Things have been extremely busy here the past few days. We finally closed on our home Thursday afternoon and we've been going and going since. We actually brought over a small truck load on Thursday night, and I had the truck on Friday while Erik had duty, basically meaning that he had to work, and I made a truck load to the new house and we've been going since. It's been a lot of work, and pretty stressful. Moving always is stressful. But anyhow, we stayed our first night last night and are pretty much moved in now we just have a little bit more to do but that's about it. After that it's just cleaning the apartment and turning in our keys.
It's pretty surreal, that we are so young, 24 and 22 and are homeowners. What other 22 year old is concerned about property lines, fencing, and HOA rules? To us it seems perfectly natural, but yet I feel as if we are alone in a pool of minivans. I wouldn't trade it for the world though, that's for damn sure. I love our home, and wouldn't change anything about it. I am so looking forward to decorating it and making it ours.
Just wanted to give everyone a quick update of how things are going. Overall, it's been great, I'm pretty beat up overall, bruises everywhere, cuts, I hurt my ankle pretty bad but I'll live, it's definitely worth it to know that our house is becoming a home more and more with every minute that passes.
Have a great rest of the weekend!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Good to Better to Best
Well I have certainly been feeling a lot better. Not only physically but mentally as well. I've been off of birth control for almost two months now, and I finally feel like I am getting back to my normal, old self. Not only am I like 5 pounds away from what I weighed when I graduated high school and meet Erik, but I also feel a heck of a lot better about the way I look. I know that gaining my self confidence back isn't going to happen overnight, and that it's going to be a slow process. But it's starting and that's what's important to me right now. It's nice to be able to look in the mirror and like what I see, and feel good about how I look. I think there will always be a part of me that will see other girls and compare myself to them, and how they look, and I think that's normal. But what isn't normal is putting myself down for not looking like that. As long as I can remind myself that I, too, am beautiful and I look great too then I think things will go from better to best.
On a separate note, my job is offering the ability to get some certifications with Cisco. Which to me, is really exciting. I always want to be able to not only better myself, but better myself so I can do a better job at my job. Some people might think it's pretty geeky, but I don't. If you worked as a teacher and they made a certification to become better at a grading system, you'd do it right? So - same thing, sort of. It's just nice to have the opportunity to better yourself, and a job that wants their employee's to better themselves. Plus I find this sort of thing interesting. I sort of realize I never really talk about my job, oopps! I work for a company that works hand in hand with other companies to help track their assets and provide maintenance for Cisco products. We have a database system that allows a company to track where they have certain products, and see how many they have at all of their different site's. It's pretty interesting and nifty. I may get a little stir crazy working from home, but I do like my job. It's amazing to be so young and involved with something so big. I will say, it does bother me that when I tell people I work at home, they automatically think it isn't a 'real' job, or that I just sit around on my ass all day on Facebook. No.. not exactly the case. I have deadlines and responsibilities just like every other office job, I have things I have to do, and hours I have to meet and so forth. So yes people it's a real job, stress included.
On a brighter note, in just a few hours we will be official home owners!! Whoo hoo!! I'm so excited and so ready to be in our home and decorate it and make it even more beautiful!
I hope everyone has a great day!
On a separate note, my job is offering the ability to get some certifications with Cisco. Which to me, is really exciting. I always want to be able to not only better myself, but better myself so I can do a better job at my job. Some people might think it's pretty geeky, but I don't. If you worked as a teacher and they made a certification to become better at a grading system, you'd do it right? So - same thing, sort of. It's just nice to have the opportunity to better yourself, and a job that wants their employee's to better themselves. Plus I find this sort of thing interesting. I sort of realize I never really talk about my job, oopps! I work for a company that works hand in hand with other companies to help track their assets and provide maintenance for Cisco products. We have a database system that allows a company to track where they have certain products, and see how many they have at all of their different site's. It's pretty interesting and nifty. I may get a little stir crazy working from home, but I do like my job. It's amazing to be so young and involved with something so big. I will say, it does bother me that when I tell people I work at home, they automatically think it isn't a 'real' job, or that I just sit around on my ass all day on Facebook. No.. not exactly the case. I have deadlines and responsibilities just like every other office job, I have things I have to do, and hours I have to meet and so forth. So yes people it's a real job, stress included.
On a brighter note, in just a few hours we will be official home owners!! Whoo hoo!! I'm so excited and so ready to be in our home and decorate it and make it even more beautiful!
I hope everyone has a great day!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
So...
