Eventful Wednesday

May 18th,

It's been a hectic couple of days here in the H residence. Since wednesday life has taken a pretty big upside down loop, that the Mr and me weren't quite ready for.

So Wednesday morning I woke up just before 5 soaking in sweat and just that tell tale sick feeling and proceeded to run to the toilet where I pretty much hung out throwing up nothing for 5 hours. Dry heaving, and I literally just shoved crackers and water into my mouth so I'd have something to throw up. It was horrible. Top it off I had a bad migraine that just kept progressing. Thankfully - it decided to be a rainy day so there wasn't any intruding sunlight that made me want to poke my eyes out. If you've ever suffered from migraines, you know what I mean. I figured at first the throwing up was the start of my morning sickness, after all I was 6 weeks and 6 days pregnant on Wednesday. But after 4 hours Erik got concerend. Migraines become unbearable if your dehyrdrated - and when I haven't been able to keep anything down for 5 hours, dehydration becomes a huge possibility and I knew that wasn't healthy for me or the baby. So I eventually caved in to Erik and we headed to the base ER. I knew they'd want to do an IV for fluids and I didn't know what exactly I could take for a migraine because the nurses line didn't answer their phone. So - we went.

The triage nurse kind of pissed me off because she assumed I had a 28 day cycle - pushing me back to 6 weeks 3 days. Umm - not true lady. This gal here has 25 day cycles - and I know our conception date so take that. I ignored her. So this nice Dr comes in to see me. I told him why I was here, I also mentioned that I had been having this cramps around my right ovary for two weeks or so now - normally dull and achy but sometimes stabbing and shooting. But I was here for my migraine and the vomiting. Well, the doctor wanted to just confirm the pregnancy was intrauterine since I hadn't had my first real doctors appointment yet - it isn't for another 3 weeks. So - Erik got to witness a transvaginal ultrasound. If I could of taken a picture of his eyes I would of. Hahahaha! Anyways - so he does confirm that the pregnancy was in fact in my uterus - yay! And then proceeds to ask us "What do you think of twins?" Okay - not comfortable to laugh with a dildo cam up your lady area - just saying. Erik has this HUGE smile and is almost laughing and crying at once and I'm just in pain and ask the Doctor if he is kidding. Nope - We have twins. Two healthy heartbeats and two healthy fetal poles. Twin #1 had a bpm of 140 and Twin #2 had a variable bpm of 120-150.

Baby A is at the side, and Baby B is up at the top - kind of hiding.

So they fix my migraine, give me medicine to take home for that and my nausea and tell us I am having twins.

I'm not going to lie - I was severly panic ridden. Erik was overly excited. When you become pregnant you think about 1 baby. Devoting all your time and love and attention to one child. Being able to give one child everything. One crib, a stroller for one baby - the cute easy to fold ones, 1 car seat (we were planning on downgrading my Jeep to a car until we were ready for another child 3 - 4 years down the road). Financially you prepare yourself for one child. So up until yesterday I was in this panic funk. But it hit me yesterday.
Twins just mean twice as many kisses, twice as many milestones, double the love, double the cute little toes. They'll always have a best friend no matter where the Navy sends us. I'm not sure why I doubted Erik and I and God's plan for us. But I'm really not going to do that anymore. God has a plan, and through him all things are possible. I just need to trust in that.

So - now I can say I'm overly thrilled and so excited. I can't wait to be a mommy of two! It's definitely going to be an upside down adventure, but I can't wait to go on it!

News!

May 14th

We went to Kentucky over the past weekend for my sister-in-law's wedding. The drive up wasn't too bad - outside of the fact that the car we rented had no cruise control, which to us so super weird. Her wedding was beautiful and everything came together perfectly.

We told our parents over the weekend about our growing baby - Erik's on Saturday as a early Mother's Day gift, and mine on Sunday - Mother's Day. We gave them a double hinged picture frame, with a picture of us and our parent's from our wedding day. And on the other side, we wrote a note that said, "Sorry, our next family photo isn't due until January 2013!". We thought it was a cute idea.

