for food or else he would scream the entire time. Overall, they are doing fantastic and only have follow up appointments from here on out. They are acting more and more like normal, every day babies and less and less like preemies. We really had God on our side during everything, things could have been much much worse if I hadn't had that appointment with my MFM the morning of the 7th. While we've had a long journey so far, it's still a journey that I am so thankful to have.

Updates and Emotions

October 3rd, 2012
27 weeks 1 day

It's been quiet a while since I've written either on here, and even longer since I have written in the journal I've been keeping for the boys. Life has just gotten a little hectic, but I really need to get better about it. I want to have things for them to read when they get older.

I had my 1 hour glucose test back two weeks ago, it really wasn't bad at all. I opted for a Lemon-Lime flavor, since I hate Orange flavored anything. Pretty much tasted like a sugary Sprite. I felt a little dizzy towards the end, and had a horrible headache afterwards from the sugar. But I passed, thankfully. Me, give up chocolate and all things sweet? HA! You've got to be kidding me. No worries, there! The following Thursday, the 19th, I ended up back in L&D around midnight or so. I was having contractions that were 10 minutes apart, water and laying down weren't offering any sort of solution. We got in pretty quickly, and thankfully the wonderful nurses were able to get them to stop and thankfully I wasn't starting active labor. These babies need to cook a lot longer before they are able to arrive.

We had our appointment with our MFM yesterday, at 27 weeks on the dot. They did a cervix check and a growth scan. Baby A is weighing in at 1 pound 14 ounces, and Baby B is weighing in at 2 pounds 4 ounces. We are back up to a 17% growth discrepancy, but they aren't worried about it at the moment - at least that's what they say. There aren't any signs of TTTS (twin to twin transfusion) and it isn't likely that it would develop this late. We got a great picture of Baby B looking at us and you can tell a HUGE weight difference from their 23 week growth scan and yesterdays. He looks like my little gummy baby.

I'm really starting to look VERY pregnant. I really need to post some pictures on here, Erik is horrible about taking pictures - I have to beg practically for him to take one, and then another because the first one looks horrible. Then it ends in me being mad. Just not a good combination I suppose. I'm really feeling the babies move more and more, and I absolutely just love it. I could sit all day long and feel my belly and feel them move. It's one of the most amazing feelings in the world, at least I think so. It makes every heartburn, ache and pain so completely worth it.

We took the boys to their first concert last Thursday, the 27th, to see Brad Paisley, The Band Perry, and Scotty Mccuery. The USO was giving away free tickets to active duty military, which was awesome! I love free tickets and country music. The boys were kicking up a storm the entire time Brad Paisley was on stage. They're definitely going to be mommy's little country boys.

Otherwise things have been quiet here, truthfully I haven't been in the mood to have it any other way. I've been feeling quiet anxious and sad lately. I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones, but either way. I just feel so alone lately. Erik is gone at nights now, and I'm realizing quickly that the friends I have here, aren't like the friends I had back home (it isn't like I have hardly a friend back home any how anymore.. things change when you move away). Back home friends came over, hung out and just chatted with you. Here - it's more of a coffee date once a week and text messaging. Which is better than nothing - and I do like the friends that I have made. It's just... not what I need or what I'm used to. I don't know - this funk isn't hardly fun at all. I honestly just feel sad, it's like this pity party feeling I can't shake. I don't want to be back in Virginia Beach, but I miss certain aspects of it. I miss the environment more than anything I suppose, people are just different here. I just feel.. alone.

I don't know if it's that I miss having family near by, or that everyone and their mother who finds out we are expecting twins ask the question about who we will have to help us or makes a comment about "Oh, you're going to need a LOT of help!". I seriously could scream if I hear that remark one more time. I'm really looking forward to Erik and I having the boys and handling parenthood. We're going to learn so much about each other, and we're going to have to rely on each other and I think that's going to make our relationship a lot closer than we ever imagined. I'm looking forward to having a few weeks with it being just us and the boys before we have company/visitors. I want to be able to recover on my own and not have to worry about having people around. But my heart hurts when I see pictures of family visiting newborns in the hospital, because we don't have that luxury. The nurses and other soon to be parents at our hospital tours were talking about family visiting and I just had to tune it out completely.. we won't have visitors. It'll be Erik and I. I don't even know what we are going to do with Jade at this point in time. I don't trust hardly anyone with her, and I don't want to have friends over who are going to discipline my dog. It's going to be hard for her too. I've got a bazillion thoughts running through my mind, a million things to get done, and I just feel alone.

Here's to hoping better days are around the corner..

Sad

September 3, 2012
22 Weeks 6 Days

I have another post I should be writing, one about our amazing weekend with our families who came down and visited with us and about the wonderful baby shower I was thrown. But I have a few other things on my mind right now that I need to get out in the open.

I think it's really hitting me that we're truly on our own, in every aspect. Our families are over ten hours away from us and we don't get to see them often, and when we do it never feels long enough. All of my friends who have had children have had their families within a thirty minute drive of them, so there was plenty of support and helping hands. We don't have that luxury, and it isn't because family doesn't want to, but because we are just far away. It isn't like a day trip, or even a three day weekend trip that's easy to make.

For the past year and half that we've lived here, I've never really missed being super close to family. I've enjoyed my privacy, and my independence. The move was a wonderful growing experience for myself and for Erik and I. We've learned how to completely just rely on one another and get through things without running home to mom and dad to complain about the other person. I actually would say that I loved living further away. But after family left last night, I'm just so sad.

I'm sad I guess because I know that I won't be seeing most of them until the boy's are here, which truthfully is a bit overwhelming. I'm also sad because I know this is such a huge life changing event and no one is really around to be here for it. I know it really is just life changing for Erik and I, but it would be nice to have family nearby. I'm sad that I won't have my mom close by to help, even though our relationship is very up and down, I'm still sad. I won't be able to just have my mom near when/if I want her. I'm sad our boys will grow up like I did, far away from their Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles. I'm sad that they won't be near by to play with future cousins and be close with them.

I knew this would happen, because of our life style. I knew that the military would keep us away from family. But I guess I never really grasped that my children will grow up like I did. Not that there is anything wrong with how I grew up. But it's not fun being far away from family, it isn't exciting to go on 10-12 hour car rides to see Grandparents. It isn't fun to have your daddy deployed. When I said I would never marry a military man, it wasn't because I thought they were bad guys, it's because I know what it is like to grow up in that lifestyle. Now, I love Erik with all my heart, and I'm so very proud of what he is doing. There isn't any mistake in that. I wouldn't of wanted to marry any other man. Part of me is just sad and I hope that my sons grow up slightly different than I did. I hope that somehow, some way we can find a way to make it easier with family far away. Skype can only do so much, but I'm really hoping we can figure out ways to keep them close with their extended family.

Maybe I'm just a hormonal mess right now, and I'm sure my pregnancy mood swings aren't helping. I'm sure I will have myself pulled back together in a week or two from now. But.. right now, I can't help but just be sad and overwhelmed about the future and about going through all of these changes without family nearby.