"Wishing I was knee deep in the water somewhere"... I love Zack Brown Band and I'd kill to be at the beach rather than working.
On a more serious note, as much as I am enjoying Jacksonville and as much as I am grateful for being here. There are some things that I don't like about this 'adventure'. One the process of starting over in the friend making business. I know, I know I say that a lot. But it is hard being 22 and trying to make friends with people, and having anything in common. Most military affiliated 22 year olds, are married and have babies. Not this girl - so it's a tad bit more difficult. Another thing I don't like, is knowing there are things going on back home and I can't do anything about it.
I know I wasn't the best teenager growing up, I was a pretty good kid until probably 17, I think. At least that's what I am going to go ahead and go with. I just sort of started wanting to go out - normal teenager things. I'd skip school for classes I didn't want to go to - and go to the barn and ride. I didn't get bad until around 18. It started off on normal things, going out clubbing and what not. Your average 18 year old spree - I was in high school still. Any how.. just eventually found my way into the wrong crowd, and the wrong relationship. Thankfully I was grown out of that stage by the time I was 19, about March of 2008. I learned a lot from that bad time, and I really put my family through a lot.
Long story short, I feel like part of the reason my brother is in the spot he is in now is because he had me as a 'role model'. I know, I'm not there telling him to do what he is doing and they are his decisions to make. But I still wish I could be there to fix it, heck I wish I could fix it. Sometimes it's just a bit frustrating being so far away and feeling almost helpless when it comes to family matters.
In happier news, we get the keys to our new home tomorrow and will be doing the closing process. We have our final walk through to make sure everything was fixed at our house and then it's time to sign a ton of papers and we will be home owners! It's really exciting and I can't wait to be in our home and getting settled.
I hope everyone has a great day and I hope where ever you are, its sunny and pretty outside.
On a more serious note, as much as I am enjoying Jacksonville and as much as I am grateful for being here. There are some things that I don't like about this 'adventure'. One the process of starting over in the friend making business. I know, I know I say that a lot. But it is hard being 22 and trying to make friends with people, and having anything in common. Most military affiliated 22 year olds, are married and have babies. Not this girl - so it's a tad bit more difficult. Another thing I don't like, is knowing there are things going on back home and I can't do anything about it.
I know I wasn't the best teenager growing up, I was a pretty good kid until probably 17, I think. At least that's what I am going to go ahead and go with. I just sort of started wanting to go out - normal teenager things. I'd skip school for classes I didn't want to go to - and go to the barn and ride. I didn't get bad until around 18. It started off on normal things, going out clubbing and what not. Your average 18 year old spree - I was in high school still. Any how.. just eventually found my way into the wrong crowd, and the wrong relationship. Thankfully I was grown out of that stage by the time I was 19, about March of 2008. I learned a lot from that bad time, and I really put my family through a lot.
Long story short, I feel like part of the reason my brother is in the spot he is in now is because he had me as a 'role model'. I know, I'm not there telling him to do what he is doing and they are his decisions to make. But I still wish I could be there to fix it, heck I wish I could fix it. Sometimes it's just a bit frustrating being so far away and feeling almost helpless when it comes to family matters.
In happier news, we get the keys to our new home tomorrow and will be doing the closing process. We have our final walk through to make sure everything was fixed at our house and then it's time to sign a ton of papers and we will be home owners! It's really exciting and I can't wait to be in our home and getting settled.
I hope everyone has a great day and I hope where ever you are, its sunny and pretty outside.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Easter Weekend.
I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and a Happy Easter!
Our weekend was a little busy but definitely fun, a much needed weekend that didn't seem like it was gone in the blink of an eye. Our walk through went well Friday, we did a bunch of marking with blue tape of things that need to be taken care of before closing. The guy who did it with us was really nice. I will mention that I am a little frustrated with our realtor (just in case I haven't mentioned it before ) she was really great up until we put in an offer. And then it's like she disappeared. I feel as if that since she knows its our first time buying a home that she should be holding our hand a bit more. Thankfully our Lennar guy, David, is fantastic. He is always so nice and helpful which really makes up for our realtor dropping the ball this past week. Friday night was a lot of fun for me, because for the first time since we moved here I got to get out of the house, without Erik and meet some ladies. Okay, well it wasn't really the first night out without Erik - because I went shopping when he played poker the other night, but it was the first night out for me with other ladies and drinks. It was definitely a lot of fun. The Chillis here does 2 for 1 drinks, which is awesome! So I definitely had some margarita's! I meet a few ladies who were all really nice, I did feel a bit left out since I am the only one that did not have any children and I'm the only one who isn't married, but I was deemed "Common Law" married. Hahaha! Anyways. My wonderful boyfriend came and picked me up and we ended up doing a bit more drinking with his friend at our apartment, and felt like total crap the next morning. Saturday was spent doing a few errands, we ran to the Wax Strip so I could get my eyebrows done and then went to Lowe's and got a clothesline and some plants. We also had to get this tomato contraption since my tomatoes are growing like I'm feeding them steroids, I'm not by the way, but they are HUGE!