Erik's parents were thrilled. His mom was so excited - they've been wanting a grandchild for a couple of years now. And this will be their first grandchild. My MIL did however, get extremely upset when we tried to explain that we didn't want anyone to come down for 2 weeks after the baby was born. And I can completely understand her being upset. I guess my upbringing is really a lot different than Erik's. I didn't see my grandparents except for maybe once a year - they lived 12+ hours away. Erik on the other hand, lived minutes from his grandparents. So he knew them well and visited almost daily. I grew up in a military family, where we didn't have that comfort of being near family, and my children will grow up in that environment - where friends sometimes are closer then family. So I can see why she is upset and she was able to understand my points about how I do not want my baby to be held constantly, or being passed around. I want my baby to not be in a stressful environment and I don't want to have to worry about my appearance days after I have a child. So - we said we would figure something out - which we need to sit down and do sooner rather than later.

My parents just gave us a "Congratulations and We're so happy for you" response. I was kind of hoping for a bit more. But I was tired when we spoke with them, and I could be taking it the wrong way.

I have noticed from the past week or so that I feel extremely over protective of our growing baby. I've always been laid back and go with the flow type of person, and now I feel like I need to be in control of anything pertaining to our baby. I just want what's best, and I feel very set in my ways on what that is right now. I'm sure it's something plenty of first time mom's go through, or at least I would like to think it is.

Nothing really new has been going on here other wise. Just sleeping as much as possible, which isn't hard since I'm tired all of the time. Other than that, same ol thing going on. I did start school back up today. I'm registered in 4 classes, or 13 credit hours. Thankfully, I was able to utilize the MYCAA grant to finish my associates. I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I could finish in December with my AA, or I can push it out until May and take an additional 3 classes of prereq's for my Bachelors that I wouldn't have to pay for. I'm not really sure what I want to do. I know which option is the smarter one, however, I still rather be finished earlier than later. So.. we'll see how it figures it's self out.

24 day's until we get to see our peanut on our first ultrasound. I can't wait to see him or her and hear their heartbeat for the first time. I'm debating on purchasing a doppler to use at home to listen to it, but I'm not sure if I want to spend the $60 on it. When it can be used for something else for the baby, but I'm sure it would be used often. We'll see....

Till next time!

You + Me = 3

I haven't shared this yet, because we aren't announcing until we get into our second trimester because there are so many things that can and could happen. But I wanted to start writing posts and I'll publish them at a later date. Sorry for any recent MIA status I might of been giving off! I was still here, just writing in secret!

Friday May 4th:
So, we are officially expecting our first baby! We had been TTC for not very long at all, and were extremely blessed to conceive as quickly as we did. I had been charting for 4 months prior, and it's really been helpful with noticing changes in my body.

On Monday, April 23 I was feeling antsy in my two week wait to take a test, I was only ten days past my ovulation date so I really wasn't expecting anything, but thought what the hey. So I took one, and continued about my morning and went to look back at it later. And there it was a very faint BFP (big fat positive). So I thought of ways to tell Erik. Well, I decided I would go buy a gender neutral onsie and a digital test (thanks to a recommendation) and then some cinnamon rolls. I tested again Tuesday with an EPT test and got a negative. Wednesday, April 25th, I woke up early and tested using the digital test (I was 12DPO) and received a very positive "Pregnant" result. So I put the cinnamon rolls in the oven to cook and took a shower, got dressed, and pulled them out, iced them, and put the test in a small gift bag with the onsie. I put the rolls back in the oven and went to wake up Erik.

I told him there was something wrong with the oven and I was trying to cook, and he just had to look. He pulled his half asleep body out of bed, went into the kitchen and stood there and said "I don't hear a noise" and I lied and said, "I think there is a mouse in there, just open it and get it out".
So Erik opened the oven and stared at the cinnamon rolls and proceeded to stare at them for what felt like forever.
He finally looked at me and the conversation went like this:

Me: "There is a bun in the Oven!"