Easter Sunday was nice. We went to a church up the road, it was a really big church, and there wasn't enough room. Easter mass is a really big deal, so it was really packed. There were at least a good hundred people standing. That wasn't enjoyable - standing in 6 inch heels for an hour and a half of mass, but it wasn't that bad. We came home and the cooking began. Well technically I started cooking on Saturday evening. I baked the lemon cake and put together my cucumber salad Saturday night. This Easter was my first one away from family and my first one where Erik has been stateside and my first one where I was responsible for dinner. I made an awesome ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumber salad, corn, broccoli casserole, stuffing, rolls, and cake. I also put together our Easter baskets. We invited Erik's friend over and two of the guys from work. It was nice having more people over to distract me from missing our family, I really miss being near my parents and brothers, and the neighbors who have become family to us. You never really appreciate their company until they aren't near by.
I get to start packing this week. I'm not planning on doing a huge amount of packing. But just putting things into boxes and leaving them open. Easy packing. I'm really hoping to get everything over there next weekend, but more than likely I am sure there will be plenty of stuff to move. I don't know, I'm sort of a control freak and kind of want it all done at once so we'll see.
Have a great week and have a great Navy day.
Our weekend was a little busy but definitely fun, a much needed weekend that didn't seem like it was gone in the blink of an eye. Our walk through went well Friday, we did a bunch of marking with blue tape of things that need to be taken care of before closing. The guy who did it with us was really nice. I will mention that I am a little frustrated with our realtor (just in case I haven't mentioned it before ) she was really great up until we put in an offer. And then it's like she disappeared. I feel as if that since she knows its our first time buying a home that she should be holding our hand a bit more. Thankfully our Lennar guy, David, is fantastic. He is always so nice and helpful which really makes up for our realtor dropping the ball this past week. Friday night was a lot of fun for me, because for the first time since we moved here I got to get out of the house, without Erik and meet some ladies. Okay, well it wasn't really the first night out without Erik - because I went shopping when he played poker the other night, but it was the first night out for me with other ladies and drinks. It was definitely a lot of fun. The Chillis here does 2 for 1 drinks, which is awesome! So I definitely had some margarita's! I meet a few ladies who were all really nice, I did feel a bit left out since I am the only one that did not have any children and I'm the only one who isn't married, but I was deemed "Common Law" married. Hahaha! Anyways. My wonderful boyfriend came and picked me up and we ended up doing a bit more drinking with his friend at our apartment, and felt like total crap the next morning. Saturday was spent doing a few errands, we ran to the Wax Strip so I could get my eyebrows done and then went to Lowe's and got a clothesline and some plants. We also had to get this tomato contraption since my tomatoes are growing like I'm feeding them steroids, I'm not by the way, but they are HUGE!
Easter Sunday was nice. We went to a church up the road, it was a really big church, and there wasn't enough room. Easter mass is a really big deal, so it was really packed. There were at least a good hundred people standing. That wasn't enjoyable - standing in 6 inch heels for an hour and a half of mass, but it wasn't that bad. We came home and the cooking began. Well technically I started cooking on Saturday evening. I baked the lemon cake and put together my cucumber salad Saturday night. This Easter was my first one away from family and my first one where Erik has been stateside and my first one where I was responsible for dinner. I made an awesome ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, cucumber salad, corn, broccoli casserole, stuffing, rolls, and cake. I also put together our Easter baskets. We invited Erik's friend over and two of the guys from work. It was nice having more people over to distract me from missing our family, I really miss being near my parents and brothers, and the neighbors who have become family to us. You never really appreciate their company until they aren't near by.
I get to start packing this week. I'm not planning on doing a huge amount of packing. But just putting things into boxes and leaving them open. Easy packing. I'm really hoping to get everything over there next weekend, but more than likely I am sure there will be plenty of stuff to move. I don't know, I'm sort of a control freak and kind of want it all done at once so we'll see.
Have a great week and have a great Navy day.
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Two H's!
The two H's have been on my mind all night and all day so far... by two H's I mean home and horses!
Today's the day we have our walk through at our new house, and needless to say I am ecstatic! I love going to our house, it always puts me in a great mood and just gives me this sense of being. I know, pretty insane. But it isn't just a house that we are renting, or an apartment. It's our home, ours, no more lease signing, no more wondering if we will be living here a year or even a couple months from now. Nope - this is our home. In case some of you aren't familiar with new construction (don't feel bad! I totally wasn't either until we went under contract, now I'm a total pro! lol jk) this is normally done a week before closing. We meet up with our construction consultant, David and our realtor and probably another head construction guy I'm thinking. They give us each a blue roll of tape and we go through the house and tape anything that is wrong. This includes dirt here, paint drips there, tile is cracked, grout is chipped, edging on the paint on the ceiling, carpet here. Literally, anything, and they fix it before closing day and we move in. Then ten days after wards they come back to see us in our new home, and ask if we have found anything else and they will fix whatever it is we find. And this continues on at the month mark, six month mark, and the eleven month mark. We get an awesome house warranty, that will cover anything the first year and then we get a bumper to bumper warranty on all appliances, AC unit, hvac, water heater.. you get the picture. So it's pretty exciting. Plus since it's done in the middle of the day, I will get a sense of what the noise level is like for when I will be working. and who is home during the day.
We also found out that Erik's sister will be coming to visit us in June and I am pretty excited! I love having people come by, I love seeing family - whether that's his family or mine. I love it. It's nice to have friends and family in your home. Especially when there is only two people there, it gives it a sense of fullness. So I'm pretty excited. Not to mention, it's a great excuse to make sure it's all decorated by then and pretty by then. My mind has been so consumed with decorating and ideas it isn't even funny. I'm constantly thinking about little things to put here and there. Where can I find a good clothesline at? (yes I am being serious! and I'm excited about getting one!) How do I want to decorate our bedroom? How do I want to do the bathroom? And more importantly, why can't my boyfriend seem to remember to ask for pictures from his mom of him and his family and the pictures we took in October of him in his blues. Lol.. I want to have pictures of his family up there, it's an important aspect of his life and I want them up in our house! So.. hopefully he will remember to do it Sunday when it's phone call time.
I've been doing a lot of thinking on the horse subject. I'm just not really seeing a reason on why I shouldn't go ahead with getting one. I've still been fighting with this 'lost' feeling down here. I haven't really found my niche so to say. I think the reason why I keep going back to the idea, is because one it's one of my biggest loves and passions and because it will give me a sense of belonging and it will allow me to develop friends who aren't military here. That's important to me. I love my military friends, and they always know just what to say and what you need to hear, but I also need civilian friends, especially horse friends. There is just something about having a horrible day and going out to see your horse that really makes it all worth it. Call me crazy, I don't care. It's just this absolutely amazing feeling. Just pure love with no judgement. Okay - sometimes horses give you a little judgement. Like when you tell it to jump this super scary fence and they think your absolutely insane and want to throw a temper tantrum.. but outside of that. They are absolutely loving with no judgement. I know Erik wouldn't mind, heck he would probably spend a lot of time out there with me. I just need to find a place that isn't outrageously priced down here. I still can't get over some of the stupid rules these barns down here have and the stupid prices that go along with them. I don't come from an area that's considered really country, I mean it's Virginia Beach. It just seems like there is more common sense there, and better prices than here. I'm sure I will find something... just need to keep looking a little bit harder.
I hope everyone has a great Navy day!
Today's the day we have our walk through at our new house, and needless to say I am ecstatic! I love going to our house, it always puts me in a great mood and just gives me this sense of being. I know, pretty insane. But it isn't just a house that we are renting, or an apartment. It's our home, ours, no more lease signing, no more wondering if we will be living here a year or even a couple months from now. Nope - this is our home. In case some of you aren't familiar with new construction (don't feel bad! I totally wasn't either until we went under contract, now I'm a total pro! lol jk) this is normally done a week before closing. We meet up with our construction consultant, David and our realtor and probably another head construction guy I'm thinking. They give us each a blue roll of tape and we go through the house and tape anything that is wrong. This includes dirt here, paint drips there, tile is cracked, grout is chipped, edging on the paint on the ceiling, carpet here. Literally, anything, and they fix it before closing day and we move in. Then ten days after wards they come back to see us in our new home, and ask if we have found anything else and they will fix whatever it is we find. And this continues on at the month mark, six month mark, and the eleven month mark. We get an awesome house warranty, that will cover anything the first year and then we get a bumper to bumper warranty on all appliances, AC unit, hvac, water heater.. you get the picture. So it's pretty exciting. Plus since it's done in the middle of the day, I will get a sense of what the noise level is like for when I will be working. and who is home during the day.