Erik: Stares back at the oven and has this extremely confused/half asleep look on his face.

Then finally looks back at me.

Me: (again!) "There is a bun in the Oven!"

Erik: Looks at me, oh so confused, and then back at the oven. Then it clicked, he looks back at me and says: "You're pregnant?"

Me: Yes!

Erik: How do you know?!

Me: Giggling, Gives him the gift bag

Erik: Pulls out the test and the onsie, and just stared at it. He finally came and gave me a hug and held and kissed me for what felt like forever.

I also want to add that about two hours after I had woken him at 7am from a dead sleep (Erik works nights right now and we're hoping it'll stay this way for a bit) that I found him in bed using my touchpad to look up family sedans. It was seriously the cutest, most touching thing, and really made me fall more in love with him. I hope our child really has his thoughtful, patient, caring personality.

It's so nice that Erik was home and that I was able to tell him about this in a creative, cute way. To see and think about the expression on his face and the emotions, just bring tears to my eyes. Just seeing pure happiness on his face, and excitement means the world to me. I'm so happy, and so excited! I'm so grateful that it happened so quickly and easily. I know there are so many women out there who struggle and my heart breaks for them.

I was able to call the Naval hospital later that day and we went in the next morning to have it confirmed. And it was. So we are really pregnant! It's almost surreal. Like it doesn't feel as if anything has changed, it's not noticeable and won't be for a while. It's also so, so very exciting. I do get a little anxious at every cramp I feel, and just pray that everything is okay and growing properly. I pray every day actually. Even though it's too early for our little peanut to hear me, I talk to him or her already. And tell him or her that I just want them to be healthy. That's all I want, is a healthy baby.

I just pray that I can do it all. I'm not so worried about the labor, caring, and teaching baby aspect. But the pregnancy aspect. Maybe because I've been exposed to friends who have miscarried, that I understand it's a real possibility, and that I could be in that 20-25% of women who miscarry. I also just want to provide the best for our little peanut. I want him or her to be completely healthy. I'm looking forward to the changes, and the symptoms. It'll make it feel more real. Right now there isn't much going on symptom wise, and while it's nice and I do appreciate it, it's a little hard to feel 'pregnant'.

We had our baby orientation today, on May 4th, and they showed us a DVD of a growing baby and we filled out our OB charts. We also filled out information for Fleet and Family services. There is a baby budgeting class we are going to attend that the Navy Marine Corps Society does. It was nice to get all the information today. I was a little nervous, because I don't know any one here personally who has given birth at the Naval hospital here in Jacksonville. But I feel a bit better now that I know what to expect at certain appointments. That's what I was in the nerves about the most I think. So, we go back in just about a month for our first real OB appointment. I'll be 10 weeks along then, so I'm hoping we'll be able to hear the baby's heart beat at the appointment. I think hearing that will really put away some of the anxiety's I have. But for now, I am just going to enjoy this, and the emotions, and think positively about the future.

But, that's whats going on here! I'm so excited and I can't wait to tell everyone, but I know it will be another eight weeks until then. 

It's a life style change

For those of you who don't know, I've been trying to really change my food life, and well my health life too. This started back in November or so, and frankly I've come a pretty long ways in my book. When I started off the year in 2011 I weighed 154lbs. Embarrassing and fatter than a cow in my book. At my wedding on March 3rd I weighed 120 lbs. And I was happy.

I always do really well, and then just kind of slack off. But, I'm for the most part sticking with it. I've done a good job of incorporating more healthy and fresh food into my life versus processed. I never was a big soda person, but that's completely cut out of my life. Energy drinks are a water based Crystal Light packet - with only 60 mg of Caffeine in it. I eat a ton of greek yogurt, which I love. Grapefruit, celery, whole grain food. I also take my Prenatal vitamin that is food based, and has my daily serving of certain vitamins/minerals that make me crave chocolate. Which helps.