We also found out that Erik's sister will be coming to visit us in June and I am pretty excited! I love having people come by, I love seeing family - whether that's his family or mine. I love it. It's nice to have friends and family in your home. Especially when there is only two people there, it gives it a sense of fullness. So I'm pretty excited. Not to mention, it's a great excuse to make sure it's all decorated by then and pretty by then. My mind has been so consumed with decorating and ideas it isn't even funny. I'm constantly thinking about little things to put here and there. Where can I find a good clothesline at? (yes I am being serious! and I'm excited about getting one!) How do I want to decorate our bedroom? How do I want to do the bathroom? And more importantly, why can't my boyfriend seem to remember to ask for pictures from his mom of him and his family and the pictures we took in October of him in his blues. Lol.. I want to have pictures of his family up there, it's an important aspect of his life and I want them up in our house! So.. hopefully he will remember to do it Sunday when it's phone call time.
A picture of me jumping a few years ago, probably right before I meet Erik, so 2008.
I hope everyone has a great Navy day!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Whats on my mind..
I want to start off first by saying that I know I am truly lucky for the amazing people and things in my life that I have been blessed with. I am so grateful for my family, Erik, and the amazing friends who've truly stuck by me threw it all. I don't normally write at night, because I try and let my feelings and emotions and thoughts stir, until they stick. I try very hard to think before I speak, or in this case write. But I have the urge to write what is exactly on my mind for one reason or another. So I am going to listen to my gut and write.
I've had several 'friends' on facebook recently write about exciting news going on in their lives. And I am so beyond happy for them. Truly I am, especially the ones who really, really deserve nothing but greatness and all the excitement in the world. I can't help but wallow after all the excitement settles and wonder, when will it be my turn. I can't count how many "Congratulations" that I have posted or given to people, truly meaning it, in the past few months. Many of which were as always complete surprises. But still, I'm often left wondering when is it my time. I know I am so lucky for the wonderful news that we got our house, and I am so grateful to have an amazing man who is home for the first spring in three years.
Maybe it's just my impatience nudging at me. I've always been a pretty impatient person. I'm the type of girl who lives and loves hard. I try my hardest to live life to the fullest and not take things for granted. But I when I love, I love deeply. I tend to do a lot of things pretty faced paced. So I guess it's really just myself being impatient.
I've been hearing more and more lately about marriage, about friends and people I know getting married and having babies. I'm 22 years old. What is every other 22 year old female thinking about? I can only guess college, careers, parties and dates. So why is it that you take some women from ages 18-24 and bring them into the military world. They all are consumed with being married and having babies. But once you leave the 'military' world. Everyone thinks its that 22 is too young. So I don't understand why I think I'm too old to not be married. It'd be nice to have some civilian friends to ground my feet from this insanely fast speed lane I seem to be running in. Everyone around me is running a million miles an hour - because face it its the military life. You don't have time to sit down and wait. Deployments happen. Maybe everyone is trying to make up for lost time, for time that will be lost. Either way... it's driving me insane.
I know full heartly that I am too young to be feeling like an 'Old Maid'. But for some reason or another I do. I feel as if my life is running away and I cant catch up. I'm so thankful for everything I have, for everyone that is in my life. I guess I am just impatient. I want it to be my day, I want to be the girl on everyone's friends list who gets married next. I want to be fortunate enough to belong to someone for the rest of my life. I know that it will not change the way I feel towards Erik, it will not change our relationship one bit whatsoever. I get that completely. I truly do. But for some reason I can't seem to be any more patient about it. I don't know... maybe it's just me being emotional. Maybe it's just me feeling as if I have completely committed myself to him by moving here and leaving behind everything. I can't really say he hasn't committed, because he just bought us the most beautiful home ever. I don't know.. see I can tell I am even being irrational about this whole thing.
Being around this military life just really sucks sometimes to be quiet frank. Everyone else doesn't get married young. I can't really say that for sure, because I've never been out of this military life. I can't imagine how nice it must be to not worry about deployments, to not think about "Wow if we get hitched we can make an extra $400 a month". I don't know, my mind is on a treadmill right now, running a million miles an hour. Just like this life has us all running. I can't make sense of it, or why I feel this way when I know in my right mind I shouldn't be.