I do pretty well with food choices. Because I feel better when I eat right, and eat smart. I feel good. Once I am into a good routine I am good about working out. But, my routine slacked after the wedding. I at least went to the gym on our cruise some but it's not been spectacular. Maybe twice a week I make it to the gym or do a workout. This is where I need to get better. So I'm hoping that by blogging about it, will help keep me committed.

I've noticed also, that when I am eating right and working out, my anorexia thoughts are almost completely gone, the thoughts of "I am a COW", "Oh my gosh, do not take off my shirt, I am too fat", "How can you even think you're beautiful at all, just look in the mirror" No - I'm really not taking this to an extreme, this is really what goes on in my head. So I'm really going to make a habit to stay active, and keep up with this new lifestyle. Because for the first time in a longggg time I am happy with myself and my body.

So here it is my goal, my measurements and my current weight. I plan on updating this weekly. I don't plan on doing pictures, because frankly I don't feel comfortable. But.. I will take a few and keep them and when I feel comfortable I will share them.
My Goal - Maintain exercise. Eat healthy, work out daily.
Form of workout: Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred (she's killer), and NY and Co Ballet Workout 1 & 2. Occasional gym sesh.

Measurements:
Upper Thigh (fattest part)- 21"
Lower Thigh (above knee) - 17"
Upper Arm (before arm pit) - 11"
Hips: 37"
Waist: 29"
Weight: 127 lbs.

So.. we'll see how I am doing next Tuesday.

Our Wedding

Just like any bride would say, my wedding day was simply the best day of my life so far. It wasn't necessarly because everything went perfectly, because it surely didn't. But it was because it was the day that the love of my life and I were joined together as one in God. I wouldn't say I'm the most outward religious person, but that my friends, was the most powerful moment of my life.
We surely had hiccups, my mother and I argued most of the day. My day of cordinator forgot to pat down my dress after bustling it, so I had 'wings'. We were under a tornado watch, we were running late, they lost the prayer of the faithful we had written. And who knows what else I am forgetting to mention. But - in all it was perfect for us. We had the most amazing photographers in the whole world who were able to capture everything. We had our close family there, and we couldn't ask for more than that.

 

Obviously not all of the pictures, but pretty much sums it up. I'll post some details later if anyone is interested. But pretty much everything came together pretty exactly how I imagined it. And at the end of the day, we were married - which was all that mattered.

Married life is amazing, I love waking up to my husband every day. I love saying husband, I love hearing my new last name, I love seeing Mrs. It's so exciting and new. Granted, we lived together before we were married, and nothing has changed, but everything just feels so much more powerful now. Not that we didn't love each other before, but, it's just stronger I feel.

Our future..

Despite all the crazyness that I may lead on to believe is my life, I am pretty normal too. Everyone has struggles, trials, tribulations. It's life, it's the beauty in it.

Things happen, but you have to move on from it. Take it as it is, and go on. Make the best of it, and learn from it. I know - coming from the girl who complains and cries a lot, but it's true. And I'm really going to do my best in living up to my words better.

That being said, my wonderful husband and I are planning on starting our own family. We're not necessarily trying to concieve, but we aren't trying not to either. We're just, having fun and enjoying life and the days we have with each other. If it happens it happens, God has a plan for us and we're just letting him guide us along the way. We would love if it happened right away, but if it doesn't then that's perfectly okay too. This is one experience I do not want to put pressure on, nor expectations.

A lot of people I'm sure will judge us for wanting to really start our family so soon after getting married, and I really don't feel like justifying it to anyone. Erik and I are perfectly happy together, just us two. We've been through a lot as a couple, and have spent 4 years together - while he was deployed for a lot of it, we learned a lot about each other. We wouldn't of gotten married if it were different. We know we will be together for the rest of our lives, we don't believe in divorce and I can garuntee you that I would do anything to better our relationship. We have less than 2 years till Erik becomes deployable, so for us - it was a matter of either trying now, knowing that we need to be trying for a year before consulting a doctor, or do we want to wait an additional 5-6 years for a child. Neither one of us do, and it would be completely selfish to try for a baby while on sea duty. Regardless, it's in God's hands now - and that's how I plan on keeping it.

On the topic of shore and sea duty. I briefly talked some time before about how it was hard to get used to Erik being home all the time, but I absolutely love it. It really did take some time to get used to him being around all the time, and getting used to asking him to do things. I know its going to suck when he leaves again, but I can't let myself think like that. Instead, I take advantage of having him home and enjoy it. There comes a point where you can only plan so much around it. By all means we are going to try to have Erik home for all of our future childrens firsts, but if it doesn't work out that way, there is surely a rhyme and reason and there are also camera's created for that reason.

So anyways.. that's whats new post wedding. I can't wait to share wedding pictures with everyone!

As much as I want to talk about my beautiful wedding day, I'm going to wait until I actually have pictures to post. But there is something I want to talk about, and while it isn't as lovely as my wedding it surely is something I need and want to talk about.

Addiction is a really tricky subject and situation. A lot of issues arise not only just for the addicts, but for their family and friends as well. I've always been a huge Intervention fan - but I don't feel like it really displays a lot on the subject sometimes. Then again, it is just a TV show.
I feel like family members struggle just as much as the addict does. It's a hard situation to be in. Knowing that the person you love and care about are struggling with a problem, that takes years and years to fix and will never truly be fixed completely. There will be scars and tendencies to fight for the rest of their life. As a family member, its hard to struggle with how to handle things the 'right' way. You want to help your loved one, but you don't want to enable them. You want to put your foot down, but you don't want to lock them out completely.

My brother struggles with addiction, and has for quiet some time now. Originally it was just alcohol - at such a young age it was quiet sad and it was thought that he would out grow his reasons to drink. Eventually it's just grown, and spiraled out of control. Turning into adderal, and marijuana and still alcohol, and to my knowledge and thoughts pain medications as well.

It's hard, it's hard to sit back and not be able to fix anything, to be so frustrated and there is just nothing you can do regarding it. It's also hard to not blame yourself, to understand that that person made those choices that got them there, you didn't force them to do anything and although you may of exposed them to doors, you never opened them and pushed them through those doors. It was them who did that. It's hard to understand that and to come to terms with that. Especially as an older sibling and as a female, where we want to take the blame and fix things, or at least I do. I want to blame myself for not being a better role model, for not hanging around with a better group. I want to change the rebellious stage and the bad things I have done, to take it all back, and to of never done so. But that can't happen. I have to remind myself on a daily basis that it isn't my fault that my brother is where he is in life, I didn't make him drink nor did I make him smoke nor did I make him take pills. I didn't force him into that. There are paths off of paths off of paths in life and while I may have exposed him to those paths off of paths, I never pushed him down those paths. That was his choice.

Addiction is a nasty disease, it literally takes the person that they were and turns them into something they aren't. They aren't the same caring person they once were, although they may be in the same body. If that makes sense. It's like they turn into this demon, becoming mean at times - lashing out on others when they can't get that high that they are seeking, manipulating people to get something they need - food, a ride, money. There is zero motivation to better themselves.
It becomes frustrating, quickly. You see the path they are going down and no matter how hard you try to pull them in the other direction or help them or find resources. They won't change unless they come to the reality that their is a problem with how they are living and what they are doing. It's been said time and time again, you can't make someone change unless they want to and it couldn't be more true.

Addiction has a way of ripping families apart, and it isn't necessarily because of the dangers of drugs, but rather the frustration and enabling. My mother and I struggle to maintain a good relationship because of my brother. My brother has always been the one that was given more attention, at least in my book. He is the middle one, and was always more emotional. I do know that he was more favored by my mom. But back to what I was getting at. My mother - no matter how much I try to explain it to her - doesn't understand that my brother has a serious problem, maybe she does, but she won't stop trying to protect him and she won't stop enabling him. She always will take his side, and stands between him and my father, gives him money, rides, food. I think a lot of the reason why my mother continues to enable him, is because she's concerned that if she doesn't something awful might happen, but also because she has her own struggles with addiction.