I guess I am going to just call it a night and sleep on it. I need to stop letting myself get worked up over peoples senseless comments. I never really was one to let myself get worked up or so butthurt from other peoples remarks. I used to be the girl who was so confident, so sure of everything. And for some reason or another I seem to be loosing that. I wish I wasn't. Life hasn't always been perfect but up until the relationship before Erik I was so sure of it all. So positive in what I wanted to make my life, so sure of who I was, and I was so happy and carefree.
I don't understand why the bad parts, the things you want to forget the most never leave your mind. The hurtful words never do leave you the same person you once were. I would give anything to go back and erase all the hurtful things that were said to me. I wish more than anything he could pay for (excuse my french) all the mind fucking he did. I have no, and I mean absolute zero, tolerance for any type of abuse. I could never understand how women would stay in a relationship with someone who had zero respect for her until I was in that situation. Every person is different and we all come to our senses at different times, if at all. i just wish I could unhear everything I heard. Every hateful statement that degraded me and chipped away at the beautiful, happy person I was. And now I am fighting daily to get that all back. I just want to be who I was before that situation occurred, before I heard all those things. If you ask me, and this is just my experience any amount of physical abuse is better than verbal abuse. Bruises are harder to hide, but they go away. The words filled with hate just eat at you. I know that every mistake I made, every move I made, every wrong turn I took lead me to Erik. I know that I really have been blessed to have meet such a man who would love me for everything I am. I'm beyond lucky.
Well I got way off topic tonight, maybe it was a good thing. I just need to find my old confidence. Before it became all damaged and bruised. I know that one day I will.. I'll be fearless and full of confidence. I will know that I am beautiful without having to hear compliments. One day... and one day might not come soon enough. But it will come. Maybe writing it out is my way to get it back... I'm not sure. But we'll see. I wasn't planning on letting people really 'in' on that part of my life. But then again maybe it's better to have the open book concept of life.
Maybe it really isn't the commitment aspect that's killing me, maybe it's more or less that I feel the need to have the 'security' of marriage is why I am so impatient over it. I think that's why it digs down at my heart so much when it isn't me being the one to announce the 'good news'. But that's going to stop. Starting now... I know Erik will ask me when the time is right. Until then, I'll just be the most loving girlfriend I can be and I will try to slow down in the fast lane that the military has us in.
I've had several 'friends' on facebook recently write about exciting news going on in their lives. And I am so beyond happy for them. Truly I am, especially the ones who really, really deserve nothing but greatness and all the excitement in the world. I can't help but wallow after all the excitement settles and wonder, when will it be my turn. I can't count how many "Congratulations" that I have posted or given to people, truly meaning it, in the past few months. Many of which were as always complete surprises. But still, I'm often left wondering when is it my time. I know I am so lucky for the wonderful news that we got our house, and I am so grateful to have an amazing man who is home for the first spring in three years.
Maybe it's just my impatience nudging at me. I've always been a pretty impatient person. I'm the type of girl who lives and loves hard. I try my hardest to live life to the fullest and not take things for granted. But I when I love, I love deeply. I tend to do a lot of things pretty faced paced. So I guess it's really just myself being impatient.
I've been hearing more and more lately about marriage, about friends and people I know getting married and having babies. I'm 22 years old. What is every other 22 year old female thinking about? I can only guess college, careers, parties and dates. So why is it that you take some women from ages 18-24 and bring them into the military world. They all are consumed with being married and having babies. But once you leave the 'military' world. Everyone thinks its that 22 is too young. So I don't understand why I think I'm too old to not be married. It'd be nice to have some civilian friends to ground my feet from this insanely fast speed lane I seem to be running in. Everyone around me is running a million miles an hour - because face it its the military life. You don't have time to sit down and wait. Deployments happen. Maybe everyone is trying to make up for lost time, for time that will be lost. Either way... it's driving me insane.
I know full heartly that I am too young to be feeling like an 'Old Maid'. But for some reason or another I do. I feel as if my life is running away and I cant catch up. I'm so thankful for everything I have, for everyone that is in my life. I guess I am just impatient. I want it to be my day, I want to be the girl on everyone's friends list who gets married next. I want to be fortunate enough to belong to someone for the rest of my life. I know that it will not change the way I feel towards Erik, it will not change our relationship one bit whatsoever. I get that completely. I truly do. But for some reason I can't seem to be any more patient about it. I don't know... maybe it's just me being emotional. Maybe it's just me feeling as if I have completely committed myself to him by moving here and leaving behind everything. I can't really say he hasn't committed, because he just bought us the most beautiful home ever. I don't know.. see I can tell I am even being irrational about this whole thing.
Being around this military life just really sucks sometimes to be quiet frank. Everyone else doesn't get married young. I can't really say that for sure, because I've never been out of this military life. I can't imagine how nice it must be to not worry about deployments, to not think about "Wow if we get hitched we can make an extra $400 a month". I don't know, my mind is on a treadmill right now, running a million miles an hour. Just like this life has us all running. I can't make sense of it, or why I feel this way when I know in my right mind I shouldn't be.
I guess I am going to just call it a night and sleep on it. I need to stop letting myself get worked up over peoples senseless comments. I never really was one to let myself get worked up or so butthurt from other peoples remarks. I used to be the girl who was so confident, so sure of everything. And for some reason or another I seem to be loosing that. I wish I wasn't. Life hasn't always been perfect but up until the relationship before Erik I was so sure of it all. So positive in what I wanted to make my life, so sure of who I was, and I was so happy and carefree.
I don't understand why the bad parts, the things you want to forget the most never leave your mind. The hurtful words never do leave you the same person you once were. I would give anything to go back and erase all the hurtful things that were said to me. I wish more than anything he could pay for (excuse my french) all the mind fucking he did. I have no, and I mean absolute zero, tolerance for any type of abuse. I could never understand how women would stay in a relationship with someone who had zero respect for her until I was in that situation. Every person is different and we all come to our senses at different times, if at all. i just wish I could unhear everything I heard. Every hateful statement that degraded me and chipped away at the beautiful, happy person I was. And now I am fighting daily to get that all back. I just want to be who I was before that situation occurred, before I heard all those things. If you ask me, and this is just my experience any amount of physical abuse is better than verbal abuse. Bruises are harder to hide, but they go away. The words filled with hate just eat at you. I know that every mistake I made, every move I made, every wrong turn I took lead me to Erik. I know that I really have been blessed to have meet such a man who would love me for everything I am. I'm beyond lucky.
Well I got way off topic tonight, maybe it was a good thing. I just need to find my old confidence. Before it became all damaged and bruised. I know that one day I will.. I'll be fearless and full of confidence. I will know that I am beautiful without having to hear compliments. One day... and one day might not come soon enough. But it will come. Maybe writing it out is my way to get it back... I'm not sure. But we'll see. I wasn't planning on letting people really 'in' on that part of my life. But then again maybe it's better to have the open book concept of life.
Maybe it really isn't the commitment aspect that's killing me, maybe it's more or less that I feel the need to have the 'security' of marriage is why I am so impatient over it. I think that's why it digs down at my heart so much when it isn't me being the one to announce the 'good news'. But that's going to stop. Starting now... I know Erik will ask me when the time is right. Until then, I'll just be the most loving girlfriend I can be and I will try to slow down in the fast lane that the military has us in.
Oh... Navy. Sometimes I could punch you.
Well... there are always the day's where you just want to punch the Navy right in the kisser. If it's one thing I can count on, it's the good ol' Navy teaching me just how to do everything on my own. Erik has duty on Friday, now normally I don't care... duty days for aviation are a lot different than ship's company duty days. There isn't a boat to sleep on, so they come home because base has it's own firefighters and rescue people - which is really why there are duty days, in case you were wondering. So for us that just means he has another ten hour workday and probably a watch billet to stand that weekend. So normally I could care less... but it isn't just any Friday he has duty on. Nope... it's closing day on our house! So we had to call our awesome realtor and see if she can move it to Thursday instead or Friday afternoon. I'm really hoping it's Thursday because I've already called the cable company to come out on Friday. So if things go like how I would like them to go, I will be moving us Friday. It never seems to fail that something happens for moving day.. outside of the PCS move, Erik's never been around for a move. It's either been a duty weekend at his old command, where they actually had to work all weekend long, or he's been deployed. So it seems like the Navy is either trying to keep me in shape, or just teaching me a lesson. Not to mention, they are moving Erik back to nights. Which doesn't really bother me too much. Just as long as we are out of this darn apartment before they do it. I hate it here, HATE actually probably doesn't justify. Our neighbors are so inconsiderate and loud, and there have been robberies and just ughhhh. So.. as long as we are out of here by that time I'm good as gravy. And then here is the real kicker (thank god we were able to use the fact that we are closing on a house to get out of it!) they tried to send Erik back to Virginia Beach for 8 weeks! Can you believe that?! We just moved from there four weeks ago! That would of sucked - big time!
On another note. My mind has been running ragged with decorating ideas! I can't stop thinking about things I want to do to our new home. Not to mention I am positive Ross and the Home Good's store and Amazon are loving me right now. I want everything to look perfect. Erik's parents are coming to visit at the end of May for memorial day weekend. I know Erik is so excited to see them, and I am really excited about having them visit. I just want to make sure everything looks perfect when they do come. Maybe it's just a southern thing, you are judged on how your home is kept. We as women, all know this or should. And I just want his mom to like everything. I really don't ever want to have the relationship where I don't get along with my inlaws. They are wonderful people, and have done an amazing job in raising Erik, I know he wouldn't be the man he is today without them so I just want to make the best impression on them. I know I've meet them before, and I know I've visited them before. But they've never visited us, so I just want them to know I am a good 'homemaker'. I think one of a women's biggest qualities is how she keeps her home. You can really tell a person's personality by how the house is kept and decorated.
I also wanted to bring up the topic of couponing! It's been a pretty hot and heavy topic since TLC's new show Extreme Couponing came out. I've been clipping coupons since about August. But have gotten a lot better at it. And after doing some adjusting and more exploring recently, I am pretty excited about my next grocery trip. I wanted to share some of my tips to help you (if anyone is there) save some money too!
Have a Great Navy Day and Happy Hump Day!
On another note. My mind has been running ragged with decorating ideas! I can't stop thinking about things I want to do to our new home. Not to mention I am positive Ross and the Home Good's store and Amazon are loving me right now. I want everything to look perfect. Erik's parents are coming to visit at the end of May for memorial day weekend. I know Erik is so excited to see them, and I am really excited about having them visit. I just want to make sure everything looks perfect when they do come. Maybe it's just a southern thing, you are judged on how your home is kept. We as women, all know this or should. And I just want his mom to like everything. I really don't ever want to have the relationship where I don't get along with my inlaws. They are wonderful people, and have done an amazing job in raising Erik, I know he wouldn't be the man he is today without them so I just want to make the best impression on them. I know I've meet them before, and I know I've visited them before. But they've never visited us, so I just want them to know I am a good 'homemaker'. I think one of a women's biggest qualities is how she keeps her home. You can really tell a person's personality by how the house is kept and decorated.
I also wanted to bring up the topic of couponing! It's been a pretty hot and heavy topic since TLC's new show Extreme Couponing came out. I've been clipping coupons since about August. But have gotten a lot better at it. And after doing some adjusting and more exploring recently, I am pretty excited about my next grocery trip. I wanted to share some of my tips to help you (if anyone is there) save some money too!
- Make a menu for the month (or whatever time duration you go shopping for). If you make a menu and list out all the ingredients for the meal, you won't have to make as many last minute stops at the corner store to pick up the missing pieces. Plus if you have a menu, you won't have to wonder up and down the aisle thinking about what you can make for dinner - you've already done it!
- Don't go hungry! Bad, very, very bad idea. Your hungry, you either pick up a ton of food and spend more than you want, or you get in a bad mood because the lady in front of you won't move it fast enough so you can get in and out and your bound to forget something.
- Check out couponsurfer.com they have free printable coupons. You have to download the printer app, but hey it works and the quality is great!
- Pick up the Sunday paper and sign up for RedPlum coupons to be delivered to your mailbox for free. Most Sunday coupons are pretty good, and there are always a lot. - Plus I've noticed these don't limit you to one coupon per purchase, so you can stock up! Some places I've heard give away the extra Sunday papers on Monday - so extra coupons!
- Take your menu and go through your coupons, pull out the ones you will definitely use and the ones you need to use before they expire. Bring your whole coupon book with you - you never know what will be a 'surprise' sale item and you don't want to be upset when you left your book at home and realize you could of saved even more
- Check out this site that I literally just found! She has a list of items on sale and coupons that go with them! http://thehappyhousewife.com/real-life/category/journal/military/military-commissary-deals/
- Also, Check out the commissary's website to see whats on sale - I've noticed if you go in between pay periods they have more on sale, but I could be wrong. http://www.commissaries.com/log_in/html/savings_aisle.cfm
Have a Great Navy Day and Happy Hump Day!
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